by Mia Kayla
Chestnut eyes bore down at me, and it sent that butterfly feeling from my chest to the pit of my stomach.
I wanted to ask him what he was confused about, so we could sort it out together.
I wanted to ask him what he was doing.
What are we doing?
Why do you look at me that way?
When you do, why do I feel the way I do?
In our old relationship, I could have asked him just that. I could have said, What the heck is going on?
But we had crossed some invisible line, and I didn’t feel comfortable asking him what I honestly wanted to ask him anymore.
“I just want this whole thing planned, done, and over, okay?”
I wanted to move forward, and once it was over, maybe we could get back to where we had been before—before all the lines had blurred and turned gray.
He nodded his head in reply. “Okay.”
And so, it began. We were meeting with the wedding planner and his mother in Barrington. I put it in my head that I’d get through this, and now that I knew there was an end date in sight, it was easier to trudge through the day.
When we walked through the door, shopping bags were lined by the stairs.
Karen greeted us as we approached. “I’m getting excited,” she said, her eyes lighting up.
Kent glanced at his mother and a small smirk displayed on his face. “Mother, what did you buy? Did you buy all of Neiman?”
“Well,” she said softly as a shy smile crept up her face, “Neiman, Saks, and Barneys.” She took hold of each of our hands and tugged us toward the staircase where bags were scattered on the marbled floor. “I know we haven’t talked about it yet, but I was thinking peach. Do you think peach is a fun color? Of course, it’s your choice, but I just wanted to show you everything. It’s better if you get a visual. Look,” she said, rambling on.
I scoped what was visible inside, and everything peach-colored—from candles to napkins to tablecloths to glass hurricanes, and imitation flowers—filled the bags. The color was not a pretty light peach. It was more of an ugly bright, almost neon, peach and I had to keep my facial features steady to hide my distaste.
“Mother, isn’t this the wedding planner’s job? And don’t we rent most of these items?” Kent chuckled.
“Oh, I know, but I figured we could use some for the wedding shower and donate what we don’t use to charity.” She reached into a Barneys bag and lifted up a peach silk nightgown, holding it by its thin straps. “Look. I thought it would be perfect for your first night together.”
She gave us a look, and I flushed at her comment.
Kent leaned in behind me, and his warm breath tickled the back of my neck. “Don’t worry. She’s not on something. This is her natural high. This is how Mother gets when she’s excited,” he whispered.
“So, what do you think?” Karen’s eyes were shining. “Everything is returnable,” she stated when I didn’t answer right away. She glanced at the bags in front of us. “Maybe I did go a little overboard.”
I smiled at this sweet woman, bursting in joy over her son’s wedding. I didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth. “I love it. Peach is my favorite color.”
She clasped her hands together and practically jumped on me. “Oh, I think it will look perfect. It is such a young, fun color. It doesn’t fit me, but it fits you perfectly. I can’t wait to show Mary.” She released me and rummaged through her purchases.
“Mary is the wedding planner,” Kent said, taking my hand. He brushed a lock of hair away from my face. “Thank you,” he whispered as his mother scattered about.
“Wait till I tell Kendy that she’s wearing peach. It will be worth it.”
I let him lead me into the family room. He pulled me to sit next to him in front of the TV, grabbed the remote with his free hand and flipped the channel to the news. I felt warmth where our thighs touched, and I cursed the butterflies in my stomach that were back.
“Kent…” I said.
When he turned toward my direction, everything came flying out all at once. “I don’t want a shower or a bachelorette party. I don’t care what we do, but I don’t want this long, drawn-out process. I want to get married and divorced, okay? That’s all. The end.”
“Okay,” he said, as his eyebrows pulled together.
“I know your mom is excited, and I don’t want to be the one to let her down. So, you tell her, okay? You set the expectations,” I continued.
“So, she’s being the monster-in-law already?”
“No, I just want this to be as painless as possible.” I wanted everything back to how it had been between us.
The doorbell rang, and I jumped. He placed his hand on my leg to calm me.
I widened my eyes at him when I heard a woman’s nasally voice greeting Karen down the hall. Her voice was getting annoyingly louder and closer to the family room.
When they entered the room, the wedding planner’s eyes locked on mine. She was studying me from the top of my head to what I was wearing to the color of my socks. She must have been in her early forties. A silver clip held her low ponytail, and her black skirt suit reminded me of a scary teacher in designer clothing. Thin black-rimmed glasses sat at the tip of her nose, and I swore, all she needed was a ruler.
I slid closer to Kent, and as he sensed my uneasiness, he squeezed my knee to placate me, silently telling me things would be all right.
“Beth and Kent, this is Mary. She’s our wedding planner. How exciting is this?” Karen was almost jumping from her delight. “She has over twenty years of experience, and she is the top wedding planner and owner of One Fine Day,” Karen said, clasping her hands together.
I stood up at attention, and Kent stood beside me. While Mary analyzed me, observing me through her glasses, my palms began to sweat.
“Hi,” I said, breaking the silence, sporting a forced smile on my face. I stuck out my hand awkwardly to greet her.
She stared at me and then to my outstretched hand for a second before an eerie smile popped up on her face. She was scary. Her teeth were the straightest and whitest teeth I’d ever seen. Kent stepped in front of me to act as a barrier between the wedding planner and me. I silently thanked the heavens above that I had him.
“I’m Kent, the son and fiancé,” he said, giving her his fake smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “We’re very excited that you have availability to take us on. How lovely.”
He studied her just as she had studied me earlier. She shifted her weight, and the confidence she’d had seconds ago was no longer present. It was times like these that I really loved the overly confident, cocky Kent.
“Regarding this wedding, Beth and I work a little differently. Just so you know, she’s the boss in our relationship, but I’m the leader when it comes to the planning. I’ve been dreaming of this day ever since I was a little boy playing with my Barbies.”
I looked to Karen, and her mouth slipped slightly ajar at his words.
“That being said, I will have the executive decision on all—from venue to cake to centerpieces. My sweet buttercup over here has allowed me to take the lead as she knows I’m into the details.” He pulled me closer to his side. “I’m a metrosexual male, so she says, and details do matter to me. But she would like to choose her flowers, shoes, and dress. All else, you direct your questions to me or my mother.”
At Kent’s tone, Mary’s demeanor changed. She was not standing as straight as she had been earlier. I wanted to reach over and give Kent a high five, right in front of her.
“This wedding is to be planned in one month and not one day past that,” he added.
“One month?” Karen and Mary asked in unison.
Kent softened his voice as he addressed his mom, “Mother, I don’t want to wait any longer. I love her. One month is plenty of time to plan.”
“A month is not a very long time to plan such an extravagant event as this,” Mary said, lifting her nose to him. Her expectant eyes looked to Karen for concurrence.<
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“Mother, I can’t wait longer than a month. If you want me to tell Mary about the details and the real reason I want to marry Beth quickly, I can.”
I grabbed his arm. “No!” I warned, an undercurrent in my tone.
Karen put her hand on her head and conceded. “Sorry, Mary. This has to be planned within the month.”
Mary cast Kent a look, and I was glad he hadn’t seen it because I didn’t want any more drama to occur.
“Noted,” she said, moving toward the door. “I will need to get a few things from the car. Excuse me.”
When she walked stiffly out of the room, Kent wrapped an arm around his mom. “Thanks, Mother,” he said, as he kissed her on her forehead.
“Barbies, Kent?” She gave him a look of incredulity.
“Mother, that woman is too much to stomach.” He grabbed my hand and started to lead me out of the room. “In all seriousness, Beth has allowed me full rein on the plans, and being the good son that I am, I’m allowing you full planning rights.”
As we rounded the corner, I briefly caught Karen’s face—wide-eyed and a cheeky grin of delight. I’d never seen her so happy.
Walking home after work, I once again found Brian leaning against the exterior glass door as I approached my apartment. His baseball cap was tipped low as he kicked a stone on the ground. I wanted to walk past him, enter the building, and pretend he wasn’t there, but I couldn’t. All those things he’d said in the elevator were true. He was the one who had gotten hurt.
“Hey,” he said, peering at me from underneath his cap. “I’m leaving today.”
“I know.” I stopped a few feet away from him.
When Caroline had asked me to go to his going-away party, I’d made up the lamest excuse of having already committed to a charity event with the Placks. In reality, I had gone home and watched TV all night. I’d known he wouldn’t want me to be there, and if anything, I had been too ashamed to go.
He tipped back his hat. “Listen, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”
“Brian, don’t—”
“No, I shouldn’t have said those things back in the elevator. I didn’t mean it.” He took his cap off and scratched his head. “I was just angry, but being angry isn’t going to get me anywhere.” He shook his head. “I guess I just wanted to say I’m sorry, and I wanted to say good-bye before I left. I didn’t want to leave on bad terms.”
I looked at my shoes and focused on the ground as everything he’d said in the elevator rushed back to hit me. “I’m the one who’s sorry. You were right. I was the selfish one.” I met his eyes. “I never cheated on you. You have to believe that. When I was with you, I was only with you. I’m sorry I had to drag you into all of this. You have to know, I never meant to hurt you on purpose.” I looked to my hands. “I just wanted to keep the perfect boyfriend and the best friend and be debt free. I was the selfish one. For once, I just wanted it all. It’s okay to be angry with me. I get it.”
“Beth, I didn’t come here to make you feel guilty.”
“I know.”
“In the end, I know that even if I waited, it still wouldn’t be enough.”
I shook my head, but he held up his hand to stop me from speaking. “I could have tried all I wanted, and I could have moved heaven and earth, but you can never force someone to fall in love with you. It doesn’t happen that way. Love just happens. In the end, I wasn’t enough.”
“That’s so not it. You’re more than enough,” I said. “You’re everything any girl could ever wish for. You’re perfect.”
“Not perfect enough,” he said, giving me a small smile.
“No, Bri—”
He gripped my hand and pulled me into an embrace. “Take care of yourself, Beth.”
I closed my eyes and relaxed in his arms, taking in his musky scent for the very last time. “You’re going to do great in New York.”
“I know,” he said.
I laughed.
“If I could only have the luck I have at work with relationships, I’d be golden.”
“Brian…” I said, sighing into his shoulder.
“I’m just kidding.” He released me and gave me one small peck on the top of my head. “Good-bye, Miss Bethany Casse.”
I watched him walk across the street until he was a stick figure among the crowd.
And he never looked back.
Biting my pinkie nail, I sat and took in the display of couture wedding dresses in front of me. Headless full-body mannequins were draped in elegant gowns surrounding the reception area of Neiman Marcus’s bridal salon.
I glanced down to my typical loungewear of jeans and gym shoes. I wished I’d dressed up more for the consultant to notice me. The tall blonde with the sleek long hair didn’t glance my way. I’d been sitting here for twenty minutes, waiting for Mrs. Plack. I was surprised that the bridal consultant hadn’t asked me if I wanted to look around.
My phone vibrated beside me, and I reached in my purse. Kent’s name flashed against the screen right before I picked it up.
“Hey, Mother is running late. She just called my cell. She’s just about there. Are you excited?”
“I’m excited to spend the day with her, but I’m not excited to go wedding shopping,” I said, pouting at the phone.
“You’re supposed to be happy. Play the part. Mother is thrilled to spend the whole day doing what girls do best—shop till they drop.” I could sense his smile on the phone. “Well, try at least. She’s ecstatic that she gets to spend time with you.”
I glanced at the blonde-haired consultant in front of me and the row of couture dresses and sighed. “Fine, I’ll fake it till I make it,” I said, still pouting.
“Beth, thank you. I’m forever indebted to you.”
“Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure.” I ended the call just after I heard him chuckle.
Karen Plack sauntered toward me, giving me one of her warmest smiles. She enveloped me in a bear hug, and I took in her sweet scent of apples and cinnamon, everything a mother should smell of—not alcohol and cigarettes, like my mother.
She released me and held me at arm’s length. “Beth, are you ready to shop for that perfect dress?” she asked, her eyes alight.
“Am I ever,” I replied a little louder than expected.
The blonde-bobbed bridal consultant greeted Mrs. Plack immediately. Shaking her hand firmly, she said, “Welcome to Nieman Marcus. We are so glad you came in to visit us today. I’m Crystal Kensington, and I will be assisting you in finding that perfect wedding gown.”
The inflection of her voice annoyed me, and the fact that she hadn’t acknowledged me earlier annoyed me more. It was most likely because, although Karen never tried, she looked like money with her cashmere sweater, Chanel purse, and the big rock on her finger. I looked like the help in my comfortable clothing of jeans and a light sweater. I’d already been warned that today was shop-till-I-drop day with the future mother-in-law, so I’d automatically dressed for comfort.
“Oh, lovely,” Karen said, clasping her hands together. She wrapped one arm around me and held me close. “This is the beautiful bride-to-be, Beth Casse. Today is her day. I want to make sure she gets everything she wants.”
Only then did Crystal Kensington glance my way to give me her fake smile. “Beth, nice to meet you,” she said, taking my hand.
I caught her glancing at Kent’s largely obnoxious engagement ring on my finger before she took in my appearance. “Let’s move this way, shall we?”
She led us through the hall and to an open-spaced area lined with rows and rows of bridal gowns. “I’m sure we’ll find you what you need. We hold accounts with every top-end designer, and we have the latest gowns from this year’s wedding season.”
We followed her as she continued to walk down the row of gowns. “We have the latest styles with fabrics imported from Europe—duchess satin, iridescent taffeta, organza, chiffon, beaded silks. We have it all,” she boasted, running her hand against the gowns as she strolled down the aisle.
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As her high-pitched voice continued to echo through the room, I felt my anxiety rising and the queasiness in my stomach climbing to my throat. It was too much to take in, and I slowly trailed behind them.
“Beth?” Karen asked, turning around, realizing I’d fallen behind. She walked toward me, her face etched with concern.
“I’m sorry. What was that?” I asked, not hearing her. I gave her a small smile and tried to recall what she’d just said.
“Will Kendy be getting her dress here?” Karen asked, giving my hand a squeeze. “Are you okay, honey? You don’t look well.”
Maybe my smile looked a little pained.
“I haven’t discussed details with Kendy, but when I saw her at the party, I just told her to get a dress at home,” I said.
Crystal made a face at my comment, and my annoyance jumped up a notch at this snooty bridal consultant that had barely even spoken a word to me. I was already not feeling well.
“Karen, there’s also this other place down the street I want to try after this.”
“Whatever you want, honey. This is your day.”
Crystal stood at attention as my words sank in. She gave me her winning smile as she sensed her commission slipping through her fingers. “Ms. Casse, we do carry the most designers. Let’s try on some dresses, shall we?”
Mirrors surrounded me as I was elevated on a circular step in the dressing room that was as big as my apartment. The Monique Lhuillier wedding gown clung to my body tightly from my bust to my waist and flared to a Cinderella-style organza skirt accented with pickups. I couldn’t breathe as every time I exhaled my rib cage pushed against the bodice of the dress.
Through the mirror, I noticed Mrs. Plack’s smile, displayed full of awe. It seemed as if she might cry, and I thought I might too, but not for the same reason. I tugged the piece of white paper attached to the dress I was wearing, and my eyes widened at the fifteen-thousand-dollar price tag. I dropped the paper as if I’d been burned, and I couldn’t prevent my jaw from dropping as I thought of what other useful purchases could have been made with that kind of money.
“Honey, don’t look at the price tag. Jack and I have been looking forward to this day. Please don’t be shy. I want everything to be wonderful,” she said, searching my face. “Don’t let the money stop you from getting what you want.”
