William was not sure if the question was rhetorical or if she wanted him to give her a finite answer. He stayed silent until she prodded him again for an answer.
“It is over, isn’t it, William?” April asked as she licked her lips, making one last desperate attempt to get him to say the words that would eradicate all of her pain.
William hesitated and questioned his own pause. Did he pause because he was not eager to hurt her again, or did he stall because he was unsure of his answer?
“It has to be, April. I can’t give you what you really want, and I won’t keep hurting you like this.” Regardless of whether he knew exactly how he felt, he did know right from wrong for sure, so he gave the right answer.
April stepped completely out of the embrace, but continued to look in his eyes. There she saw uncertainty, skepticism even. She then checked herself, wondering if she was just seeing what her heart wanted to be there.
No, William was right. It was time for this to end. William would probably always remain in her heart, but he would no longer control her existence. It was time for her to let go of William and perhaps to let go of her way of dealing with men in general. This incident had her so afraid, too scared to ever risk this kind of pain again.
She knew this would require some major changes in how she lived and viewed her life. In fact, she would begin by continuing to attend church on a regular basis. April was not sure if she would remain at William’s church and give him the pleasure of still being able to look at her at least once a week, but she knew church would be a part of the new life she would start.
April straightened her spine and added some bravado to her voice. The boldness was something that she would fake more than she would actually feel.
“Then it’s time for you to go. I hope you find nothing but happiness in your marriage from this day forward. Now, please leave. Let yourself out.” She turned and left him standing in the middle of her living room floor as she headed to her bedroom.
William stood there for several seconds, wondering if it was even possible for him to now just go home and have a happy marriage after what he had experienced with April. Could he possibly forget about April? Forget the joy they shared, their passion, their commonality? He even wondered, as he finally decided to walk out the door, in his heart of hearts, if he even wanted to.
Chapter Eleven
At 6:28 P.M. David rang the bell to Katrina’s apartment.
Katrina had spent the rest of her afternoon at work in anticipation and in bewilderment about her date with David this evening. She was excited about the chance to be with him again, just the two of them. She was also confused about whether she should be, considering he had a girlfriend. She then tried settling her mind on the fact that perhaps he and Toriyana had broken up. She was also plagued by whether she should even bring up the question, or she should just be happy with the fact that he wanted to spend time with her. When David arrived to pick her up, Katrina was no less perplexed. She answered the door vowing to keep her mouth closed on the subject.
“Hey there. You made it and right on time. I like that,” Katrina said happily as she let him in the door.
“Yeah. And it looks as if you are ready right on time. Now that’s a rarity for a woman.” David laughed as he reached for Katrina for a hug.
She returned his embrace and instantly all insecurities about his relationship status vanished from her mind to be replaced with her best friend’s edict of “if he is not married, then he is single. Single means datable.”
“Have you decided where you would like to eat?” David asked after releasing Katrina
“No. I thought we could decide together once you got here. We have quite a few choices right up the street from here. There’s Olive Garden, Red Lobster, and Texas Road House on Seventy-fifth Avenue. Then a little further west you have Red Robin, Carrabba’s Italian Grill, a Hawaiian barbecue spot . . .”
“Okay, okay. You are making me dizzy here,” David joked. I love Italian food. Are you cool with Olive Garden, or would you prefer the Italian Grill spot?” he asked
Katrina thought for a half second then said, “Olive Garden works for me. It is literally only forty-five seconds from my apartment.”
Katrina and David left the apartment and headed for the restaurant. David found Katrina was absolutely right. The drive from her place to Olive Garden was less than a minute. That left no time for talking. They were unable to have any real conversation until they were seated at their table.
“So, Mr. Mathis, you love Italian food, huh?”
“I do. I do. I dare even say it’s one of my favorites. Steak is actually my favorite food.”
“Interesting. I’m surprised you didn’t choose the Texas Road House then.”
“I ate steak at The Cheesecake Factory yesterday, remember? I try not to eat too much red meat, even though I love it.”
“Health conscious. Cool.”
“Don’t get excited. My stomach does more protesting than my doctor, trust me.”
They both laughed. Just then the waiter came over to take their drink orders. They gave him their selections, peach tea for Katrina and Coke for David.
“So, while we are on the subject of favorites, tell me a few of yours,” David asked.
“Okay. My favorite pastime is reading. Any reading—the Bible, fiction, self-help, whatever—but my favorite genre is romance.”
“Now it’s my turn to say ‘interesting,’” David replied with a head nod. “Are you a romantic?”
“Oh, yes. I love the books, the movies, the poems, the couples who are open to public displays of affection. I love it all. I am definitely a romantic.” Katrina blushed as David smiled at her enthusiasm about romance.
“Being that you are so in love with love, I’m surprised you are not in a relationship or married, Miss Hartsfield.”
He did have to go there, Katrina thought. Now she was back to thinking about his relationship with Toriyana. Ironically, David’s mind automatically switched to that gear as well. They both sat in the booth, eerily quiet, until their waiter returned to take their order.
“Have you all decided what you are having this evening?” he asked politely.
“I’ll have the classic lasagna,” Katrina replied mechanically.
David looked over the menu quickly. “And I’ll have the uh . . . Tour of Italy,” David answered blandly.
The waiter asked the typical soup or salad, etc. questions and left the table, leaving the couple drowning in their silence.
“So . . . speaking of relationships, what’s up with you and your girl in Detroit? Toriyana, right?” Katrina’s voice shook as she pretended like she was not sure of his girlfriend’s name.
She knew she was being silly. She knew this was only her second date with David. She knew part of her wanted to know what was really going on with him, but another part of her was worried about what the truth was. But the question was out there now, so she had to just ride out the answer.
“What do you mean exactly? What do you want to know?” David asked feebly.
Katrina heard his hesitancy, but she needed to know. She could not handle this obscure view of his circumstances any longer. She needed to know exactly where she stood with him because she was in love with him. She needed to know if there was room for allowing this to grow, or if she should stunt it all right now.
“I mean, does she know that we were together last night or that we are together right now?” Katrina could not believe how nervous she was.
“No,” was his one-word, non-emotional answer.
Katrina expected a little more, but that was all she got without further prodding.
“Is it that you are hiding it from her, or that it no longer matters to her?” Even in her anxiety, Katrina thought her questioning to be clever.
David thought her to be shrewd with her curiosity as well. He gave her a slight smirk. Before he decided whether to respond with a cunning retort or to just answer her seriously and straight
up, the waiter returned with their food.
He placed each of their meals in front of them. “Is there anything else I can get for either of you?”
“Could you please refill our drinks?” David asked.
“Certainly.” The waiter left and returned almost instantly with a fresh peach tea and Coke. “Is there anything else?”
“I think we’re fine for now. Thank you.” This time it was Katrina who replied.
David said a quick blessing over their food and the two began to eat before the subject at hand was brought up again.
“The truth of the matter, Katrina, is Toriyana doesn’t know about last night or tonight because I haven’t told her,” David began suddenly. “The answer to the flippant part of your question is yes. Yes, it would matter to her if she knew we were together last night and again tonight.”
“So you are hiding it from her?”
“I don’t know if I’m hiding it. I just haven’t told her yet,” David stated, trying to sound more casual than he actually felt.
“Yet! So you do plan to tell her, correct?”
Katrina realized she was being snide, but she did not like feeling like the secret other woman. Her thought reminded her of her friend Aujanae’s situation and how Maleeka referred to the other woman in that case as a skank. Katrina did not want to be seen as or feel skanky.
Both parties took a moment to consume more of their meals. Though Katrina was a little uncomfortable with the conversation, she found herself to be grateful they were having it. Now that they were talking about the big pink elephant in the room, she realized she was better off knowing the truth about everything than assuming that her fantasy of the situation was real.
“Katrina, can I be totally honest with you?” David asked seriously.
“Please do, David. I never expect anything less from you.”
“Toriyana is my girlfriend. We have tried very hard to make this long distance relationship work. It has been difficult, but we have managed to do an okay job of it. We do our best to see each other as often as our time and finances will permit. We were scheduled to see each other in a couple of weeks. She was supposed to fly out and spend a few days here in Phoenix, but her mother had an unexpected health challenge that will prevent her from coming as planned. This means we will probably be unable to see each other again until Thanksgiving when I go home.” David took a breath to take a bite of his meal and a sip of his drink.
Katrina continued to eat her food while also trying to digest David’s first line. “Toriyana is my girlfriend.” Not was, but is, she thought.
David resumed his dialogue. “Don’t get me wrong. I totally understand Tori having to postpone our plans due to her mother’s illness, but it just made me start to wonder if I can continue to deal with the distance between us.”
Katrina felt her heart perking as she intently listened to David speak. Maybe the is, is not currently a was, but maybe he will finally decide he can’t deal as he stated.
“I mean, there are crucial times in a relationship when one party needs to physically be able to support the other party, and that is missing from our relationship because we live on opposite sides of the country from one another. I don’t know. I just think that perhaps she and I are being overly optimistic about our ability to sustain our relationship under the circumstances.”
Katrina had to consciously stop herself from grinning as she listened to David speak about the possibility of his relationship with Toriyana ending. She also had to stop herself from reading too much into what he was saying. She said she wanted the truth, so she would not assume anything, even if what she was hearing sounded ridiculously close to definite demise to her.
“Do I love Tori? Absolutely. But unless one of us is willing to make the concession and she either move here or I go back to Detroit, I don’t see it lasting between us. And I know Tori. She will not relocate to Arizona unless she does it as my wife, or at least my fiancée.”
Whoa, Nelly! Did this speech just take a very sudden and dramatic turn in the opposite direction? Love? Fiancée’? Wife? Where did those words come from? Katrina thought.
Before she could stop it, a piece of the bread she had just put in her mouth went down the wrong pipe and she began coughing uncontrollably. She picked up her tea and drank to push down the bread. David immediately left his side of the table and joined her in her seat. He removed the tea from her hand and then pushed both of her arms above her head until the coughing subsided. He then gave her back her glass.
“Now drink this slowly, okay?” Katrina did as she was instructed.
“Are you okay, ma’am?” the waiter returned and asked.
Katrina nodded her head. The waiter accepted her affirmation and went to check on another table. Realizing that the waiter had heard her antics, she thought that the other patrons who sat near her must have been witness to the small fiasco as well. She looked around to see people staring at her with sympathy and became a little embarrassed. Her embarrassment, however, paled in comparison to the contempt she felt over David’s last few sentences.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” David asked as he slowly rubbed her back.
‘I’m fine, David. I hope I didn’t embarrass you as much as I did myself,” Katrina said warily.
“Of course I’m not embarrassed. I’m just glad you’re good. You scared me for a moment.” David gave Katrina a tight hug then returned to his side of the table.
Katrina felt his closeness and absence, both in an instant. She knew she really wanted David Mathis all to herself. Tonight the realization of just how badly slammed into her like a ton of bricks.
“Well, that is the truth about my relationship with Toriyana.”
David picked up the conversation where they left off, but it took Katrina a moment to get back on the same page. She was still a little shaken by her choking episode, but even more so by his unclear statements about his relationship. At the end of the whole thing, she was unsure if David wanted to be with Toriyana or not. Yes, he loved her, but he was unhappy with the distance that separated them. He seemed pretty certain she would move to Phoenix if he married her, but he did not sound as if he was ready to make that leap. So at the end of the day, where did that leave her?
“Okay, David. You and Toriyana are still in a relationship. She is still expecting monogamy from you, at least until you tell her different. So why are you here with me behind her back?”
Wow! Straight up and blunt, David thought. But he really could not blame her. She deserved to know the truth and how all of that truth affected her.
“Katrina, you say it’s behind her back, and I can acknowledge that it is, but it’s not so much that I’m hiding this from her. I just don’t think there’s anything to really tell her just yet. I mean, I’m here with you because I think you’re pretty, sweet, and generally a very nice person. What would be the point in telling her that? I think it would only serve to hurt her. Why would I want to intentionally do that?”
David knew he was grasping at straws. What he told Katrina was a watery version of the truth, because he did not want to readily admit he was in fact hiding their dates from Toriyana because he did feel a little guilty about seeing her. Katrina’s next question drove that point home.
“Well, if taking me out will hurt her, then why do it, David? Especially if you say you love her.”
That David could answer in complete truth. “I like you, Katrina. I have known for a while that you have been attracted to me.”
Katrina blushed so bright she was sure the entire restaurant was as aware of it as they were of her choking incident. And the compliments continued.
“But you were never overtly flirtatious or disrespectful to my relationship. You are classy, spiritual, intelligent, and beautiful. Without realizing it, you made it very difficult not to open my heart to you just a bit. Add all of your beautiful qualities to the fact that the distance was putting a strain on my relationship with Toriyana, and it totals up to an irresistible desi
re to spend time with an amazing woman.”
David’s answer did nothing to strengthen the case she was trying to build against him. If it were possible, she was even more attracted to him now than she was initially. If he kept talking like that, she might slip up and tell him she loved him.
“Wow. Thank you for saying all those nice things about me, David,” she said longingly.
“What I said about you were honest things, Katrina.”
David stared at her so intently. She stared back. In his eyes he saw truth, compassion, and respect. In her eyes he saw a passionate innocence, admiration, and something he might dare liken to love.
“Katrina, I’m not trying to make you out to be my rebound chick or a substitute for Toriyana. You are too good for that. I have a sincere attraction to you, and I acted on it. I have convinced myself that because I am literally a single man, I am free to go out with you, and I’m going to stand on that.”
“Wow,” Katrina said again. “You sound like you have been talking to Maleeka. That is her philosophy about couples who are unmarried or unengaged.”
David laughed. “That is exactly the same thing Darrin told me about her this morning.”
David reached for Katrina’s hands across the table. She obliged. “But you are right. I do need to be honest with her, with both of you. Tonight I’ve told you how I feel. Tomorrow I will tell her. It’s too late in Detroit to call her tonight.”
“Thank you for sharing with me tonight, David. Sharing your time, your thoughts about me, and what you are going through in your relationship. I must admit I was a little wary of what to think about all of this knowing you have a girlfriend. I tried to be progressive like you and Maleeka, but I was kind of challenged with that.” Katrina snickered. “But I like hanging out with you, and I wouldn’t mind continuing to do that if it’s still cool with you,” she said hopefully.
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