by Aven Ellis
And Brody’s childhood did the same to him. He can’t accept who he is now. He’s still a boy tortured by memories of school. He doesn’t see the man that I see because he hasn’t dealt with his past either.
The door opens, and my dad walks in with a panicked expression on his face.
“Sweetheart, what’s happened?” Dad says urgently, walking up to me and putting his hands on my arms. “Hayley, what’s wrong?”
Fresh tears fill my eyes and my father’s face begins to dissolve in them. “D-Daddy, Brody and I b-b-broke up. I lost him. I lost him. He’ll never know how much I love him.”
I fall into my dad’s arms, sobbing into his white dress shirt. Dad wraps his arms around me and steers me to a guest chair, which I gratefully drop into. I put my head down on his expansive desk and sob like I’ll never stop.
I hear the door close and then footsteps, and Dad takes the chair next to me, rubbing his hand on my back like he used to do to soothe me when I was a little girl.
Except this time, my dad can’t fix this.
Nobody can.
I let everything out, crying for the man I love. I can’t imagine my world without him, I can’t.
After several long minutes, the sobs subside into hiccups. I use the tissues Tracey placed into my hand, and Dad gets up and retrieves a bottle of water for me.
“Here,” he says softly, taking off the cap and handing it to me.
I take a few sips of the ice-cold water and place it down on his desk.
“Honey, can you tell me what happened?” Dad asks gently.
I hiccup and glance at him. “Yes.”
Dad gives me a pointed look. “If I am to help you, I need to know everything. Don’t edit your answers for me.”
I manage a small smile. “Are you my dad or my lawyer?”
“I hope you don’t need a lawyer for this fight,” Dad teases, winking at me. “My gut says that is what this is. Brody lit up when he talked about the person you were and how he felt so grateful to be with you. I can’t imagine that the worst fight in the world would change what is in his heart.”
Tears form again.
“It was a bad fight, Dad.”
“Tell me what happened.”
I slowly begin sharing the fight with Dad, explaining how Brody came to get the tickets, how he found out Mariah wanted him to be a spokesperson for the organization. How he carries deep shame about his test anxiety and how poorly he did in school, and how he thinks he’s not good enough because of it. Then, with embarrassment, I share what Brody said about me. All of it, from me saying I wasn’t noticed unless I was perfect, how I worried Brody would move on when time passed and all my faults grew old.
Dad’s face remains expressionless throughout. When I finish speaking, Dad is silent for a moment before he speaks.
“What I see,” he says slowly, “is two people who love each other very much but think they need to be more to keep what they have. Hayley, you love Brody exactly the way he is, right?”
“Of course, I do,” I say, my voice shaking. “I love him with all my heart.”
“Then why can’t Brody love you exactly the way you are? The bigger question is, why can’t you love yourself the way you are? If Brody wanted a woman who could keep his hours, a woman who was smaller, a woman who was quiet, don’t you think he’d date one? Just like if you thought having a master’s degree was important, don’t you think you’d find a guy who had one? You two are exactly where you want to be. You like each other as you are. You are both enough for each other. You are enough for yourselves. Just the way you are.”
My heart begins pounding as my dad’s wise words sink in.
He’s right.
“Sweetheart, I know I messed up raising you,” Dad says softly, his voice full of lingering regret. “You were so good at everything, and we were consumed with trying to help Ethan with his dyslexia and depression. I’m afraid we only acknowledged your superior efforts. When you were helpful with Ethan, we praised the action instead of praising you for being exactly as you were. That is what your mom and I should have done. I wish I could fix it, but I can’t. I can, however, help you fix this. All you have to do is take a look at what an amazing young woman you are and embrace her. Embrace her and love her. Then help Brody do the same for himself. If you can do that, I think you two will be just fine.”
A new round of tears break through, but this time, tears of relief. Dad is right, so right, about everything. I am enough for Brody, just the way I am, as he is for me.
Hasn’t this been the lesson the book has been trying to tell me? Learning what makes me happy and fulfills me and learning to love and accept myself?
I don’t need to be all those things I thought I did, and he doesn’t need to be anything other than the man he is.
The man I love.
“Daddy,” I say, throwing my arms around him, “I love you. I love you so much. You are the best dad I could have ever asked for.”
We hug for a moment, and then Dad releases me, and I see his eyes are red.
“I love you, Lamb Chop.”
I smile through my tears. “I love you, too. Dad?”
“Yes?”
“Please don’t tell Mom about this,” I say, hoping he understands. “I don’t want everyone to know, especially if we work this out and are at the gala together tomorrow night.”
“I think this falls under attorney-client privilege,” Dad teases.
I manage a small laugh.
“Are you okay now?” he asks.
“I am. I know what I need to do,” I say as I rise from my seat.
“Good. Give Brody my regards,” Dad says, smiling at me.
I nod and head out the door. I move back through the office, through reception where Lisa is taking a call, and wave at her to let her know I’m functioning now and not a basket case anymore.
Outside the office, I stop in the hallway and retrieve my phone. There’s no message from Brody, but I know that’s him. He’s going to stop and reflect on this later, when he has time to devote his mind to it. That’s how he is.
It’s one of the many things that’s unique about him.
And one of the many reasons why I love him.
I stop and send him a text, knowing exactly what I need to say:
You had me sign a no breakup clause. I’m not leaving you.
Then I hit send.
It’s his turn at bat now.
And all I can do is wait to see what he does with the pitch I’ve just thrown him.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I make my way up the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, stopping halfway. I look around, but there’s no sign of Brody yet.
I sink down, taking a seat on a step. I draw my knees up and take an anxious breath as I gaze out over the shimmering reflecting pool in front of me. I know I’ve come to the right place, even if Brody’s text was cryptic. I reach inside the pocket of my coat and retrieve my cell, reading the message Brody sent me before he went to the ballpark today:
We need to talk in a place that encourages reflection. The one we found in our DC. Meet me an hour after the game. You know where.
It was when we were standing on these steps that DC became our DC.
I only hope after we talk it will still be our DC.
I slip my phone back into my pocket. I honestly don’t know what he will say when we talk. If he will believe me when I say all I want is him. I hope I can convince him that who he is now is enough for me, not just now, or six months from now.
But forever.
I stare at the waters and then the Washington Monument, praying Brody has had the same clarity that I had today. We fought out of fear of losing each other. With fear out of the way, there’s no reason we can’t have our happy ending.
I’m going to fight him if he doesn’t see it, I think. I will do whatever it takes to get him back.
To get us back.
I shift my gaze to the bottom of the steps, and I freeze when I spot Brody.
My heart stops the second I see him. I begin shaking. I rise to my feet, feeling unsteady the whole time Brody’s watching me.
He slowly heads up the stairs, the moonlight shining down on him, and I’m fighting back tears as a mix of emotions swirl inside of me. I’m relieved to see him. I’m terrified to see him. I’m unsure of what he will say, but determined to make him see what I see in him.
Brody stops as he reaches the step below me so we’re eye to eye.
“I know I asked you for a no breakup clause,” he says slowly, his raspy voice soft.
I swallow hard but don’t say a word. I’m terrified he’s going to tell me he regrets the clause and it doesn’t mean anything to him anymore, not after what happened this morning.
“I’ve never asked for a more important clause in my life,” Brody whispers, sliding his hands up to my face. “I love you, Hayley. I love you. I don’t ever want to break up with you. This is what I want. I want this. Us. Forever.”
I begin crying. He loves me. Brody loves me, just as I am, and he wants us as much as I do.
I wrap my hands over his. “I love you, Brody,” I say, my voice breaking. “I love you so much. I’ve never said those words to another man. You’re the only man I’ll ever say them to.”
“I love you, Hayley. I haven’t said those words to another woman. I’ve never wanted to say those words until I found you.”
I’m still trembling as he begins caressing my face in his hands, his eyes full of nothing but love for me.
“I made that whole situation about me,” Brody says. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know you’re not embarrassed of me. I overreacted. You didn’t deserve that.”
“No, I understand,” I say. “I didn’t lie to Mariah for the reason you thought I did. I meant it when I said it was because I didn’t want to ask you for anything so big so soon. I admit I wanted to do it on my own. I should have asked for your help because you would be a wonderful person to promote our cause. I know now I don’t need to be noticed for everything I do to know people value me.”
Brody searches my eyes. “You mean that, don’t you?”
I nod.
“Brody,” I say, “we both suffer from the same problem. We both think we aren’t good enough. But the truth is, we are. We are enough. I’m not saying I won’t have to work on this, on improving my view of myself, but I will if you will, because you are one brilliant man, Brody. I don’t care what any test score says. I don’t care what your final report card was. You are smart, and I’m the luckiest girl in DC to call you mine.”
“I’m yours,” he whispers back to me. “I’ll always be yours, Hayley. Forever.”
Then his lips brush against mine in a gentle kiss. Tears stream down my face, but this time, they’re tears of joy.
Brody breaks the kiss, and he wipes my tears away with his calloused fingertips.
“I talked to Brady today,” he says, caressing my face in his hands. “He told me I was letting my insecurities mess up my future. The things I was fixated on were things that happened years ago, and they have nothing to do with what I have with you. Brady said if I didn’t find a way to let it go, I was going to lose you. I would lose you for something that wasn’t important, something in the past that I can’t control. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“Brady is right,” I say, stroking his hair. “None of that matters to me. It never has. It never will.”
Brody smiles. “Well, there’s a reason he’s the smart twin,” he cracks.
I smile, as I know he’s kidding.
“I talked to my dad,” I say. “He told me if you wanted a woman who could travel with you, who wore a size two, and was a quiet introvert, you’d date her. But that’s not what you want.”
I pause for a moment before continuing. “Brody, I let my past take over. I was so used to people only noticing me if I was helpful or doing something perfectly that I kept thinking you would eventually move on when I couldn’t make up for my shortcomings. I’m so sorry I put that on you. You’ve never done anything to make me to think that, and I was so wrong. And I’m so sorry.”
“Hayley, you’ve had my interest since the day I walked into that coffeehouse. There’s been nobody but you since that day. I want you. I want your stream of consciousness ramblings. I want the woman who makes life fun. Who is genuine in her interactions. Who has her own career she is devoted to. I want you, Hayley. You are more than enough for me.”
I draw his head closer and press a kiss against his warm lips. “I love you.”
“I love you,” Brody murmurs against my lips, kissing me again.
I soak in everything about this moment, from the breeze that smells like the rain that is scheduled to come later tonight, to Brody’s spicy cologne, to the way his mouth feels so soft against mine. Most of all, I soak in the love that I feel coming from this man. His kiss is full of love for me, as mine is for him.
I break the kiss and wind my arms around his neck, gazing adoringly at the man I love.
“Did you see the squeeze play in the game tonight?” Brody asks, smiling at me.
I frown. “Yes, but I no idea what you were doing or what it means.”
He grins, and the dimple pops out in his cheek, making me swoon. “I was on second. Joey went for the sacrifice bunt so I could be in position score. He would be out at first, but the goal was to get me safely to third. I took off when he put it down, and I made it.”
Brody takes a moment to brush a lock of my hair away from my face. “I feel like that’s what happened now. I had to make a play, I had to head here and hope I’d be safe, and I am. Safe. With you. In the very spot I fell in love with you. I love you, Hayley. This no breakup clause is forever. You are The One, tortilla makers and all. I’m never letting you go.”
A giggle of joy escapes my throat, and he laughs softly as his lips find mine.
I break the kiss and smile up at him. “I’m glad. Because I really didn’t want to find a new date for the gala tomorrow night,” I tease.
Brody’s eyes shine brightly at me. “Oh, hell no. I’m your date. Forever. I’m still betting your shimmery dress is silver, by the way.”
As he kisses me again, I smile against his lips, knowing he’ll be surprised by my beautiful gold dress when he picks me up for the gala.
Wrapped up in his arms, joy radiates through me.
Brody is right.
We’re safe.
For the rest of our lives.
Epilogue
The following April
The Tidal Basin
Washington, DC
I gaze up at the blooming cherry blossoms overhead. I can’t believe it’s been a year since I first started dating Brody, and now we’re back at the spot of our first date. It’s another chilly April evening, and we’re bundled up and sitting on a blanket in the grass, underneath the very same cherry tree where we shared our first kiss.
“Your cereal,” Brody says, handing me a portable cup of Fruity Pebbles.
I smile and take it from him. “I love how you are replicating everything from our first date.”
Brody grins as he pours some milk over his Cocoa Krispies. “This was better than replicating our first meeting. I really didn’t feel like taking iced coffee to the crotch again.”
I burst out laughing. “My most embarrassing moment led me to the love of my life.”
I reflect back on the past year, and how much Brody and I have grown together as a couple. After we made up on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, we both supported each other in our journey to embrace ourselves, just as we were. Whenever we caught the other saying something negative, we pointed it out, and slowly, over time, we stopped inflicting ourselves with the past and learned to love our true selves.
There were highs and lows along the way, too. The Soaring Eagles were eliminated from the postseason in the division series. After the great year they had, it was a huge blow, especially as they were predicted to make it all the way to the division champion
ship. They cracked under the expectations and pressure put upon their shoulders, but the team is young and they will learn.
However, the Soaring Eagles pulled together afterward and vowed to be back in the postseason next year. Brody talked with me about his role in the losses, what he should have done differently, and how he would work to improve himself in the offseason.
Instead of going home to San Diego, Brody stayed in DC. He got involved with Expanded World and is one of our biggest champions. He shot some public service announcements for us and donated Soaring Eagles suite nights to the foundation to use for fundraising and publicity purposes. But he’s also hands on and visits kids in dyslexic programs in the metro DC area, asking them to talk about their struggles. Brody, in turn, shares his own struggles with school and you can see how much he relates to these kids, and they with him.
I’ve continued in my position in Expanded World, and while Belinda will never love social media, she’s no longer afraid of it. She’s a great boss and lets me run point on a lot of projects, which I love. I also worked with Tad in graphics to help launch fresh new looks for both the internal and external websites, and I could tell he was energized by the project as much as I was.
But it wasn’t all work this past year, either. I went with Brody back to San Diego several times, where I got to know his parents. They are wonderful people, and I can see why Brody is so close to them. They are true to themselves, living in a small house near the ocean, following their own paths of being a surf instructor and crystal healer. The Jensens are loving and kind, and I was immediately embraced by them, and I returned the feeling. I’m already looking forward to seeing them again when Brody goes out to play in San Diego this season.
Now that I finally have vacation time, Brody and I picked a couple of road trips for me to go along on. I’m going to the Miami series in June and then San Diego in July. Belinda has also said I can work remotely, so I’m going to go to New York and San Francisco, too. Basically, I’m going on one road trip with Brody each month, and we’re both super excited about that.
