by Dianne Drake
“What are you doing, Carter?” she asked. “Are you here to see Kevin, or is something else going on?” She pulled back her hand. “Maybe another patient?”
“Just hanging around,” he said. “It’s still an hour before we go on that hike, and since I had nothing else to do...” He shrugged.
“You had nothing else to do so you thought you’d come to the hotel and do me in your spare time?”
“One time, and see how you are? No hidden motives here, Sloane. I was just hoping to see you.”
Sloane laughed.
“Have I always been so...suspicious?”
“I think it’s something I probably put there. Another thing to regret, I suppose.”
“If you want to spend the rest of your life regretting that’s up to you. Personally, I don’t, which is one of the reason I came here—to confront my own issues.”
“Issues I caused?”
“Some, maybe. But also issues I allowed you to cause.”
“I never meant to do that.”
“But it’s so easy to lash out at the one closest to us, isn’t it? I know you never meant to hurt me, and I’m not holding it against you that you did. And that, Carter, is probably the biggest issue I’ve resolved since I’ve been here and witnessed how hard you’re trying to overcome your own issues. I know that it probably sounds more sentimental than you like, but I’m proud of you.”
“Actually, sometimes it’s good to hear that. Especially from the people you respect. Or, in your case, respect the most.”
Respect, not love. That was another of his issues, being hurt every time she was forced to come to terms with what Carter wanted from his life, and it was painfully obvious it wasn’t her. In time, she would get over it. Or at least, be able to put it away in a place she didn’t revisit. But until then, that little twinge of sadness still overtook her from time to time. “Well, the next thing you should hear is that it’s time to get started with Kevin’s trek into the wilderness. So, have you got all the medical supplies we might need packed?”
“I do. And I’ve probably overpacked, trying to think of every scenario that could happen.”
“He’s going to be fine, Carter. His own pulmonary specialist cleared him, you cleared him, and there’s really nothing to hold him back. Kevin and his family know the risks—all we have to do is make sure none of those risky situations happen.” She reached over and took hold of his hand and said, very tenderly, “This isn’t your brother. His condition isn’t like your brother’s was, and nor are his prevailing health issues. I know it’s hard to separate the two, but you have to keep yourself focused on Kevin’s needs and not your guilt over James.”
“I used to take him on little adventures. He was never able to walk—always too weak. And his wheelchair...it was so specialized it cost a fortune. My parents were always warning me I’d better not damage it, because they’d reached their insurance limit for durable medical equipment and didn’t have the money to buy him anything else. So one day—I was probably eight, making James six—I marched down to the hospital and told the receptionist I needed another wheelchair for my brother. That I wanted to fix one up so I could take him places outside the house.
“She just looked at me and said, ‘Young man, we’re not in the business of giving away medical equipment here. You’ll have to talk to your insurance provider.’ Well, it about broke my heart. because I had so many big plans for James. You can imagine how crestfallen I was when I left there. But before I got back through the doors an older man signaled me over and asked what I needed the chair for. I told him about James, and how I wanted him to experience things other kids did. As it turned out, he did the wheelchair repairs for the hospital, and in his shop he had dozens of chairs. People would donate them, and he’d hang on to them until he met a worthy cause.”
“You were a worthy cause?”
“Not me. James. Mr. Penrod had a small-sized chair that was perfect. He put some heavy-duty tires on it, and a couple other gadgets that would hold James upright—he never really had the musculature to sit up very long on his own. When it was done, Mr. Penrod dropped it off in his truck and from then on James didn’t get left out. Wherever I went with my friends, James went, too.
“Sure, he had to be on oxygen, but Mr. Penrod had built a cylinder-holder on the chair. And, sure, James had to be strapped in a certain way—with cross-body straps. But all my friends learned how to do that, and James was never excluded unless he was tired or not feeling well. And he was such fun. Nobody ever looked at him as that little brother who always tagged along, or that kid with the disability who slowed them down. That was the best part. James was included, and everybody wanted to include him. They didn’t do it because they had to.”
A glistening smile lit Carter’s eyes as tears ran down Sloane’s cheeks. “I would have liked to meet him,” she said, sniffling.
“He would have loved you. At least I’d like to imagine the adult James would have. Anyway... I’m going to go check the temperature, then make final arrangements with Cruz to spot us overhead.”
“Do you need me to go with you?” she asked, hoping he would say yes, but expecting him to turn her down.
“Not need so much as want.” He stood, then held out a hand to her.
When she stood, he pulled her into him, and for a moment they were so close, staring into each other’s eyes, it was like time was standing still. She expected what? A kiss? An embrace? But none of that happened, and she could see the change come over him. Going from desire to caution. So, she was the one who backed away. And she was the one who broke the spell that had almost come over them.
“On second thought, I think I’ll run up to my room and change my...socks.”
But, before she turned away, she did brush a light kiss to his lips. Not from habit this time, but from affection. Maybe they couldn’t share true intimacy again, but she wasn’t going to change her nature just to avoid her feelings. She loved Carter and she wasn’t against showing it.
“You do know you’re about to give a little boy the dream of his heart. It’s all good, Carter.” With that, she ran her thumb delicately over his lips, then sighed. “All good.”
* * *
By the time they were ready to start their hike down Little Swallow Canyon, at least two dozen people had gathered in the lobby to see them off. People here cared. Some of these were staying at the hotel, but others lived in Forgeburn. He recognized them and was grateful for their support.
“Anything else you need?” Matt McClain asked. He was one of the well-wishers, but because he was also owner of the medical practice, he’d supplied a good many of the medical things they were going to take.
“Nerves of steel,” Carter responded, his voice so quiet and concentrated, Matt could barely hear him. He held out his hands to Matt, to show how hard he was shaking.
“You’re in your element doing this,” Matt reassured him. “Live in the moment and have a great time.”
Yes. Live in the moment. That’s something he was doing a lot of these days. “I’ve spent the better part of the late afternoon walking up and down Dry River, trying to put together every scenario that could happen. So, I’m ready to have some fun with this. Thanks.”
Matt slapped him on the back. “Well, you’ve got Sloane, two rangers and Kevin’s parents on the ground. And Cruz has eyes in the sky, along with his dad and sister. So, you’re pretty well covered. Oh, and the rangers have closed that part of the trail until you get back. They don’t want people following along, or taking pictures. This is an important time for the Mallory family, and I don’t want it ruined by well-intentioned people who’ll simply get in the way. I hope you don’t mind my interference but I knew which strings to pull to get it all set up.”
“I appreciate it,” Carter said, staring outside as one of the rangers brought the little trail donkey up to the door.
It had special gear rigged for Kevin—mostly to hold him on the seat and keep him upright. It was quite like the chair Mr. Penrod had rigged for James, and when Carter realized that his hands stopped shaking. This trek was nothing more than what he’d done with his brother, and back then he’d never let the thought of dire consequences get in the way.”
“They’re on their way,” Sloane said, stepping up to Carter and slipping her hand around his waist. “Right now they’re trying to calm Kevin down, because if he gets much more excited than he already is—well, his breathing...”
“Don’t want to see that happen,” Carter said. He turned to face her. “I know we’ve got a lot muddy water under our bridge—or shall I say my bridge—and you have no idea how much I hate that. But I want to tell you that one of my counselors at The Recovery Project has talked to me about facing my fears head-on. He said if I can’t do that I’ll never fully come to terms with my life, such as it is.”
“I wish I knew more about what your life turned into after you left me, Carter. I do want to understand, because the man who’s about to do this amazing thing for a little boy is part of the Carter I remember, and not the one who got on his motorcycle and never looked back.”
“I looked back, Sloane. More than you’ll ever know. All I am now is the Carter who’s straddling a couple different lives. The first part of the program has taught me to see that very clearly. I’m neither one person or another. Eventually I’ll know, or maybe I won’t. For me, right now, it’s getting by day to day. I can’t set any goals other than moving along in my program, and I can’t allow myself to have hopes and dreams because that puts too much pressure on me. That’s my bottom line, Sloane. And it’s not a very pretty one—at least, not yet. But if you truly want to get to know me, that’s who I am...an aftermath, I suppose you could say. Anyway, here comes Kevin and his family, so I think it’s time to get on that trail.”
“Carter—one last thing before we go... The progress is there. Maybe you can’t see it yet, or it’s not the kind of progress you expected. You always have been a bigger-than-life kind of guy. But I see how hard you’re working, and while the changes might not be earth-shattering I can see them. I do wish I could have been the one to help you along, but that’s just me needing to be involved. All about me, not you. You’ve made an excellent choice with The Recovery Project and I’m so glad it’s helping you. That’s all I ever wanted.”
Without a thought, care or concern, Carter pulled Sloane into his arms and kissed her. It wasn’t a passionate kiss that would lead to more. But it was a familiar kiss. The one he’d always given her when she’d needed reassurance. The one she’d always given him when he’d needed comforting. And this kiss lasted a good long while, until Carter pulled back and whispered, “I think we’re being watched.”
Sloane opened her eyes, looked around her, and sure enough they were surrounded by people. In fact the rapt attention of the crowd was so single-focused she actually expected the people to break into applause. Bu, all they got were some oohs and ahs, which were quite enough for her and, judging from the scarlet stain creeping up Carter’s neck, enough for him, as well.
“So—let’s do it,” she said, stepping away from Carter and heading to the door, where, outside, the cutest little gray and tan donkey stood waiting.
“He’s the gentlest one we have,” the handler said to Sloane. “Sometimes we take him over to the children’s hospital in Piperidge for the kiddies there to ride. A couple of them have problems similar to Kevin’s, and Henry—my donkey—loves the attention. Don’t you, boy?” he asked as he patted the donkey’s rump.
“He looks perfect for Kevin.” Sloane turned just in time to see Kevin’s parents wheel him out through the door. “And, judging from the look on Kevin’s face I’d say he thinks so too.”
“OK,” Carter said, stepping up to Kevin. “We’ve gone over how this is going to work. I’ll put you up from the left side, with some help from a ranger, while your dad fastens you in from the right. Try not to move until we get you situated—and that includes getting a helmet on you.”
“Do I have to wear it?” Kevin asked. “It looks heavy.”
“It has communication gear in it. You can talk to me anytime and I’ll hear what you’re saying. Just like I can talk to you anytime. So if you feel funny, get scared, need a drink of water, want me to hook you up to your oxygen—anything—tell me. Is that a deal?” he asked the boy.
“Deal,” Kevin said, sticking out his hand to shake on it. “As long as you take lots of pictures.”
Carter looked around, and saw that everyone there, except for Kevin himself, had either a phone or a camera ready to shoot. And as they got the boy hoisted up on Henry’s back at least two dozen photos were clicked off.
He wished he’d done that with James—captured some of those memories—because in time memories faded, or took on different shades and shapes.
“Well, then...”
Carter hoisted his pack over his back. It was heavier that the pack he usually carried, and he knew that Sloane’s pack was equally heavy. But it was a momentous day in a young life, and none of that mattered. Kevin was about to have the adventure of his life.
“Let’s hit the trail.”
He put on his own communication helmet, and they were on their way.
The trail head wasn’t too far, but they took it slow and easy, to allow Kevin to get the feel for riding Henry. And, just as Carter had expected, the jubilant crowd of onlookers followed them for the first little way.
By the time they reached the trail head most of them had dropped away—probably to get themselves ready to welcome Kevin back, which would be in about an hour.
The rangers led the donkey, followed by Kevin’s parents, who flanked Henry’s sides. Then, bringing up the rear, were Carter and Sloane. They were keeping themselves a fair distance back, because their desire here was to make this outing as normal as they were able to. Dragging two doctors along wasn’t normal, so they stayed back, taking pictures of the vegetation, and the little lizards that would dart out of the rocks, get scared and dart right back in, and the lazy hawks circling overhead, looking for a tasty tidbit to sustain them through the rest of the day.
Even though it was heading into the evening, the sky was still so blue it was breathtaking. Every now and then they would head the rotors of Cruz’s helicopter in the distance, but he never got close enough to be intrusive. For being the Los Angeles boy that he was, Carter was beginning to find some sense of purpose here in Forgeburn, and it had a lot more to do with an ideal than looking at it as his last chance. Here, he was needed. He was useful. And, he was wanted. Being in Forgeburn gave him a whole unique perspective on how to solve his problems. Or, at least, how to approach them. And this is where he wanted to be. No vacillating on the decision. He was good here. Felt good. Even felt some optimism for the first time since he’d been injured. His program had a two-month level two that he could be facing any time, then after that, a third level. Overall, he was into it for another six months, and after that—
“You’re looking serious,” Sloane said. “Anything you care to talk about?”
Carter glanced at her, then smiled. “Want to pose for me? That rock up ahead would be a good spot, if you don’t mind climbing up on it.”
“Since when have I ever backed away from a little old rock?”
She hurried to get out in front, then scaled the boulder with all the skill of a professional.
“So, how do you want me?” she called down to him. “In a victory position, hands on my hips, surveying my vast domain? Or something a little more provocative? Maybe stretching out on the rock, being interactive with it?”
“Whatever feels natural,” he called out as he approached her.
“Then this...”
She simply stood there, hands clasped in front of her, a big smile on her face. She left her cap on, left her pon
ytail as it was, and waved to the Mallorys who, while only a hundred feet ahead, seemed as if they were in another universe, and this universe was only for Carter and her.
“Snap away.”
“Already did,” he said, laughing. “I have a fully documented photo file of your journey up the rock, up to and including finding your perfect position.”
Sloane’s response to that was to pull out her phone and snap a few photos of Carter. He photographed well. Much better than her. Always had.
“So, can I come back down now?”
“If we want to stay caught up to Kevin.”
She looked at the boy, then back at Carter. “He’s leaning a little too hard to the right to suit me. I think we need to take a break—get him straightened in his saddle, take his vitals, maybe make sure he’s been drinking.”
She scaled down the rock, then pulled a bottle of cold water from her ice pack.
“Just precautionary,” she said, handing the water to Carter, who ran on ahead and stopped Kevin for a few minutes.
“He’s a little bit warm,” Carter said as Sloane caught up. “Lungs are good. Pulse is steady. I say we keep going once he’s had some water and a protein snack I brought just to bolster him if he needed it.”
To be honest, he didn’t know if they did a damn thing to help. But James had always taken one along, and he’d truly believed they raised his stamina. So with Kevin it only stood to reason that if they did help it was a good thing he’d brought a few bars along. And if they didn’t help maybe the placebo effect would work.
Either way, the break was necessary, because his back was starting to ache again, and Kevin did need a little down time. So, they rested for fifteen minutes, then started again, but this time with Carter walking next to Kevin, steadying himself on the donkey’s rump, and pointing out various rock formations, little animals that darted away, and all the other things associated with the desert.
