“Because I don’t want you to get expelled.” He exhaled, and from the surprised expression on his face, Nick surmised that Sebastian hadn’t meant to say that so bluntly. “You’re not allowed to disappear, okay?”
“Theo already lectured me. I know I shouldn’t have done that, or almost done that, and not just because I would have gotten in trouble.” Nick eyed him. “I’m surprised you care, though.”
“I don’t.” Sebastian’s voice wavered. It almost sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as Nick. “I just think it would be a shame if they kicked you out. Didn’t you tell me once this is a great opportunity that shouldn’t be squandered?”
Nick laughed uneasily. “Oh come on. Don’t act like you’d notice if I left.” He’d meant for it to sound teasing, but it came out more curious.
Sebastian stopped short and turned to him, eyes searching Nick’s face. “Is that really what you think of me? You think I’m that self-involved?”
Nick faced him as well. He debated with himself for a second before deciding the truth was the best approach. “I wouldn’t put it like that, but I do think you can be kinda thoughtless at times, and you seem to do what you want regardless of how others might feel. You told me that yourself, remember? ‘Because I wanted to.’ Did you ever stop to ask yourself if I wanted to?”
At the end of his speech, Nick braced himself. He had no idea how Sebastian was going to react. But if there was one thing he’d learned in his short time on this earth, it was that people didn’t always respond positively to the truth.
Sebastian was silent for a long moment. Then he moved closer, shrinking the distance between them. “All right. Tell me. How’d you feel about it?”
Nick fought the urge to take a step back. “Huh?”
“Don’t play coy, Nick. How’d you feel that day behind the dining hall? When I brushed your lips? You had to know I was thinking about kissing you.” His eyes darted down to Nick’s lips. “I still think about it all the time. Did you want me to? Were you disappointed when I didn’t?”
Words welled up in Nick’s mouth. If he were smart, he’d tell Sebastian what he’d done was inappropriate and unwanted. But only one of those things was true.
Before he could process fully, Sebastian stepped closer again. Now they were no farther apart than they’d been earlier, when Nick had knocked into him. “Nick, if you’re not into me, say so. I’ll leave you alone.” He licked his lips, and damn it, Nick couldn’t stop himself from glancing at them.
“You promise?” Nick was embarrassed to hear how breathy his voice had gotten.
“Of course. I can handle rejection. I don’t think you’re going to do that, though. I think you’re as attracted to me as I am to you, but for some reason, you’re fighting it.” He met Nick’s gaze, and his eyes smoldered. “I would really, really like to see you give in.”
Nick found the strength to take a step back. “I don’t get it. Why do you like me?”
Sebastian’s brow furrowed. “Pardon?”
“You’ve seemed to like me from the moment you saw me. You’ve been pursuing me pretty relentlessly. Why? Do you have some sort of Pavlovian response to new kids? You see one, and you chase them like a dog chasing a tennis ball?”
For once, Sebastian seemed speechless. He opened his mouth only to close it again. Nick swore he could practically see him debating what to say in response.
Eventually, Sebastian let out a sigh. “I notice you didn’t say you’re not into me, but fine. I admit my initial interest in you was shallow. You’re hot, and you’re a shiny new penny. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with pursuing someone because they’re attractive. Though for the record, now that I’ve gotten to know you a little . . .”
Sebastian dropped his gaze to his red Chucks before looking back up at Nick, his eyes soft. “I like how honest you are. Not only what you say, but your expressions. When you were sketching the other day, I watched you for a sec before I approached. You stared off into space at one point, and your face was so sad. I don’t know what happened to you, but”—he lowered his voice like he didn’t want to be overheard—“I know what that means. Being sad in the middle of a beautiful morning for no reason. Right then, I decided I wanted to know more about you.”
Fuck, Nick thought. That was a good answer.
He dithered for a bit longer before waving a hand in frustration. “I’m not going to lie and say I don’t find you attractive, but for the record, that’s not enough for me. I’m still not interested in a hookup.”
“I never said I was either.” Sebastian’s expression morphed into a triumphant grin. “And you still haven’t told me to fuck off. Do you want to get to know me better? You might like what you learn.”
Say no, screamed a mental voice. Say no, and he’ll leave you alone. Things will go back to normal. No more confused feelings.
Nick’s head knew that was the right move, but his stomach churned at the idea of saying it. One, because it was a blatant lie. And two, because despite himself, he was getting sucked into the mystery that was Sebastian. Who was he really? How could he be manipulative and arrogant one moment, but sweet and deep the next? What did it all mean?
When I wasn’t paying attention, he got under my skin somehow. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to make this easy for him.
“So, you don’t want a hookup,” Nick began. “Is that right?”
Sebastian blinked. “Yes.”
“Lying isn’t going to score you any points.”
“I don’t know what you—”
Nick stepped back, shaking his head. “Dude, don’t bullshit me. I saw you put on that whole shy act when we talked before, and the second I made it clear it wasn’t working, you dropped it. If that wasn’t a plot to get into my pants, I don’t know what is. How can you expect me to believe anything you say?”
To Nick’s shock, Sebastian seemed pleased. “I knew you saw through that. You’re very perceptive.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Nick said even as his face warmed from the praise.
Sebastian reached out—slow enough that Nick could brush him off if he wanted—and touched Nick’s hand gently. “It’s not flattery.”
Bullshit. It’s funny how his unctuous charm can draw me in and turn me off at the same time. I’ve had enough of this.
“You know what your problem is, Sebastian?” Nick pulled his hand away and took another sip of his coffee, making it clear his question wasn’t rhetorical. He expected an answer.
Sebastian’s smile faltered for a second before he slapped it back on. “Okay, I’ll bite. No, I don’t know what my problem is. But I bet you’re going to tell me.”
“You’ve had it way too easy. You’ve been a bright, shining star in this tiny community for too long, and you’re used to people sucking up to you. My first day on this campus, I had to listen to people talk about you, and I thought it was bizarre, but now I get it. This place is like a small, stagnant pond, and the people here have no idea what it’s like out there.”
“Out where?”
Nick gestured toward one of the nearby paths leading off campus with his coffee, which sloshed onto the white lid. “In the real world. Where people work shitty jobs and pay bills and are bone-tired every day of their lives because they don’t have a choice. I don’t know what your plans are for after graduation, but if you end up out there, you’re going to be in for a nasty surprise. You’re going to learn what it’s like to be invisible.”
Sebastian’s face was blank. Nick almost wished he’d freak out so at least Nick could gauge how he was reacting.
Too late to stop now.
Nick stepped back, putting some distance between them. “You want me to say I’m not attracted to you? I can’t. I think you’re gorgeous. But I also think you’re a liar and selfish and probably a lot more insecure than you let on. So, until you show me another side of you, I’m not interested. Thanks for the coffee.”
With that, Nick turned away. For
three whole steps, his heart raced with the excitement of a well-earned victory.
Then, a voice called after him.
“You think I don’t know what the ‘real world’ is like?”
Nick paused and glanced back. “What?”
Sebastian looked downright pissed. “You think my life has been nothing but smooth sailing? What, because my parents have money, not me? Guess what, sweetheart, I’ve seen how nasty life can be. You should really do your homework before you judge people.”
Nick frowned. “I wasn’t judging—”
“I accept your challenge.” Sebastian’s charming smile was back. It seemed to coat him like oil, distorting the genuine emotion Nick had seen on him earlier. “You’re wrong about me, Nick. I’m going to prove it, and when I do, you’re going to eat your words.”
“Yeah, sure.” Nick took another step away, walking backward. “You keep wishing on that star.”
“And you know what else? You’re going to fall so totally in love with me.”
Nick stopped dead in his tracks, heart hammering. The utter certainty with which Sebastian had said that made it hard for Nick to breathe.
“N-no way,” Nick stammered.
Sebastian simply grinned as he turned away. Watching him go, Nick couldn’t help but feel like Sebastian had thrown down some sort of gauntlet.
By the time he got to the dining hall, Deen was halfway through an omelet the size of his head. When he spotted Nick, he stopped cramming eggs into his mouth long enough to ask, “What happened with Sebastian? Did you invite him?”
“Sorry, buddy. It totally slipped my mind.” Nick glanced at the coffee cup in his hand. “But don’t worry. I doubt we’ve seen the last of him.”
Saturday. Glorious Saturday.
Nick was awake long before his alarm—and before Deen, for once—but he stayed in bed, luxuriating in the knowledge that there were no classes he needed to rush off to, nowhere he had to be.
Much as he’d have loved to spend the whole day in bed, simply because he could, that wasn’t an option. He had approximately one million chapters he needed to read for class, it was clothes-shopping day, and eventually, he’d have to do all the boring day-to-day shit that was expected of adults. Like showering, and eating actual food, and putting on pants. It was almost enough to put him right back to sleep.
But no, eating was good, and he owed it to both himself and Deen to shower regularly.
Rolling out of bed, he grabbed a change of clothes and tiptoed over to the bathroom. He took his time washing up, brushing his teeth, and towel-drying his unruly hair. The longer he went without cutting it, the more the ends curled up around his ears like golden vines. Pretty soon, he’d look like a Labrador with a husky’s eyes.
Once he was dressed and ready, he snuck back out, threw his pajamas onto the laundry pile he’d created under his bed, and debated what to do next.
Deen was cocooned in blankets and snoring cutely. It’d be a crime to wake him when he’d managed to sleep in for once.
I should check my school email. I haven’t since Tuesday night, busy as I’ve been.
It took a solid five minutes for his laptop to whine to life. The wait renewed his determination to find room in his budget for a newer model, even if it meant living leanly for the rest of the school year.
Logging into his email, Nick was surprised to find he had a dozen messages in his inbox. Most were from his professors, sending out e-versions of the slides for next week, along with instructions to print them out and bring them to class. Nick made a mental note to drop by the computer lab tomorrow, since neither Deen nor he had a printer.
One email in particular caught his eye. It was from Dr. O’Connor, the student advisor he’d met with what felt likes years ago. The subject line read Checking In?
The question mark threw him off. Was he supposed to contact her, and he forgot?
He clicked on the message and jiggled his leg while he waited for it to load. It consisted of a short paragraph that was signed with a photograph of Dr. O’Connor surrounded by an enviable number of dogs. Nick imagined a similar pack waited at the gates of Heaven to welcome newcomers. It took him a second to pick her frizzy head out of the fluffy animals around her.
A quick scan of the message told him that Dr. O’Connor wanted to meet with him as soon as he was free to see how his first week had gone. It’d been sent Thursday morning, so he was definitely late to respond.
“Ugh,” he whispered to himself, mindful of Deen. She meant well, and it was kind of nice to be checked up on for once, but he really didn’t want to deal with an interrogation after his emotional roller coaster of a week.
Nice as she was, Dr. O’Connor didn’t seem like the sort to take no for an answer, though. With any luck, she didn’t check her email over the weekend and wouldn’t see his reply until Monday. Which meant he could easily delay a meeting until Tuesday.
He composed a message, stating that he was free early mornings before ten, but Tuesday evening would be convenient, hint hint. Once that was sent, he logged on to Facebook. He was hardly ever on social media—mostly because he had nothing to say—but now seemed like an appropriate time for a status update.
Finished my first week at my new university, he typed. One down, around fifty-nine more to go.
He posted it and got a notification all of five seconds later. It was a like from Jacqueline Smith, a girl he’d had class with back at UIC. She was sweet, smarter than him by a lot, and very pretty with doe-like brown eyes the same color as her skin. They’d gone out a couple of times, before . . .
He sighed. You’re going to have to start saying it. Before Dad died. Before you lost your last family member. Before your life got torn apart.
A comment popped up on his status. It was from Jacqueline and read, Miss you, Nick! Let me know if you’re ever back in Chi-Town.
Her words made his heart clench, but he appreciated the sentiment. He smiled and closed out of the tab, bringing him back to his email. A new message caught his eye. Dr. O’Connor had responded.
“Shit.”
Deen snuffled behind him but thankfully didn’t wake up. With no small amount of trepidation, Nick clicked on the message. Dr. O’Connor thanked him for getting back to her so quickly and asked him to meet her first thing in the morning on Monday.
Damn technology. This never would have happened if we were still using carrier pigeons.
Nick considered pretending he hadn’t seen her response, but one look at the photo of her buried in happy dogs, and he couldn’t do it. He wrote back and accepted the meeting. Might as well get it over with. At least he had a couple of days to brace himself for another round of well-meant prodding.
His stomach growled. First order of business: he wanted eggs and an unreasonable amount of bacon. He considered waking Deen up so they could go together, but Deen was still conked out—face slack, inky hair fanned over his pillow. Nick decided against it.
Eyes on Deen’s prone form, Nick grabbed his things, padded to the door, and opened it as quietly as he could. Deen stirred again but didn’t wake. Nick breathed a sigh of relief and turned to walk out, only to come face to face with surprised green eyes.
Nick stifled a yelp and jumped back a foot. “Theo?” He remembered to whisper at the last second. “What are you doing here?”
Theo had his hand raised as if he’d been seconds away from knocking. He let it drop and whispered back. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. I texted you last night and again this morning, but you never responded. I thought I’d swing by and make sure everything’s all right.”
“Oh, shit.” Nick dug his phone out of his pocket and squinted at it. Between the cracked screen and the dead pixels, his notifications looked like they were written in cuneiform. “My bad. I didn’t get your texts. Can we talk outside? My roommate’s asleep.”
Theo nodded and stepped back, making room for Nick. Once Nick had shut and locked the door behind him, he turned to Theo. “It’s nice of you to che
ck on me.” Today seems to be the day for that.
“Yeah, well. I hadn’t heard from you since we talked the other day. Wanted to make sure I didn’t scare you off.” He grinned and then reached for Nick’s hand.
Nick startled, but a second later, he realized Theo was going for his phone, which he was still holding. Theo took it, and as he examined the obliterated screen, his eyebrows rose up slowly like balloons.
“Wow. This is, um . . .”
“Yeah, I know. Looks like it went twelve rounds with Ali in his prime.”
Theo smiled his small, dreamy smile. “I upgraded to a new phone right before classes started. I still have my old one. You want it?”
Nick shuffled his feet. “That’s nice of you, but no. You should sell it or something.”
“Wouldn’t be worth the hassle. It’s three generations old, which in technology terms is ancient. Besides, I didn’t pay for it or my new one. My parents send me shit without asking if I need it, and now my old phone’s collecting dust in a drawer. Someone ought to put it to good use. Is your phone carrier unlocked?”
“Yeah.” Nick was caught between gratefulness and guilt. “Don’t you want to keep the old phone as a backup, though? In case something happens to your new one?”
“Nah. I could throw it against a wall, and my parents would send me another one. We struggled financially for a while, so when my mom got this awesome job, I guess she decided she had to make it up to me. Now she shows affection with gifts.” He smiled, but it was knifelike in its sharpness. “Lucky me, right?”
“I guess.” Nick wet his lips. “I don’t want to pry, but sometimes you say things that make me think you resent your parents a little bit.”
“Maybe a smidge. If I were my mom, I’d be spending money on a divorce attorney, or rehab for my dad, but instead I get sent shit I don’t need while everyone pretends nothing’s wrong. That would make anyone resentful, I think.”
Nick shrugged. “I dunno. I’d be grateful.” For the phone and for my parents.
“You say that, but believe me, there are things money can’t buy. Anyway, if it’s any consolation, my therapist says I’m just acting out.” He turned toward the hall. “Follow me to my room, and I’ll get the phone for you.”
The Academy Page 11
