by Layla Frost
“You just saw me this morning,” I reminded him.
“No. I miss you,” he whispered against my neck. “The real you. Not in your head or holding back from me. I miss us being easy and happy. Let me bring us back there.”
When he set me down, I kept my wobbly smile in place. “I miss us, too.”
Theo wrapped his arm around my shoulder, his whole posture both possessive and filled with pride. “I can’t wait to show you off.”
For almost an hour, Theo whisked me around the room to meet different people who worked for Amaric and the other companies under their control. I sipped at delicious cocktails and ate hors d’oeuvres, each one more mouthwatering than the last.
When we sat for dinner, Theo at the end of one of the rectangular tables, he made sure I had the seat facing the window. Fun pots of cheese fondue were positioned within reach of everyone.
Actually, cheese had been in all the hors d’oeuvres, too.
When I raised a brow at Theo, he winked and said, “Who needs Wisconsin, right?”
Theo began a conversation with some of the people at our table about a new expansion for a green energy internet service. Throughout the salad course, I split my attention between their words and the outside view. Lights twinkled in the streets, breaking through the darkness and giving me a quick view of passersby.
It was mesmerizing, having that tiny little picture of their day. It was an infinitesimal blip in their timeline, but I was a part of it, if only as a voyeur. I saw couples pass, embracing each other in warm affection. Another went by, their fighting almost audible as they bickered. A third rushed by a little while later, and sadness filled me as I watched their cold indifference before they were gone, too.
A mother and her young daughter walked together, their steps bouncy and playful. They were almost out of the light and my line of sight when the mother was snatched backward, but I couldn’t see by whom.
I gasped, clutching Theo’s arm. “Outside! You’ve got to help her.”
His eyes were filled with regret. “I can’t.”
“Why not? Someone grabbed that woman!”
“That’s not me, Dahlia.” His voice lowered, the sincerity of his promise clear in his tone. “Not anymore. I told you, I walked away.”
“This is different!”
There was a scream from outside, and though it was little, it echoed with enough force to shatter glassware. Everyone else just continued eating, happy to ignore the horrible reality that was happening outside their bubble.
I bolted up to go, only to find myself flying backward to land on my feet near the bar. I ran again, getting the same results. My legs went forward as I was tugged back, landing on my bottom before quickly returning to my feet.
“What’s happening?” I yelled in frustration.
A pair of green eyes looked at me through the window of the restaurant door. Terror filled those eyes, tears streaming from them as she cried for help. Her blonde hair, which had been pulled into lovely bouncy pigtails, was in messy disarray.
“I need to help her!” Kicking off my shoes, I ran for the door again.
I didn’t move.
Not even an inch.
My shoes were back in place, my joints ached, and I was livid.
“That’s not our place,” Theo said as he came back inside. “The cops have them. It’s fine now.”
I stared at the girl’s haunted eyes, knowing deep in my soul she’d never be fine. Whatever she’d seen, it would stay with her for the rest of her life.
“You could’ve done something,” I hissed.
“I did. I stopped them and the cops were called.”
Being powerless left me frustrated and pissed. “You could’ve prevented it!”
“Not anymore. I did what I could.”
“I need some fresh air,” I said. Once again, I couldn’t move.
Theo just shook his head. “My job is to protect you. It’s not safe out there yet.”
Taking off as quick as I could, I ran. And ran. And ran.
But I got nowhere.
My feet weren’t even touching the ground, leaving me looking like a cartoon character about to run away.
“Have a drink, gattina,” Theo said, handing me a cocktail.
Slumping in defeat, I turned toward the bar. The mirrored wall let me see that my soft curls were still pinned back, only the fronts escaping as usual. My mascara and eyeliner were a little smudged, so I lifted a napkin to my eyes.
Strings.
Multiple strings were connected to my wrists, elbows, knees, and feet.
Whirling to face Theo, I lifted my finger to point at his face. The movement was clunky and noisy. I creaked and clattered. “I’m your puppet.”
He shook his head. “You’re not.”
“Look!” I rattled some more as I wiggled my arms and gestured to my strings. “You manipulated me. My life. I wanted my Weggies job back and you stopped me from going in today, didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“And made me get in the SUV? And come in here?”
“Yes,” he repeated, not looking the least bit ashamed.
“I’m not your puppet!” I gestured down to myself, but ended up twirling. “I’m not a doll for you to dress how you like and parade around.”
“I didn’t dress you.”
I shook my head at his denial. “For our entire relationship, you’ve had me tied to strings as you arrange things the way you want them. I’m just a prop.”
“Dahlia, I don’t control your strings.”
“What?” I asked, a force trying to push me out of the restaurant.
“Look up.”
Following the strings to where they were tied to wooden sticks, I saw the world. Abstract and blended, my past and the world shone from my own eyes. I may have had control of the strings, but those both heavily determined how I moved myself.
“I’m confused.” I looked at Theo. “You said you made me keep walking.”
“I only have one string.” He held it and tugged. My heart jolted at the motion, my dress pulling out slightly at my chest. “Anything I manipulated, I did to protect this.”
I turned away, my head swimming. I ached at my joints because I’d been trying to pull away from my strings. My skin burned and felt like it was going to tear.
“Can’t you see that you’re lost?”
I whipped around to look at Theo. Only instead of the restaurant, I was back in Java Brew. Beans crunched under my worn-out flats. My thin black pants and tee were stained with bits of coffee grounds and syrups.
It wasn’t the change in scenery, nor the clothes, that hit me hardest. Bone deep exhaustion nearly dragged my body down. It’d been so long since I’d felt it. The weight of the world landed on my overworked shoulders, as did the acute awareness it was me and only me carrying the weight. I had no help. No safety net.
No partner.
All of the infinitesimal blips in my timeline were mine alone, not shared with anyone.
Being alone wasn’t the worst, though. I’d experienced that.
It was knowing what I’d lost.
What I was giving up.
Theo’s voice pulled me from drowning in regret. “Can’t you see that you’re lost without me?”
“What?” I asked.
He gestured, not to my shabby surroundings, but to my heart. To my head. “Can’t you see that you’re lost without me?”
I took another step, the sound of beans crunching nearly deafening. My head swam before everything became clear and quiet.
“Excuse me.”
The deep voice grabbed my attention. Looking over, I saw Theo give me a polite smile.
“Can I have a large coffee?” He pulled a wallet from his nice slacks.
Whoa, déjà vu.
“Miss?” he said when I didn’t respond. His lips curved into an amused smirk.
“Theo?” I asked, handing him a coffee cup.
His brows lowered. “I’m sorry, have we met?”
Setting the fifty on the counter, he gave me a strange look he tried to cover with another polite smile. “Have a good afternoon.”
Had I imagined it all? A caffeine and smut fueled daydream run amok?
Am I losing my mind?
“Theo, I…” I started, but he was gone. My heart ached, my brain felt foggy and full, and my stomach plummeted in disappointment. It was only when I ran a damp palm down my face and saw the thin strings in place, did I feel rejuvenated. I fought against the strings, pulling so hard the skin broke and I began to bleed. “Theo, come back!”
Everyone came and went as they always had. Life returned to how it was before Theo.
But I couldn’t live like that anymore.
Grabbing the handle of the coffee pot, I shattered it against the counter. I used a jagged piece of glass to cut through the strings controlling my body. With each one severed, a new feeling of hope grew stronger.
My past and the outside world can’t control me anymore.
Taking off in a sprint, I ran from the building, calling Theo’s name as I went.
When he didn’t answer, hope faded into isolation. I refused to give up, even when it felt as though it was going to destroy me.
Jolting awake, I jumped from the bed. When the blankets tangled around my ankles, I tumbled and nearly fell before violently kicking my feet free. The feeling of loneliness surrounded me until I stood and saw where I was.
With a sigh, I sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed my face.
I’d been sleeping in the guest room for a week. Although we’d spent time together, I’d needed space to get my head on straight. Theo had been patient and understanding, even though he hadn’t been happy about it.
But the distance had done little to help. My mind was caught on how I should feel and what I should do. Despite Julie’s advice, I let ‘supposed to’ dictate how I was living.
I was supposed to leave him.
I was supposed to go to the police.
I was supposed to not love him.
Yet I stayed. Going to the police had never even been an option in my mind. And I loved him.
He did bad things, but prevented worse. I’d seen and heard awful atrocities from other kids in foster homes. Abused and neglected children were much more common than orphaned ones. I wasn’t oblivious to the cruelty in the world, but I couldn’t help but feel naïve for thinking punishment would always come legally.
It didn’t. Evil went unpunished every day. Theo wasn’t a superhero, swooping in to save the day and bring justice to the world. That didn’t mean he didn’t make a difference. Working from his gray area, he made it so there was one less Senator Larson out there to lie, steal, and abuse.
I was lost without him. Before he’d come into my life, I’d been stuck in my cage doing the same thing day after day. I hadn’t been living. I’d barely been surviving. He’d thrown the door open and reached a hand in to save me. And not once, not through any of it, had he made me feel like I was less than him or like I needed to change.
It wasn’t the same. I knew that. Being loved and accepted, however, was a feeling I hadn’t been familiar with. Once I had it, I couldn’t see settling for a relationship that offered any less. If I couldn’t give that same love and acceptance to Theo, I had no business sticking around.
What if I don’t fit into his whole world?
Looking at the time, I couldn’t believe it was only a little after three in the morning. I was more awake than if I’d gotten a full night’s sleep followed by a couple shots of espresso. Restless and impulsive, I didn’t give myself the chance to change my mind before going into Theo’s room.
Our room.
Sprawled on his back, just a thin sheet covered Theo from his waist down. One muscular arm was near his head, the other resting on his tight abs. Pillows and the comforter were on the floor around the bed as if they’d been kicked off.
I wonder if he was feeling as restless as I am.
Climbing onto the bed, I hesitated for a second before licking down the middle of his abs. When the sheet tented, Theo letting out a low groan, my eyes shot to his face but he was still asleep. I carefully shifted the sheet lower and positioned myself better. Starting at the base of his cock, I followed the thick vein as I licked up to the tip. My tongue flicked across the head before I repeated the path. I reached the tip again, barely wrapping my lips around him when he jolted forward.
His hands spanned my waist and lifted me so I straddled him. Instead of settling me lower, my ass landed on his stomach. He held me tight so my body was pressed against his and we were face to face.
He opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it. Using the tip of my tongue, I licked his bottom lip as I wiggled out of his hold. I shifted back so my ass was on his cock and pulled my sleep shirt over my head, leaving me naked and exposed.
Vulnerable.
Before I could move any further, Theo rolled us so I was on my back. I wrapped my legs around his thighs and lifted my shoulders off the bed to kiss him.
Everything from the previous couple months erupted between us. The time before when I’d literally jumped on him had been fueled by frustration and anger. There was none of that. As he pushed into me, filling me and making me cry out against his lips, it was about coming back together.
I knew I wasn’t the only one feeling it when Theo’s movements slowed. His biceps flexed under my palms with his effort to hold back as he made love to me. It was beautiful, but not what I wanted.
Biting his lip again, I rocked my hips faster. I rubbed up his arms to his tense shoulders, digging my nails in and scratching across to leave my mark.
Gone was slow and tender. Moving onto his knees, Theo’s thrusts increased in power and speed as he slammed into me. One of his hands held my pelvis down, his strong thumb applying a constant and maddening pressure on my clit. His other held my cheek before moving to trail down my neck, chest, and breast.
“I’m gonna be really fucking pissed if this is only a dream,” he said, his whispered growl sending goosebumps across my skin. “And if it is, I hope like fuck I never wake up.”
“Not a dream.” My reassurance ended on a moan as he rubbed my clit faster.
“It sure fucking feels like it.”
As my thoughts went fuzzy and my body tensed as I came, I had to agree with him. It felt like the best dream ever.
Theo’s body dropped against mine, his chest hair teasing my nipples as the rough hair on his pelvis rubbed against my oversensitive clit. “Love you, Dahlia,” he grunted, one word each time he thrust in, filling me as he came. Burying his head in my neck, his nose skimmed until his mouth was against my ear. “Let me take us back to where we were. Tell me what to do, anything, and I will. Anything but give you up.”
It’s all or nothing.
There’s sweet in his shadows, I just have to reach for it.
“I don’t know if I can fit into your world,” I admitted.
“You can’t.” My stomach began to sink until he continued. “And that’s good. When I come home to you, I leave all of that shit behind. I’m just Theo to you, and that’s what I need.” His lips brushed my neck again as he pushed into me before sliding out. “Soft after all the rough.”
“With your… other business and what you do… It’ll never change?”
“I told you, I’ll walk away.”
“I know. But what you told me you all did. Will that stuff ever change? Or get worse?”
He rolled onto his back, pulling me so my front was pushed against his side. When I lifted my head to look down at him, he reached and tucked my hair behind my ear. “I can’t promise we’ll never change direction, but I can promise we won’t devolve.”
“How do you know that?”
“You want everything?” At my nod, he sat and propped some pillows behind him so he was leaning against the headboard. I lifted, too, but he held my hand, resting it on his abs. “What we do now, with the fights, is already lucrative. I wasn’t lying when I said
I have very little to do with the actual fights, but they operate under me.”
“What does that mean?”
“Remember how Amaric took over a pharmaceutical company before? Some of the board members were resistant to change, so they were replaced. Not for any reason other than they were sinking the entire company to line their pockets. In that case, I replaced them with people not associated with Amato business. Not only because there’s no Amato qualified for those positions, but because there’s nothing a pharma company can offer that we need.”
“Okay…” I drawled, trying to follow along.
“On the other side, there are companies we’ve taken over that can benefit us. Real estate, for instance. A few years ago, we took over one about to implode with the mortgage market crashing. Since owning a real estate company does benefit Amato business, the fired president and chairs were replaced.”
“Do you still own the company?”
He nodded, the familiar edge in his expression growing the more he talked. “I only fire people who deserve it, and I never replace them with someone unqualified. Even if the company could be of use, there’s no point in putting one of my people in charge if they’ll just sink the place.”
“That makes sense.” I knew there must’ve been more to it all.
“The fights are the same as the real estate company. I may own the company, but I don’t have anything to do with how it’s run. The numbers are good, I get paid, and the rest is in the new president’s hands. And she lets me know which buildings are on the market and suitable for fights… And other things.”
“Like?”
His lips pressed into a tight line. “Buildings under construction can be useful…”
I nodded quickly, getting his point.
Knowing the basics is more than enough… I don’t need details.
“So the fights are profitable enough?” I asked.
“Yes, especially if you add in protection, loans, and the legit business Amaric does. Even at its lowest, betting and loans has always been enough to carry everything else.”
I thought about the little I knew about illegal loans and how dead men couldn’t pay. “If someone can’t pay you back, do you go after other people?”
