by L. E. Bross
“I didn’t ask her to.”
“Wow. That’s it? You’re just going to walk away now?” he challenged.
I scrubbed my fingers through my hair. “You saw her. That wouldn’t have happened if she didn’t follow me. She deserves better, man.”
“Don’t you think she should decide that?”
“Why the hell do you care?” I growled. “You fucked some other chick when you were with her. Not really sure you should be dishing out Avery advice.”
Grant cringed. “I screwed up in a big way. I know that. We’ve already talked about it, and there was never anything real between us, not romantically. You, on the other hand, have brought out a side of her I’ve never seen before. She’s happy when she’s with you, she’s alive, and now you’re just going to walk away from her.”
His words were like a knife driving into my chest.
“I’ve got zero to offer her. Hell, after tonight, I’m not even sure I have a job anymore. I got nothing. She deserves everything,” I said slowly.
“If you think she wants material things, then you don’t know her at all.”
“I know she doesn’t, asshole. But she sure as hell shouldn’t be walking around with a bruised-up face either. That’s on me.”
“She made the choice to follow you,” he said.
“Exactly! And look what it got her! I couldn’t keep my sister safe for years, but I’ll be damned if anything happens to Avery. I can do something about that.”
“Fine. Go. But take it from someone who’s been there, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. Someone like Avery won’t come along again.”
Grant turned around and went back inside.
Did he think I didn’t fucking know that?
I wanted to drive my fist into something hard so that it would hurt.
She was already a huge part of me, and walking away was killing me.
I drove my hands into my pockets instead and stepped onto the sidewalk. I didn’t know where I was going, I just needed to think. Make sense of everything that had happened tonight.
Sara was finally going to be okay.
Davis was finally going to get what he deserved.
Things fell into place better than I could have ever hoped for.
Except for one piece.
Once piece that I knew would be missing for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Avery
“Hey, Avery, study group time changed,” Kayla shouted across the quad. “We’re meeting at seven in Tim’s room.”
“Thanks!” I lifted my hand in a half wave and watched Kayla bound up the steps to Bradford Hall Law Building.
I’d been back on campus for two months now.
My father called in a favor and got the judge to sign off on time served after everything that had happened. His way of proving he was going to change, that he would put our relationship ahead of any campaign or electoral seat. He’d won the mayoral seat with a wide margin, so I didn’t know if the pressure was off or if he really was trying, but I had decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.
He did seem different now.
I wanted to go back and finish my community service, but only because I wanted to see Seth. After he left the police station without telling me, I tried to call him for weeks. He never called me back. I even went to Jimmy’s when I knew he’d be working, but the girl at the bar told me Seth wasn’t there anymore.
I had no idea where he lived, and my father would not tell me anything, citing client confidentiality. Ryan wouldn’t tell me anything either when I tried him, citing best friend obligations: Seth had made his decision and he had to respect that, even if it was a bonehead move, he had said to me on the phone, a sad note in his voice. I had no choice but to keep going and hope that Seth would finally call.
He never did.
I spent every afternoon for that first week after at the lake, hoping that he’d come by.
But then my father had pulled more strings and I was reenrolled in my classes, so the days flew by as I tried to catch up on the weeks I’d missed. Plus I had several meetings with my law adviser trying to figure out what I needed to take to change my area of focus from corporate law to family law. Most of my classes counted, but there were a few specialized ones that I had to have, which would push my graduation off by one semester.
It was totally worth it.
My father had been weirdly okay with the change. I’d expected a fight, or at least censure about my choice, but he only nodded and said, “As long as it’s what you want.” Even my mother had pursed her lips and said nothing.
She’d never done that before.
So everything had fallen into place, and I should have been happy, but there was still one thing missing. One thing I couldn’t get out of my head.
Seth.
I went from sadness to anger to worry and back again to sadness. I hoped he was okay. I had to believe that he was. All he had wanted was for his sister to be safe. I did find out from my father that Sara was successfully admitted to an in-treatment program, and I knew that Davis skipped a trial and a judge gave him twenty years.
For those things, I was happy for Seth.
But if things had been settled, I couldn’t understand why he didn’t call.
A bleak voice in the back of my head said that I hadn’t really mattered to him. I was a distraction. He’d never cared about me. But I refused to believe that. The first month after that night, I looked at the picture I’d taken at the lake, tried to find something in his eyes that said it was all just for fun. I still had the picture, refusing to let that memory go.
Everything had happened so fast, but it was real. I know it was.
Even though we’d had only a couple of weeks together, it felt like so much more. Days and nights added up to more than just time. I missed him. Even now, after almost two months without him, I still ached to hear his voice. When I lay in bed, I thought about him, about how much I wanted to wake up next to him again.
Mostly, I just wanted to know that he was okay.
That he was happy.
And some days, I’d be walking on campus and I’d hear a guy laugh and it would sound so much like him that my pulse would leap to life. Maybe I needed more closure than a fight in a hospital hallway.
Something I was never going to get.
I pulled my jacket tighter against the biting wind and hurried toward the campus coffee shop. It wasn’t my normal time to stop for coffee, I usually hit it first thing in the morning, but it made no sense to go back to my apartment, then drive all the way here to meet with my study group.
I had plenty of work to do before group, and a low-fat cappuccino sounded amazing.
The place was hopping for a Wednesday afternoon, and I got in line.
My phone vibrated in my purse.
Party Friday night at Kappa house. You in? Lotsa cute guys! ;P
Every week Shari tried to get me to go to a frat party. Said I needed to get back on the horse. I chose to commute rather than move back into the sorority house. With the classes I had to make up, I needed to study hard if I wanted to stay on track.
I didn’t want to go to a party, but maybe it was time.
Sure. I’ll meet you at your room at nine.
Holy shit! Did hell freeze over? I’ve got my wingwoman back, baybee! <3
I smiled at my phone. Maybe not ready to play wingwoman quite yet, but I couldn’t hide away in my apartment every weekend, hoping for something that would never happen. Life goes on, and I needed to go with it.
“What can I get for you?” the barista asked. I hadn’t even noticed the line moving.
“Low-fat cappuccino with an extra shot, please.” I handed her the money and stood to the side to wait. A guy laughed somewhere behind me and I froze. Goose bumps sprung up under my long sleeves.
I reached for my cup and saw that my hand was shaking.
How often did I think I heard Seth’s laugh on campus that fi
rst month? I nearly went crazy looking for him around every corner. It was never him, though. Always some other guy.
I took a shaky breath in and blew it out slowly. There was an empty table near the window, the perfect place to hunker down and study for a few hours. I made my way toward it, and my glance slid farther into the room.
People crowded the couches near the cozy fireplace, and most tables were full.
I started to slide my bag off my shoulder when my cup slid from my numb fingers and hit the floor with a dull thud. The lid popped off and coffee splattered on my jeans, but I barely noticed. My eyes were locked on the figure sitting at a corner table. The one leaning close to a girl with short dark hair who was laughing at something he said.
A sick feeling grew in my stomach, and I took a small step back.
Just like the laughter, this had to be my mind playing tricks on me.
“I’ll get that,” the barista said, coming toward me with a mop. Several curious glances were thrown my way.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
The couple in the corner had barely moved.
“Joe, make another cappuccino, extra shot, will ya?” the barista yelled.
I took another step back. “That’s okay.”
“Don’t worry about it. This happens about once a week.” She smiled and I tried to smile back, but my mouth felt frozen. It was the similarity in features, that’s all. The guy had the same color hair as Seth.
Until he turned around.
Oh, God.
Seth was there.
In the campus coffee shop.
With a girl.
He met my gaze, and for one small instant there was nothing there, but I saw the second he knew it was me. Familiar eyes widened. His mouth, the one that had kissed me like I was all that mattered, opened and closed. He started to push out of the chair, but I don’t know what happened next because I turned on my heels and ran for the door.
It was a thousand times worse than walking in on Grant and that girl.
My eyes burned, and it felt like a vise squeezed around my chest, making it next to impossible to breathe. Forget study group, I just wanted to get into my car and drive.
Away.
God, why did he have to be there?
Who was she?
A sob flew past my lips as I hurried toward the student parking lot, my stupid heeled boots making it hard to run any faster.
“Avery.” His voice carried across the space between us, but I sped up. My heart threatened to beat right out of my chest.
“Damn it, will you stop for a second?” he shouted.
“No,” I threw over my shoulder.
Almost to the parking lot. I dug through my bag as I power-walked as best as I could in heels.
My fingers hooked the keys and I yanked them out, victory fleeting as they flew from my grasp and landed in the grass. Before I could grab them, Seth was there, picking them up and handing them to me.
“I wanted to tell you I was here,” he said. His wary gaze moved over my face, and it was almost as if he were touching me. I fought the urge to close my eyes.
He hadn’t changed at all. Still the most beautiful boy I’d ever seen. The one I cried over. The one who broke my heart. I grabbed my keys and steeled myself against the flood of emotions that being so close to him unleashed.
“Why? It’s a free country last time I checked.” My stupid voice shook. I hated that I sounded so weak and I tried to move past him, but he stepped in my way.
“I wanted to call you, almost did a hundred times.” He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and looked at the ground.
“Then why didn’t you?” The question was out before I could stop it. I drew in a sharp breath. “Never mind. You didn’t. That’s all that matters.” Those damned tears burned my eyes again. I was not going to let him see me cry. “Just move, okay. I can’t . . .” Several tears broke free and rolled down my cheeks. I brushed them away angrily.
“Avery, please.”
The longing in his voice almost broke me. I could not stand there and listen to him tell me that he’d moved on, that he had someone else. Not in that voice.
“I have to go. I have study group in a few minutes.” The lie slid past my lips even as I moved past him.
“I miss you,” he said softly.
I froze.
“I saw you a couple of times when I first got on campus,” he continued. “You were with Grant and some other people. You looked happy. I . . . I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t know if I’d just be screwing everything up for you again. But then today you were right there, and it wasn’t anything like I thought it would be. You were so close I could touch you, and then you were gone. I thought I imagined you, that I wanted to see you so badly that I made you up.”
“You left me that night,” I said.
“I know, I just . . .”
How dare he miss me when he was the one who walked away?
“No. You never even gave it a chance. After everything happened, I waited for you. I called. I tried to find you. I got nothing in return.” I swung around and stepped closer until we were toe to toe. I jabbed my finger into his chest. “You don’t get to say you missed me when you were the one who gave up.”
“I fucked up. I know that,” he growled. “Shit, Avery, you were standing there with a busted-up face because of me. By some stroke of fucking luck, I didn’t end up back in prison, but I had nothing to give you. My life was one big fuckup.”
“You had something, the only thing I wanted, you asshole.” I glared up at him, and the tears fell unchecked. “I told you that from the beginning, but you ignored it when things got hard. You chose to walk out of that hospital even after I asked you not to.”
I saw his jaw tighten. “I wouldn’t change that part. Sara is almost ready to leave rehab and she is sober and recovering, and Davis got twenty years because I went there that night. All I wanted was to protect my sister, and I finally did. She has a chance at a better life now.”
“And you? Do you have a life now too? Did everything work out perfect for Seth too?” I spat. The lump in my throat grew harder. Why did I even ask? I didn’t want to know.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? I gave up the only good thing in my life, and I’ve regretted it every second of every day, so no, Avery, everything definitely did not work out for me. I might be here, trying to make something of myself, but some days it feels like it doesn’t even fucking matter. Not without you.”
He looked so serious, so lost, that it took everything I had not to reach out and touch him.
I covered my mouth with my hand. My shoulders shook with the effort to hold everything in. “What do you want, Seth?” I hated how defeated I sounded, but maybe this was what I needed. My closure. My real goodbye.
He dragged his fingers through his hair and exhaled slowly.
“I want us to start over,” he said.
My heart thumped against my ribs. They could probably hear it halfway across campus. I expected an apology, maybe, but this? What was I supposed to do with this?
“What if things get hard again? What if you run away again?” God, was this really happening? I imagined it so many times in my head that I wasn’t sure if this was real or not. Was Seth standing there in front of me telling me that he still wanted to be with me?
“Things will get hard, I’m sure. That’s life. But I promise I won’t run. I will stay and fight for us. I need you, Avery. Like I need air to breathe. You’re it for me. I’m here on campus because I want to be better, for you and for me. I’m sorry I didn’t call you back. I had to figure this shit out for myself before I could drag you back into it. I wanted to show you I was serious about a future. And you.”
He said all the right words, the ones I’d thought about for weeks and weeks. The ones I never thought I’d hear. I wanted to believe him, more than anything I’d ever wanted in my life.
“What about that girl?”
His eyebrows dipped down. �
�Girl?”
“The one I saw you laughing with in the coffee shop.” Before he knew I was there watching.
“Beth? She’s my academic adviser. I came in midsemester as part of a special program for underprivileged kids and have a lot of catching up to do. She checks in with me every week to see how it’s going. Wait . . . you thought . . .”
His gaze went soft and he reached for me. I reluctantly let him pull me against his chest. His arms went around my neck, holding me tight. I could hear his heart thumping steadily under my ear.
It was so familiar, so right.
“God, I’m so sorry you thought we were together. That would never happen. Even if you tell me I screwed up too badly that you can’t give me another chance, there won’t be anyone else. I was serious Avery, you are it for me.”
I inhaled a lungful of his scent, a mix of cologne and Seth that I had missed so much. I didn’t want to say no. I had to believe that we got a second chance after everything.
“Seth, I . . .”
“Wait,” he said suddenly.
He released his grip on me and took a step back, then he wiped his hands on his jeans. He cleared his throat, looked me in the eyes, and held out his hand.
“Hi, I’m Seth Hunter. We’ve never met, but I’d really like to get to know you because I think it would be pretty damned easy to fall in love with you.”
I stared at his hand, then looked up until I met his eyes. Everything I hoped for was shining out of them right in that moment. Fresh tears splashed down over my cheeks, but I didn’t wipe them away. Not this time.
Seth took a step closer and leaned down until I could feel the warmth of his whispered words across my ear.
“This is the part where you tell me your name.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First up, I need to thank the fabulous Elana Cohen at Pocket Star. She is a dream editor who could almost read my mind, and if you love this book as much as I do, she had a lot to do with it!
My fabo agent, Mandy Hubbard, who didn’t even blink when I said, “I think I want to write a contemporary NA.”
Joy Hensley, the bestest CP and friend anyone could ask for. Support, ass-kicking, and general foolishness; the perfect combination! We got this, Bebe!!
