by Russo, Jessa
“I’m sorry, Ever. I know that must be hard for you to see. It’s only been a few months since your dad—”
“Oh, well. Moving on, right? Out with the old!”
“I know you don’t mean that.”
“I know.”
“Let’s watch a movie, want to?”
“Sure.” I welcomed the change of subject, as well as the lack of talking that a movie would provide. I knew what I’d seen between my mom and Ted, knew how naturally they fit together even after all this time, and even after she’d loved my dad for so long, but that didn’t mean I was ready to accept it, or even acknowledge it any more than I already had. It was all just too much. And too weird.
Weird like being holed up in a hotel room with my ex-boyfriend. Whom I’d just kissed today.
Twice.
Moving on!
Toby selected a fairly new movie—one of those “still in theaters” choices that you know is still in, like, one small theater somewhere in BFE Texas, just so they can get away with calling it that and charging people more. When the movie began, Toby went to his duffle, pulling off his shirt and then folding it up and placing it on top of his bag. He grabbed his toothbrush and headed for the bathroom, never looking at me again, which thankfully kept him from seeing my no doubt bright red cheeks.
Holy cow, that boy is in shape.
When he walked out of the bathroom a few moments later, I kept my eyes focused on the screen. I had no idea what the actors were saying or doing, and if Toby asked me what he’d missed, I’d have absolutely nothing to tell him. I was too busy being frozen in place since I’d watched him remove his shirt, secretly observing each muscle in his torso stretch and pull as he did so.
He walked in front of the television once, twice, making focusing on the movie even more challenging. When he passed by a third time, I looked up to find him smirking. He’s doing this on purpose! I rolled my eyes, then brought my gaze back to the screen. I wouldn’t let him get a reaction out of me, cocky bastard.
He slid under the covers of his double bed, still shirtless. I ignored him completely. If completely meant ignoring him while thinking of nothing but him and his half-nakedness under the sheets.
Holy hell.
As we lay there in our matching double beds, ugly floral comforters and all, I was acutely aware of Toby’s presence, and completely unaware of what was going on in the movie he’d just paid $9.95 to watch. As I occasionally snuck sideways glances at him, I tried to ignore the fact that I could imagine exactly the place on his hips where his low-slung jeans rested, as well as the image I could perfectly picture of the v-shaped muscle extending from that very place where his jeans met his waist.
Yeah, I could ignore all that. No problem.
“You should pay attention to the movie,” he said. “You might miss something.”
Oh hell. I’d been staring at him and he’d caught me. He kept his eyes glued to the screen, and that damn smirk glued to his pretty face.
“You can come over here and watch the movie with me, if you’d like.”
He still hadn’t looked over at me, and his lips twitched as if this was the funniest thing ever. My mouth twitched too, but not because I was going to laugh. I was half-tempted to call him names and was just about to when he lifted that damn sheet and patted the bed next to him. Sure enough, his jeans were resting exactly where I’d pictured them, the top button undone.
“I’m fine where I am, thanks.”
I turned back to the television—Gah! What are we even watching?—and tried to pretend I wasn’t completely frazzled by this whole situation. And, seriously, what the hell? I was supposed to be running for my life. I should have been terrified! Not blushing like a silly girl and unable to focus on anything but my ex-boyfriend lying casually in the bed next to mine.
“Suit yourself,” he said.
His bed creaked under his weight as he moved. The covers rustled as he pushed them off and stood. I closed my eyes…as if that would make him not do what he was about to do.
“Scootch.”
No no no no no.
He lifted the bedding and climbed into bed with me, even though I hadn’t even moved to make room for him. He had some nerve!
“You’re not going to make room, are you?”
I didn’t say anything. I must have looked quite foolish, standing my ground with my freaking eyes squeezed shut.
The bed bowed under the weight of him and I clenched my teeth, squeezing my eyes shut harder. Make it stop!
“Are you going to open your eyes, at least?”
Oh hell. Fine.
He was right there, though why I was shocked by that I have no idea, since the bed was only a little bit bigger than a twin, and I’d felt him slide in next to me. I scooted over to make more room for him, a bit reluctantly, of course.
I was doing as well with reluctance as I had been with ignoring Toby.
He smiled at me and lifted his arm so I could slide under it. About eight thousand different warning bells went off in my brain at once, beeping alarms, screeching tires, flashing lights, but I scooted toward him and rested my head on his chest anyway. He brought his arm back down around me and settled in.
And I seriously have no idea what the hell we were watching because I could think of nothing else but him, and what it felt like to be back in his presence, with my face on his chest.
I fell asleep in a strange hotel room somewhere in Northern California, in the safety of the arms of the one guy I’d wanted so badly to be over, though I clearly never would be.
Toby’s lips brushed against my forehead briefly as I drifted off, and he sighed contentedly beneath me.
I may have sighed as well.
“Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty.”
“Hmm.”
I stretched my legs, curling and uncurling my toes, then began to stretch my arms, eventually moving to my neck and shoulders, when I realized my pillow was moving with me.
Good Lord. I froze.
My pillow moved again as Toby laughed, the rumbling sound in my ears coming from deep in his chest, and I realized he’d felt me tense up. I squeezed my eyes shut harder and grumbled, “You’re laughing at me again.”
“I can’t help it. You just froze up like if you moved even an inch I’d bite you or something.”
Well, if the shoe fits…
“What time is it? It feels like I only fell asleep an hour ago.”
“Well, it was slightly more than an hour.”
I opened one eye and realized the only light in the room came from the small lamp on the bedside table. The curtains were drawn, but not even a sliver of morning sun crept in.
“Ugh,” I groaned.
“Aw, it’s not so bad. We’ll get to see the sunrise.”
“I don’t want to see the sunrise.”
“Come ‘ere.” Toby pulled my face up by my chin and looked down at me, his eyes slightly heavy from sleep, and his mouth quirked in that usual smirk of his.
I smiled back at him, unable to stop myself.
“Good morning, Miss Van Ruysdael.”
“Good morning, Mr. James,” I said with a pout.
He held my gaze for a few long seconds, then his fingers moved to my mouth, tracing my bottom lip gently, before moving to tuck some unruly hair behind my ear.
“You slept well?”
I glared at him.
“I mean, aside from having to get up before the sun?”
“I did.”
“No bad dreams?”
“No.” That was a strange question, but even stranger—I hadn’t had any dreams at all, actually. My nightmares had ceased months ago, replaced by dreams about Toby that were way past PG, but last night I’d slept soundly. I couldn’t remember any snippets of a dream at all.
Toby’s lips twitched.
“Why? Did I talk in my sleep or something?”
The twitching smirk pulled into a full-blown grin. “Maybe. You may have said a name a few times.”
“A name?” Oh dear God, please don’t let it be the name I think it is.
“Yeah,” he said, as his fingers grazed my lip again. “I think you missed me.”
“Oh my God.” My face slammed into his chest, and then I slid down to the side of him to bury my face in the pillows.
“Stop,” he said while laughing at my expense. “Come on, it was sweet! Don’t be embarrassed.”
“Oh my God,” I groaned again, my voice muffled by the pillow. “Just leave me alone, Toby. I’m never getting out of this bed again.”
“Then I’ll stay here with you,” he said matter-of-factly. He slid farther down into the covers and curled up around me.
Oh, hell no. This is not happening. I jumped up out of the bed and grabbed my duffle bag to head into the bathroom and shower. I didn’t look at him as I made my way across the room, but I didn’t need to see him to know he found this entire situation hilarious.
“You’re a jerk, you know that?”
“Me? What did I do?”
He continued laughing even after I’d closed the door. I looked at myself in the mirror, prepared to give my subconscious a really good scolding. Come on! I was saying his name in my sleep? Seriously? What could be worse?
Then, adding insult to injury, I noticed the dried drool on my chin.
That. That could be worse.
Good grief.
After showering, then waiting for the redness to fade from my skin—whether caused by scalding water or my embarrassment—I exited the bathroom, ready to take on the world.
Judging by the bags all packed up and waiting by the door, however, it appeared I’d be running from the world, not taking it on.
“Where to now?” I asked.
Toby sat at the small table, quickly typing away into his phone. He stood when he heard my voice, then set his phone down and crossed the room. He reached for my face, then delicately ran a finger down my cheek, letting his hand fall back to his side.
“I know we’re not together, and even if that was a possibility, you’d want to move slowly…but, man, I really want to kiss you right now.”
My cheeks flushed again. No, no no. I wasn’t going to allow any of that. I just about jumped out of my skin when Toby’s phone beeped and vibrated all over the table.
Toby tilted his head, then closed his eyes and sighed as he turned away from me to answer the call.
Saved by the bell.
Move slowly, he’d said. I didn’t know how I felt about that, about any of it. Was there a possibility of something happening between us again? Was I even open to that idea after everything that happened before?
Was there something more than just a small reconnected spark between us? A fleeting touch of attraction?
Was I running from the world with my ex-boyfriend at my side, or someone more? I mean, I knew Toby loved me, but what about me, my feelings? What about Frankie?
Frankie left me, I know, but still. What if he—
“Right,” he snapped, pulling my attention away from my frantic analyzing, which was fine by me. The last thing I wanted to do was ponder the whys and what ifs of my relationship with Toby freaking James.
Relationship? Ugh.
“We’ll meet you there, then. Got it. Yes. I got it.” He shoved the phone into his jeans pocket, then grabbed his wallet and keys. He turned to me, the tension in his face melting away. “Ready to hit the road, babe?”
“Do I have a choice?”
Toby cringed. “Nope. Sorry.”
“Well then, I’d love to hit the road.”
“Good answer. I have a little surprise for you anyway, so if you’d refused…” Toby opened the hotel room door, grabbed the bags in one hand, and with the other hand waved me out in front of him, bending over at the waist in a grand gesture. “Your chariot awaits.”
Once we were out of the hotel parking lot, we refueled, grabbed some bottled water at the gas station mini mart, then headed back toward I-5 northbound. Oregon was north of us—I knew that much. I briefly wondered if Interstate 5 would take us all the way there.
“McDonald’s okay for breakfast?”
“Sure. Are they open this early?”
Toby shook his head. “It’s really not that early, Ever. Look at all the other people out and about.”
I didn’t really care what time these crazy people thought they should wake up. I didn’t want to be awake while it was still dark out, but I didn’t say anything. No use complaining when I was already out of bed and on the road.
We drove through the McDonald’s drive thru and ordered breakfast, but when they handed Toby the bags, he didn’t pass them to me, but instead, set them in the back seat.
“Wait a minute. You’re going to starve me of sleep and food?”
“Relax. We’re almost there.”
“Where?”
Toby looked past me out the window, staring at the horizon, then brought his gaze back to the road. “Perfect.”
I tried to see what he saw, whatever he thought was so perfect about the desolate, flat highway ahead of us, but I just wasn’t seeing the appeal.
Toby turned his blinker on, then veered off at the next exit. The road was empty of any buildings—no fast food or gas stations, and definitely no people. Had I been with anyone else, I’d probably be nervous, but I trusted Toby not to take me off into the wilderness and skin me alive.
I think.
I looked over at him and caught the slightest smile forming on his lips. “What are you up to?” I asked.
“You’ll see.”
“Are we still heading to Oregon?”
“Yes. Soon.”
Hmm. So cryptic with his one word answers, but the small grin on his face gave me pause. I’d let him have his fun. I crossed my arms and watched as the scenery became much more green than brown.
After driving for a few minutes, Toby pulled the Mustang off the road, then parked it in the dirt.
“What are we doing?”
“Come on. Grab the food.”
I did as I was told, reaching around to grab the bags of food from behind my seat, then fumbled a bit as I tried to pick up the drinks as well. When I finally managed to get everything into my hands, I climbed out of the car.
Toby stood in front of the Mustang with a huge smile on his face. He’d laid out a red plaid blanket on the hood of the car and gestured for me to climb up.
“You want me to sit…on the Mustang?”
“I laid a blanket down. She’ll be fine.”
“What are you up to?” I asked, as he took the food and drinks out of my hand.
“You’ll see.”
After making sure I was settled, Toby climbed up to sit next to me, then handed me my food and orange juice.
After a few minutes of eating silently, Toby elbowed me gently so I looked up at him. He smiled down at me and raised his eyebrows, then tilted his head toward the mountains in the east.
When I followed his gaze toward the horizon, I gasped. I’d been so busy destroying my sausage breakfast sandwich and hash browns, that I hadn’t even noticed the beauty in front of me.
The sky was vibrant lavender, mixed with shades of orange and red, as the sun peeked over the faraway ridge. Without another soul for miles, and the highway empty of any traffic or buildings, this was like our own private show.
We sat on the hood of the Mustang for a long few minutes in silence, shoulder to shoulder, and witnessed the most beautiful sunrise I’d ever seen.
After a little while, Toby spoke, “Well? Did you like the surprise?”
“Yes. Wow. I’ve never seen anything like that.”
“I know. It’s never the same in Orange. Even when you find an open area like Irvine Park, or up on Santiago Canyon Road, it just never looks quite like it does in the desert. Those places are still too populated.”
Toby was a sunrise expert? Who knew? “It was beautiful. Thank you. And thank you for breakfast.”
“You’re welcome.” He held my gaze for a few l
ong moments, then took a deep breath. “Well, if you’re ready, I guess we should probably hit the road.”
I sighed. Back to running. Even stopping for nature’s beauty was cut short by the hopeless predicament I was in. How would I even beat this? How would my life ever be the same? I felt myself slump as the weight of everything hit me again. Would I ever be able to pause for a sunrise again?
Toby slid off the hood, then reached his hand out to help me climb down. “Ready?”
I slipped my hand into his strong grip, and he smiled. He squeezed my fingers and whispered, “You can do it.”
I realized I could. He was probably talking about getting off the hood of the car, but I’d been thinking about running for my life. Everything had changed in such a short timeframe, but I realized as he watched me expectantly that I could do it.
I’ve got this, I told myself.
“I’m ready.”
“Who were you talking to at the hotel earlier? Ted?”
We’d been in the car for about an hour or so, riding mostly in silence. I didn’t know what Toby focused on during that time, but I imagined he worried about what the next few days would bring us as much as I did.
“Yes. Your mom and Ted haven’t stopped driving yet—taking turns until they need to switch for sleep—but with the ass-backward way they’re taking, they should arrive a day or two after we do, not tonight like I’d originally thought, and now we’re headed straight into Seattle, not Portland.”
“Geez. How far out of the way did they go?”
“Not sure. He hasn’t told me. I haven’t asked.”
Toby’s clipped response reminded me of how snappy he’d been on the phone. He was obviously mad at Ted, and I figured I knew why, but since we’d ridden in mostly silence yesterday, I was feeling a bit chatty today.
“So. Why are you mad at Ted?”
Toby snapped his head over to look at me, his eyebrows raised so much they disappeared under his bangs. “You’re kidding me, right? Have you forgotten what he did?”
