“Crazy. Venus is crazy. You’ll see. I don’t need to say a word. I’ll let you all decide for yourselves.”
“Speaking of nutjobs, I had lunch with my brother-in-law,” Jamie said.
“Uh oh, just by the tone of your voice that doesn’t sound too good.” Kat piled some more salad onto her plate and refilled her wine glass.
“No, it wasn’t. I tried to talk to him about Dorothy and the way she is deteriorating and said that I could use some help with her.”
“Has she gotten really bad?” Danielle asked.
“She actually got lost the other day.”
“Lost?” they said.
“Yes. Nora was watching one of her soap operas and Dorothy got outside and took a two-mile walk down to the Starbucks, dressed to the nines. Can you believe she walked that far? Two miles! The police were at my place when I got home. It was like a scene out of Cops. Then this older black man brings her home in his car and he’s laughing when he gets out. Comes and tells us that she’s sure he’s Sammy Davis Junior.”
“She knew her way home, though? I mean enough to give him directions?” Kat asked.
“I know. I don’t get it. I’m happy she made it home but now I’ve had to pay Nora more money until I figure something out. I hate to leave her at all.”
“Why don’t you hire someone new?” Danielle asked.
Jamie sighed. “I’m a little tight on money right now. She’s about all I can afford.”
“Did you tell your brother-in-law about what happened?” Danielle asked.
“No. This was after I met with him. Same day though. And since he’d already told me that he thought we should place her in a home--which I promised Nate that I wouldn’t do, and I know it would kill her—I thought it best not to tell him about the incident. She may be losing it, but Maddie and I are the only family she has. David and Susan never visit and he doesn’t seem to care.”
“What jerks,” Alyssa said.
“Oh, honey, I am sorry.” Danielle hugged her. “I didn’t know things were tight for you. I wish you’d talked to us. Maybe we can help.”
Jamie bit her lower lip and shook her head. “Please. You don’t need to be sorry. You have a full plate yourself. I can take care of this. It will get better.”
“I say we all have some heavy stuff these days. We’re a sorry lot, aren’t we?” Kat asked, rather tipsily. She held up her glass, “Here’s to life, love and all the other shit in between.”
The women toasted one another, grateful that one thing that stayed consistent in their ever-changing lives was their friendship.
***
Wine Lover’s Magazine
Constants
By
Jamie Evans
In the last column I wrote about life being like a rollercoaster and all the ups and downs we go through. This month over wine and an amazing shrimp salad that Alyssa made at her lovely home, my friends and I continued to deal with life’s numerous curveballs.
The uncertainty of life got me thinking about the importance of constants in our lives. Constants can be anything from the bills in the mailbox, to needing gas for the car, to loving family members and caring for good friends. The not-so-fun things like the bills and the gas—the givens—can be annoyances at best and utterly depressing at worst. However, they are there. There’s no surprises when it comes to these things. We know that we need money in the bank to acquire even basic needs and when money isn’t easy to come by, then we have to figure out if we need to change our lifestyle to keep up with the basic constants in life.
Loved ones and friends are what I consider the joyful constants in life. There are times when even the most wonderful of constants can cause pain and heartache, but that overall feeling of love and warmth given and gotten from these constants makes the bad times tolerable. Loved ones, including pets, cause us to have the best types of emotion. Without these constants, we would never understand love and humor, or pain and sorrow.
The bottom line about constants is that they are dependable. They are there—always. I’m happy at the end of the day (even when I open up the bills) knowing that I have three constants in my life who make me laugh, who bring out the worst and the best in me, and who make me a better woman. They are my friends. So, this week, take some time to call the constants in your life and toast to them, whether they are your friends, siblings, parents, or pets…give your dog a hug and toast him for being your best friend!
And since good food and wine should be a constant in your life, try Alyssa’s shrimp salad with a glass of crisp sauvignon blanc.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Danielle
It was Monday afternoon and Shannon still hadn’t returned from the city. Nor had she answered any of her mother’s calls. Danielle was beside herself and instead of going to the lab or the winery to work, she cleaned the house. She didn’t just pick up. She took an old toothbrush and scrubbed grout. She waxed and polished the hardwoods while on her knees, she organized the bathroom and kitchen cupboards, and then, after eating a quick tuna fish sandwich, braved Cassie’s room.
Danielle had a rule where Cassie’s room was concerned—never go in. The reason for that is that she might not ever find her way out. It was a maze of clothes, cups and plates, books, CDs, DVDs, papers, and empty junk food wrappers. She should’ve made the child clean, but the energy required for that argument was actually greater than what it took to live with it. She did have to give the kid props for doing a great job gardening with her on Saturday.
However, a cloud of guilt hung over Danielle as her youngest daughter had tried hard to make conversation with her, telling her about the movie from the night before. Through it all, Danielle feigned interest, wanting so badly to be present. It was rare that Cassie shared with her on that level any longer. Then she asked her about her date with Mark and all Danielle could tell her was that it was fine. Soon thereafter, Cassie put her earphones back in her ears and did what she normally did—shut her mother out.
Danielle had been relieved. All she could do was play out in her mind what she wanted to say to Shannon. The conversation they needed to have was coming and as soon as her daughter came through the door it would have to happen. In the meantime, she would organize Cassie’s room and hopefully alleviate the guilt she felt for not paying proper attention to her on Saturday.
After determining what were clean and what were dirty clothes she began folding the clean pile. But when she opened the drawers of Cassie’s dresser to put them away, she realized she would first have to sort through that clothing, fold it and then make room for the other clothing. Some of this stuff had to be too small.
Halfway through cleaning out the middle drawer, her hand found something non-clothing. It was round and plastic and she pulled it out, already with an idea as to what she’d found. She closed her eyes and sat back with a big sigh. In her hands she held a packet of birth control pills.
***
Danielle heard the back door slam and set the baby photo of Shannon back on the mantelpiece. She’d been standing there for at least twenty minutes looking at baby pictures of both girls. How easy it was then. If only she could go back, hold them in her arms. Now she wasn’t even certain she knew the two young women living in her home. They were virtual strangers to her.
“Hi, Mom,” Cassie said and headed for the kitchen.
“Hi, Cass. How was your day?” Keep cool and don’t lose it.
“Fine. I think I got a job at In-N-Out Burger, which is, like, so humiliating because if my friends see me I’m gonna die, but no one is hiring, and you and this job thing. Anyway, so my day basically sucked.”
Danielle started in for the kitchen. “Cassandra, there is something I need to talk to you about.” She cringed. Never use her full name like that. The cat was now out of the bag that this was one of those conversations that would not exactly be fun.
Cassie stood there, her mouth full of chocolate chip cookie and placed a hand on her hip. “Sure, Danielle, but can I g
o change first? I’m going swimming at Hannah’s house.”
“Don’t call me Danielle, and, no. You can have a seat.”
Cass rolled her eyes and plopped down on a barstool at the kitchen aisle, twisting it from side to side. “What’s on your mind, Mom?” she asked between mouthfuls of cookie. “I already know what you’re gonna say, cause, like, you’ve already said it before. I got a job, okay? We good? Or do I have to go plant more stupid flowers with you? That was fun.”
Amazing how one moment (especially when the kid needed money) she could be sweet as honey and the next, surly and truculent. “I found something that belongs to you today.” Danielle stood on the opposite side of the kitchen aisle.
“Okay.” Cassie sighed and looked out the window. “What did you find?”
Danielle reached into her shorts’ pocket and pulled out the birth control pills. “I think these are yours.”
Cassie’s eyes grew big and her face red. She stood up and crossed her arms. “You were looking in my stuff! I can’t believe you were looking in my stuff!”
“Wait a minute. How old are you? The last time I checked you were still living under my roof and you’re a minor.”
“That’s beside the point. You can’t go through my things.”
“You know what? I can. But it’s not like that. I didn’t go snooping in your things, Cass!” Danielle’s stomach swirled. She tried hard to push the emotion aside and not get wound up.
“Whatever! God!” She shook her head and started to walk away.
“Cassandra Rose Bastillia, don’t walk away from me!”
Cassie stopped and turned to face her mother. Danielle still knew the right tone to hit to get her youngest daughter’s attention.
“What!”
“Sit down.” Cassie slunk back and sat down. “I was not snooping. I got tired of seeing your room in a state of disaster. Looked like a hurricane plowed through it. Since I know your idea of cleaning your room is shoving your crap under the bed or stuffing it in the closet, I decided to do it for you. By the way, I expect it to stay exactly how it is. We can discuss that later.” She sighed and reached for her daughter’s hand. Cassie didn’t pull away but she kept her hand limp and didn’t respond by squeezing her mom’s hand back like she would have when she was a little girl. “I found the pills in your underwear drawer when I was putting clean pairs away.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” The next part of the conversation was about to get tricky and Danielle wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. Very delicately because one of her kids was already knocked up. “I take it you’re having sex then.”
“I don’t want to talk about this with you.” Cassie looked down.
“I got a news flash for you, kid. This isn’t exactly a conversation I want to be having either.”
“Good. Then I can go.” She fidgeted in her chair.
“No. Just because we don’t want to have it, doesn’t mean we don’t need to have it. Are you having sex, Cass?”
“Duh.”
“Okay.” Danielle’s stomach dropped. “Since when?”
“I don’t know, Mom.”
“You don’t know?”
“No, and I don’t know why that matters.”
“You’re my daughter and it matters because I love you and having sex isn’t something to be taken lightly. It should be a mutual decision between two adults and hopefully adults that are in a loving relationship.”
“God, Mom, when did you leave planet Earth? Get real. Everyone does it. I don’t see the big deal and I’d think, considering Shannon’s situation, that you would at least be happy I was responsible enough to get on the pill.”
This wasn’t going how Danielle wanted. Cassie had her there. And she knew she was being a hypocrite. She herself had had sex with Mark at sixteen. But she’d been in love with him, or at least thought she was. “Is there someone? Someone special?”
“No.”
Danielle blew out a bunch of air and leaned back in the chair. “Honey, you do know that birth control pills are not foolproof and they don’t prevent diseases.”
“I’m not an idiot. I take the pill and I make the guy wear a condom.”
That was sort of a relief. “Oh.” The next part was going to be even harder. “Okay, but Cass, by the way you make it sound, you’ve had sex with a lot of guys.”
She shrugged. “A few.”
Could she just die right there? Could someone please put her out of this misery? “A few? All from your school?”
“Some.”
“Jesus, Cassie, aren’t you even remotely concerned about your reputation? What people might think or call you?”
“Are you saying that I’m a slut?”
“I didn’t say that, but, honey, if you’re having sex with more than one guy and that gets around, which it always does, then, yes, there are people who may say that. Doesn’t that bug you?”
“No. I’m not a slut. I’m careful. Like I said, everyone does it.”
“If everyone told you to jump off a bridge, would you do that?” She raised her voice.
Cassie stood up and walked up the stairs. “Get over it, Mom.”
Danielle started to follow her. As she did the front door opened and Shannon came in. Cassie’s door slammed and Danielle turned and looked at her oldest daughter.
“You know, don’t you?” Shannon asked.
Danielle had been wanting to have this conversation all weekend with Shannon, but after what had just transpired with Cassie, she wasn’t up to it. She looked to the top of the stairs. Cassie wasn’t opening that door. She looked back at Danielle and tossed her hands up. From one kid to the next, but they both needed to be dealt with, so while one was simmering the other one was now in the hot seat. “Yes, I know. Mark told me. He had no idea that I didn’t know, and what I want to know is why I didn’t know? Why haven’t you told me about the baby? And how long have you known?” She didn’t stop with those few questions, already fired up from Cassie, Danielle continued.
“Have you thought about this? Really thought about this? Your career? Your life? Do you even remotely understand the challenges that you and this child are going to face? And what about a relationship for you in the future? Do you think that there’s a man out there who will want to take this type of challenge on? What have you been thinking?”
Shannon didn’t reply for a minute. She tucked her long red hair behind her ears and quietly answered her mother’s tirade. “I figured first we’d get past the initial jolt, you know, of me being pregnant and all.” Her words rushed like a fast-flowing river caught on a current headed for the falls. “I’m sorry, Mom. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to talk to you about this, and, yes, I have thought a lot about what I am doing. That’s all I have thought about for months.”
“Don’t you think this is something we may have wanted to discuss when you came home? Actually this should have been talked about as soon as you found out. Your pregnancy should have been discussed with me when you found out. This is bigger than you coming home and announcing that you’re pregnant. This is quite a bit bigger. This is about a child who is going to have special needs. Your baby has Down Syndrome. Do you get that? I don’t know if you realize what you’re getting into. Do you want that kind of burden?” Danielle wished she could take it back the minute she said it.
“Burden? Is that how you feel?” Shannon crossed her arms. “And don’t talk to me like I’m a child. Of course I get what Down is, and I am totally aware of the challenges we’ll face, but a burden, Mother?”
Danielle closed her eyes and shook her head. “No. I…Look, even if the baby didn’t have special needs, raising any baby is no easy feat. I don’t think you’ve thought this out all the way. What I’m trying to say is that, even if the baby didn’t have Down Syndrome, you are in for a lot more than you realize. I struggled even though I had your father in the house. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to do it alone. I know women do it, but I see Jamie stru
ggling with her daughter, and I know it wasn’t easy for Kat, and I don’t want that for you. With this baby it will be that much harder.”
“How about me, Mom? How about what I want? What did you expect me to do?”
“You had to have known for a while.”
“Yes. I’ve known since I was four months along.”
“Then why? Why did you decide to go through with this?”
“With this? This…,” she said as she rubbed her expanding stomach, “is my son. And it wasn’t easy to make this decision. It really wasn’t. But did you forget your faith? The same one you taught me? This baby is a life and it may not be easy, but I don’t care because how do you know that this isn’t what my life is supposed to be? How do you know that my son won’t be the best gift in the world? That he won’t make me become the woman, the mother, the daughter, the friend, and someone’s wife I am supposed to be? How do you know, Mom? You’re assuming this will be horrible and terrible and so hard and that I’m throwing my life away. How do you know that this child isn’t going to give me the life I am supposed to have? As far as I am concerned, this baby is a gift from God and I am not going to destroy his life or my life. I know what I’m doing. I’m not an idiot, or incapable, or any of that. I want this baby and I’m going to love him and take care of him and I accept that God has enough faith in me that I can do that. I think you might want to try that out. Faith, Mom. That’s all it is. I believe in him.” She pointed to her belly, “And in me.”
“Shannon, please.”
“Please, what? This is my life. My son. And I’m sorry if you don’t agree with it.” Shannon shook her head. “I’m going to lie down.”
“Wait, honey. I’m sorry. I want to talk about this.”
Shannon headed for the stairs and didn’t turn around.
Danielle put her face in her hands. Her mind racing. Why couldn’t she talk to her daughters any longer? Maybe Shannon had been right. What did Danielle expect her to do about it now anyway? She should be proud of the kid. She had fallen back on her faith and how many times recently had Danielle wished her youngest would do that these days? Danielle was a hypocrite. That’s all there was to it. Confession. She would go to confession. She would talk to her priest. Now there was something she hadn’t done in ages. Yes, she was definitely a hypocrite. This whole situation was going to take far more than a few Hail Marys and saying the rosary. This was huge. Had she expected Shannon to abort this baby? No. She shook her head. But the life that both of them would have now… What was it going to be like?
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