by Amy Andrews
‘I was saying how you saw Remi Duconte speak in London about the advances in leukaemia treatments.’
‘Er…yes.’ Hailey nodded, trying to think of a single thing the world’s foremost expert in childhood cancer had had to say.
Callum glanced at Hailey. She seemed nervous suddenly. Out of it. Her replies were automatic, like those of a robot. Had the news of Tom’s illness thrown her that badly?
‘He’s in Brisbane soon, isn’t he? Dad’s chairing his lecture,’ Beth added, oblivious to the conflict raging inside her younger sister.
‘Tomorrow night.’ Hailey nodded absently.
‘I assume you’re going?’ Beth asked Callum.
Callum shook his head. ‘I’m registered to attend but Tom’s grandparents, who normally look after him, have tickets to Les Misérables tomorrow night. I’ll catch him next time.’
‘Oh, but you simply must go!’ Beth urged. ‘Aside from your work, you have such a personal stake in it.’
‘Yes. I will be disappointed to miss out. He rarely lectures these days. But as I haven’t been in Brisbane very long I don’t have alternative child-care arrangements yet. I’m afraid the timing’s all wrong.’
‘Nonsense,’ Beth dismissed. ‘You know us, don’t you?’
Callum laughed. ‘Oh, no, really, it’s OK. I couldn’t impose.’
‘Hailey can do it,’ Rilla piped up, ignoring Hailey’s knitted brows. ‘She’s just down the hall. She won’t mind. She loves kids. Don’t you, Hails?’
Callum looked at Hailey. He didn’t profess to be an expert on women’s moods—and he’d been married for five years—but Hailey looked as if she minded. A lot. She was frowning her disapproval at her sister.
Callum didn’t want to rock the family boat and certainly not with Hailey who he felt on rocky ground with anyway. ‘No. It’s fine, really.’
‘Hailey?’ Rilla prompted. ‘It would be such a shame for Callum to miss it, don’t you think?’
Hailey looked at her sister. Just what was Rilla playing at? Wasn’t she the one who had warned her against getting involved with another motherless little boy?
But Rilla was right. Seeing Remi Duconte was not an event to be missed and Callum had been as solid as a rock during the emergency today and had then gone on to scrape her up off the floor, help her into her apartment and administer first aid. She sighed. ‘Will half six be OK?’
Callum shook his head again. ‘No. I couldn’t impose.’
‘Look, I’m offering,’ she said testily. ‘This really is one lecture you don’t want to miss. Unless you’re worried Tom would fret?’ Hailey frowned. ‘I suppose we’ve only just met.’
‘Oh, no. Since his protracted stint in hospital, Tom isn’t particularly bothered about new faces. And he seems to have taken a real shine to you. Besides, you found orchie and let him have two servings of ice cream. You’d better watch out, he’ll be moving in next.’
Hailey forced a smile to her lips as her sisters laughed at Callum’s joke. ‘Excellent. That’s settled, then,’ she murmured.
Except it wasn’t, of course. Was she insane? Things were about as unsettled as the ocean in the middle of a tropical cyclone.
CHAPTER FOUR
HAILEY’S fingers were shaking as she limped to Callum’s door and pushed the doorbell promptly at six-thirty the next evening, mentally cursing Rilla. Apparently her middle sister had changed her mind about Hailey’s involvement with another man and child. ‘Maybe he’s just what you need,’ Rilla had said last night after Callum had left.
She gave herself a shake. It’s just two hours. That’s all. One hundred and twenty minutes. You can do this.
The door flung open and Tom stood there in his pyjamas, his damp hair plastered to his forehead, trusty torch in hand.
‘Hailey!’ Tom threw his six-year-old body at her, hugging her around the waist, crushing his torch against her hip bone.
‘Tom,’ she said, looking down at his sandy-blond head, wincing at the bite of the hard plastic.
His little arms felt good around her waist and though they were skinny his grip was strong. Despite his pallor, Tom seemed so vital. Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest at the thought of him ill and frightened, clutching his torch late at night on some big scary oncology ward.
Callum had said Tom had spent a lot of time in hospital so it sounded as if he’d had a stormy course during his treatments. Had he been plagued with debilitating nausea? Or fallen prey to any of the side effects of chemotherapy? Had he lost his hair?
She ruffled his damp locks. Damn it. She didn’t want to know any of this. She wasn’t supposed to be getting involved any more.
‘OK, Tom.’ Callum laughed, amused at his son’s delight. ‘You were supposed to be cleaning your teeth.’
Hailey looked up to find him lounging against a nearby doorframe. The man was looking good enough to eat. He was wearing jeans and an untucked short-sleeved shirt with stripes. His arms looked bulky and very, very touchable. His very short hair emphasised the chiselled planes of his face. She could smell soap and aftershave.
His feet were bare, adding to his casual appeal. Damn it! How could feet be so alluring, for crying out loud? He blasted her with a slow, sexy smile and she almost turned and ran. In fact, had her ankle been up to it, she might have seriously considered it.
She swallowed. ‘Hi.’
Callum inclined his head. She looked tense, hanging onto the doorknob like it was a lifeline. She was wearing a floral skirt that flared around her knees and a navy T-shirt that clung to the generous swell of her breasts. He felt a pull in his groin at her fresh-faced, damp-haired appeal and a punch to his gut at the way Tom clung to her like he’d known her all his life. ‘Hi.’
They stared at each other for a few moments. ‘Teeth,’ Callum ordered Tom breaking eye contact with Hailey.
Tom skipped away and they watched him until he disappeared from sight. Callum returned his attention to Hailey. She gave him a tight smile.
‘How’s your ankle?’ he asked politely.
‘It’s much better, thank you. The swelling’s gone down considerably and I can put most of my weight on it,’ she replied just as politely.
Callum almost laughed. Their stilted conversation would have done two strangers proud. Except they weren’t. Yesterday they’d saved a life and a few days before that he had kissed her. ‘You know, I can cancel going to this thing.’
‘No.’ Hailey shook her head automatically. ‘It’s fine.’
Callum sighed. ‘It’s patently obvious you don’t want to be here, Hailey.’
‘No, really, I…’ What? I what? I’m looking forward to it? I want nothing more than to babysit your not-out-of-the-woods-yet adorable six-year-old?
‘Hailey, I’m hardly likely to leave my son with a woman who looks like she’d rather have a hole drilled in her head.’
She felt a shaft of guilt lance her chest. She closed her eyes briefly and shut the door. ‘I’m sorry. Go. Really. I’m not…I mean…’ Hailey looked at him looking at her expectantly. Waiting for her to say something that would make her behaviour less odd. Unfortunately, she couldn’t think of a damn thing. ‘You wouldn’t understand.’
Callum put his hands on his hips. ‘Try me.’
‘Tooth’s done, Daddy.’
Tom’s chirpy interruption was just what Hailey needed to pull herself together. She’d almost said something really stupid. Like, I feel insanely attracted to you and I’m petrified.
Callum shut his eyes briefly, inwardly cursing Tom’s bad timing. He crouched down. ‘Open up,’ he said.
Tom opened his mouth and Callum inspected his son’s job. ‘Looks good, Tommy.’ He pulled him close for a hug and inhaled the sweet smell of bubblebath and baby powder. His heart ached in his chest as Tom wrapped his arms around his neck and held on tight.
They were a team. He and Tom. They’d been alone for most of Tom’s young life and been through some very tough times. Tom desperately wanted a mother�
�and a baby brother—but Callum just wasn’t in the market for a relationship, no matter how much Hailey had revived his libido.
Losing Annie had been hard and he didn’t want to set himself up for any more heartache. He certainly wouldn’t be stupid enough to fall for someone who had ‘Keep out’ written all over her. He didn’t need someone in his life who had even more baggage than him.
‘C’mon, Hailey.’ Tom squirmed out of his father’s embrace and took his reluctant babysitter’s hand. ‘Do you like reading? Can you read to me?’
Hailey’s gaze locked with Callum’s for a brief moment before she dragged it away. ‘I like reading best of all.’ Hailey pulled her own book out of her bag and waggled it, grinning down at Tom.
‘I like it the mostest too,’ Tom agreed, tugging on Hailey’s hand, dragging her hobbling form into the lounge.
Callum left them to it, gathering his stuff, slipping on some shoes. He wandered into the kitchen and placed Tom’s plate and cutlery into the dishwasher. Tom’s laughter drifted in to him and he lounged in the archway between the two rooms for a few minutes.
Although they had their backs to him, he could easily see them snuggled in a single armchair, Tom firmly ensconced on Hailey’s lap, their heads close together. They were reading Tom’s favourite book about animal mothers. Hailey laughed at something Tom said and Tom pointed at a picture.
She was a natural with him. So why hadn’t she been comfortable with the idea of babysitting him? Why the reticence when she’d first arrived? Was it Tom or was it to do with him? With them. With the insane attraction that was between them?
‘How come you’re not a mummy, Hailey? Beth has Birdie and Rilla’s going to be a mummy soon.’
Callum closed his eyes. Six-year-olds weren’t exactly known for their tact. He opened his mouth to tell Tom to mind his own business but shut it instead, curious to know the answer.
Hailey’s hand stilled on the page. Just like a kid to cut to the chase. ‘I almost was,’ she said, her pulse reverberating loudly through her head. ‘A few years back. But then it didn’t happen.’
Callum straightened. Almost? Had Hailey had a miscarriage? Was this the sorrow he sensed she carried with her? Was this why looking after Tom was so hard?
‘My mummy’s dead.’
Callum shut his eyes. It was so matter-of-fact. So childlike. Spoken with no emotion from a little boy who had no true concept of what a mother was. It was so unfair.
Hailey nodded slowly. ‘Yes, I know. That’s very sad.’
‘It would have been good having a mummy in hospital. I was scared.’
Callum sucked in a breath. Tom had never verbalised that before.
Hailey noted Tom’s vice-like grip on his torch and her heart went out to him. ‘You’re lucky you have a very special daddy who was there for you.’
Tom nodded. ‘A mummy would have been good too. For Daddy also. He misses her. Grandma says so and he goes all googoo-eyed sometimes when he thinks I’m not watching.’
Hailey smiled at the description despite the heaviness in her heart. Another man still in love with his wife—she sure knew how to pick ’em.
Callum pushed off the wall. OK—that was definitely enough! ‘Right, well, I’m off,’ he said, forcing a cheery note into his voice as he advanced into the room from behind them.
Hailey blushed. She felt like she’d been caught prying, fishing for background info. She hadn’t asked for any of it and she most certainly didn’t want to know it. All it did was give this little boy and his father an even bigger inroad to her heart, and that was the last thing she wanted.
‘Are you sure?’ Callum asked Hailey again. He hoped he looked normal. Not like he’d been eavesdropping.
Hailey looked at him, feeling nervous and all fluttery inside. Poor Callum had been through the mill and Tom’s innocent admission that Callum still missed his wife made her heart ache for him. ‘It’ll be fine,’ she said quietly over Tom’s head. ‘Just go.’
Callum nodded. He crossed to say goodnight to his son. ‘You be good for Hailey, OK?’ Callum leaned down to drop a kiss on Tom’s head. Hailey’s cleavage came into view and her scent, like raindrops on roses, enveloped him. He pulled away sharply after the merest of pecks.
‘Yes, Daddy.’
‘Another half hour,’ Callum said, clearing his throat, not daring to look at Hailey. ‘Then bed.’
‘Oh, but, Daddy…’
Callum laughed and tousled his son’s hair. ‘No, “oh-but-daddys”.’
‘Thanks,’ he said, forcing himself to look Hailey in the eye. ‘Have you eaten?’
‘I’m not really hungry,’ she said, still recovering from the brief moment when his face had been, oh, so close to hers.
‘Well, if you do develop an appetite, feel free to help yourself to anything you want in the kitchen.’
Hailey nodded, absently brushing her chin against the crown of Tom’s head. His hair was soft and smelled like soap.
‘I’ve left my mobile number on the fridge. In case.’
Hailey stilled as Callum said goodbye to Tom and headed for the door. In case? In case of what? She felt a nudge of worry spike her bloodstream and kick her pulse up a notch. Tom hadn’t been well. He’d had leukaemia with a complicated course of treatment. What if he got sick while she was looking after him? Like Eric had?
She quickly moved Tom and settled him in the armchair, then hurried to catch Callum at the front door. ‘You mean in case he gets sick?’ she said, her voice low.
Callum smiled. ‘Or falls out of a tree. Or breaks his arm. Or cuts a major artery. You know, the usual.’
Except he wasn’t likely to do anything of those things, was he? Tom was hardly usual. But he could relapse at any stage. ‘What if he gets a fever or becomes lethargic?’
Oh, God, how did he do it? How did he let go after Tom had been so sick? How did he ever leave him? Why wasn’t he constantly worried, constantly alarmed at the things that could befall a kid whose immune system had been completely wiped out not that long ago? ‘What if…what if he gets a rash?’
Callum’s smile died on his lips when he met her unblinking gaze. Hailey’s alarm was genuine. Why should any of those things concern an experienced paediatric nurse? Annie’s mother maybe, but Hailey? He frowned. Was that what was freaking her out? Why she had been reluctant to come tonight? To get involved with them? Tom’s illness? Had losing her baby made her hyper-vigilant?
‘I’m only going to be gone for two hours, Hailey,’ he said gently. ‘I’m sure no calamity will strike in that time that you can’t handle.’
Hailey felt the cold hand of fear clutch at her gut. What if she couldn’t? What if she missed something? An image of Eric lying critically ill on a ventilator played on her inward eye. Paul’s gut-wrenching grief echoed in her head.
‘Hailey.’
Callum’s strong, confident voice reached through her escalating panic. She looked at him.
‘Tom’s in remission. He’s fine. Look at him. Nothing’s going to happen to him while I’m out.’
Hailey held Callum’s gaze for a few moments before forcing herself to look down at Tom. Tom, who had come to find her, book in hand. He chose that moment to look up at her and smile one of his cheeky smiles. Callum was right. He did look fine.
But her confidence had taken a real hit when Eric had fallen ill so quickly. It had taken many months to trust her instincts again. To realise that no one could have foreseen the rapid onset of the meningitis that had claimed his young life.
She took some deep, calming breaths. ‘Of course.’ She shot him a confident smile. The second last thing he needed other than thinking she’d rather have a hole drilled in her head was that he was leaving his son with a complete basket case. ‘Of course. Go. We’ll be fine, won’t we, Tommy?’
Tom nodded and they went back to the armchair. Callum lingered. He could see Hailey had relaxed. She had begun reading to Tom again, putting on a funny voice as she read the words.
&nb
sp; Hailey read on aware of his scrutiny. ‘You’ll miss it,’ she said as Tom turned the page. She didn’t bother to look up.
Callum took her cue and left but the uneasy feeling persisted. The trouble was it didn’t have much to do with Hailey’s moment of doubt and everything to do with how good it felt to see them snuggled on the chair together, their heads close, laughing like they’d been doing it for years.
After her initial insecurities Hailey took to babysitting Tom with all the ease of someone very used to minding children. She allowed him to push the boundaries of his bedtime and they read for nearly an hour after Callum left.
When it came to calling a halt, Tom, obviously struggling to stay awake, didn’t protest. She pulled back his bedcovers, shut his window and tucked him in. He looked very cute, snuggled into the bedclothes, his torch held securely in one hand.
‘Can you lay with me till I go to sleep, Hailey?’ Tom asked drowsily.
Her heart squeezed in her chest. How could she resist such a request when Tom was looking at her with his big blue eyes? Eyes that had seen too much in his short little life.
‘Move over, then.’ She smiled hoping she wasn’t breaking any house rules. She had often lain with Eric as he had drifted off to sleep and a small part of her heart desperately wanted to feel a little body snuggled into her again.
Tom wriggled over and Hailey curled her body around his, one arm around his waist, her other elbow bent, her head propped up on her hand. Hailey watched him fall sleep.
She’d always been nuts about kids, hence her interest in midwifery then paediatrics. The fact that she was now an aunt and due to become so again in the very near future had been a major cause for excitement in her life.
Not that long ago she’d even looked forward to having her own tribe to dote on. But the incident with Eric had made her realise that the loss of a child was utterly devastating. And she never wanted to leave herself open to that kind of hurt again. Ever.
She yawned. Sleep had been elusive since the ball. Last night’s slumber had been worst of all because of her ankle and Callum’s revelations. Her eyelids felt heavy. Surely it wouldn’t matter if she shut her eyes for a moment? She dropped her head onto the pillow, nuzzling the back of Tom’s head, his locks tickling her nose. She burrowed in closer to his little body, sighing contently as she fell deeply asleep.
