“You can have it, but I can bring back barrels of the stuff.”
“No. If you come back, he can get to you, and if there’s anything to this prophecy, you must stay away, Dorothy. You must,” Nick avers.
“I get it,” I say and sigh, choosing my words carefully.
“What does the prophecy have to do with Dorothy?” Ardie asks.
“Quelala believes she is the witch he is to marry. She is impervious to his compulsion, so he believes she is the one, and now he is speaking to her in her sleep.”
“What?” Ardie asks, very alarmed.
“He’s ridiculous.”
“Is he in love with you?” Werelion gasps.
“No, he just wants to take over everything, but I think he might like Nick a lot. Far more than he likes me.”
“What?” Nick blurts, stunned by my words.
“Uh, yeah.”
“Why do you think such a thing?” Ardie asks me, holding back a smile.
“Because my dreams last night were very graphic, and not in a good way.”
The look of horror on Nick's face is so perfect I guffaw and Ardie laughs along with me. Soon enough, Werelion is giggling too.
“What are you saying to me?” Nick says, horrified.
“I’m saying that he…” How do I put this? “He wants us to be together as a triple.”
“Triple?”
“Thruple?”
“Thruple?” Nick scoffs.
“A threesome? A three-way relationship? Some kind of polyamorous type situation. He implied in the dream, and said flat out I didn’t have to give you up to be with him, and he wants in.”
“He wants in?” he asks, growing enraged.
“Yeah?” I say and laugh. It’s so inappropriate but I can’t help it.
“Why are you laughing?” Nick asks baffled by my reaction.
“Because,” I say through my giggles. “It’s so awful it becomes funny to me. And, I mean, I might get into something like that someday, I don’t know, I guess I’m open, but I’m not open to it being with him.”
“Wait, wait…” Nick says and shakes his head. Ardie guffaws this time. “You are open to what?”
“I mean, I don’t know. I’m just saying I’m not opposed to a threesome, but I don’t want it to be with a soulless psycho bloodsucker.”
“But I am not interested in men that way,” Nick insists.
“Oh now, I’m sure you’re a little interested,” Ardie says just to poke the bear, and Werelion giggles.
“You wish I were,” Nick says and Ardie guffaws.
“I assure you, I don’t. Unlike you two, I am not a horny goat. One partner is enough for me, thank you.”
“Did you just call us horny goats?” I ask with a chuckle.
“Yes, I did, and you are.”
“Silly,” Werelion says as he giggles, sipping his magical tea from a dainty ruby teacup, and I am almost certain he spiked it with his liquid courage.
Toto jumps up on my lap and steals the bacon off my plate.
“Hey!” I say as he leaps to the floor and runs to Ardie for protection. Ardie picks him up and snuggles him.
“He needs his protein,” Ardie says in his defense as he pets him, already missing him. Maybe I should bring Ardie back a dog at some point. It might be nice for Toto to have a friend like him. Maybe for his birthday next year, I’ll get him a dog.
“Ardie, if you want to hang with Toto until we go, I’m sure he’d love it.”
“Thank you, Dorothy,” he says and kisses the top of his little head.
If I tell him not to worry and that we’ll be back, Nick will protest and try to make me promise to stay away, so I keep my mouth shut instead. For now.
“Let us get ready if the vampire bat monkeys are to return us today,” Werelion says.
“After all this time, I can't believe our journey together has ended,” Ardie says with a hint of melancholy in his voice.
If I didn’t know I was returning soon, I’d feel the same way, but our journey together has not ended—it’s just beginning. Together, we will fight a war against the soulless, and in my heart, I know we will win. Quelala may have plans, but so do I, and my plans involve eliminating him for good. What they don’t include is him in my relationship. Psycho.
We return to our room to pack, and Toto is happy to hang with Ardie as always. He’ll be just as sad to leave as I am, but we’ll only be away a few days.
“Please tell me you know you cannot return,” Nick says as I hand him the bottle of holy water from my bag of weapons.
“Nick, can we please stop the endless conversation about how I’m not safe here. I know I’m not safe here. All I want is to be close to you before I have to go. Please?”
He pulls me to him, kisses me with all the love in his beautiful heart, and we make the most of these last hours. Once we finish packing, I go into the ruby bathroom that’s like a fusion of the natural rough crystal magic of Oz and a very fancy bathroom back home. Marble-like ruby countertops and a platinum sink stand beside an ornate ruby and platinum vanity. On the other side of the bathroom is a massive ruby waterfall bathtub. When I step into the bath, it warms and bubbles, and steam rises with sparkling rose mist from the water.
“Thank you,” I hear a woman’s voice I don’t recognize say and I jump, opening my eyes to find a beautiful red misty woman before me.
“Um…”
“Sorry, I did not mean to startle you. I only wanted to thank you before you left us.”
“Who are you? And what are you thanking me for?”
“The people call me Quadling. The spider you destroyed was a curse on me, on my land, and the Zombielands had been infecting me for many years. Now my strength is returning thanks to you. Whenever you return, my power is yours to share.”
“Thank you,” I say, touched by her kindness and gratitude. She is nothing like Oz. But then I wonder… “Are you Oz but in a different form?” I ask and she smiles.
“Yes, and no. Although I am not Oz, you may think of us like cousins, or siblings.”
“So, he sent me to destroy the Zombielands to save you?”
“No, well, in part for it was infecting him too. The zombiism had spread to him and to Munchkin.”
“Do each of the countries in the lands of Oz have another like you?”
“Yes,” she says, unclear why I wouldn’t assume it was so.
“Do you think I should leave and stay away?”
“No, we need you here.”
“Then why did Oz tell me to leave?”
“I do not know. Did he give you no reason?”
“Yeah, he gave me a reason.” And the reason was that he had grown fond of me and I wasn’t safe here. Quelala will come for me and he wasn’t sure I’d make it out unscathed. Torn in two, I let out a labored sigh.
Should I stay away? Am I being an idiot planning on returning the second I get supplies?
No. No, my realm has the technology that can help us win. And I sure as hell won’t let Nick die fighting alone. Let him be mad when I return. When it’s over, he’ll be alive and so will I, and that’s what matters. He thinks he knows best, but he doesn’t have faith. He doesn’t even know what it is. By no fault of his own, but still. Faith we will win is so strong inside me I can feel it in my bones. Maybe I’m delusional, but I don’t care. You’ve got to be a little crazy to win a knock down drag out fight, and that’s what it’ll be. We will need every advantage we can get, and that’s where my trip home comes in. One week, then I’m coming back. If I die then I die, but I don’t think I will. I have complete faith we will prevail.
“Do not stay away too long,” Quadling says to me.
“I won’t.”
“Good,” she says and smiles as she dissipates.
To hear her say she wants me to return means more than I expected. No one has told me to stay. No one has told me to come back. Werelion has made it seem like he wished I would, but he didn’t tell me I’m needed here. Only that
he’d miss me. Glinda asked me to pick up some things, but she doesn’t seem to care either way if I stay there or return. Quadling believes I have a higher purpose here though. She says I’m needed, and it means more to me than perhaps it should. To know someone wants me to return, someone believes I’m needed here, means so much to me and only reinforces my decision.
“My love,” Nick says as he enters the bathroom with my bag. I gave him the weapons and filled it up with the clothes from Jellia and the rubies from Glinda.
“Yes, my love,” I purr, and he chuckles at me.
“In your bag there is gold from Winkie. You said it was worth a lot in your realm. I hope you can exchange it and use the money to fulfill your dreams of travel and live a beautiful life. I wish I could be the one to share it with you, but since I cannot, perhaps this is something I can do…” he says and stops, dropping his head.
“Nick?” I say as I move to the edge of the tub and reach out for him.
One tear falls and then another hitting the floor between his feet. Pain from seeing him in pain, and joy from knowing he loves me that much clash inside me, overwhelming every other emotion, and although I want to fall apart, I remember what Oz said, and I collect myself fast. I’m coming back anyhow. I’ll see him so soon. He just doesn’t know it yet.
“My heart belongs to you. Know that, please. It’s yours. And when you leave, you take it with you. You will always be the love of my life,” he says as tears fall from his eyes, and even though I’m teary too, I smile at him.
“Determined to be heartless again, huh?” I tease, and he smiles, but I can see he’s heartbroken.
“It seems to be my destiny,” he says. Until now, he has shown no signs of self-pity.
“No. You don’t get to be heartless, Nick. Because while I have your heart, you have mine.”
Before I can blink, he’s down on his knees beside the tub and kissing me with all the love in his heart, so I give him mine with a tender kiss back. We may be young, but the rainbow who I will always cherish brought me here not only to help these people, but so I could meet my soulmate. Nick is my love, my heart. I have other colors that are mine alone, other colors I share with everyone else, but this particular shade of red is only his, and no matter what the future brings in this chaotic multiverse, that will never change.
In my farm girl shirt covered in riot grrrl patches and my side-button pants with my bag on my back and Toto in my arms, I stand in the enchanted garden of the ruby palace surrounded by more flowers in different shades of red and pink in any single place in all the multiverse. Strawberry mist and incarnadine sparkles caress the fat blooms as they twirl and dance and flutter around us. The warm, spicy, floral scent of the magic of Quadling permeates my senses, calming me enough to say goodbye.
“Dorothy, I will miss you,” Ardie says as he places his hands on my shoulders and takes me in.
“Oh, Ardie, I’ll miss you too, so much.” I’m coming back soon, but I still don’t know when I’ll see him again. We’ll be living in different countries. “You’re like the brother I never had,” I say, and he hugs me and Toto. I whisper in his ear, “I’ll see you soon.”
When he pulls back, he gives me a small smile, but it’s a sad one, like he also doesn’t think it’s safe for me to return, but he won’t blow up my spot right now either, which I appreciate. I hand Toto to Ardie so they can say a proper goodbye and turn to Werelion to find him crying, drying his tears with the tip of his tail.
“Oh, Werelion, I’m so proud of you. You did everything you set out to do and I know you’ll make a great king. The greatest they’ve ever seen,” I say and wrap my arms around him in a hug. Giant paws make gentle strokes down my back, and it reminds me that Werelion may have found his courage, but he’ll still always be a gentle giant at heart, and it’s one of the many things I will always love about him.
“Please don’t go,” he blubbers.
“Do not make it harder for her, Werelion,” Ardie says. “It is not safe for her here. Not until we kill Quelala for good. That could take years.”
“We’ll do it, Dorothy. And then you can come back.”
“But how will she know when he’s dead? There is no way for her to know, and that is why she must stay away,” Ardie says again.
All right, I get the picture. He doesn’t want me to come back either.
“Then she shouldn’t go at all,” Werelion protests, and it means so much to me. At least one of them sees it my way.
“Enough of this. She must go. It would be selfish of us to keep her here when she is in constant danger,” Nick says. “Can we please stop this and have a nice goodbye? This is the last time—” he says and his voice breaks.
The sound of it breaks my heart, and I turn and hug him so tight, so fast. As he buries his face in my neck, his arms wrap around me, and when he pulls back, he kisses me like it’s the last kiss we’ll ever share, and even though I know it won’t be, I savor it. One week without him will be hard enough.
“All right now. Bank’s closed,” Glinda says and pulls us apart. “You can kiss her goodbye again in a minute,” she says to Nick as she pulls me toward her. When she takes my hands in hers, she presses a piece of paper into my palm. “My dear girl, it’s been a pleasure. Now where’s my cap?” she says, and I almost forgot. She releases my hands and I go to my bag, open it, look at the paper and see she’s made a list of things for me to bring back for her. I put it in the bag and take out the golden cap, zip up my bag, and hand it to her.
“Here it is. It’s all yours.”
“Wonderful! Thank you, darling,” she says and gives me a kiss on each cheek.
“Oh!” I say, remembering one more crucial detail I almost forgot. “How do I take these shoes off?”
“What do you… Have you not taken them off for three months?”
“Nope. Can’t get them off.”
“Have you bathed?”
“Yes. My feet just get wet,” I say, and she gasps. “I know.”
“Go straight to a pediatrist and maybe see a dermatologist too.”
“Please tell me I can take them off.”
“Yes, you can take them off. Pivot clockwise on your left heel, then pivot counterclockwise on your right heel, and they’ll relax enough to slip your feet right out. But don’t do it now, please. That’s something you should do alone first, near a bathtub and antifungal medications.”
“Okay, Jeez,” I say dropping my head and she laughs.
“They are magic boots, darling. You’ll be fine… I hope,” she says and hugs me to her one last time. I hug her back and she whispers in my ear, “Hurry back.”
When I pull away, I turn to Nick again—he takes my face in his hands and kisses me one last time with tender lips. When he pulls away and looks into my eyes, I know I must return. He is noble and altruistic, but he needs me. We belong together—he’ll see that soon enough. When he steps back with tears in his eyes, Ardie hands me Toto as Werelion hands me my bag.
With my bag on my shoulder and Toto in my arms, I look at them all and say, “I’m so grateful to have come here and met every one of you. You are our family—Toto’s and mine—and we’ll miss you.”
Werelion bawls, Toto whimpers with him, and Ardie gets emotional at the sound of Toto’s sad little cries.
“We love you guys,” I say, my voice cracking as the tears break through.
“We love you too,” Werelion sobs, and when I look at Nick, he looks riddled with regret, like he wants me to stay but can’t ask me to. It’s okay, because I’m coming back. I step forward and kiss him one last time, and he kisses me back as he threads his fingers through my hair.
“I love you,” I whisper as I pull back, his hands leaving me as sorrow takes over his mien. “Don’t worry, I’ll be home soon,” I say and give him a small smile, and I swear I see hope in his eyes. He wants me to stay, and I will. I just need to get some things first.
I click my heels once, twice, three times.
“Aunt Em an
d Uncle Henry’s farm in Kansas,” I say.
One step forward and it’s as though I am stepping across the universe. I take another step into a violent wind and cold mist and dark gray clouds that shake and rattle and chatter my teeth.
One last step.
In a whirlwind, I walk on the dried out gray grass of the parched front lawn of my aunt and uncle’s farm. As the surrounding wind dissipates, I stop and set Toto on the ground at my feet. As I look around, I notice the farm is in ruins. The house isn’t there and only the storm shelter’s hole stands amidst the broken foundation of rotting gray wood. No wonder the house flew away. When I look around, I spot some guys over by the stables.
“Come on, Toto,” I say, and he follows.
As we trudge through the debris, I spot John lifting some white-painted wood that looks like it came from another house altogether. He turns his head and his eyes go wide when he sees me.
“Dorothy!” he gasps as if he’s seen a ghost.
“Hey, John. Are my aunt and uncle around?”
“You’re alive!”
“Yeah. It’s been a long, crazy journey,” I say, shaking my head, already miserable to be back.
“They’re staying at the Elder’s Farm. There’s been a search party out looking for you.”
“For how long?”
“Three days. Since the tornado blew through.”
“It’s only been three days?”
“Yeah. Were you knocked out somewhere? Where did you come from?”
“Uh, I…” It felt like I was in Oz for three months. Time must move slower here. That means I need to get back fast. “Can you give me a ride over there?”
“Sure,” he says, drops the wood he’s holding, and heads over to his truck a few steps away.
I get into his truck with Toto in my arms and my bag on my shoulder. Once it rumbles to a start, he pulls out onto the road that leads to the Elder Farm about fifteen minutes away.
“You okay?” he asks with a mix of concern, fear, and awe that I survived.
“Yeah, I am,” I say and smile, hoping it puts him at ease, and I watch him relax a little as he turns his attention to the road ahead.
Dorothy In the Land of Monsters Page 50
