My eyes skimmed over the names searching for Isaac Friedmont. His was the last grave. I guessed they were buried in the order that they were killed. I knelt down on the fresh, slightly damp, earth.
“Oh, Isaac,” I said. “What have I done? I might as well have killed you myself. You shouldn’t have been there. It’s my fault. All you wanted to do was make music and instead you died killing vampires. It’s not fair. I hurt you. You loved me and I couldn’t love you back the way you wanted me too. I’m sorry, Isaac, I was the worst friend. I don’t know why you thought I was so great because I’m a horrible person. Everyone I come in contact with dies and you’re no exception. I’m just a magnet for death I guess. I wish I could rewind time and make it so you weren’t there that night. I lost my only human friend and your parents lost their only son and you sister-,” I laughed, “as much as I hate her she lost her only brother. You were so good Isaac. So kind and thoughtful. You cared more about everyone else than you did about yourself. I guess that’s what got you killed isn’t it? You had to be the hero? You had to try to save everyone didn’t you? Why did you have to that?” I cried hitting the freshly dug earth with my fist like I might have his chest had he still been alive. “I love you, Isaac. I miss you so much and you’ve hardly been gone at all. But to know that I’ll never see you smile again or see your blue eyes light up breaks my heart. You were so purely good, Isaac, in a world of bad you were good.”
I began to cry and ironically enough it began to rain. It was like the heavens were crying with me. God too was mourning the death of Isaac.
I quickly became soaked and decided it was time to leave. Jonathon was still waiting under the tree even though he was soaking wet now too.
“Are you okay now?” he asked as we walked back to the car. He let me help him this time since his crutches kept slipping in the mud.
I shook my head. “I’m not okay. I’m better but I’m far from okay,” I said softly.
We stopped at a pizza shop on our way home. Jonathon managed to eat a whole pizza by himself. I laughed and it felt good to be able to laugh freely and with enjoyment. He told me jokes and made funny faces. But the best was when he had pizza sauce all down his chin and he didn’t even notice. It was nice to be able to do something so human with Jonathon. Normally, when we went out he didn’t eat, simply because he didn’t have to. I told him we would have to go to the cinema so he could experience popcorn like a real live boy. He said he’d like that and I knew I would. I had to go on with my life. I had to learn that it would be okay to smile and laugh and just be happy. I couldn’t be miserable for the rest of my life. I had to live. Eventually.
Chapter Twenty-Six: Moving On
I was moving on. Starting fresh. I had to in order to cope with the magnitude of my losses. I had thought it was hard losing my dad but that was nothing compared to the grief I now lived with. The images of that night kept replaying in my mind. I kept feeling her arm come around me. I could feel the knife in my hand but I couldn’t make it go. Then I would see nothing and the knife would soar through the sky and sink into empty, shimmering, air that would then turn into Benji. Benji who died protecting me. That whole night played in my head in constant motion. I was mentally exhausted every night because I kept reliving those events. I just wanted it to stop. The image that played the most in my mind was that of Isaac with the sword through his abdomen. His sacrifice hurt me the most because he was the closest to me. Danny and Mason had taken Benji’s death pretty hard. When you’re immortal you don’t have to deal with the death of other immortals very much and so this was a first for them. But no matter how often you are surrounded by death you can never get over it. These events, like my father’s murder, will haunt me for the rest of my life. I know that I will never get over it. It will be a struggle every day I am alive. I’ve been given the gift of life and somehow I have to appreciate it and make use of every day I have because it might be my last. It’s hard to live your life in days not years or decades. Most imagine growing old but instead I picture my death. It’s hard living every day with the mindset that your days are numbered. I’m trying to let everything that happened go but it’s more difficult than I ever imagined. Jonathon knew I was struggling to deal with everything but he didn’t know what to do and quite frankly I didn’t know what to tell him. I was hurting and I was haunted. When you see so many people die it changes you. How can it not? Death isn’t always peaceful. Death isn’t always quiet. Or calm. It doesn’t always come softly in the night when you’re old and gray. No, sometimes it comes when you’re young and it’s violent. When you die young it comes with a bang. It’s a surprise. A shock. You don’t see it coming. Isaac didn’t see it coming. None of them did. Jonathon told me to expect casualties but I could see that he believed no one would die and because he believed it I did to. When you trust someone as much as I trust Jonathon it’s hard not to believe what they believe. I told him I was trying to move on and I was, but sometimes it can take months, even years, to move on.
I had to take everything day by day. Moment by moment. I was learning to appreciate the small stuff. I had even learned to enjoy Mason and Jonathon’s bickering. I never thought I would say that but I did. It proved we were alive. If you can argue you have to be alive right? I knew that I wasn’t the only one changed by that night; not just that night but every horrible thing she did. Mason and Danny had lost some of their childish delight they had become men instead of boys. Jonathon always seemed to have a dark dangerous glint in his eyes. Patrick and Amelia always seemed sad and even more determined to spend every moment together. Diana seemed in a fog. Joseph seemed to be the only one who was still semi-normal. He still joked and laughed but on the inside I could see he was hurting just as much. His jokes were just a cover up. I wondered if any of us would ever be the same. I missed the light hearted ways of when I first met them all. I felt like a heavy dark cloud hung over us now. We were all just going through the motions. They told me that conflicts between vampires rarely arise and that the situation with Selena was almost unheard of. Jonathon said that fights and disagreements between vampires were becoming more common but he couldn’t figure out the cause. I hoped this would be the last skirmish we would have to endure. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I was eighteen years old but I felt more like eighty. I felt like all the turmoil we had endured had aged me beyond my years. I was done with it all. I felt like I might never get my happy ending. Maybe I was just going to have my kingdom plagued by dragons for the rest of my life.
I felt like all we did anymore was just sit around and stare at the walls and each other. We didn’t talk anymore. None of us. Even my conversations with Jonathon were short. It’s like none of us had the energy to do anything anymore. We had all just retreated into our shells. It was now the end of September almost October. It was close to being almost a year since I met Jonathon. A year since my life began to change for the good and the bad.
I knew if I had the chance to go back and change things I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything happens for a reason and my life is no different. My path has been laid out for me and I have to walk it. Who I am has met who I will become and there is no going back. You can’t live in the past forever. You have to get up and live your life. I’m moving on. Starting now.
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Waking
I blinked my eyes rapidly as if waking from some kind of stupor. We were all just sitting around in the living room doing nothing. It was like we had been hibernating, lying dormant, until it was time for us to resurface once again. That time was now.
“Snap out of it,” I said standing. It had been a little over a month since the battle in the back yard. Their eyes followed me. I had no idea how long we had just been sitting there but my muscles were stiff and squealed in protest from the unwelcome movement. “Come on get up. Move. I know you can do it,” I said swatting Mason’s legs off of their resting place on the coffee table. I was surprised that I was able to move them. I grabbed Jonathon’
s hands and with his help pulled him up. “We have to stop mourning. We have to start living. It’s okay to grieve. I still am but I can’t sit here like a zombie anymore. I have to move on. Let’s go do something. Anything,” I begged and pleaded.
Patrick stood and helped Amelia up and he held tightly to her hand. “You’re right. We’re not helping anybody by sitting here. We need to be productive.”
“Exactly,” I said and smiled.
“What can we do?” whined Mason. Danny swatted him behind the head. Mason shrugged. “Sorry, I’m just not in the mood to do anything. It just doesn’t seem right. Benji’s gone.”
I went over and hugged Mason who had finally stood. “Mason, I know Benji was your best friend aside of Danny but you’re not honoring his death by sitting here moping. Benji was a funny guy. Always playing pranks and telling jokes that Jonathon was unfortunately the brunt of,” I said with a smile at my soul mate. “You are doing him a disservice by not living your life. He wouldn’t want you to sit here and wallow in misery. I know that Isaac wouldn’t want me to do that. He would want me to move on with my life. I’m only just now realizing that and I only hope it’s not too late. I want to honor my best friend’s death with my life. I want to do everything that he didn’t get the chance to do. I want to jump from a plane; I want to do things that scare me and prove that I am alive.”
Mason sighed and his chest heaved. I knew he was trying not to cry. “You’re right. How are you always right?” He moaned.
“It’s a gift.” I smiled and mock punched him in the arm.
“Alright so what are we doing? I say we learn to knit,” said Mason jokingly. I smiled a real smile. Maybe we would get back to normal.
“I say we don’t do that,” said Joseph with a smile pointing an accusing finger at Mason.
Mason grinned, “Do you have a better idea?”
Joseph shrugged, “I’d rather stab myself with a fork than learn to knit.”
Diana spoke up from the arm chair, “Knitting is actually very therapeutic. I enjoy it in my free time.”
“Diana you have nothing but free time. What else do you do?” said Joseph.
Diana blushed. “Well, lots of things. I brush my hair. I look at my clothes. I read. I recite poetry among many other things,” she said finishing in her soft beautiful voice.
“Well, I am not doing any of those things,” said Danny from beside Mason.
Diana shrugged her dainty shoulders, “I didn’t say you had to.”
“Jonathon, do you have any ideas?” I asked. His arms were around me but I knew in his mind he was far from being here next to me. He was far away, wandering, in his dream world.
He shook his head as if clearing it, “No, not really.”
“I know,” said Amelia. “Why don’t we go into the city? We could see an opera or something. Or just walk the streets. The city is so beautiful at night.”
Danny and Mason moaned, “Mom, seriously? The opera?”
“It was just an idea,” she said, her delicate red lips pouting.
“I think it’s a great idea. The city part anyway. I think it would do us some good. I think we all need the fresh air. We’ve been cooped up in here for far too long,” I said with a look around at everyone.
“Amelia’s right. A night out in the city is just what we need,” Jonathon said and then turned to give Diana a stern look, “and leave the credit cards here.”
Diana smiled and laughed, “A little retail therapy never hurt anyone.”
“That’s what you think,” Jonathon smiled. It was so good to see him smile. It was good just to hear their voices. We had all been holed up for far too long. I felt like I was finally breathing again.
Patrick, Amelia, Joseph and Diana went in Amelia’s Mercedes GLK. Mason and Danny went in the BMW Z4 Roadster and Jonathon and I went in his mustang since no vehicle could carry us all. Once in the car, just the two of us, he took my hand and kissed it.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you.”
“It’s okay, really. We were all hurt by what happened,” I said sadly.
“True, but what you saw,” he winced, “is unimaginable.”
“We all saw what happened, Jonathon, not just me,” I commented. “It’s messed with all of our minds. I promised myself that I would go on with my life and live for all those people that sacrificed their lives for me but instead I just crawled back in my shell like a weakling,” I said.
“I know but-,” he said turning on the headlights as we followed the others down the winding streets. “You’re human.”
“You make it sound like you’re not,” I said with a sigh.
“Kylie, I’m not human,” he growled.
“You were human once, Jonathon, I think that makes you human no matter what-,” I struggled for the right word, “species you might be a part of now. Your soul is still human.”
“You’re the only human part of my soul,” he said.
“Can you stop being so cynical. We all saw what happened. We all were affected by it. Stop treating me like I’m weak simply because I’m human,” I snapped.
Jonathon glanced at me, “You think that I think your humanity makes you weak?” he spat. “It’s what makes you the strongest. You’re the strongest of us all. I just worry about you. I can’t help it. It’s ingrained in my brain to worry about you,” he said tapping his forehead for emphasis. “After it happened I didn’t know what to say to you and that day at the cemetery I felt like I was losing you. I can’t lose you Kylie. I just- you saw your dad die and then Isaac and then all those others. I didn’t know what to say to make it better and that was hard. Really hard. So, instead I chose to say nothing at all. All I want is to protect you and suddenly I felt like I had lost you,” he said choking on emotion.
“Jonathon,” I said rubbing his hand, “You never lost me. I’m right here. I’m just sad is all. I feel like I never really grieved after my dad died. I was to numb and I was still scared of Selena. But now that she’s dead I’m not afraid anymore so that just brings all the sadness and grief to the forefront of mind.”
He digested all of that and nodded his head as if he was having some kind of internal conversation. “Okay,” he said. “That makes sense. I just hate to see you hurt but I understand that you have to. It’s just really hard for me. I don’t like seeing you like this. I want to see you smile and laugh again. I miss seeing that sparkle in your eye. I just miss you.”
“I just need time, Jonathon, that’s it. I know that they’re dead and not coming back but that doesn’t make it any easier. At least it wasn’t you that died, as selfish as that sounds. I can handle losing my dad and my best friend but I can’t handle even the thought of losing you. I’m sorry I haven’t been myself but I’m going to be myself again. I promise,” I said with conviction.
“I love you so much it hurts,” he said.
“I love-,” suddenly a man stepped out into the road in front of our car. He was a pale ghostly white, with white hair, and white clothes. Everything about him was white, even his eyes. “Jonathon!” I screamed. He swerved the car and we plummeted over the side of the road down an embankment.
I screamed. I felt my body move around the car against my own violation and something hard slam into me holding me still. Suddenly we slammed into a stop on Jonathon’s side of the car. My head hit against the passenger side window and I felt blood gush out of my head. My vision began to blur. I felt the impact of something else hit us and it slammed me against the glass again. I coughed and blood came out. Far off I could hear sirens.
“Kylie, stay with me. Oh my God! Please stay awake! There’s so much blood! If you can hear me just keep listening to my voice! Don’t go to sleep! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I love you! Please, don’t leave me!” screamed Jonathon in a panic.
I tried to speak but I couldn’t. I was paralyzed. Somewhere in the back of my mind I hoped it wasn’t permanent. I tried to look at him but my body protested. I was suddenly very sleepy. I would just
rest my eyes for a moment. I heard the screeching of metal but it didn’t matter. I was too sleepy to care what happened now. I would just rest my eyes for five minutes. Five minutes never hurt anyone right? I knew I should stay awake but I couldn’t.
I drifted into unconsciousness as I heard the anguished cries of my soul mate scream out for me to stay awake and then finally I heard him cry, “Noooooo!” but it was too late. I was gone.
Epilogue: Heaven
I was four and I was running through a sprinkler in the backyard.
I was five and I lost my first tooth, two actually, because Adam hit me with a baseball by accident.
I was seven and I was crying because I fell on the school playground and broke my wrist.
I was nine and I was Betsy Ross in the school play.
I was twelve and I got my first period in the middle of math class.
I was fourteen and covered in paint from an art project gone wrong.
I was sixteen and I just got my driver’s license.
I was seventeen and my parents got divorced.
I was seventeen and I moved to Rome.
I was seventeen and I fell in love.
I was seventeen and I saw my father murdered.
I was eighteen and I died.
Turn the page for the first chapter of Forever, the continuation of Jonathon and Kylie’s story. Also included, is the first chapter of my other series, Outsider.
FOREVER
Everything has been leading them to this moment…
Jonathon and Kylie have something The Originals want…
Something The Originals will fight to the death to have…
Something Jonathon and Kylie will die to protect…
War is looming between vampires and The Originals…
Forever has never looked so far away…
Just when Jonathon and Kylie thought they had found their forever everything changes.
Forbidden (Fallen Series Book 2) Page 27
