by Tiana Cole
“Why did you stop?” he asked, a few seconds after Madison stopped speaking.
“Because I don't feel like you're listening to me.”
“I am. Go on. Please”
“Mr. Knight...”
“Christopher.”
She gave in with a shake of her head sending dark curls dancing around her neck. “Christopher, why don't we start by you asking me questions? What is your immediate concern? Let's start there.”
“Immediate concern?” Christopher said. He took a long sip of coffee and then repeated, “Immediate concern? Well…I don't really have one for right now.”
“So why am I here?” Madison shook her head as frustration at him filled her. And at herself. She knew this would be a mistake.
“Because I just needed to talk to you.”
“You've got your wife for that.” She pushed her cup slightly away from her, already moving to stand up and leave.
“No, I don’t,” he said, pausing slightly before going on, his deep voice rough with some unspoken emotion. “You don’t understand. Our situation is…complicated. There are just some things we don't talk about.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“It's complicated.” He repeated with a shrug, as if he wanted to say more but wasn’t sure how, or what he should say. But Madison knew it wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t change anything. He would still be a married man with a baby on the way, and she would still be…well, whatever this made her. Madison shied away from that thought. She didn’t want to put a title to it, as if that would make it too real.
“Are you going to tell me that your wife doesn't understand you?” Madison rolled her eyes to the greasy ceiling before lowering them again to meet his. She jumped a little to find them staring at her, taken aback by the serious light in their dark depths. Suddenly, Madison was overwhelmed by his presence, his closeness. It was like he was a magnet that kept pulling her back to him again and again, but she knew she had to resist. She just wished she didn’t want to give into temptation so bad. “Look, maybe I should go.”
“Please.” Christopher reached out and placed his hand over Madison's. She felt that touch all the way to the soles of her feet, and it travelled back up slowly, invading every hidden space of her until he seemed to invade her entire body. Lust pulsed like a living thing inside her. Madison looked down, unable to meet his gaze, and saw how his covered her hand completely. It was soft and warm and she didn't want to pull away even though her conscious screamed at her to do just that. Her mind and body warred, thoughts circling over and over in her sleep deprived mind, and finally her body won, leaving her hand exactly where it was cocooned in his.
“What is it you really want?” she said, her voice weaker than she wanted it to be, but there was nothing she could do about it but continue, the words pouring out. “I'm not going to have an affair with you, if that's what you're thinking.” Madison had lowered her voice and was leaning across the table. Her eyes darted to the side so she could check if anyone overheard.
Christopher immediately shook his head in denial. He leaned forward at the table, his expression earnest as he replied.
“I'm not asking you to sleep with me, Madison. I don't know what it is,” he said, his voice rough with emotion and something else, maybe guilt, maybe denial. It was too hard for Madison to read his when her own emotions were running wild within her. “I just felt compelled to see you. Don't you feel it too? There's something going on here.”
Right away, Madison had her mouth opened to deny his statement that there was something more between them, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t lie to herself, and surprised, she found she didn’t want to lie to Christopher. Finally, she just shook her head. “But your wife...”
“We don't even have to mention her name. We can just meet and talk. Just see where it takes us.”
Again, Madison shook her head, quicker this time. “It's not going to take us anywhere. You're a married man.” Forcing herself away, Madison sat back and pulled her hand away, her entire body aching at the lack of contact. “I have to go.”
She got up quickly, looking anywhere but at the man staring at her with lost eyes, and raced to the door. She rushed outside, stepping into the beaming sunshine with a sigh of relief. The sun was warmer now and she turned, heading for the bus stop across from the hospital that she normally used. She took a few steps and saw a bus stopping near the diner on the opposite side of the road and she immediately headed for it. It would only take her part way home, but it was good enough. Good enough to get her away from Christopher and out of trouble. Madison would gladly walk the remaining blocks if it meant not having to encounter him again today. She ran across the road, aware that Christopher had been fumbling in his pockets for money to pay the bill. He'd be behind her at any second.
Once Madison had paid her fare and sat on the bus, she looked across at the diner. Christopher was there, standing outside, and he looked sad. For the first time she didn't see him as just another married guy looking to get laid by anyone desperate enough to have him.
Something was going on behind those eyes and that penetrating look. In truth, he had not asked her to go bed with him. Not yet. She wanted to know what was going on with him. Something must be wrong for him to be recently married and already looking to find a woman to talk to other than his wife.
His wife, in Madison's opinion, seemed a nice enough woman, not to mention the fact that she was drop dead gorgeous. Didn't he love her? Is that what this was about? He'd made some sort of mistake?
The bus bumped along and Madison leaned her head on the glass. The vibration and occasional bumps in the road kept her awake. She didn't want to be involved with a man who would cheat on his wife, let alone a pregnant wife, she knew that. But if that was the case, why was it that just less than half a mile from Christopher, the distance seemed too far? Why did she want to jump off that bus and go running back to him?
***
Christopher wasn’t sure how long he stood in the parking lot, staring at all the empty space. Madison had fled so quickly it had been impossible to keep up with her and something about that fact made his chest tighten. She had run away. Because she was afraid he wanted to have an affair with her. Don’t you? An inner voice asked, but he ruthlessly pushed it away as he sighed and walked back to his car.
He swung open the driver’s side door with more force than he needed to, and climbed in before putting the key in the ignition. But he didn’t turn the engine on. Instead he just sat, staring at the now empty passenger’s seat where Madison had sat not too long ago. He could picture her there so easily. Her dark brown skin like velvet under the bright rays of the morning sun, her sweetly featured face lined with exhaustion but still brimming with a fierce spirit that kept drawing him back again and again.
And those eyes. Like rich, dark chocolate that he wanted to drown in whenever they landed on him. She was gentle and feisty, sweet, but with a bite she wasn’t afraid to use. Madison was a conundrum that he desperately wanted to solve. Christopher sighed and leaned his head back against the leather headrest. She was also impossible.
He knew how she felt, that she wouldn’t have an affair with a married man. He scoffed to himself. Right, married. But in name only. There was so much that Madison didn’t understand, that he had planned on explaining to her over their breakfast, but she had run away before he even had the chance. Everything in his life felt so wrong, but when he was with her it all felt…right somehow. Like she made it alright.
With a deep, resolute breath, Christopher started the car. He listened as the engine purred to life. He sat for another moment, just listening, dreading the moment when he would have to return to his own home, his own messed up life. Slowly, he pulled out of the parking lot and headed for one of the more exclusive parts of the city, already thinking of ways to get Madison to meet with him again.
*
Madison opened the door with hands shaking from sleep deprivation. It took her severa
l tries to get the key in the lock before she was finally able to swing open her apartment door, and drop her bag and keys on the little side table before heading straight to her bedroom. She was about to collapse on her queen sized bed when her pager went off.
She didn’t even have to look at it to know who it was. It was him. Christopher. Against her will and her better judgment, she checked just to make sure. Of course, she had to be right, she thought to herself as she dropped the pager to the floor next to her bed. The now familiar number flashed through her exhausted mind, followed by memories of their meeting.
What had she been thinking to agree to that? And what had Christopher been thinking? It was obvious to her that when they were together both of their mental capabilities became severely hampered. Otherwise, she would never have agreed to meet him, and she was hoping that he wouldn’t have either.
Madison flipped over until she was laying on her back, still in her nurse’s uniform of brightly colored and well-worn scrubs. Her dark, curly hair was pulled up into a bun on top of her head but over the course of her hectic shift, tendrils had fallen loose to curl around her ears and the nape of her neck. She never wore makeup to work, she always ended up just sweating it off anyways, but her face was scrubbed clean.
The low buzz of her pager went off again from where she had left it discarded on the floor, and she desperately tried to ignore it. But it was impossible to ignore the sweet flood of heat that followed the thought of him. What was wrong with her? He was a married man. She twisted again on the bed until she was laying on her side, her tormented thoughts tumbling through her mind until blissful sleep finally reached out and pulled her into unconsciousness.
Chapter 3
Madison woke up the next morning with a killer headache and a bad taste in her mouth. After washing her face and brushing her teeth in the bathroom, she walked into the kitchen still troubled by her dreams from the night before. They had been haunted by images of Christopher. Touching her, kissing her. Doing all sorts of things to her that had left her waking with an incessant ache pounding through her body.
She needed something to distract her. Madison walked through her regular morning routine of coffee and a piece of toast for breakfast even though it was nearly ten o’clock at night. It always took a day or so to get her body back on its normal schedule after working the night shifts.
She looked down at the empty food bowl sitting on the kitchen floor and rushed to the cupboard to take out the small plastic bag of cat food with a flash of guilt. Madison had been so tired when she had gotten home that morning, that she had completely forgotten to feed her kitten.
“Lucky!” Madison shouted the young cat’s name as she shook the now full bowl of food, immediately hearing the soft chime of his bell as he came running from wherever he had been hiding.
“Lucky, there you are.” Madison leaned down and scooped up the little fur ball after he had demolished the food in his bowl. She smoothed her hand over the soft orange fur, holding him closer when he started to purr. She had found him one day after work a few weeks ago in the parking lot of the hospital. He had been running away from something when a car driving way too fast had pulled around the corner. Madison had run toward the scene, afraid she would find its tiny body crushed by the much larger car, but it had missed him by just an inch.
She had picked him up and he had held on to her with his little claws as if he would never let go. Madison knew of a veterinary’s office within walking distance of the hospital and had taken him straight there. On the short walk over, something fluttering in the wind had caught her eye, and as she bent down, she was surprised to find a fifty-dollar bill just sitting on the sidewalk in front of her.
“You really are lucky, aren’t you?” He had purred madly in her arms, and she decided then and there that she was going to adopt the little kitten. It was obvious he was a stray and uncared for. She had walked into the vet’s office and after much cooing over the sweet little thing, the veterinary assistant asked what his name was.
Madison had stared down into his bright yellow eyes before answering with a small smile. “Lucky. His name is Lucky.”
She was pulled back to the present as the little kitten wiggled madly for a moment and then jumped to the tiled kitchen floor before chasing after his tail. Madison shook her head at his antics.
“You are such a silly little thing.” She bent to pet him one more time before he was rushing off after a ball of dust. Madison had been worried at first about having a pet with her unusual schedule but she had to admit that she loved having him around. She had spent so many years coming home to an empty apartment, that it was nice to have someone else to take care of.
Before her thoughts could turn maudlin, she grabbed her coffee and toast and walked over to the small, two-person kitchen table. Her mind was torn, unsure of what to do. She needed a distraction from her own thoughts but she didn’t want to go out. The thought of being around a bunch of people and having to keep up vapid conversation didn’t appeal to her at all.
She thought of her own situation, and how similar it was to her sister’s. With determination, she picked up her cell phone and dialed the number. She needed to talk to someone about this, and who better than someone who had already lived through it, if from the other side.
The phone rang once, and then again, and then a few more times before going to voicemail. She listened to her sister’s voice telling her to leave a message after the beep, but not knowing what to say, Madison just hung up the phone. I think I’m falling for a married man, and as if that wasn’t bad enough his wife is pregnant. But he might be falling for me too. How was she supposed to leave something like that on a voicemail message?
With a sigh, Madison set the cell phone down on top of the table, fiddling with it mindlessly as her thoughts tumbled through her head. She knew what she should do. She should tell Christopher once and for all that she couldn’t be his advisor, and that would be that. Or would it? A secret voice asked slyly. The secret voice that came from the part of her that desperately wanted to forget about any morals of conscience she had that was telling her it was wrong to see him, to talk to him. Or want him.
She shook her head and then stood to get one last cup of coffee before deciding that what she needed was to just veg out on the couch with a good movie. She searched through her meager DVD collection, immediately disregarding any of the romance movies before finally deciding on a lighthearted comedy. Just what she needed to take her mind off of Christopher.
Madison set up the movie, grabbed the handmade blanket that her great aunt had knitted for her, and her cup of coffee, before snuggling up in the corner of the couch. It didn’t take long for Lucky to jump up on top of her, his tiny claws surprisingly sharp as they kneaded into her thigh where he was perched, purring.
She was just getting into the movie when her cell phone went off, the jangly ringtone making her jump before she realized what it was. Pausing the movie, she ran to the kitchen, grabbed her phone, and punched the button to answer the call.
“Hello? This is Madison.”
“Hey, sis. Sorry, I missed your call earlier.”
Madison glanced at the flashing green clock on the microwave and arched a surprised brow.
“Wow, Kayla. It’s almost eleven-thirty. You’re never up this late.” Kayla had two young boys that Madison knew for a fact woke up every day at five in the morning and didn’t stop until eight or nine. Kayla was usually deep asleep shortly after. Being a single mom was tough, especially with a five year-old and seven year-old.
“Michael and Jamie are staying with their father for the weekend.” Madison heard the catch in Kayla’s voice that was always there when she mentioned her ex-husband, Charles. The man who had cheated on his wife of almost ten years and broken her heart in the process. It had taken a long time for Kayla to get her life together after that.
“So, what are you up to? Any fun plans?”
“Cut it out, Madison. I know you would only call me th
is late if something was up. Now, what’s going on?” Kayla was in full-on
big sister mode, and Madison knew she wouldn’t be distracted that easily. But now that she was faced with saying it out loud, she couldn’t. She couldn’t get the words out, didn’t even know how to start.
“It’s…it’s nothing.”
“We both know it’s not nothing, otherwise you wouldn’t have called.” Madison heard the put upon sigh from the other end of the line and couldn’t stop the small grin. One thing was certain, her sister would never change.
“Okay, okay. Well, there’s this guy…”
“Oh my god, you? Dating? Workaholic-never dates-Madison?”
“Shut up, sis.” Madison chuckled before forcing herself to continue. Her heart was in her throat. “Yes, there is a guy, although I wouldn’t call it dating.”
“Was it a hot hookup? Friends with benefits? What?”
“Well, if you would let me finish telling you…”
“Okay. Sorry, go ahead.”
Madison shook her head before she continued. “Well, there’s this guy, and I, well, I don’t know if ‘like’ is the right word. It’s like whenever I’m around him, or even think about him, my brain shuts down. I think about him all the time, I can’t get him out of my head.”
“Whoa. This sounds serious.”
“That’s the problem. It can’t be. He’s…he’s not available.” Madison said, shirking the entire truth. Somehow, she couldn’t tell her sister that he was married. She knew the heartache Kayla had been through and couldn’t imagine saying anything to bring it up.
“What? You guys work together or something?”
“Yeah, yep. That’s it.” Madison latched onto the excuse. “We work together, and I know it’s such a bad idea to let anything happen, but every time I turn around he’s there. It’s like...it’s like I’m drawn to him no matter what I do.”
