by Tiana Cole
“Madison, I promised Ailsa I'd keep the peace in her family...it was before you and I...”
“Fell in love. Say the words, Christopher. You love me. You told me you love me and now you want me gone too.”
“I don't want that, but what choice do I have when Baverstock...”
“What? He threatened you with something?”
“Yes. He has the power to destroy me. To take away everything I've worked for. I've built my business from nothing, and I can't stand to see him tear it down brick by brick and leave me with zero. Nothing. Finished.”
His words crashed into her. Not the words itself, but what he was really saying.
“So that's it. This is about the money?”
“It's about my life!”
“What about me? Am I not a part of your life?”
The couple stared at each other from either end of the sofa. Madison found it difficult to stop herself from crying, the hot painful tears slipping out despite whatever she did to try and stem the flood. She tore her tear-soaked gaze away from Christopher and got up.
She ran to her room and slammed the door, unable to stand the sight of him anymore. She stood with her back against it breathing harsh and heavy in the dim light. Looking up at the ceiling in the dark room, she could feel the hot tears slip easily down her face. There was no holding them back now. She sobbed silently and could not believe her life was being turned upside down like this.
“Madison?” His voice swept softly over her from the hallway as Christopher knocked on the door.
“Go away, Christopher. You've made your decision. Go back to the Baverstocks. They need you more than I do.” She went over to the bed and flung herself onto it and cried helplessly.
Christopher pushed open the door and slowly came and sat beside her. He hesitated at first, and then stroked her back as she spluttered into the pillow for what seemed like an hour.
“I hope you will find it in you to forgive me one day, Madison. I would not be the same person to you if I had nothing. No company, no prospects. That isn't me. I'm a business man when all is said and done.”
She rolled to one side, the tears still coming but she didn’t even notice them as she replied.
“Even businessmen have hearts, Christopher. At the end of the day it’s just a business, just money and things that will fade away. It with never be family, of friends, or….” Her voice broke on the last words and she stopped, unable to continue.
“I do have a heart. I love you, Madison, but I'm torn. If I don't give you up, Ailsa and her family are ruined. I'll have no money, I have nothing to offer you if...”
“If what?”
“Well, if Baverstock releases me from my promise to Ailsa sometime in the future, then at least I come away with something. I'll still be someone, and I can provide for you when that day comes.”
Madison sat up and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She sniffed several times before she could speak.
“Let me get this straight. You want me to disappear, for the papers to print some lie about me being nothing to you, and if you're a good boy and go along with this, then Baverstock might let you and Ailsa have that divorce?”
He nodded.
“Well screw you, Christopher. I'm not going to sit around waiting for that to maybe happen. I'm going to move on with my life. I was fine before I met you. You've ruined everything for me. You ruined my life. Why would I ever want you back?”
There was long, tense pause from the other side of the door before Christopher finally answered, his voice rough and deep, incredibly hoarse and edged with pain as he spoke.
“Because I love you. Because no matter what, I'll always love you, and for every second I can't see you, I'll always be thinking of you. I'll always be hurting.”
She got off the bed abruptly.
“Oh boohoo, Christopher. How sad that you have to sacrifice your life like that.” She was at the bedroom door now. Her veins firing with pain and anger, her only thought to make him hurt as much as she was hurting, she threw open the door dividing them. “You want to know what sacrifice is?”
He looked at her and said nothing. She left and returned seconds later with something in her hand.
“This, Christopher, this is sacrifice.” Madison held out a pregnancy predictor stick. “This is what sacrifice looks like, Christopher. I will be dedicating the rest of my life to my child, so that he or she can have a good life. Accidents happen sometimes, but I'm happy to have this baby with or without you.”
Christopher stared hard at the stick, his dark eyes wide with so many emotions she couldn’t separate one from the other. Fear, hope, anger, despair, doubt, disbelief, but above all, love.
“You mean...?” His voice was so soft she missed his words altogether.
“You can see, can't you?” she said. Madison stormed out of the bedroom and back to the front door and held it open so she could show Christopher out.
“Wait a second,” he questioned, his words laced with confusion and something else, something sharp and painful. “How long have you known that you were pregnant? When were you going to tell me?” He closed the door that she had just opened and it shut with a loud slam that echoed through the small apartment.
Madison struck out with the only thing she had, her words. She knew she didn’t mean them even as she said them, but they were out before she could even stop the tirade.
“Well, what do you care? You won't be a part of my life, so what does it matter if I have your baby or not?”
“It matters. It matters to me.”
“Why?” she shouted in his face, beyond even knowing what she was saying, her throat so choked with tears she could barely get the words out. “You already have a cute little baby of your own growing inside Ailsa. The one you have already dedicated your life to.”
“You're getting this all twisted, Madison. I don't have a choice. Giving you up is as much a sacrifice to me as it is to you. I made the decision because there was so much at stake.”
“All I can see is that you have chosen your career over your family.” She put her hand onto her stomach.
He touched the hand she held to her tummy. “But I didn't know,” he said.
“And now that you know, has it made a difference to your decision?”
He dropped his hand and closed his eyes.
“I didn't think so,” said Madison. “You'd better go.” She swung open the door again.
“Wait,” he said. “Madison, I can't just walk out like this. Not now that I now. At least let me make arrangements with you for child support. I'll move you into a bigger place. I'll make sure that you and the baby want for nothing.”
“The baby?” she said, the hurt pouring out in the hard edge of her words.
“Yes of course.”
“Not 'the' baby, Christopher. Your baby. Your real baby.”
He swallowed hard.
“Get lost, Christopher.” She turned her eyes to the brightly lit corridor outside. When he still didn’t make any move to leave she repeated her herself, her words as hard as steel. “I said, go.”
“Madison, you and I have to talk about this. I want to provide for you.”
She nudged him outside with all her might. He stumbled and straightened up at the threshold. “I'll call you, we'll arrange...”
“We'll arrange nothing,” she rasped. “Christopher, I want you to take your secrets, your promises, and your money, and go to hell.”
She slammed the door and held both hands against it, taking deep breaths in and out. She pressed her forehead against the door and heard Christopher slowly dragging his feet to the staircase after hovering outside her door for a good few minutes. He never said a single word more, and walked away.
Madison walked to her window and opened the drapes. It was dark outside, but the street lights were on. She saw Christopher's car parked just outside on the street, and she saw Ailsa waiting outside the car with her arms crossed. They spoke for a few moments. Their arms
were expressive. Ailsa pointed at the building, and Christopher threw his arms up in the air. Then she noticed Ailsa look up towards the window. Madison stepped back quickly.
She eventually heard the car driving off and looked outside again. She watched the car driving down the road, and saw the tail lights, but saw them become hazy and fade away as tears brimmed up in her eyes. She held her hand on her stomach. She took a deep breath in and sighed heavily as the sound of Christopher's car vanished into the night.
Chapter 12
It had been three weeks since Madison had moved to her new place. The apartment she'd chosen was the first one she'd viewed when the search for a new place to live began. But she took it because it was clean, the rent was lower, and she needed to get out of the last place as quickly as she could.
She had stuck it out as long as she could but even after the newspapers printed a retraction of the story that had ruined everything for them the reporters still refused to leave her alone. After the third night of someone setting off the security alarm because they had tried to sneak in, Madison had decided enough was enough.
The neighborhood wasn’t as nice as where she had lived before but more importantly, no one knew who she was. The landlord was a kind old immigrant who still got his news over the radio, and the only other tenants in the small building was a single mother with a small child and an older couple that Madison only saw in the mornings.
When she had first met Sarah, the woman who lived on the bottom floor and had a three year old boy, Madison had had to fight back the tears that threatened as she thought of her own situation. She had finally gone to the doctor’s, someone that she knew was good but didn’t know her personally. She was just about two months pregnant.
She had a little bit of time before she had to figure things out for herself, but she knew just how fast those nine months could pass. Madison had considered calling her sister, who luckily lived in another state and wouldn’t have seen the trashy article about her and Christopher, but she had decided against it. How could she ever explain it to her? To anyone?
At least she had her work to keep her busy, and her thoughts distracted. She was happy with her new job at St. James' Hospital. The other obstetric nurses were friendly, and she got along well with all of them. But Madison was careful not to reveal too much about her past: the hospital she'd worked at before, where she used to live, who she dated, and more importantly, the fact that she was now eight weeks pregnant.
“Hey Madison,” Coralie, one of the younger nurses said to her. “You going straight home after this?” Coralie was a chubby-faced nurse who was always late for her shift, but was warm and friendly to the expectant mothers.
“Why?” Madison asked. It was eight o'clock in the evening. Madison had just helped to bring a bouncing baby boy into the world. The mother was a single mom, who was asleep with her tiny baby sleeping in the crib next to her. Madison had stood staring at her from the doorway, fighting back tears and seeing nothing other than her own face asleep in that bed, hours after having a baby all on her own.
She was at the reception desk in the delivery suite, trying to catch up on paperwork before leaving to go home at nine, when Coralie slumped into the chair beside her.
“Well, there's this guy,” Coralie said. “He keeps asking me out, and I keep telling him no.”
“What guy?”
“He's one of the security men. He just told me there's a party. He's going with a friend and asked if I wanted to go.” Coralie twisted the strands of her pony tail around her finger.
“And you're telling me because...?”
“Because I want you to go with me. I just thought, he's going with a friend, so I'd bring a friend...”
“I'm your friend?”
She nodded her head at Madison sending her pony tail bouncing wildly behind her.
“We all need friends, Madison. You seem so all alone. You work, go home, come back again, and that's it. You need to have a little fun every once in a while.”
“I like my job.” Madison defended herself as she started flipping through the next patient’s chart. She looked up again as Coralie continued trying to convince her.
“So do I, but what's wrong with living a little?”
Madison considered this. Since she'd broken things off with Christopher, she had not wanted to go out. She didn't want any more complications in her life and thought it best to keep to herself. But when she was home in her tiny apartment, she did feel cut off from everything, and it was lonely. And that was on top of having a broken heart ever since Christopher chose his career over a life with her and the child she was carrying. Christopher's child. As that familiar felling of despair tried to wash over her she ruthlessly pushed it down, finally making a decision.
“I could come for an hour or so,” Madison finally said. “But I'd need to go home and change.”
“No,” Coralie said. “If you go home, you'll change your mind. I have a dress in my locker you can put on. We'll get ready here and we'll share a taxi with the guys.”
“Well,” Madison stretched out the word, “if you're sure. But I'll only stay a couple hours. I don't want to be out late.”
“How did I know you were going to say that?” Coralie grinned, and her excitement was so impossible to resist that Madison grinned back at her. For the first time in almost two months Madison would let herself have a little fun. “Meet me in the locker rooms at the end of our shift. I've got a big bag of makeup too.”
Coralie ran down the corridor to where her patient's light was flashing. Her labor had already been going on for most of the past day and night, and the amount of blaspheming and screaming coming from her room made Madison wish that baby would just hurry up and be born already.
An hour later, Madison was squeezing into the dress Coralie suggested she wear to the party. It was tight across her tummy and with the increased size of her bosom, she didn't like how low cut it was.
“I'm not sure about this,” Madison said, twisting from side to side while looking in the locker room mirror.
“You look fabulous. You look like a model,” Coralie stood behind her, smiling. “Here, try this lipstick.” She held the cherry red stick in front of Madison.
“This?” Madison shook her head. “It's too bright for me. I'll just use my own.”
“I didn't think you wore makeup,” Coralie said, going over to the mirror and applying a thick coat of bright red onto her lips.
“I do. Or I used to,” Madison said pulling at the dress. “I normally don’t wear any at work, maybe just a little of mascara of something.” Her words were momentarily muffled as she applied her own much more muted shade of lipstick. Just a hint of coral. “I remember my first day of work, I had on the whole works: foundation, blush, eyeliner, and shadow, just everything.” Madison paused, chuckling softly to herself as she remembered. “by the end of that first day I had two huge black rings around my eyes. I looked like a raccoon.” She grinned at Coralie in the mirror. “From then on, I just tried to keep things simple.” Madison wiggled slightly in the too tight dress. She was worried the seams would give.
“Well, at least you learned from your mistake, right?” Coralie laughed, but the words cut straight through Madison. She certainly had, she thought to herself as memories of her and Christopher swirled painfully through her mind.
“What is it with you, Madison?” asked Coralie. “You're such a great nurse and a friendly girl. I just wondered why you seem so alone.”
Madison lowered her head without answer. She reached for her jacket and purse.
“I'm sorry,” Coralie said with a shrug when Madison still hadn’t said anything. “I didn't mean to pry. Come on, let's go meet the guys.”
Madison gave a half smile, waving away the other woman’s apology, and went with Coralie who had grabbed her by the hand and was rushing her to the entrance where the two security guards were waiting to take them to the party.
The girls arrived at the main reception hall, and ha
lf-way down the steps, Madison stopped in her tracks. Standing at the front desk were Christopher and Ailsa Knight. There was a suitcase on the floor beside Christopher. What were they doing at her hospital when Ailsa was due to have her baby at City – the hospital at which Madison used to work?
“Come on,” Coralie said. “What are you waiting for?” Her heels, running down the marble stairs, made a loud noise, and both Christopher and Ailsa turned towards the steps. They were both open-mouthed when they saw Madison, who, in a figure-hugging red, satin dress half-way up the staircase, was not moving.
All three stared at each other as Madison forced her feet to continue down to the ground floor.
“I'll go find the guys!” Coralie called impatiently over her shoulder, unaware of the icy atmosphere that had just arisen.
“Madison,” Christopher said, and the word was strangled.
“What... what are you doing here?” Madison looked up at Christopher, then turned her gaze to look at Ailsa's large, round tummy. She was rubbing a hand over it, staring at her with wide, stunned grey eyes.
“Um, we changed hospitals,” Christopher stuttered, his gaze dragging over her in the tight red dress. Madison could almost see his jaw dropping. “How-how are you?”
Madison walked towards Ailsa. “Are you all right, Ailsa?”
“Yes, I am now. I was here overnight. They were worried about the size of the baby. They've just let me go home. But Madison, look, are you working here now?”
“Yes. I thought it would be better to change hospitals. Looks like we all had the same great idea.” She gave a stilted laugh, but inside, she was cringing. She had moved her to get away from Christopher and all the pain and drama that seemed to surround him. And now they were there, standing in front of her, again looking like the perfect couple. Madison winced and tried to shove away the petty thought.
“I'm sorry, Madison,” Ailsa said. “You look, you look nice.”
Christopher said nothing, but could not take his eyes off Madison, a pained expression on his face.
“Maddie!” Coralie called from the door. “The guys are waiting. We got a taxi outside.” Coralie disappeared again.
