She unlocked the door with her key, then motioned for him to follow her up the stairs. Her bedroom was large because it was one of the original rooms before her stepfather built an addition to the house. Her double bed sat in the middle of the room. She indicated for Nate to sit on the bed, and as soon as he was settled, she retrieved the chart from the lock box. She carried it over to the bed, then unfolded the heavy paper until all eight sections were lying flat across her bed.
He glanced at the fine strokes on the heavy paper: the dates, the names, and all the details, compiled in her code. “What is this?” he asked, glancing up at her with a puzzled look.
She sat opposite him on the bed, crossing her legs, her hands folded in her lap. “Something I’ve worked very hard on over the past few years.” She ran her hand fondly across the surface of the section closest to her. “It has everything.”
Nate quirked his brow at her. “Everything?”
She pointed to the top of the document. “It starts up there.”
Nate leaned over to read the first entry at the top of the chart. “Lauren Grant…” he drew out the words, tilting his head up to stare at her. “Is this what I think it is? Tell me, please, because I don’t want to guess.”
She could see the concern in his face, or was it fury? Fury at her, or fury or what the chart represented?
“That’s the date I was raped. Each rectangle on the chart represents another attack on the campus, at least, according to a victim who came to my group or spoke to me privately. I only used the women’s initials, but I documented the location, the time of day, and all the important details.”
His gaze took in the rest of the document, pausing at some spots before. “Your name is on here three times,” he finally said.
“It is. The first attack, the arson that burned down the house, and the attack at the library. I believe they may all be connected.”
“Lauren, there are over fifty entries here.”
“I know. Isn’t that sad?” She again brought her fingers across the paper she’d worked so diligently on, the chronicle she hoped would convict the bastards who wanted to keep her quiet.
“I’m sure you’ve showed this to Ryan and Jake.”
She uncrossed her legs and jumped off the bed. “No. You promised me you wouldn’t tell them.”
He followed her as she backed up toward the wall. He grasped her hands and cocooned them inside his. “Lauren. Listen to me. I know I promised, and I will not betray that confidence, but you have to give this to Ryan. This could solve your crime.”
She shook her head, trying to pull her hands away from him. “No, no…”
“Sweetheart, don’t leave me.” He gathered her in his arms and whispered to her. “I won’t tell him, but I want you to show him. I want you to realize that this could be our best chance of finding those creeps…and of preventing them from hurting any other women.”
Her entire insides seemed to bubble as if she were close to bursting, close to losing every bit of her control that she fought so hard to maintain. She grabbed ahold of his shirt near the collar, clutching the fabric in her hand. “No, Nate, I can’t just give this away. This would violate the trust these women put in me. It’s no different than the HIPAA rules they use at the hospital. If I gave it to the police, I could risk losing the reputation I’ve worked so hard to build for my support group, maybe even for Stacy’s Center. No one would trust me again if they found out I turned this information over to the authorities. Everything is here. I need to figure this out myself. I’m an intelligent person. I just wanted another pair of eyes to look at this with me. I was hoping you…” She pushed away from him.
“Shhh…I’ll help you. Calm down. We’ll figure this out.”
***
One look at the tears on her face told him he needed to be very careful. She was close to going over the edge, and he needed to pull her back. “Lauren, listen to me. I’m here for you. I promise to help you in any way I can.”
“You won’t take my chart, will you? You promised.” She swiped at her tears with one hand and hugged herself around the waist with the other.
“I won’t take it. No. It’s yours.” How the hell was he going to convince her to do the right thing?
Slowly, very slowly. “Come here, sweetheart. Please? I just want to hold you. In fact, fold it up and put it away. We’ll study it another day. Hide it wherever you want. I’ll turn my back, and I promise not to watch where you put it.”
She reached for the chart and began to fold it, so he spun around to face the wall. “Put it in a safe place, and then we’ll talk.”
“You’re the first person I’ve trusted enough to look at it. I just wanted you to help me to look at it from a different point of view. That’s all.”
He heard her rustling, knowing she was putting it away. He didn’t like having his back to her—part of him was afraid she’d bolt on him—but something told him it was important to her. “Let me know when you’ve put it away.”
Her sniffling told him she was still in the room. “I promise to help you through this, no matter what. You believe me, don’t you?” He had to convince her. He may have failed to save his own mother, but he could be there for Lauren. He could help her. He loved her.
What? Where the hell had that come from? The thought rocked him to his core. His break up with Mandy had convinced him that he wasn’t any good at love. That maybe he was too damaged for it.
But he was falling for Lauren.
“There. I put it away. Let’s never mention it again.” She stood in front of her desk, looking so small he wanted to wrap his arms around her forever.
“Sit with me? Can we just talk?” He sat back on the bed, holding his arms open for her, hoping she’d come to him.
Lauren stared at the floor, another tear escaping one eye before she took a hesitant step toward him. Before he knew it, she’d settled onto his lap. She wrapped her hands around his back, holding him close, and buried her face in his shoulder as a gauntlet of pain erupted from her soul, tears drenching his shirt.
And he held her. He held her, rubbing her back, whispering to her, anything he could to keep her with him.
When her crying changed to sniffles, she tipped her face toward his neck. He could feel her warm breath coming in spasms. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“I don’t know what came over me.”
His hand came up to her neck, lightly massaging the skin underneath her hair. “I think I do. Do you want to tell me about the first attack? We talked about this a little bit, but I don’t really know anything about it. I didn’t know for sure you’d been raped.” He left that thought with her for a little while, continuing to massage her neck, wanting her to know he was here for her.
“It happened at night. I did what I often do. I was so wrapped up in the history books at the library that I didn’t pay attention to the time. I’d planned to leave at nine, but it was ten thirty when I finally looked up from my book. It was medieval history, Scottish clan history, and I’d found something about Clan Ramsay. My mother had just married Ryan’s father, and I was so curious…”
She took a deep breath, and he gave her the time to gather her thoughts. “I don’t have many memories of the incident because I blacked out, fortunately. But I do recall that he dragged me into the bushes…”
“If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to. I don’t want you reliving it if it’s too painful.”
She sat up and stared at him, her hands resting on his chest. “It was dark, he wore a mask, and the only other thing that I remember is that he said he wouldn’t allow me to give my virginity to anyone else, that it was his.”
So her rapist had known her. He wanted to prompt her, to ask her a thousand questions so he could find the bastard and beat him to a pulp, but he was sure the police had covered everything. He would not turn this into an inquisition. He was grateful she’d shared this much with him.
H
e had something to say to her, something he was struggling to phrase correctly. But he’d get it right if he had to correct himself ten times.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Lauren didn’t know how Nate would react to her admission. She’d never told any man outside of her family. To her delight, Nate completely surprised her.
His finger reached up to stroke her cheek. “Do not remember that as the day you lost your virginity. Nothing could be further from the truth, in my opinion. Your virginity is yours to give away.” He brushed a stray hair away from her eye. “That bastard committed a violent act that tore some skin and took your innocence, but he didn’t take anything from you. If you haven’t done it already, the day will come when you will give yourself to another person for the right reasons, and that man will show you how wrong that bastard was, and how beautiful love can be.”
That was the moment Lauren lost her heart to Nate Patterson. And the only thing she could think to say was, “You are my Alex.”
“What?”
“Nothing. That isn’t anyone else’s name.” He probably thought she was calling him by some ex’s name. She hoped she could tell him the truth someday, but she’d opened herself up enough for one night. “It’s meant as a compliment. Someone told me once that someday I’d find my Alex, my true…” she stopped. Was she ready to admit she loved him? Maybe not. “Just know I’ve never dated anyone by that name. It’s a compliment.”
He laughed, touching his lips to hers briefly. She cupped his face and kissed him, hoping she could silently tell him what she could not yet put it into words. When she teased him with her tongue, he groaned and reciprocated by delving deeper into her mouth, tantalizing her in ways she’d never experienced before. Their kiss went deeper and deeper, driven by the passion of two people who’d been without for a long time. She wanted him in a way that was confusing to her. These were needs she’d thought she didn’t have anymore, needs she had repressed for a long, long time.
When he ended the kiss, they were both panting, much to her delight. She’d hoped the desire pumping through her veins was not one-sided.
“Nate, that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,” she whispered. “I would like you to be that man.”
“Nothing would please me more, but when it happens, I need you to be sure. I don’t think this is the right time.”
Her hands ran down his chest and then reached for his hands. “You’re right. I’m not ready yet. But I trust you, and that has been very difficult for me. Your touch always leaves me wanting more. I hope you’ll be patient with me.”
“This is completely within your control.”
“You promise not to betray my confidence?”
Nate hesitated, but he agreed. “I won’t say anything unless your life is at risk. If something like that happens and you’re in danger, I’ll talk to Ryan, but I won’t say anything otherwise. I can’t help but wonder why you haven’t turned it over yourself.”
Lauren couldn’t explain what her gut told her. “I can’t really answer that. It’s just…something tells me I need to hang on to it. Privacy is paramount to support groups. Do you understand what I mean? I’d much rather just figure this out myself.”
“I agree with you that the answer is there. Don’t you trust Ryan and Jake enough to ask them not to compromise the information? Can’t they study it without talking to the victims directly?”
“I don’t know. I suppose I can put the question to Ryan. But he could force me to turn it over, and then it’ll be out of my hands. And what if his chief insists on taking over? Then Ryan won’t have any control over the situation.”
Nate leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Promise me to think about it? That’s all I ask.”
For him, she would. “I’ll think about it.”
She had this fear that everything would careen into a catastrophe if she lost control of the chart. While she didn’t understand why she felt that way, there was no denying she did.
***
Lauren moved into Stacy’s apartment on Thursday. With Nate’s help, it only took a couple of hours.
Stacy had taken an instant liking to Nate. “Oh boy,” she said after he left, “do you think you can convince him and his buddies to do one of those firefighter calendars?”
It felt wonderful to have some space of her own again, to assert her independence.
Lauren hummed to herself as she headed back to her car after her last class of the day on Friday. While the campus at Summerhill College was always busy, the quadrangle at Cornell was nearly deserted.
She’d almost made her way out of the Science Quad when a woman’s voice called out to her from behind.
“Ms. Grant? Lauren Grant?”
She spun around with a lump in her throat and a hand in her bag already reaching for her mace. The first thing she noticed was the fear in the young woman’s gaze. “Yes?”
She had long dark hair and looked very young. Lauren waited for her to speak so as not to frighten her away.
“Are you Lauren Grant?”
The girl drew close enough for her to see the tears welling in her eyes, and Lauren’s pulse and breathing sped up, though she did her best to slow herself down. She glanced around the quad and noticed several other students wandering about, but they ignored the two women.
Fear needled into her. Stay calm! This was a public place, and it was around five o’clock, and the sun shone bright. She was not about to be attacked.
“Yes, I’m Lauren Grant. Are you all right? Has something happened to you?”
The girl’s lower lip quivered and she gave a quick nod, her head spinning around to check the area before she brought her attention back to Lauren. “I have a message for you.”
“From whom?”
“From one of the frats at Summerhill College. I’m supposed to tell you that I was kidnapped last night because of you. Your brothers need to stop poking around. The investigation has to go away, or they’ll attack more women and tell them it’s all your fault.” Tears slid down her cheeks, and Lauren could see she was about to lose control.
“Let me help you. I can go to the emergency room with you. I can…”
“No!” Her shout carried across the campus. She lowered her voice. “No, please. Nothing has happened yet, so they won’t find anything at the hospital. But I’m being watched,” she whispered. “I was told I had to give you this message, or they’ll assault me tonight. All of them.”
“Who? Tell me which frat. Please.” Lauren reached for the girl’s hand, but she took several steps back. “You need to go to the police. I’ll go with you.”
“I’ve never been so scared in my whole life. I’m leaving campus as soon as I do as they instructed. They’re animals. I’m sorry, but I…I know they meant what they said, and I can’t let them hurt me. Have your brother stop. Please.” She lowered her voice and added, “They’re also waiting for you. I’m so sorry.”
She whirled around and ran down one of the paths toward the parking lot.
“Wait!” Lauren pleaded. “Tell me more, please.” If the woman had more information, this could be the break Jake and Ryan needed. But the stranger didn’t slow or even stop.
Lauren could feel the wetness of her own tears fill her cheeks. Her first thought was to follow the woman, but she had said they were waiting for her. What if they were lying in wait in the parking lot or near the bus stop?
Panic flooded her veins as her gaze darted from one person to the next, then the next, but they all continued on their way as if nothing had happened.
Her feet carried her backward until she hit a bench, and she collapsed onto it, unable to take another step.
The trembling started in her hands and traveled through the rest of her body until even her feet shook. How could she possibly walk home? It was a forty-five minute drive.
Which direction should she go? She was in the middle of the quad, it was still daylight, and she was scared shitless.
Maybe to the parking lot
to catch the bus. But that’s the direction the girl had gone, and it was undoubtedly where they were waiting.
Maybe back into the class building to find her professor.
No, he’d said he was leaving right away. He’d even canceled office hours.
What time did they lock the buildings up?
What was her address anyway? Where did she live now?
She was losing her mind. She couldn’t even recall her new address.
Should she call her mother?
No.
Her heart pounded so powerfully in her chest that she wondered why it didn’t just explode inside her and end her misery.
What could she do?
The woman had implied that the frat guys wouldn’t attack either of them if Ryan stopped his investigation, but they might still attack her, frighten her, threaten her. She couldn’t take that chance.
Nate. Nate would help her if he were here. But he’d said he was picking up a shift today.
Take your phone out and call Nate. Even if he’s working, he’ll tell you what to do. Or Ryan. Call Ryan.
But Nate had gotten to her first when she’d been attacked last time.
She fumbled with her book bag, locating her phone and pulling it out, and glanced over her shoulder again to make sure no one would bother her.
Afraid to talk, she texted him instead.
Nate, help me.
He answered so quickly, it startled her.
Where are you?
Cornell U in the Science quad
Be right there. Working so I’m coming with the EMT vehicle.
Just come.
She knew he would. Her eyes drifted shut and she tried to recall everything the girl had said. Though she’d been hurt and threatened by members of a frat, she hadn’t identified which one. The girl had been frightened half to death.
Just as Lauren was now.
This meant that Ryan was on the right path. She’d been attacked by members of a fraternity, just like he thought.
Three Reasons to Love Page 13
