by Dianne Drake
“We do. It’s a woman. About your age. Well-educated. A doctor, in fact.”
Carter swallowed hard. “And the match? How close was it?”
“It was a perfect match in all three categories. Blood type was perfect—both you and your donor were type B. I know that’s a little bit rare, but you got lucky. The cross-match was perfect as well. And the HLA testing came out just fine. As far as a match goes, you couldn’t have done any better.”
“When?” he asked. “When did this all happen?
“Late yesterday—a few hours after they got you to the hospital. You were unconscious, because your kidney had bled quite a bit, so the surgery took a while longer than it normally would have. But they put you in intensive care overnight, then brought you up here to this room a few hours ago. Your vitals are stable, your incision is good—everything either of us would want to see in our surgical patients.”
“And how long have you been here?”
“I flew in with you and haven’t left.”
“You didn’t have to stay.”
“Actually, I did. The doctors here wouldn’t let me go. Although I will say it was difficult, persuading them to put a man and a woman in the same room. But after I explained how we’d lived together for so many years, and seeing that it was my kidney you were getting...”
“Stop! Did you say your kidney?”
“My kidney. Back in Germany, when they removed your first one and told me your second kidney could be living on borrowed time, I had myself tested as a donor just in case it ever came to that.”
“And you never told me?”
“I intended to at some point, but the relationship turned so bad it never seemed like the right time. Then, when you left me—well, let’s just say that I wasn’t giving it a lot of thought because there were other more important things on my mind.”
“Why, Sloane? Why would you do something like that? Especially with the way I treated you?”
“Love is bigger than any illness, Carter. You don’t just stop loving someone because they’re ill. Sometimes I thought I didn’t love you, but it never really sank in because I knew all along that nothing about the way I felt for you was different. I loved you that very first day and I never stopped. We did get misdirected. But that’s fixable. The thing is, I think we both fell into that trap of thinking that hiding the truth from each other was a good way to protect them. But it’s not that way. Hiding the truth only hurts more when it’s revealed. And eventually most truths are revealed.
“I should have told you that I would be the one stepping forward should you ever need a transplant, but I didn’t because I was afraid that if you knew that it would change who we were. And you should have told me how your brother has affected your life in so many ways. It would have made a difference in the way I perceived you.”
“And you gave me a kidney?”
“You always were difficult to shop for...and you do have a birthday coming up in a few days.”
“Don’t joke about this, Sloane. You gave up a kidney. Do you know what that means?”
“In terms of recovery time—a few weeks.”
“In terms of your life, Sloane. In terms of your life.”
“It means she loves you more than she loves herself, you idiot,” Matt McClain said as he entered the room. “I tried talking her out of it, but the lady is stubborn. She wouldn’t listen to me. Wouldn’t listen to her dad, either.”
“He’s here, too?” Carter asked.
“At the hotel right now. But he’ll be here in a little while.” Matt pulled a chair in between the two hospital beds and sat down. “I can only stay a couple minutes, because Cruz needs to get back. But just listen to this—both of you. Sloane, you’re an idiot for hanging on to this man. He’s put you through hell and you don’t deserve that. And, Carter, you’re just an idiot, period. Walking away from the best thing you’ll ever have in your life... If there’s a word stronger than idiot, that’s what you are. I love you both, and you know that. But you’ve got to do better. Because if Carter is going to stay here and continue his practice—and God only knows why the people of Forgeburn want that, but they do—that means Sloane’s going to stay here, too, so you’re going to have to face up to your problems, then deal with them. So, Sloane, tell the man what you want to say. And, Carter, listen to her. That’s all I’ve got to say.”
With that, he stood up, scooted the chair back, and headed for the door.
“Ellie’s made up the guestroom for when you get out of here. One guestroom. We expect you’ll be staying with us for a while, until you’re stronger. And, Carter, you still owe me that motorcycle ride into the canyons.”
Matt smiled as he left the room.
“It’s going to work out,” he told Harlan Manning as they passed in the hall. “They’ve got an awful lot of obstacles right now, but when they come to their senses and figure out they’re still together they’ll be fine. In the meantime, I think they need some time alone. Care to follow me home? Ellie’s fixing enchiladas and Spanish rice tonight.”
“Sounds good to me,” Harlan said. “But are you sure about Sloane and Carter?”
“I told them they were both idiots. What more is there to say?”
* * *
“Now what?” Sloane asked. “We’ve been avoiding each other for so long I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Is this where we’re supposed to embrace and tell each other everything’s going to be all right? Because it won’t be, Sloane. I may have a new lease on my physical life, but that has nothing to do with—with the reason I left you in the first place.”
“Which is?” she asked, desperately wishing they could embrace.
“I couldn’t hurt you anymore. I saw it happen over and over. Saw you brace yourself to take it on the chin, then get back up and take it again. And I saw you crying, Sloane. That was the worst of it. I made you cry so many times.”
“It wasn’t easy, Carter. Never knowing when something would trigger you. Never knowing when I’d have the real you or have to deal with your PTSD. But I coped. And I tried to help.”
“I know that. I could always see it, even when I was in panic or rage mode. I always saw what it was doing to you, but I couldn’t control it. It was like someone else was taking me over. Someone I couldn’t control. And it scared me. Still does. Which is why I left. Not because I didn’t love you. But because I loved you too much. More than my own life. Sloane, I always have. Always will.”
“But you’re getting through it, Carter. I called your counselor and told her what had happened, and she told me how hard you’re working. They’re very optimistic for you, and they’ll hold your spot open in the next phase of the program until you’re physically able to participate in it.”
“Thank you,” he said. “Thank you for everything you’ve done, even when I wasn’t being very appreciative.”
“That’s what you do for your other half, Carter, and you’ve been my other half since the day we met. And even when you left me.”
“I saw how I couldn’t live up to the man I used to be, and I knew you wanted him back. After a while I figured you were staying out of pity, and that was the worst—thinking you had going from loving me to pitying me. You needed better than anything I could give you or would ever be able to give you.”
“You didn’t think your love was enough?” Sloane asked.
“For you, Sloane, I didn’t think anything about me was enough.”
“I’ve never stopped loving you, Carter. You’ve been difficult, but my love has been unconditional through everything. Because when you weren’t difficult you were the Carter I fell in love with. I could always see him, even when you couldn’t. And I always believed in him. So, how did we get here, Carter? Loving someone shouldn’t be done in fear. But that’s all we’ve had for the last year. I remember the night before you shipped out
to Afghanistan, when we talked for hours, made promises. The promise I remember the most was that no matter what happened while you were gone it wouldn’t tear us apart. That you’d come home to me and I’d wait for you. But that didn’t happen. You never came home to me.”
“It’s hard losing yourself, Sloane. But what’s harder is losing yourself and then getting occasional glimpses of who you are only to have them ripped away from you.”
“And you couldn’t tell me this?”
“I couldn’t tell you anything, because to have done so would have meant it was true, and I didn’t want it to be true. I wanted to be me, Sloane. I wanted to come back home to the life we had. But I didn’t get any of that, and all I had left was a pretty good way to block it out of my mind or deny it when I couldn’t. To admit it made it real, and I just couldn’t face anything else. Not by myself. And yes, I wanted to talk to you about so many things, including the deterioration in my physical health—my backaches, my lethargy—but that would have dragged you in to it more than you deserved. So, I lied about it to you, and even to myself. And with all that, there was still my PTSD to consider.” He shrugged. “I’m overwhelmed right now, Sloane. There’s so much to deal with and I’m afraid of getting lost or taking the wrong direction again.”
Finally the tears came, but Sloane didn’t say anything for a few moments as she took in everything he was telling her. He was scared, she was scared. Yet instead of letting that fear bring them closer together, they’d let it separate them. But maybe they had needed to get here this way, to understand better how love could last through battles.
And love did last. Hers had.
“We’re stronger together than we are apart, Carter. That was never addressed in any of the therapy you received when we were still togetehr. In fact, I think it was overlooked in pretty much everything I read. But the fact is you and I may fall into someone’s statistical category for the bad things that happen when someone you love suffers from PTSD, but there is no statistical category for the good things. And we are the good things. What we were, what we had and still have...”
Sloane shut off her IV, removed the catheter from her vein, then slipped out of her bed and into bed next to Carter. It was a tight fit, but a good fit, especially when he pulled her into his arms and held her.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered.
Carter nodded toward one of his IV bags. “I’m covered. But you’re not, Sloane. Not in the whole scheme of things.”
“Do you love me?” she asked him.
“Of course I do. I’ve never stopped.”
“Do you trust me?”
“I always have.”
“Will you take care of me?”
“I’ve always tried. And I’ll never stop trying.”
“Then I’m covered.” She leaned up and brushed a light kiss on his lips. “Besides, I made a pretty hefty investment in you yesterday. I think I should stick around and see how that investment pays off.”
“Why did you do it?” he asked.
“Would you have done the same for me?”
“I would give my life for you, Sloane. From that first day we met nothing about that has changed.”
“And I would do the same. But luckily all you needed was a kidney. As they say, easy-peasy.”
And it had been. The instant Sloane had known Carter would lose his only kidney she’d stepped up. No hesitation, no fear. All she’d known was that the man she loved needed something she could give him, so how could she not?
“I’m beginning to remember why I fell so hard for you, so fast,” he said, holding on to her as tight as he could, considering his condition.
“Because I’m a catch. I may not always get it right, but when I do it turns out brilliantly.”
“As in...?”
“Us. You and me. Carter Holmes and Sloane Manning—meant to be.”
“Even in Forgeburn?”
“Even in Forgeburn!”
EPILOGUE
“I’M GOING TO miss this place,” Sloane said, settling into Carter’s arms, on the porch swing. “It’s so peaceful here. And all those baby bears...”
“Sounds like someone’s got a mommy craving.”
“Well, I’m not getting any younger...”
Carter chuckled. “We could always bump up the plan. You know how I feel about starting a family.”
“But we’ve broken ground on the hospital already, and you’ve got all your licenses in line to start your new PTSD program. All that besides our medical practice. Are you going to be OK, Sloane, as a GP? Because the world’s losing one of its great heart surgeons.”
“I’ve been tucked up here in the mountains off and on for the past six months with you and nobody’s even noticed I was gone.”
She’d gone with Carter to the second part of his recovery program and taken advantage of the support offered for families and other loved ones. Occasionally, she’d gone back to Los Angeles, or Forgeburn, to work on their future together—the one where they would build a small, but much needed hospital in Forgeburn. But even a day or two away from him had been tough on her.
But, she’d come to Tennessee to stay on through the third part of his program because what she realized was the help was always there if she wanted it. And she wanted it and needed it almost as much as Carter did. Because she had finally come to understand that she needed it if she and Carter were to make a go of their relationship.
They had to be on the same side, fighting the same battle together, and most of all always knowing what was going on with the other one. There wasn’t an easy fix, but with the support of The Recovery Project and other groups like it she was positive she and Carter would make it. There was too much love between them to let their relationship fail.
“Sounds like we’re going to be busy.”
“Which is why I’d like to buy a cabin up here somewhere, for when we get overwhelmed. Which, by the way, will be in about seven months.”
“Seriously?” Carter asked, pulling her T-shirt up to look at her belly.
“Nothing showing. Just took the test the morning.”
“So we’re expanding in all directions!”
“That seems to be the case. So, are you happy that I bumped up our plan?”
It hadn’t been intentional, but it was meant to be. A family of three, or more. It was a promising future, and an exciting one.
Carter grinned and pulled her even tighter. The rusting chain on the porch swing gave a little, with some creaks and groans, but like Carter and Sloane it wasn’t about to give up.
“I think I may have had something to do with bumping up the plan.”
“Could be...” she said.
She’d come to love the lazy evenings here. They had their own cabin, and while it wasn’t secluded from the rest of the program’s facilities it was far enough away that it felt like they were in a world all their own.
Tonight was especially beautiful, with the pink glow over the mountains, the darker blues above it, the lazy call of a hawk out on its evening routine.
For a little while it had been a perfect world for the two of them, and she was going to miss it. But Carter was through his program now, and it was time to get back to real life—which would be hectic and unpredictable and just as beautiful as life here had been.
Sloane laid Carter’s hand on her belly. “If it’s a girl I think we should name her after your first cub—Buttercup. And if it’s a boy we’ll name him after your second cub—Napoleon,” she said with a grin.
She was so glad Carter was seeing more days of calmness and less of turmoil. And while the next part of their life might be a challenge for him, he wasn’t alone in his struggles. He had Matt and Ellie, and Cruz—everybody in Forgeburn. And most of all he had her, and their baby-on-the-way.
PTSD might try to take over, but it was
n’t going to win because Carter was one of the lucky ones. He was loved. So loved.
“Care to dance?” Sloane asked him.
And they did. On the pine needles. On the top of the mountain. In the glow of the setting sun.
* * * * *
If you enjoyed this story, check out these other great reads from Dianne Drake
Bachelor Doc, Unexpected Dad
Healing Her Boss’s Heart
Reunited with Her Army Doc
Saved by Doctor Dreamy
All available now!
Keep reading for an excerpt from Reunited with Her Brooding Surgeon by Emily Forbes.
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