by Croix, J. H.
“Are you going to check it regularly?” Susie asked.
“Of course! I would have been down here to check his vitals in fifteen minutes if you hadn’t come to get me. Honey, he’s doing exactly how we’d like him to right now. He just needs to rest. I know you’re worried, but I promise you, we’ll let you know right away if there’s anything to worry about.”
“Okay, okay. I didn’t mean to bother you,” Susie said, slightly abashed. She hated how helpless she felt, awash in the push and pull of her feelings.
Helena smiled. “No bother. I’ve got other patients to check on. You come find me if you need to.”
Susie watched her walk away and leaned against the wall with a sigh. Returning to the room, she found Jared still sound asleep. Glancing at her watch, she wondered if she could get away with showering in his room. Not bothering to wait, she rushed through a shower, feeling much better afterwards. When she quietly closed the bathroom door, Jared shifted in his sleep, grimacing as he did.
Susie raced to his side. He blinked a few times, his green eyes finally opening, landing right on hers.
“Hey,” he said softly, his voice gravelly.
“Hey, how are you feeling?”
“Not so good…” he began to say.
Susie immediately reached to tap the call button by his bed for the nurse. “I’ll have the nurse come right down,” she said, almost frantic.
“Susie.”
She looked back at him. “I want the nurse to check on you…”
“I didn’t mean for you to call the nurse. I’m not so good because my back hurts like hell,” he explained, the corners of his mouth tipping in a small grin. He shoved the thin cotton blanket down and reached for her hand, which rested on the bed rail.
Tears spilled over and rolled down her cheeks. The moment his eyes met hers and he reached for her hand, all the emotion she’d been holding at bay washed like a wave through her. She hadn’t let herself think it, but a tiny corner of her heart had been afraid he wouldn’t want to see her. His eyes were on hers, that intense green gaze boring into her, and she may not know everything in his heart, but she knew he wanted her there. At that moment, the door swung open, Luke, Nathan and Hannah coming in the room. Susie frantically swiped her tears away and took a step back.
“Was hoping you might be up,” Nathan said with a grin.
Jared’s smile was weak, but genuine.
“How you feeling?” Luke asked.
“My back hurts like hell. I can’t even imagine how bad it’d be if I wasn’t on heavy duty painkillers.”
Susie stood back and let the brotherly banter commence. Hannah came to her side and slipped her arm over Susie’s shoulders. “Hey there, your mom stopped by this morning with a change of clothes for you.” Hannah lifted a small bag.
“I should’ve known she’d do that,” Susie said. She struggled to get her bearings. Emotions were coasting through her, keeping her off balance.
“You okay?” Hannah asked quietly.
Susie swallowed through the lump in her throat and nodded. “Yeah. I am. It was a long night.”
“I know. Tess told me they stayed until Jared got out of surgery, and it was well past midnight by then. Did you sleep at all?”
Susie gestured to the chair by the window. “In the most uncomfortable chair ever! I snuck a shower just a few minutes ago though,” she said with a rueful grin.
Hannah searched her face. “Do you want to take a break from here? Maybe go grab some breakfast?”
Susie shook her head forcefully.
Hannah’s eyes widened. ‘Okay then. I guess you’ve sorted out how you feel.”
Susie rolled her eyes, Hannah’s droll tone taking the edge off her feelings. “I just…” she paused, her throat tightening and tears threatening again “…don’t want to leave him here by himself.”
Hannah lifted a brow and tilted her head. “Pretty sure he’s not going to be alone for hours. Tess is headed over soon. Emma and Trey will be here. Jared’s parents are flying up. The list goes on and on. You sure that’s the only reason you don’t want to leave?” she asked with a soft smile.
Susie couldn’t leave because her heart wouldn’t let her. She was tired of running from what she felt, and once the floodgates were open, she couldn’t hide from it. She bit her lip and glanced over at Jared. He was grinning at something Nathan said, but his eyes were tired. She looked back to Hannah. “I don’t want to leave right now. That’s all. Interpret that however you want,” she said archly, a touch of irritation flaring. As emotionally overwhelmed as she was, she knew she had to keep somewhat of a lid on her feelings with everyone around. As usual, her feisty side got her through it.
Hannah chucked and quickly sobered. “Though I’ve been just as worried about Jared as you, I also want to make sure you take care of yourself. Have you two had a chance to talk?”
Susie shook her head. “He woke up right before you all got here. And I’m okay. I just need to be here.” She had to be here to know he would be okay and because what she might not have said in words yet, she had to show through her presence.
Hannah nodded in understanding and stepped closer to Jared’s bed. The next few hours passed with a rotating cast of visitors. Jared dozed off and on at points. The few times when the room was without visitors were brief, or included a stop from Helena checking on Jared’s vitals. Late that afternoon, when Susie thought they might finally have a moment alone, Jared’s parents arrived.
Susie had met them several times before when they were visiting. Iris, Jared’s mother, entered the room in a swirl. Matthew, his father, followed at a rambling pace. Iris was tall with long black, wavy hair shot through with silver. Jared’s green eyes were strikingly similar to hers. Matthew had the same lanky, lean build as his sons, his hair almost entirely silver with sparkling blue eyes. After Iris fawned over Jared, she came to Susie and hugged her tightly, stepping back, her hands on Susie’s shoulders.
“How are you dear?” Iris asked, her eyes curious.
Susie didn’t know what Iris knew, if anything, about her and Jared.
“I’m fine,” Susie said. “I’ve been busy with work and the usual summer stuff. I know Jared’s glad you and his dad came up today. He had a rough few days.”
Iris nodded and stepped back, adjusting a wide silver bracelet on her arm. “Luke waited to call us until they were flying out.” Iris shook her head. “I can’t believe he didn’t call right away, but he said he didn’t want us to worry.”
Iris paused when Matthew said her name.
Matthew was leaning against Jared’s hospital bed. “Hon, I think we should go pick up some takeout for Jared. He’d love something from the pizza place. If we don’t, he’ll be stuck with hospital fare.”
Susie caught Jared’s eyes and could have sworn he winked, but she wasn’t quite sure. Iris moved to Matthew’s side. “Of course! We’ll go right now. What kind of pizza do you want sweetie?”
Jared sighed and closed his eyes after they left. Susie sat on the foot of his bed, entirely uncertain of what to say after waiting for hours to have a moment alone with him. Quiet settled in the room, the distant sounds of the hospital muted.
“It’s nice to see everyone, but damn I’m tired,” Jared said.
“How are you feeling overall?” Susie asked.
Jared opened his eyes and smiled weakly. “Been better, but okay.” He looked toward her. “I’m glad you’re still here.”
She was pinned in place by his green gaze. His eyes were intent. Her heart kicked up a notch and her breath became shallow. Against all reason, given that Jared was in a hospital bed and in absolutely no condition to do anything, her body reacted—heat swirled in her center, desire stealthily slid through under her skin, flushing her inside and out. She stood abruptly.
“Come here.”
Jared beckoned with his hand, eyes still locked on her. She stepped to his side, resting her hands on the edge o
f the bed. Someone had let the bed rail down hours ago. He reached for her hand, tugging it into his. He grimaced. “Be careful,” she admonished.
He grinned. “It’s not so bad. I’m just…damn sore. It’s not horrible.”
His thumb idly stroked across the back of her palm, sensation chasing in the wake of each small stroke. Susie tried to keep her heart calm, but it was no use. She’d missed him so the last few weeks. Two days of the sheer agony of worrying over him had left her heart without defense. She couldn’t even muster her cranky side. The tears that had started hours ago pressed against her eyelids. She swallowed them down and took a shaky breath.
“My dad bought us a little time, but it won’t be much. My mom’s kind of a worrier,” he said softly before taking a deep breath. “I had a lot of time to think while I was waiting over there. I know you were mad, maybe you still are, but you have to know I love you.” He searched her face before continuing. She was so stunned by the bare honesty in his eyes, she didn’t hear much of what he said next. She was stuck on ‘I love you.’ Her heart started dancing, and tears rolled down her cheeks. She forced herself to look at him and try to listen. He had closed his eyes as he continued to speak. “…I didn’t plan on this and obviously I’m not so great at the whole relationship thing, but if you’re going to shut me out, I don’t want you to do it without knowing how I feel. I want to make this work. Even if it means I screw up half the time,” he said wryly, his eyes opening, meeting hers with such intensity it took her breath away.
He squeezed her hand. “Please don’t cry,” he said fiercely. “I don’t know what it means.”
Susie shook her head, her curls bouncing. She snatched a tissue from a box on a table by his bed and scrubbed the tears away. “It’s not bad. I…I love you too…” her words ended in a sob, tears rolling again. Jared started to reach up, gasping in pain when he did.
“Stop it! You need to be still,” she ordered. She took a shaky breath and squeezed his hand. “I was a mess even before you got hurt. And the last two days…well, they sucked. I was upset with you, but I’ve had lots of time to think—all day yesterday and then some—and I wanted to make sure you knew how I felt.” She took a breath just as there was a sharp knock on the door. Helena entered the room, quickly checking the monitor and moving to the bed.
Susie backed away. Jared kept his eyes on her as Helena checked a few things and gave him his latest dose of pain medication. Once they were alone again, he reached for her hand. “So it’s fair to assume we won’t have more than five minutes alone until visiting hours are over,” he said with a chuckle.
Susie grinned. “Probably.”
Her heart was so full, she could hardly contain the feeling. Impulsively, she leaned over to kiss him. In a flash, she tumbled into the desire shimmering around them. Jared threaded his hand into her curls pulling her against his mouth forcefully. He made her forget his condition, tracing the contours of her lips and stroking deeply into her mouth with his tongue. She strained toward him, heavy desire pounding through her. He broke away from her mouth, his lips traveling in a heated path down her neck into the opening created by her blouse. He licked the exposed skin between her breasts. She could feel his arousal pressing against the edge of her hip and brought her hand down to cup him through the sheet. He groaned and fell back against the pillows. “Damn…I missed you...”
She looked up and lost herself in his mesmerizing gaze. His hand slowly slipped out of her curls and stroked around her ear, cupping her cheek. His thumb caressed the beat of her pulse in her neck. Shivers raced through her body. “I missed you too.” She suddenly felt shy and exposed.
Jared shook his head. “Don’t. We’re in this together,” he said softly.
Her heart beat so hard, she thought it might beat its way out of her chest. She nodded. Trying to be open and risk her heart this way was terrifying. But with his eyes pinned on hers, she couldn’t ignore what she saw there. Intense yearning…and vulnerability. This was just as frightening for him. “Okay,” she said softly.
“So before we get interrupted again, does this mean we’re trying again?”
For a moment, she worried she’d misunderstood. Just as her mind climbed on its hamster wheel, Jared spoke her name. “I’m not asking because I’m not sure. I’m asking about you. Let me make it crystal clear. I love you, I want you, and I don’t want there to be any daylight between what I feel and what you think I feel. Every day without you all I did was miss you. You said I wanted things tidy. Not anymore. Tidy almost made me miss out on the best thing that ever happened to me. And that’s you.”
Susie was so overcome, tears spilled over again. Joy unfurled inside when she met his eyes through the veil of her tears.
“Crying is a good thing?” he asked with a small smile.
She nodded and knuckled her tears away. “You have to know I was going to make sure you knew I loved you no matter what. I figured it wasn’t fair for me to get pushy with you if I wasn’t even being open about how I felt. I just didn’t…” she paused and gulped in air with her words tumbling out “…didn’t dare let myself hope you felt the same way.”
He held her eyes for a long moment before pulling her down for another kiss. Just when he stroked his thumb across her nipple, there was a knock at the door. She pulled back, her heart light and airy as if its windows had been flung wide and sunlight flooded inside.
Chapter 22
“Honey, let me get those for you,” Iris said, coming to Jared’s side and taking his crutches from him. She set his crutches against the back of the couch.
Jared sank into the couch with a sigh. He was at Luke and Hannah’s house. His parents were staying there for the remainder of the week. He’d been discharged from the hospital over a week ago and was flat tired of hobbling around. Much as he loved his mother, she was also pushing him to his limits with worrying and her barely checked tendency to get over-involved in his life.
His father sat down in an adjacent chair as Iris returned to the kitchen where she was helping Hannah cook dinner. “You’re about to the end of your rope with all this hovering,” Matthew said with a wry grin.
Jared smiled ruefully. “Just about. I’m hoping to be cleared to ditch the crutches by tomorrow.”
“I’d better not hear from Luke or Nathan that you plan to start working again right away,” Iris said, returning to the room and handing a beer to Matthew. She turned to Jared, her blue skirt swaying, and eyed him. Her hair was twisted in a bun with chopsticks. Though Jared was many years past answering to his mother, one look like that from her and he instantly felt chagrined. He’d absolutely planned to join Luke and Nathan on the next scheduled day trip.
“Of course not, Mom. I’ll be working behind the scenes,” he said, fighting to keep a straight face.
Iris shook her head. “Don’t lie to me. You might think you can convince Luke and Nathan to cover for you, but I’ve already talked to Hannah, Tess and Susie. They won’t cover for you,” she said emphatically.
Jared groaned. “Seriously, Mom? I’m a grown man. I don’t need you monitoring my every move.”
Matthew coughed, masking a laugh. He caught Jared’s eyes and shook his head. Iris kept her gaze trained on Jared. “I’m perfectly aware you’re a grown man, but I know you well enough to know that as soon as you’re not hobbled by those crutches, you’ll push yourself.”
Jared elected to avoid further discussion. “Mom, I promise I’ll take it easy. Let’s leave it at that. How long are you and Dad staying anyway?”
“Just three more days. We’ll be back up in another few months,” Iris said, sitting down in a small rocking chair on the other side of the coffee table. She pursed her lips and tilted her head to the side. “So when were you planning to fill me in on Susie?”
Luke happened to be coming downstairs, carrying John in his arms. He glanced Jared’s way and grinned. Jared had enjoyed the benefit of his brothers’ respective marriages taking the pressure off of him when i
t came to their mother. She was an endless romantic. Having enjoyed a loving marriage for decades, she wanted all three of her sons to have the same. Jared figured his mother would have noticed something, what with Susie an almost constant presence in his hospital room.
He took a breath. “Mom, I haven’t been hiding anything. Just got a little sidetracked—you know, broke my ankle, curious bear and all that.”
Iris merely lifted her eyebrows.
Jared flushed. He’d actually been planning to ask his mother for some help when it came to Susie. Even though he had absolutely no doubt about what Susie meant to him, he was a fairly private person and being open with his mother made it hard to keep much private. He glanced to his father, realizing he’d get no help there with Matthew suddenly enamored with the view out the window. Jared took another deep breath. “Right. Susie. Well,” he paused to clear his throat “Let me cut to the chase: I love her.”
Iris squealed, her hands flew to her mouth and tears filled her eyes. “Oh Jared! Really?”
Jared flushed even deeper, but he nodded.
Iris started to say something else before her gaze softened. “Jared, you’re my serious one, and you almost had me convinced for a while there that you would never give yourself a chance to fall in love. I knew it the first time I saw you and Susie together—she was the only woman I knew who had a chance to get you to let down your guard. I can tell you’re about to squirm out of your chair over there, and if you could get up and gracefully walk away, you would, so I won’t torture you further. I’m just happy to see you give love a chance.”
Jared barely kept his mouth from falling open. “Mom, you met Susie a few years ago. We only started seeing each other recently.”
Iris grinned. “I know my boys. Susie could have wrapped you around her finger early on. You might not have had enough sense, but it was clear as day you couldn’t keep your eyes off of her. I like her, and she’s good for you. She’ll keep you on your toes,” she said firmly.
