by Simon Haynes
The boys exchanged a glance, then started to laugh.
"Tim! Braden! Where are you manners?"
"With his robot," said one of the boys, prompting snorts of laughter.
Hal frowned. "What do you mean?"
"He was a great help," said the boy. "We couldn't have done it without him."
"What are you talking about?" Hal's eyes widened as he remembered the bound figure being carried up the hill. Had it been moving? Struggling? And those distant cries! Was it really Clunk who … "You didn't ask Clunk to sit on the cart, did you?"
"Oh no, sir."
Hal sighed with relief.
"We didn't ask at all. We made him!"
Hal turned to stare across the lake, where the parachute had settled on the beach like a gigantic quilt. The sled was lying nearby and alongside it was the bound figure, now struggling visibly. "Find me a car," said Hal to the teacher. "And keep the kids away. If you think their language is bad now, just wait until they've spent ten minutes with that robot."
*
Hal staggered up the Volante's passenger ramp with a large parcel under each arm. This time he knew exactly what they contained, and it wasn't Clunk's surprise gifts. No, before leaving the school he'd nipped into the marquee and packed both cartons with as much food as he could carry. Sausage rolls, cheese, ham, a whole trifle … for the next week he'd eat like a king.
Hal paused at the door. Clunk was toiling up the ramp, his movements hampered by the layers of packing tape still clinging to his bronze skin. They'd stripped the worst off, but it left a sticky residue which was going to hang around for ages. There was a dangerous glint in the robot's eye, and Hal reckoned they were lucky to get away without physical injury. Not to Clunk, who was practically indestructible. No, it was the high-spirited boys who were fortunate to be in one piece.
The airlock swung open, admitting them to the flight deck. "Hi Navcom, what's up? Oh wait, that was Clunk."
"I'm sorry?"
"Don't worry, he'll tell you all about it." Hal snorted. "Once he's come back to earth."
"How was the school?"
"Yeah, nice people. Not at all stuck up."
"Did your presentation go smoothly?"
Hal nodded. "Like it was running on rails."
"Why is Clunk so unhappy?"
"He WAS running on rails."
Clunk entered the flight deck, still moving stiffly.
"Here he is, folks. The copper cannonball in person!" Hal eyed Clunk's arms and legs, all criss-crossed with lines of tacky glue. "That test ride of yours …"
"Yes?"
"Do you think they got it on tape?"
Clunk pressed his lips together.
"Hey, I thought I'd arrange another little excursion. Do you fancy a stint as a crosswalk attendant, or would you rather do magic tricks at birthday parties?"
Without a word, Clunk stomped into the lift.
"I hear turps works wonders on glue," called Hal, as the doors closed. He opened the carton, took out a sausage roll and plonked himself down in the pilot's chair. "I don't want to see another school uniform as long as I live." He took a big bite of the sausage roll. "Hey, any news on our cargo?"
"It's landing as we speak."
"Great! What are we delivering?"
"Graduation prizes for three hundred and twenty-six schools."
Hal paused, the sausage roll frozen in mid-air. "We're handing them off to a shipping agent, right?"
"No, Clunk agreed to distribution. According to the contract, you're to present every award in person."
Simon Haynes was born in England and grew up in Spain, where he enjoyed an amazing childhood of camping, motorbikes, mateship, air rifles and paper planes. His family moved to Australia when he was 16.
From 1986 to 1988 Simon studied at Curtin University, where he graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Film, Creative Writing and Literature.
Simon returned to Curtin in 1997, graduating with a degree in Computer Science two years later. An early version of Hal Spacejock was written during the lectures.
Simon has five Hal Spacejock novels and several short stories in print. Sleight of Hand won the Aurealis Award (short fiction) in 2001, and Hal Spacejock: No Free Lunch was a finalist in both the Ditmar and Aurealis Awards for 2008.
Simon divides his time between writing fiction and computer software, with frequent bike rides to blow away the cobwebs.
His goal is to write fifteen Hal books (Spacejock OR Junior!) before someone takes his keyboard away.
Simon's website is www.spacejock.com.au
The Hal Spacejock series to date:
1. Hal Spacejock
2. Hal Spacejock: Second Course
3. Hal Spacejock: Just Desserts
4. Hal Spacejock: No Free Lunch
5. Hal Spacejock: Baker's Dough
www.spacejock.com.au
Simon Haynes also writes the Hal Junior series for children:
1. Hal Junior: The Secret Signal
www.haljunior.com
What are readers saying about Hal Spacejock? (No spoilers!)
"I would just like to say these novels are probably the best I have read in a long time, and that is no mere comment as I am a avid reader. They give me so much joy to read them it is one of the few stories that consumes me, I actually feel like I am there - a part of the adventure you might say."
"An excellent effort with the books. Truly an excellent effort. Your characters are a welcome relief from the everyday boredom that surrounds us. This is the funniest series I've read."
"It was a laugh a minute, it really was. I carried it around for three days reading whenever I had some free time. I think this is the first series I've read where the books have done nothing but get better."
"Hal Spacejock was the damn funniest sf book I have ever read and I have read a few! Keep this up and you might just shock people with a bloody bestseller!"
"Can't wait to read the new book, absolutely love the series so far. They are p--s-my-pants laugh-out-loud hilariously funny."
"I love your books. When I got my hands on the first one I read it in a couple of hours. I was so absorbed. I read the other two by the end of the week. Can't wait to get my hands on No Free Lunch."
"To let you know how much I enjoy your books, I feel that Hal and Clunk are not just characters in a book, but friends of mine."
"I absolutely love your books! They're brilliant! I couldn't stop laughing and i couldn't put them down."
"I loved the first three Spacejock books and can't wait for No Free Lunch. (My daughter loves them too) Thanks for such a great read."
"Thanks for the wonderful, amazing, brilliant books! Keep on writing!"
Read more feedback at spacejock.com.au
