by Brent, Cora
“They won’t want to help, Mom. They think I did it.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes it is. Eddie and Luanne think I did it. The cops think I did it. I have no choice. Either I get locked in a cage for a few decades or I run. Those are my only fucking options.”
The evolution of my mother’s expression was agonizing to see. I watched as heartbeat by heartbeat the person I loved more than anything and who loved me more than anything in return, lost faith.
“Did you?” Her eyes, usually such a crisp blue, had clouded with tears. “Did you do it?”
“No, Mom.” I choked on the words. “No, I didn’t kill anyone.”
She was relieved to hear my denial. But the ugly seed of doubt had been planted and the change that had overcome her face couldn’t be erased.
“I love you, Mom. I’m sorry.”
“Ryan. Honey, wait.” She pulled at me, trying to keep me close. “There has to be a better way.”
There wasn’t, not right now. I hadn’t said a word about Leah. That would have just made the situation even worse, would have just embedded even more doubt into my mother’s mind.
I heard her calling me, following me, as I ran out but I didn’t stop. I didn’t pause to examine the beauty of the desert surrounding Emblem one last time before I took the only eastbound road out of town, tossing my phone out the window somewhere beyond the municipal limits. I didn’t stop until after I’d crossed the state border of New Mexico. Then I purchased a burner phone in the first gas station I found, stole a replacement car from a department store parking lot, and called the only connection I had. My Uncle Kenneth was my father’s brother and though I’d only seem him a handful of times in my life he’d assumed my absent father’s role of supplying gifts for birthdays and holidays. He’d also told me that if I was ever in trouble I should go to him. So that’s what I did. Kenneth knew how to get me a new life but it would take time so he had me lay low in a condo owned by a buddy of his in Miami.
Three weeks later I was still there, staring out at the beach at sunset and wishing it was a desert view instead when I received the call. Once I was gone my mother must have had a blowup with Luanne. Christ on a hilltop only knows what Luanne told her but my mother left the Brandeis property and moved into a basement room at the shelter. It would have been just a temporary arrangement until she found something else. She was sound asleep in the middle of the night when lightning struck the roof, igniting a fire that rapidly tore through the old building. Everyone got out except her because no one had remembered to tell the responding fire crew that she was downstairs.
She never had a chance. She never saw me again. She never knew for sure that I was innocent. I never got to tell her that I was endlessly grateful to her for all the years of love and caring she’d showered me with and that I’d try harder to be worthy of my role as her only son.
And I never forgave the people who took those chances away from both of us.
Chapter Eleven
Leah
Misty refused to let the topic rest. As soon as she strolled in for her shift and took a look at me she started carrying on.
“Don’t give me that shit, honey. I can tell when a girl’s been getting it good.”
I was still refusing to admit anything but I was curious about what kind of evidence I was projecting. “How the hell can you tell that?”
“It’s all in the walk,” she drawled and then strutted around, swinging her hips this way and that.
“Bullshit,” I snorted and seized a broom to sweep the floor because I didn’t get a chance to do it last night.
Misty took a seat on a barstool, prepared to wait until all the gossip was dragged out of me. “So tell me about Mr. Moneybags. Does he prefer face time or parking it in the rear?”
“Misty!”
She laughed. The only customer in the place was Mr. Goldstein and he was mostly deaf at age eighty seven. He didn’t even look up from his crossword puzzle as he nursed his beer.
Misty grew thoughtful, tapping one long fingernail to her lips. “So your new screw toy is the one people keep talking about, huh? The dude who might have a killed a guy before he disappeared for years. And then he comes back with his pockets full of cash.”
“Ryan didn’t kill anyone. It was just… a misunderstanding.”
“In my world a misunderstanding is when my roommate assumes she’s allowed to use my nail polish.”
“He’s not dangerous, Misty. I promise.”
“Maybe not dangerous.” More fingernail tapping. “Something seems off about the guy though. I could swear he’s got plans swirling around in that handsome head.”
“He’s a little guarded. That’s all. It’s understandable after what he’s been through.”
Misty was unconvinced. “I guess if you like your men with a little taste of mystery that’s your deal. As for me I like to know that what I see is exactly what I’m getting. Speaking of which, have you told Terry that he’s old news yet?”
“No. Wait, you know about Terry?”
She laughed. “Now I do. Before I only suspected.”
I groaned. “We weren’t together. We just used to have fun sometimes.”
“I thought so. Don’t worry, doll. I don’t think he’ll be too heartbroken.”
I sighed. “I should have talked to Terry sooner. He’s out of town this afternoon, off visiting his brother in Phoenix. But he’s working tonight so I’ll find a chance to pull him aside.”
A sly smile showed up on Misty’s face. “Hey, you mind if I take a crack at him? Maybe he’s looking for a girl who appreciates that body of his a little more since he works so hard at it.”
“Crack away.” I shrugged, feeling a little weird at the idea of passing Terry along even though he was a grown man. A big one. And Terry didn’t do anything he didn’t want to do.
Misty hopped off the counter to help me reset all the tables and chairs. The Dirty Cactus was about as clean as it was going to get.
“Hey, thanks for coming in today on such short notice,” I said. “Sharon’s kid has strep and karaoke night is always wild.”
“No problem,” she said. “Sorry I can’t stay until closing. My sister’s got some drama with her ex. They’re sharing the car and he’s got it this week so I need to drive to Grande and pick her up when she’s done with work.”
“It’ll be a huge help having you around most of the night.”
My phone pinged in my back pocket. I checked it and grinned over the emoticon explosion, which was Cadence’s response to my one sentence report of last night’s x-rated events. She followed it up with a demand for details, which I promised to supply at my earliest opportunity. My head was still spinning and while I had to acknowledge Ryan had not promised me a thing last night, the connection we shared was impossible to dismiss. We were a thick book filled with tangled stories, he and I. Sometimes I wondered if my early fixation on Ryan Jedson had permanently ruined me for other men.
“Can you help me hang the banner out front?” I asked Misty.
“What?” shouted Mr. Goldstein from the bar.
“Nothing, Mr. Goldstein,” I told him.
“Let me go top off his glass and I’ll be right there,” she said.
I carried the step ladder outside and in a moment Misty arrived with the rolled up yellow banner that advertised karaoke night. I’d recently changed it from Saturday to Thursday because too many regular customers were complaining that their favorite night to go drinking was being marred by drunk bikers butchering old rock ballads. I saw their point but didn’t want to eliminate the popular event so switching it to Thursday was a decent compromise. There were a few grumbles but whatever. Someone was always going to be unhappy.
My muscles were pleasantly sore after getting reamed backwards and forwards on Ryan’s living room floor. I had no complaints. The boy definitely knew his way around and last night had added a few brand new bullet points to my erotic resume. There was more than sex on m
y mind though. I really liked Ryan, and not just because he was the boy I’d once been infatuated with. The man he’d become was interesting and enigmatic and hot and I liked him. I liked him in spite of the confusing past we shared. And that was a problem. We had yet to discuss why he’d left Emblem. We had yet to discuss anything important at all.
“Concentrate, lady, or you’ll fall off,” Misty called up to me as I hung one end of the banner. I stuck my tongue out at her and then hopped down to move the ladder over while Misty held the other end of the banner.
“There.” I admired the slightly tacky bright yellow sign when I was finished hanging it. “In just a few short hours Emblem’s drinking population can line up to take a chance at belting out Free Bird to a captive audience.”
Misty bent down to swipe a soda can that someone had left beside the front door. “Pisses the shit out of me when people just throw their trash around.” She pressed the two ends between her palms, crushing them impressively.
“Speaking of trash,” I muttered as I folded up the ladder.
On the other side of Main Street Gina Scarpetti was emerging from the nail salon in four inch heels with her phone stuck to her face.
Misty noticed where I was looking. “I take it that’s not a friend of yours?”
“The opposite.”
Misty whistled through her teeth and conducted a rapid assessment of Gina busting out of her purple nylon dress. “I’d say she’s hooking but nobody’s gonna pay for that.”
I snorted out a laugh. “She’s a disaster. We went to high school together. I do my best to avoid her as much as possible.”
Gina couldn’t have heard us but she stopped walking, stared us down in her oversized imitation designer sunglasses, then tottered away.
“She’s pissed at me,” I said, watching Gina stalk off. “I guess you weren’t here that night but I think it was last Friday. Gina was here with a group. An argument broke out and she started throwing punches. Something out of the ‘You better not touch my man’ playbook happened and then all at once the scene became a catfight. Anyway, I was going to have Terry bounce her out but she calmed down. I told her the next time she makes trouble I’m kicking her to the curb for good. Let her drive all the way to Grande if she wants a drink. She didn’t appreciate the warning.“
Misty nodded. “I know the type. Anyway, if she gives you any more trouble you let me handle it.” Misty flexed. “Your girl over here can throw down.”
I really didn’t want anyone throwing anyone else down but it was nice to hear someone was on my side. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”
Misty tested out the old karaoke machine with a Lady Gaga song. She was no Gaga but she had a decent set of pipes. Whenever I tried to sing I sounded like a suffering feral animal.
A handful of Emblem’s high school teachers stopped by for a drink and I was disappointed Cadence wasn’t one of them. She always had her hands full with extra curricular activities though.
Terry didn’t arrive until nearly eight and that was about the time bike engines began roaring down Main Street to claim a spot out front. It wasn’t a good time to have a deep talk about an official end to our unofficial situation.
By ten p.m. I needed to pop some aspirin to ease the vicious headache that was thriving between my eyebrows. I blamed the particularly heinous lineup of would-be vocalists who were abusing all the greatest hits. Currently a fifty year old couple in battered leather cuts were jointly butchering Paradise By The Dashboard Light. Meatloaf would not be pleased.
I chased the pills with a few swallows of beer and stood for a moment with my back to the crowd, pressing my fingers to my temples until Terry tapped me on the shoulder.
“You okay?” he asked.
I stared up into the face that managed to be friendly even though it looked like it had been crudely carved from some spare granite. I hadn’t touched him since that day in my office a few weeks back. And we hadn’t actually fooled around for weeks before that. Misty was right. He wouldn’t exactly be heartbroken. But I liked him as both a friend and as an employee and I hoped this wouldn’t be messy.
“Just a headache,” I said. “Hey, do you have time to stick around after closing? I need to talk to you.”
He shrugged. “Sure.” Then he filled a couple of shot glasses with tequila and carried them off.
“Your nemesis is here,” Misty informed me a few minutes later and for some reason I thought she was referring to Ryan. She motioned over to where Gina Scarpetti had just taken the microphone and was about to destroy a Kelly Clarkson song. Her voice wasn’t awful but she tried too hard to hit high notes that were out of her league. The fact that she was drunk or high or both didn’t aid her talent.
“You think you can do better, bitch?” she slurred into the microphone, breaking up the song. She was addressing a table of women who didn’t appear to have done anything except laugh at a joke that one of them told. They didn’t welcome Gina’s comment though, booing her and flipping her off.
Gina threw down the mic and went barreling over there to tackle a blonde who outweighed her by a good forty pounds. The crowd erupted into cheers as the women fell on the floor. Hair was pulled, breasts were bared and fingernails raked across skin. Terry and another man had already pulled the two apart by the time I got over there.
“Outside!” I yelled. “Outside now.”
Gina was still flailing around and howling curses but the other woman and her companions exited quietly. I hoped no one had called the police because that was a nuisance I didn’t need tonight.
“Sorry,” muttered the blonde, whose face looked like it had been caressed by Freddy Krueger. Her friends surrounded her and they all hurried to the parking lot before there was any more trouble. They would never have started this fight. This was all Gina.
Speaking of Gina, she was glowering and gasping like a raging bull. Terry had released her as soon as he muscled her outside and she cut a pathetic figure on the sidewalk with her dress strap broken, one shoe missing and a smear of blood on her chin. Some of the more curious patrons craned their necks to see what was happening just outside the door. A couple of bikers stood nearby smoking cigarettes and watching the spectacle with detached interest.
“Someone is paying for this bullshit,” she complained, indicating her ruined outfit.
“You started a fight,” I reminded her. “You got exactly what you deserved.”
Gina threw me a murderous look and advanced with her claws out but Terry got in her way.
“You are never coming into my bar again,” I told her.
“Fuck you, Leah,” she spat, a weak comeback. But now she was noticing just how much attention she’d collected and she was humiliated, even blinking tears away. Perhaps it was ghoulish of me but the sight of Gina Scarpetti, former high school bully extraordinaire, standing in front of my bar shamed and on the verge of sobbing made me smile.
“Get lost,” I said. “Before you make an even bigger ass out of yourself than you already have.”
“This isn’t over, bitch,” she spat and limped away. I hoped she heard my laughter as she did.
With that drama extinguished the mood inside the bar was more subdued. The microphone continued to attract more singing hopefuls, some of them decent, some of them plain awful. But no more fights broke out and Terry wasn’t required to push anyone else out the door.
Half an hour before closing Ryan Jedson strolled in alone. I’d been waiting for him to show up and I was ridiculously glad when he did. All day I’d been looking forward to seeing him again. I was already hoping that last night could turn into something more than mind blowing sex. When I smiled at him he smiled back right away and my heart thudded.
I was a goner. I knew it.
No matter how foolish the idea was, I wanted more from Ryan Jedson.
A lot more.
Chapter Twelve
Ryan
My eyes landed on Leah half a second after I walked through the door. She looked good,
better than good. She wore a sexy V-neck top and a denim skirt. Her hair hung loose and she’d gone to the trouble to curl it. I felt my pants tightening as I looked her over and recalled a few stimulating images from last night. I had every intention of taking her home later and testing out a few more creative concepts that were dancing around in my head.
Leah saw me and smiled. A genuinely happy smile. That kind of struck a chord in my chest, the way she smiled at me like I was her knight in shining armor. I was no such thing. But for a moment I wished I was.
McGraw was here and he immediately started bellowing for me to come over. He was on his best behavior because his girlfriend Tina was sitting in his lap. Tina was every bit as big breasted and fabulously fat assed as McGraw boasted. She was also crazy because by all appearances she was totally bonkers about the troll.
Misty stopped by with a round of beers for the table and said they were on the house. Leah was being generous again. McGraw moved his head to look at the bar and blew her a loud kiss. Tina merrily smacked him. I hadn’t intended to drink tonight but I sipped the beer anyway and kept my eyes on Leah.
Terry Kaiser the brainless human mountain was here tonight. He was talking to Leah now, flirting with her actually, and while they didn’t seem like they were about to duck into the back and tear each other’s clothes off, he appeared to be pretty cheerful for a guy who had lost his favorite fuck buddy. Maybe he thought he was more than that because she was stringing him along, letting him believe he mattered to her. I was positive he didn’t matter to her one bit. The thought made me angry, not because I gave a shit about Terry’s feelings but because Terry’s eager expression reminded me that Leah wasn’t always the most straightforward person around. Someone should teach her not to mess with people. They just might come roaring back into her life one of these days to mess with her far worse.
McGraw announced he had to leave because his dick needed servicing. Tina beamed, obviously honored to be the one chosen to touch McGraw’s dick. I told them to take off and I’d pick up the tab for their other drinks, which earned me a hearty slap on the back from McGraw and a sloppy kiss on the cheek from Tina.
