by Mia Marconi
Once the decision was made and India was told, we started to prepare her. Over the last few months she had seen a whole different side to her mother, who was caring, sober and not nearly as needy. Children amaze me how fast they adapt. They live in the moment, so India just accepted without question that her mum had changed. She was excited about going home and began asking, ‘When am I going to live back with Mummy? She doesn’t drink any more, Mia, so she will be able to look after me properly.’
‘Yes, she will,’ I said, thinking that it was heartbreaking for any child to make such a statement.
I was hopeful but not 100 per cent sure if Amy could sustain that change, but I liked Archie and I trusted him. He was a solid, reliable man with good morals, so when I was truthful with myself and remembered how unreliable Amy could be I calmed my fears by telling myself that Archie would step in if it all went wrong.
It was time to prepare for the final part of the process which started with India staying with her mum and Archie for four consecutive weekends. On the Friday night she would pack her suitcase – she had a ladybird one now – and her Barbie toiletry case, and get so excited. On Saturday morning Archie would come and get her and he always made a big fuss of her. He would scoop her up into his arms – India being India didn’t cuddle him, but she listened intently as he told her what they had planned for the weekend. By now, India had learned to love the seaside, so in warm weather they often headed for the beach.
One thing that made a huge difference to India was the fact that we all got on. There was no bickering, and the relationships were all positive. She absolutely loved that. There was one area, though, that never really changed and that was India and cuddles. She would cuddle me occasionally, because she knew it was something I liked, but I always felt she didn’t really mean it. She was tense every time, and that had never changed.
When the month was up, it was time for her to move in with Amy and Archie for good.
We had a big goodbye party and India was allowed to invite anyone who had been significant in her life. There were thirty people on her list and she got very excited at the process.
‘Can we have fairy cakes, Mia?’
‘Course we can, darling.’
‘Can we have orange juice?’
‘Of course.’
‘Can I have a new dress?’
‘I’m sure we can find you something,’ I laughed.
We had a barbecue and hired a bouncy castle. There were presents and cards and we took photos to put in her album. Amy and Archie were there and really got involved, and the whole process was as near perfect as you could hope for. My rose-tinted glasses were polished and I was ecstatic that things had worked out as they should. I was realistic, though. I knew Amy still had a journey ahead of her, but it was one I knew she wanted to take. She had come so far and had so much support; I had great faith that she would make it.
When India finally left I felt empty. I had spent seven years thinking about her, caring for her and loving her. It seemed wrong that she was no longer there. It would hit me at different times, like when I called upstairs to say dinner was ready. I would get a feeling of panic, wondering if Amy and Archie knew what she liked for dinner. Then I would tell myself not to be silly – I had already told them what she liked.
Ruby, Francesca and Isabella took it well. There were photos around the house and India phoned two or three times a week and visited once a month – we would have picnics on the green. So although they missed her, they had full lives and a sister whom they adored.
I kept in touch but I also stepped back, as I didn’t wish to seem controlling. India started secondary school and things were looking good.
Archie and I knew that Amy had some tough times to come, with no guarantee that she would make it. But she desperately wanted to be successful, and more importantly, India wanted to be with her mum.
‘I promise I will be a good mother to India, Mia,’ Amy said, and I sincerely believed she would try.
She wanted so much to be a good mum, but her expectations of what a mother should be were extremely low. I had tried to fill in the gaps, as had social services, but we could not be sure it would be enough.
Anyone who lives with an alcoholic lives with hope and clings desperately to that word, because if you don’t, all is lost. There was no pretending that Amy wasn’t an alcoholic – she was, and alcohol had been a powerful ally to her – but we all hoped that was in the past and that she now had something more powerful to live for.
It might sound tough on India that we could not guarantee the outcome for her, but I knew that children in care who grew up having no contact with their parents spent their whole lives fantasising about their real family. I’d met adults in their fifties who had been adopted by wonderful families and had had happy childhoods, but they always felt that a part of them was missing because they had no idea who their real mother or father was. Family is so deeply ingrained in us that, however hard we try, it’s almost possible to eradicate, and like a magnet it keeps pulling you in, for better or worse.
I also knew from my experience of looking after kids in care that if they had no contact with their parents, they put them on a pedestal; they become a fairy princess or a brave knight. Imagine if you grew up thinking your mother was this wonderful human being, only to meet her one day and find out she was an alcoholic like Amy. The shock would be far worse than living with the reality.
I have never worked out why the cards we are dealt are so unfair, but they are. It is a hard fact that some people seem to live a charmed life while others face trauma and tragedies we could not imagine in our darkest nightmares. During my years as a carer, I had come to accept that fact and knew that would never change.
After seven years away from her mother, India was excited to be home – for now. The memories of her early years had faded, and when I waved goodbye I left her with a smile on her face. India was happy that her mum was sober, happy that she had a lovely stepdad and happy with her new home. She couldn’t ask for much more.
Whatever the future held for India, she knew that she and her mother had a good relationship with her aunts, uncles and cousins, and no one doubted how much Archie cared about her. We all loved her, and that fact would never change. No one would ever be able to take that love away, and India knew that.
Also by Mia Marconi …
Tap the cover to buy now.
Coming soon from Mia Marconi …
Tap the cover to pre-order now.
Coming soon from Mia Marconi …
Tap the cover to pre-order now.
Copyright
Certain details in this story, including names, places and dates, have been changed to protect the family’s privacy.
HarperTrueLife
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers
77–85 Fulham Palace Road,
Hammersmith, London W6 8JB
www.harpertrue.com
www.harpercollins.co.uk
First published by HarperTrueLife 2014
FIRST EDITION
© Mia Marconi and Sally Beck 2014
Cover image © Shutterstock.com
Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers 2014
Mia Marconi and Sally Beck assert the moral right
to be identified as the authors of this work
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
Find out about HarperCollins and the environment at
www.harpercollins.co.uk/green
Ebook Edition © July 2014 ISBN: 97800
07584413
Version: 2014-06-25
About the Publisher
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street
Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia
http://www.harpercollins.com.au/ebooks
Canada
HarperCollins Canada
2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor
Toronto, ON, M4W, 1A8, Canada
http://www.harpercollins.ca
New Zealand
HarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand) Limited
P.O. Box 1
Auckland, New Zealand
http://www.harpercollins.co.nz
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
77-85 Fulham Palace Road
London, W6 8JB, UK
http://www.harpercollins.co.uk
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
10 East 53rd Street
New York, NY 10022
http://www.harpercollins.com
