Roy mewed again. “Haven’t you been fed?” She set him down, took his food from the cupboard, and poured some in his bowl. He wolfed it down. It was only eleven o’ clock and Kat knew that Dad typically got up around eight, and after getting his breakfast fixed, gave Roy his. The cat shouldn’t be starving.
Something didn’t feel right. “Dad?” she called out. There was no answer. Maybe he was out back in his garden, but he would have heard her drive up and walked around front. Maybe one of his golfing buddies picked him up and they had an early tee time, and he’d just forgotten to feed Roy. Of course it had to be something like that, but had he also forgotten to lock his back door?
Kat wandered though the house. “Dad?” she called out again. As she entered the family room, she heard music coming from the hallway. He must be in his bedroom reading and couldn’t hear her with the music on. She headed down the hall then she stopped in her tracks, her jaw dropping. Unbelievable. Clothes were all the way down the hall and laughter was coming from her father’s bedroom. Not just anyone’s clothes or anyone’s laughter, but her mother’s. Her mother was at her father’s house and, from the sounds coming from the room, they weren’t catching up on old times—at least not by talking, anyway. Horrified, Kat turned around and got the hell out of there as fast as possible.
***
An hour later Kat pulled into the bookstore’s parking lot. Her mother sat on a bench in front of the store looking happy as a freaking clam. “Hi, honey. Thanks so much,” she said, sliding into the front seat.
“Get the book you wanted?” Kat asked. Jeez it must have been a wham, bam, thank you ma’am session. Eww! How could she even think like that? They were her parents. Gross! And talk about manipulation. That morning her mother had asked her to drop her at the bookstore, knowing that Kat needed to run some errands, and then to come back and pick her up. Dad must have been waiting in the parking lot when Kat had dropped her off, because they hadn’t wasted a minute.
“They didn’t have it.” She frowned.
“Really? That’s too bad. You’ve been waiting here this whole time for me then?”
“No, no. I browsed around, but didn’t find anything.”
“Huh. You, the avid reader, didn’t find a book to read? There must be a million books in there. A million alone about New Age stuff.”
Her mom shrugged.
“Why are you lying to me?”
“What do you mean?” she asked, and cracked the window.
“I know. I know you were with Dad. I went there to visit him and I heard you and I saw your blouse on the floor, which, by the way,” she glanced at her mom, “isn’t even buttoned right.”
Her mom looked down and fumbled with the buttons, obviously flustered. “Oh.”
“Mom, what the hell is going on?”
She sighed. “When I saw your father at the Fourth of July party it was like seeing him for the first time. I don’t know. I can’t explain it, but regret and sadness washed over me and I was so sure he’d be angry with me, but then we started chatting. He’s so different now, so relaxed and at ease with himself. He seems happy, and I’m at such a good place in my life, well, things happened from there. He called me and then we texted each other all weekend.”
“You’re texting each other?” Kat hadn’t even gotten that whole texting thing down.
“Yes.”
Kat didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or scream at her. “I don’t believe this.”
“Why does this bother you so?”
“Why do you think? Why, oh why, would this—you and my dad together—bother me in the least, Mother?”
Her mom sighed. “I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I know I hurt you, and your dad and your sister when I left, but you have no idea what it was like for me, for so many years.”
“Like? Like! I have pretty good idea. Let me see, you lived in a nice house, ate good food, had friends, kids who adored you, and a husband who would do anything for you. Yeah, that sounds shitty to me, Mom.”
“I know how you feel and what you think.”
“No you don’t.”
“I needed more. I needed to feel like a woman again and not a mother or a wife, but a woman.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Kat asked.
“I needed to be on my own, to grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally.”
“And you couldn’t do that with my father?”
“No, but now I am at a different place and I think I could.”
Kat pulled the car over, staring straight ahead.
Her mom was looking down. “What is it with you? Why do you feel so, so, like you have to control everything? Not everything can be controlled. But you keep trying and it makes you miserable. You are totally miserable. You could not control me then, not now either, and you can’t control anyone else.”
Kat closed her eyes and tried to absorb this. Oh fuck it. Would she ever be happy holding it all in? Nope. She started out calmly. “I’m guessing, Mom, that you’re basically calling me a control freak?”
“Yes, Kitty, I guess that I am. You try and control your husband though sex, or in your case, through no sex. And you control Brian through badmouthing his father, but Brian sees right through both of you. He’s not entirely the naïve boy you’ve made him out to be. That child suffers more than you’ll ever begin to realize. He’s so torn between the two of you. You don’t get to the core of him at all. Where’s your core? Is it love or control?
“And now you have this adorable little girl in your home, and I watch you. I see you’ve fallen totally in love with her. She is the substitute child for what you couldn’t accomplish the first time around, or the second, and now you’re trying to make her the perfect kid. Good luck with that. The thing is, you have no control where Amber is concerned. She’s not your daughter. And sometimes, you must let it all go. You have to breathe, take stock, drink water, cry, and start at zero.”
Kat could do nothing but stare at this woman, her mother, who called herself Venus. Was this a joke? After about a minute of the stare off, each waiting for the other to make a move, Kat did. “Fuck you, Mom.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Fuck you. You have no idea. No clue of the pain I’ve suffered, or where I’ve been, or who I am. Sure it’s easy for you to say breathe, drink water, yoga the hell out of your body. Let’s talk control, Venus. I never knew you weren’t anything but happy and neither did Dad. Always smiling. That was my mom. You’re still always smiling. It’s hard to tell what’s real with you. But then you drop the bomb on us, thinking because we were all grownups that we could all handle it and you go all transcendental on us.
“You leave a young woman—your daughter—who almost died in a car accident. You leave her addicted to pain pills and hand her over to me while I’m dealing with two toddlers and an asshole husband. But that isn’t the worst of it. No. You left a husband who did nothing but work his ass off all his life and worship you, and now you decide that a life of reconciliation is the new and right life for you. Your new life.
“You know what your new life left for me? A sister who to this day still can’t cope with the real world and a father who just got his life back. So again, Venus, fuck you!” Kat wiped hot, angry tears form her face.
Her mother’s eyes watered.
“And one more thing, if you hurt my dad again, ever, I will never, never forgive you. You better think twice about what you’re doing with my father.”
Her mom didn’t reply. Kat turned out onto the main road and they drove the rest of the way home in silence. At home, neither one had anything more to say to the other and they headed off into their separate corners.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
The Blow Up
“We found a match,” Alyssa said. The four friends had taken their happy hour to Christian’s Restaurant where they wined and dined, catching up with each other. The colors of blue, black and butter in the restaurant mixed with the candlelight, casting shadows and
a soft, comforting glow about. Smells of gourmet food and grape from their wine added to the coziness of the evening. Danielle, Kat and Jamie looked at Alyssa. “The father. Ian’s father has six kids and one of them is a match. His six-year-old. A little girl.”
Danielle glanced at Jamie. “You found the father then?”
“Yes.” Alyssa had made the decision not to tell Danielle or Jamie about the rape. At least not yet. Kat and Darren knew and to her that was enough. It wasn’t about keeping it a secret any longer, or even about shame. Now it was about letting it go and letting it lie.
“Six kids?” Jamie asked. “He didn’t know about Ian?”
“No. I never saw a need for him to know, but now, I had no choice.”
“It’s good. That’s good. There’s a match,” Kat said, reaching for her water.
“What about the father’s wife and kids? Do you know what he told them?” Danielle asked.
“No. I don’t. And I don’t care to. I’m happy that we can go forward. I’m leaving tomorrow. I’ll be back and forth. I have a gal taking over at the gallery and also an instructor coming in to teach the art lessons. Ian will have to be in the hospital for a few weeks. They need to kill as many of the bad cells as they can, but in the process it also destroys good cells and his immune system will become very vulnerable. It’s going to be a process. Once the doctors accomplish that, the little girl donates the marrow.”
“What’s it going to be like for the little girl?” Jamie asked, thinking of her own six-year-old. “Most donations don’t involve any surgery. Doctors typically request a peripheral blood stem cell donation, which is non-surgical and outpatient. But in Ian’s case, marrow was requested. That means the procedure for the little girl will be surgical. At least it’ll be done as an outpatient.”
“I’ve heard it’s horribly painful,” Jamie said.
Kat shot her a dirty look. If Jamie had only known what Alyssa had been through.
“No. I know most people believe that, but the doctors explained that pieces of bone are not removed from the donor in either type of donation; only the liquid marrow found inside the bones are needed to save Ian’s life.” Alyssa sipped her wine. “Don’t get me wrong. I feel bad about this and, yes, the little girl will have some difficulties from the procedure. She’ll have to take a medication for several days prior that could cause her to have headaches, bone or muscle pain, nausea, insomnia or fatigue.” Alyssa tried to ease her conscience knowing that these symptoms would disappear one or two days after donating. “She might also feel some soreness or pressure in her lower back and perhaps some discomfort walking for up to three weeks.” She hated that this wouldn’t be a cakewalk for Ian’s sister either.
Jamie cringed. She was happy for Alyssa and Ian that they’d found a donor, but if it were her daughter who had been a match, she didn’t know if she could allow her to do it.
Alyssa could read Jamie’s face. “I know it sounds bad, but the doctors say it won’t be and there is a strong chance that Ian will come out of this healthy.”
“I understand,” Jamie replied.
“Does Ian know who the donor is?” Danielle asked.
“No. The donor’s parents and Charlie, Ian’s dad, felt it unnecessary. And so do I.”
“That’s his sister, though. If Ian has five siblings, doesn’t he have a right to know who his family is?” Jamie asked.
“I think that’s a real personal decision,” Kat remarked. “I’m sure that Ian’s family has their reasons, and to me it sounds as if everyone is on the same page about the issue.”
Alyssa gave Kat a slight smile. She was becoming annoyed with Jamie, but she had to remind herself that Kat was the only one who knew all of the intricacies involved with the situation. She realized that without telling Danielle and Jamie everything, she’d have to give them the benefit of the doubt. For a second, she thought about telling them about the rape, but Kat saved her.
“The family seems to have it under control, unlike my family who is skidding out of control. At least my mother and father are.” She picked up her glass of cabernet and polished off the rest of it.
“What are you talking about?” Danielle asked.
“My parents are sleeping together.”
“What?”
“Yep.” Kat told them the story about catching her parents in bed together. “The aftermath was ugly. I blew up. I mean, I went nuts. I told my mom exactly how I’ve felt for years, about her leaving my dad, her new life, all of it.”
“What did she do?” Danielle leaned back in her chair.
“Moved in with my dad.”
“Whoa,” Alyssa said.
“I’m sorry, Kat, but honestly I don’t get what the big deal is. I know it’s kind of weird to think about your parents being together, but come on, I would think that would make you happy.” Jamie took a bite from her salad.
“The big deal is that my mom broke my dad’s heart, and left me to pick up the mess she left behind with both my dad and my sister.”
“But your dad is a grown man. I know it must have been awful to deal with when she left, but what they do now, well, it’s not up to you. It’s not your responsibility to take care of any of them at this stage of the game. If your mom and dad want to fool around together and you think your mom is going to break your dad’s heart again, you cannot take that on.”
Kat stared at Jamie. “You don’t get this at all.”
“Wait. I think you’re taking this wrong. I understand your point, but at some juncture, you have to let go of everyone else’s problems. It’s seriously not your job to make them happy.” Jamie was feeling uncomfortable. So far tonight she hadn’t scored any points amongst her friends. “But what do I know? I’m not walking in your shoes.” She tried to make light of it because everyone had grown quiet.
“No. You’re not. And I kind of find it interesting that you of all people would tell me to let go of something.” Kat knew she should stop right there, but her damn emotions once unleashed, insisted on getting in the way. “Nate has been gone now for three years and you’re still hanging on to him.”
“That’s unfair, Kat,” Danielle cut in. “It really is.”
Kat nodded. “I’m sorry, J. I am.”
Jamie stood up, tears in her eyes. “No, that’s fine. I have to go.”
“Jamie,” Kat pleaded. “I’m sorry.”
Jamie waved a hand at her and walked a few steps. She turned around. “You have no idea what it’s like to lose someone that you love. No idea. Your mom may have changed over the years, but she’s still here with you. She’s still your mom and she is here. Don’t compare my feelings and the loss of my husband to losing control over something you never had control over in the first place,” she said and walked out of the restaurant.
***
Changes
By
Jamie Evans
This will be my last column as editor-in-chief of Wine Lover’s. The magazine will soon be changing format and I am making some changes too, including my position here at the magazine and moving from my home of seven years. I felt it apropos that this month’s issue be all about change. In some ways it’s good to know that nothing stays the same, in other ways it’s quite frightening.
My friends and I have all had to endure major life changes recently. Change can be looked at from all sorts of perspectives be it spiritual, analytical, logical, or philosophical. One thing I do know for sure about change is that it is ever present and can never be controlled. As you read this month’s issue and tackle changes, be they small or big, think about how you handle change. Do you do it alone? Do you accept it or fight it? How often does it move in and out of your life?
I’d love to hear from readers and receive your replies on the topic of changes, but as with everything, I’m changing. Thank you for reading Wine Lover’s. It has been a pleasure to be a part of your lives, even in some small way.
Cheers,
Jamie Evans
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
>
Danielle
Danielle took Shannon’s hand and pulled her up from the couch where her daughter sat watching the Food Network. “Come on, honey. We’ve got somewhere to go.”
“Where?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“Mom, I’m tired and my back aches and I don’t want to go anywhere.”
“And you’re cranky, but I forgive you because you’re eight months’ pregnant. But we have a baby on the way, and I realized this morning when I got up that we haven’t had a baby shower.”
“I don’t want a baby shower.”
“Yes, you do. I’m giving you one, but there are things he’ll need,” she said as she rubbed Shannon’s belly, “that you probably won’t get at a baby shower. Like a crib.”
Shannon eyes widened and then tears formed in them. She waved her hand in front of her face. “Sorry, I’m a little emotional these days.” She smiled.
“Of course you are a little emotional. That’s normal.”
“Really, Mom? We’re going to get him a crib?”
“Yes, and I think we should have some lunch to nourish you and the little guy, and we should talk about his name because calling him him isn’t working for me.”
Shannon hugged her mom. “Thank you, Grandma. I didn’t know what I was going to do, because I don’t exactly have loads of cash, but I do plan to get a job after the baby is here and figure things out with school.”
“You don’t need to worry about any of that right now. But don’t call me Grandma.”
“Nana?”
“No.”
“Nanny? Grammy?”
“Don’t think so.”
“Well, he can’t call you Danielle.”
“Let’s think about it. Get your shoes.”
Three hours and three thousand dollars later, the baby had a crib, a car seat, a changing table, a comforter, matching curtains, a stroller, a swing, a high chair, a bassinet, blankets, washcloths, a robe, towels, and several sets of outfits.
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