by Valia Lind
No.
No.
Shut it down. Push it away. I started to feel things I never should've felt. I forgot that he was my enemy, and now I get to pay for it. But I can do it. I can be indifferent. I can play this game.
"Tomorrow, we begin lessons." The queen says as I take a tiny bite of my food. Nora wasn't kidding. The food is the most delicious thing I've ever tasted. I resist the urge to shove spoonfuls into my mouth. It seems like the whole table is watching me chew. I look over to find their eyes on mine. Nora is down the line, a small smile on her face as she too watches me. I don't understand what's happening, but I'm not about to ask anyone. Especially not Derek.
"Lessons?" I decide to say. When I glance at the queen, she seems to be studying me again. I take another small bite of meat, waiting for the answer. She shakes herself from whatever trance she's in before replying.
"I have selected tutors to guide you in your magic study. Without the book," she emphasizes the word, but I'm not taking the bait, "we cannot go over specific spells. But you must learn how to harness the gift you have been given. So, we will start slow. At the beginning."
I nod in acknowledgment, as I eat a slice of potatoes. One of the other people present asks the queen a question then, so she turns her attention to the fae beside Derek. There are about ten individuals there, including Nora. Not a huge dinner party, but I would bet my last dollar on the fact that each of these fae is here to watch me like a science project. Every move I make is scrutinized. Yet, somehow, I ignore them. Maybe later I can ask Nora about it. Not that I'm trusting her intel. She said she's related to the queen. I already thought she could be a spy. If nothing else, she’s fae. I can’t be forgetting that any time soon.
This whole palace is a cage, and I walked into it willingly. But the queen wants to teach me magic, and that is something I need. It's why I'm here. But I have to hold at least some of the cards or this won't work.
"I have a stipulation," I say, my heart pounding loudly in my ears. The whole room falls silent at my outburst.
"A stipulation?"
"My hometown, including my parents, is in danger. I will do your lessons, and I will help you with your war, but you have to promise to protect them. No matter what."
There is no hesitation in my words. They come out strong and I'm proud of myself. Even when I meet the queen's eyes and find hers full of anger, I don't waver.
"You dare to provide stipulations." It's not a question, but I decide to answer it anyway.
"Yes. You need me. There is no doubt about it, or you wouldn't have bothered with all of this." I wave my hand in the direction of Derek, and we all know what I mean. "So, you protect my family, and I work with you. Or this will be an unpleasant experience for all of us."
The bravery I feel comes out of nowhere. But thinking about my parents, my friends, I know this is what needs to be done. I can't cower away from it. I can't cower away from her.
She could probably murder me with a flick of her wrist. But then, she would have no one to read the books, and she can't have that. She wants to win. For that, she needs me.
We're at a standstill.
No one moves.
And then, when I think she's going to throw me into a dungeon and forget about me until I come to my senses, she nods.
"Fine. Your family will be safe."
"Make it a deal." I don't hesitate, and her eyes flash at me. I made myself her enemy, but I don't care. "Deal or no dice."
There's another pause and then, "It's a deal."
Chapter 18
"You are out of your mind!" Nora squeals next to me like a thirteen-year-old girl at her first concert. I've seen plenty of movies to know that's a thing. We're back in my room, and I march right to my bed and lay down. "Seriously, you're insane." Nora plops down beside me, her head on her arm as she stares down at me.
"I thought the queen was going to turn you into a tree right then and there."
"Oh, is that one of her powers?" I chuckle, but there's no humor there. I still can't believe I did that either. My parents would be horrified. And proud. But probably mostly horrified.
"Smart of you to make it a deal though. You studied."
"That's my specialty."
I push myself to my elbows, glancing over at Nora. She really is enjoying herself. But even though I'm still terrified this will come to bite me, I'm happy I did it. My parents need my protection. The fae cannot break a promise without it taking an actual physical toll on them. And their powers. That's one of the first few lessons my dad ever taught me about fae. I have to be even more careful about my word use going forward, but this had to be done.
"Also, can I just ask, what it was like to spend all that time with Prince McBroody?"
"McBroody?"
"That's what I call him. As well as McAnnoying and an array of other things."
I try not to remember the way he looked at me when he watched over me in the night, or how his hand felt wrapped around mine. All of that is done. He's not who I thought he was.
"He was... difficult," I finally reply, receiving a snort from Nora. It's such a human thing to do I stare at her for a moment.
"He really is. I wondered how he'd do with you. He's usually sent on all the boring ambassador duties. The only fun part is that he gets to travel and live among humans."
"Is that why you wanted to be an ambassador?" I try to steer the conversation back to her because I definitely don't want to talk about him.
"Yes. He made it sound so exciting. I think we both just wanted a way out of here. But don't tell anyone I said that."
I smile, but it's not like I have anyone to tell. The one individual I thought I'd have here is apparently related to my enemy. So fun stuff for me.
A knock sounds on the door just then. Nora jumps off the bed before I can stop her. Pulling the door open, I can't see who's on the other side, but Nora chuckles again.
"Speak of the devil."
But of course, it's Derek. Because why wouldn't it be? This night is going so well.
"Can we take a walk?" he asks as I continue to sit on the bed.
"I’d rather not." That surprises him. I can see the barely there flicker in his eyes before he masks it. Nora folds her arms, looking between Derek and I as if she's figuring something out.
"Avery, please."
That sends Nora's eyebrows into her hairline, which is why I jump off the bed. I don't feel like dodging her questions right now, and I have to hear him out eventually. I walk past both of them and step out into the hallway. He follows me out, then turns to the left without a word, so I have no choice but follow.
When we reach the courtyard we crossed over into, I instantly head for the trees. There's a cluster of three on one side of the yard, and I want to get a closer look. Derek stays about five feet away from me, but I can feel his eyes on my every move. I keep expecting him to say something, but he stays silent. So then, after a few minutes, I finally turn to face him.
I can't read his expression, but now I wonder if I ever actually could. Or if he just showed me what I wanted to see.
Maybe I could blame him for it, but it doesn't really matter if he's royalty or not. He would've done this if he was just some common fae. I can't hold his title against him.
But I can be mad at the way he's been treating me.
"That's it then? Silence?" I ask, shattering the peace between us. He can't seem to look away from me. I realize I'm still dressed in the dress Nora picked out. It's just another indication of everything that has changed between us.
"I am not going to offer excuses."
"Ah, he speaks." I walk past him, heading toward a bench near the flowers. "And no, I wouldn't expect you to."
I sit, arranging the skirt around me. I've never been much for long dresses, but I do have to admit, there is a charm to this one. If I have to fit in, at least I'll look pretty doing it.
"There are things you do not understand."
At that, I do look at him. He's come to stand near
the bench, but he doesn't take a seat. It sounds like there is more to those words than what he's saying, but I can't figure it out. I need more information than what he's giving me.
"I don't understand many things," I reply. "You'll have to be more specific."
He falls silent again, but there's an intensity about him that wasn't present before. He's on the verge of saying something else when someone comes into the courtyard. I don't notice them right away, not until they’re standing several feet away. When I do glance over, I don't realize what I'm seeing.
But then, a weight as heavy as a ton of bricks slams into my heart.
"No."
"This is not possible," I can barely push the words past my lips as I stare at the person who just walked into the courtyard. My heart hurts, but the rest of me can't feel a thing. My whole body has gone numb from shock.
“Hey, Avery," Julian says, a tentative smile on his face.
He looks exactly how I remember him. Disheveled hair and mischievous eyes. But he was dead. There is no way he could've survived a sword through the heart. He was bleeding everywhere. I remember the sound of his flesh being torn, of the smell of copper in the air. I didn't hallucinate that.
"I guess you have questions," he continues, stopping a few feet in front of me. I stand, automatically taking a step away from him. He freezes. I still haven't taken a full breath. I can't stop staring. That's why, when his eyes flicker over toward Derek, something clicks into place.
I shift my gaze, horror hitting me like a wrecking ball. Derek meets my eyes, and there's no warmth there. He's completely shut down, the impenetrable mask back in place.
"You did this," I whisper, but it seems like I'm shouting. The dull hum fills my ears, my head spinning with the meaning of this. "You know him, and you did this."
“Avery—"
"No!" I put out my hand, stopping whatever excuse Julian was about to offer. "You played me. This whole time. Both of you played me."
I'm backing up, putting some much-needed distance between me and the boys as possibilities race through my head.
"Did you know who I was when you met me?" I direct this at Julian. Even before he nods, I see the answer in his eyes. It was all a setup.
"And you!" I turn my wrath on Derek, "What was the point of me seeing him die?"
"Answer me!" I snap when it looks like he won't. His eyes flash, but I'm too angry to be afraid. Finding out he's royalty was one thing, but this? It's like he was the one that tore my flesh to shreds. He made me think that I got Julian killed. He even comforted me over the fact. While all along, it was a lie.
And here I thought fae don’t lie. I guess they can find a way around anything.
"Why did I have to watch him die?" My voice is once again barely audible. Maybe that's what finally gets him to answer.
"So you would trust me."
Five simple words but they shoot straight to my heart, taking all the wind out of me. He saved me that day. Derek played a part and pretended to help me and save me, all so that I would let down my guard. And I was stupid enough to fall for it. This one is on me.
Way to go, Avery. When you make a mistake, you make one big time.
Stay calm. Stay grounded.
Stay calm. Stay grounded.
Stay calm. Stay grounded.
The flood of emotions I'm experiencing is stirring my magic up. I would like nothing more than to blast both of them across the courtyard and against one of those massive trees. But I have to stay in control. I have to. When I do speak, my voice has found some of that calm.
"I guess your plan worked. I did trust you, and you did get me to Faery. I hope you get an extra special reward for that."
I want to scream. I want to spit in his face. I want to bring this whole building down on top of both of them. Never in my life have I felt so used, so betrayed. I let myself believe that things could be—no. I refuse to let myself go down that path.
No more.
No more self-pity.
No more trusting anyone.
I should've learned my lesson before, but it's too late now. I'll just have to be better from now on.
“I had to come of my own volition, right?” I direct this last question at Derek, and he doesn’t hesitate this time.
“Yes.”
I’m such a fool. I really, truly am the maker of my own ruined destiny.
"We didn’t—"
Julian speaks up again, but I won't listen to it.
"There's nothing you can say that will make up for this," I interrupt, speaking to the air between the two boys. No part of me wants to look at either of them. "I'd like to be taken back to my cell now."
Raising my chin and squaring my shoulders, I wait for Derek to guide me back to my room. He doesn't. We stand like that, him looking at me, me looking out at the outer wall, for a few tense minutes. But I'm not backing down.
Refusing to succumb to begging or any other conversation, I simply pivot and head back out the way we came. At first, I think he'll just let me wander around, but then a shadow falls over me. Immediately I know it's not him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see it's one of the guards who are stationed all over the palace. Good. The less time I send in Derek's company the better.
He used me. He played me. Now I have to find a way to pay him back.
Wondering through the shadows,
Searching for answers.
The questions are asked,
But no one can hear them.
What can compare to the potential you carry?
Look at yourself,
Are you not blooming?
Are you not growing?
Can you not see it?
Magic will show you the way.
Chapter 19
I don't remember closing my eyes, but when I open them, I know I'm no longer in my pretty prison with a view. This time, there's no darkness trying to creep in on me at every corner. The area looks bright and inviting.
Glancing down at myself, I find that I'm dressed in a simple green skater dress The color matches my green highlights exactly. On my feet are one of my favorite pair of combat boots, something I left behind at Thunderbird Academy when I ran. The outfit is very me, and it brings a smile to my face. It's really true what they say, a good pair of shoes can make you feel better. Not that I've ever really thought about it before. I never had the time. But now, I'm finding all kinds of interesting tidbits about myself. For example, I'm starting to like fashion. Who would've thought?
Deciding that I can't stand in the middle of this clearing forever, I start to walk. One thing I can never understand is if these visions are dreams or if they're something else. Last time, a dream wraith left marks on my body. The time before that, one of the Ancients threatened everyone I knew. It would be nice to have a simple, pleasant, no doomsday dream one of these nights. But I'm not that lucky.
When I break through the trees, I'm not sure what I'm expecting, but it isn't a small town opening up in front of me. It's one of those picturesque, ready for a postcard places. There’s a small town hall on the right and a welcoming park on the left. I say welcoming because it literally has a sign that reads "Welcome to Hawthorne!" on a huge banner over a long table. The table itself is filled with baked goods, and there are children and adults roaming around.
Hawthorne. I know that last name. But for some reason, I can't place it. It's like a fog has come over my memory, associating what I'm seeing with a knowledge I have but not actually accessing it. I know I've never been to this town, but it feels like I would fit right in. I’m not sure what gives me that idea, but I decide I have no other choice but to explore. I can't exactly keep standing at the edge of the woods.
"Have you come to play?" A little girl, maybe five or six, runs up to me, her brown hair braided into two. At first, I don't think she's talking to me, but then she reaches for my hand and tugs on it a few times. "Have you come to play?"
"Oh, I'm not sure," I reply as she grins up at me. She radiates happiness in e
very part of her being, bouncing up and down as she continues to hold my hand.
"You should be sure!"
She pulls me behind her, and I have no choice but to follow. More children run by me, laughing. My heart swells at the pure happiness of the moment, at the freedom these people are experiencing here and now. But then, is this just my mind's way of dealing with stress? Am I making up charming small towns to help battle the darkness that keeps creeping in? I can't tell anymore.
"Mama, Mama!" the little girl exclaims as we come up to a woman near the outskirts of the park. "Look who I found! A new friend!"
The woman meets my eye and something close to shock goes through her. She's about thirty or so, with long hair that is braided in sections, matching that of the little girl. She's dressed in a floor length dress that swishes around her ankles. An array of necklaces and bracelets adorn her.
"Can she stay and play?" the little girl asks, keeping her hand wrapped tightly around mine. I haven't said a word yet, and I'm not sure why. All I can do is stand and watch the woman study me.
"Bri, can you please come take your sister to the cookie stand?" the woman calls out.
"But Mama! I want to stay with my new friend!" the little girl whines. Just then, another girl comes up, about two years older, her demeanor much calmer than her sister’s.
"Of course, Mama," she replies, giving me the same study as her mother. All three are similar, but while the youngest has a little chaotic energy, this sister is much more like I was at her age. Quiet and contemplative. She reaches for her sister's hand. After only a moment of hesitation, the little girl grabs it. She still hasn't let go of my hand.
"I can't go, Mama," the little girl announces. "My friend will disappear."
Glancing between them, I have no idea what she means. But her mother does.
"It's okay, Harper. I have her now. You may let go."
With that, the woman reaches out, placing a small hand on my wrist. Seeing that, the little girl smiles and finally loosens her grip.
