It’s hours and an entire flight later—with a good glass of booze, too—and I am still so shaky and upset about this whole thing that I feel like a wuss for it when Trace seems just fine.
Well not fine since she’s clinging to me like a lifeline, but she hasn’t so much as tremored since we left that God forsaken hole in hell and made it back to the jet.
A quick stopover to grab Case and here we are and I’m still not okay.
“I know she’s strong, Jace. I just know exactly what Lynn is like now that her crazy is out of the bag, and I do not envy Trace those nightmares, man. But I will say that I am eternally grateful she went there. We now know a lot, and while it will help, we need to track down that safety-deposit box she spoke about.”
“Cleo is still in that coma?” I growl, clenching my fists to keep from hitting something and waking Trace.
“Yeah. The doctors don’t think she’ll wake up anytime soon, if at all. She lost too much oxygen to the brain before she got resuscitated, and they aren’t hopeful.”
Well shit. Here I was hoping to get to that box right now and just end this all. With that box in hand we’ll have not only the proof we need, but every key player to boot. We could shut this all down right now and walk away without a backward glance.
I want that so badly, I can taste it and yet it’s out of reach. Again. It seems that every step we take forward causes three steps right on back.
“We need that box, Miah.”
He sighs as he takes the turn and speeds up, wanting to get home to Clari, no doubt, as badly as I want to get my own girl home and safe behind the walls and security that awaits us there.
“You think I don’t know that already? My crazy-assed twin started going nuts the minute you put the phone down, and he’s about ready to raid and rob every fucking bank within city limits to get to it. We will find it. We just need time, Jace,” he says tiredly and I wince to see the strain and fatigue on his face.
I feel shitty just realizing the toll this must be taking on him, and I lean forward to squeeze his shoulder.
“Roman will be okay, Miah. He’s too stubborn to let those assholes win.”
“Yeah.” The laugh he lets out is humorless and I drop my hand to lean back as he steers the car home.
Roman and Miah are more than brothers or blood. They’re best friends, even closer than Miah and Jared, and have been ever since the moment Ma took Roman in all those years ago.
Miah is not the eldest, but the man takes his role as a brother so seriously that I sometimes get the impression he thinks he’s our father or something. It must be killing him that Roman hasn’t been found yet, and even worse, it must be a source of debilitating guilt that it was his call to let Roman continue on this road, knowing this could happen.
I love all these guys equally, but if Jared ever went missing I think it would drive me freaking nuts, so I kind of understand that anger swirling beneath the surface.
The silence as we get closer to home becomes almost oppressive when Miah refuses to talk anymore, and I sigh my relief when he pulls into the drive and I’m able to slide free of the car moments later.
“Miah—”
“Get my little sister to bed and get some sleep yourself. You look beat and Ma will only put the screws to you if she catches you before you can get to your rooms. Go, I’ll keep her off your back for a while,” he mutters, opening the door and peeking in before waving me in with a grimace.
“Jace?”
“Yeah?” I ask, swinging around just at the foot of the stairs when he calls out softly.
“Thanks, man. I know it must have been hard to let your woman do that, despite the instinct screaming at you not to let her. Thanks. This is going to crack this case wide open, I just know it will.”
All I can do is nod because a lump has formed in my throat at the knowledge that this is Miah crying without tears.
“This is family.” I hear the words and look down to see Trace smiling sleepily at me, her eyes already closing again.
“Yeah,” I whisper, so overcome by it all that I don’t register taking the stairs or making the trek to my room as the emotions bombard me.
This is family. We live and love and laugh together, and when the bad times come we stick it out and do what it takes to bring our loved ones home safely.
For the first time ever, I realize that I can leave the SEALs and just live now, happily, because I already have all the family I need, and it’s all the stronger now because of Trace.
“God I love you, woman,” I whisper as I fling back the sheets and lower her to the bed.
“Hmm, love you, too,” she whispers, pulling me down and onto her small frame with a sleepy sigh before she opens her eyes to smile up at me. “Make love to me, Jace.”
The emotions overwhelm me as I seal our mouths and pour every drop of adoring devotion I feel right this minute as she kisses me back.
I make love to her, as tired as I am, because I can’t do anything but. I need her now more than ever, and I hope and pray that she needs me, too, because I’m damn positive that I won’t be able to live without her anymore.
She’s so peaceful and nothing like the frenzied woman I usually fight against for soft and slow lovemaking as I worship her with my hands and mouth before sliding up and pushing into her with a sigh.
This Tracy is calm and relaxed as her body opens up to accept my length into the tight, wet depths of her sex.
“Babe, you okay?” I whisper, flicking my nose against hers before kissing her deeply because I can’t help myself.
“I’m perfect now that we’re home and I have you,” she whispers back, flicking her own tongue against mine as I slowly rock into her, making sure to hit her every pleasure spot with every stroke.
Our breaths are combined and rushing out as I continue the slow glide into her and I smile down at her, loving that answer. I want her to feel the need for home, our home, and knowing that I fulfill part of her needs is so humbling, I struggle to keep the rhythm slow and gentle like she needs it when all I want to do right now is claim and mark her as mine.
“Tracy Mayfield.”
“Hmm?” she gasps when I hit a spot deep inside that makes her bow beneath me and yell out her pleasure when her orgasm suddenly hits and sends her sex contracting and clenching around me, followed by my own climax.
It’s only when I’ve fallen to the mattress beside her and have her back pressed against my chest that I gather enough strength and courage to say what I wanted to say before.
“Trace,” I whisper into her ear as my heart thunders in my chest.
“Hmm?”
“Will you marry me?”
“Every day for eternity, if you want me to,” she whispers back, kissing my bicep with a sigh of contentment.
“I love you, Trace.”
“I love you, too.”
We fall asleep with no more words, everything already said and just as it should be. Whatever happens now, whether it be success or tragedy, I know I’ll be alright because I have everything I need right here in my arms.
***
Tracy
I’m getting married in a few hours and I’m so happy, I could bust apart right now if not for the underlying sadness of knowing that a member of our family is missing and not able to attend.
Roman is here in spirit, though, so I ignore the melancholy and try to enjoy Jude’s glee as she flits around, pinning flowers to my hair and fluffing my dress with a sigh of contentment.
“We should wait till he is home,” I say a few minutes later, swiping at the tears that threaten to form and ruin my makeup.
Jude, being the wise old bat she is, comes over and pulls me into a warm, motherly hug before taking me by the shoulders.
“Jace needs this security now that we know how dangerous things really are, Tracy, darling. Just give in and do it and we’ll have a huge wedding when Roman comes home,” she says tearfully, smiling kindly and trying to bolster me despite her own melancholy right
now.
She’s right, though. After falling asleep to the steady beat of Jace’s heart, I woke to find him almost hopping with excitement hours later, just waiting for me to wake up so he could spring an impromptu wedding on me.
Apparently a justice of the peace is my only choice after Jace informed me that we’re getting married not twenty-four hours after I sleepily accepted his proposal.
I can’t say it’s the most romantic thing I can think of, knowing that he wants to get married this fast in case he dies and doesn’t want me left with nothing, but I guess it has its own appeal in the romance scale because it tells me that he loves me enough to think of more than the sappy shit that most people consider when they hear the word wedding.
Who am I kidding? I’m just happy to finally be getting married after waiting four years for this day.
“I am ever so glad that you finally came back to us, Tracy dear. I’ve only seen Jace this happy one other time in my life, and that was the first time he brought you home to meet us. You belong together, and though I understand your reluctance to trust us after we abandoned you, I would very much like it if you would try to one day forgive me.”
Oh, I think I just got one of those heart cramp things as the emotions brought on by her earnestly spoken plea penetrate the wall I’ve put up against loving them all too deeply.
Jace is my everything, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to wanting his family almost as much as I want him.
“Oh Jude, I-I would really like for us to be as close as we once could have been. I love you all and you are already my family,” I cry, hugging her closer as she starts laughing and crying all at once. “I forgive you and I would love it if you’d let me call you mom.”
“Oh! That goes without saying, dear,” she says, almost jumping out of her skin when Ellie rushes in with Alex on her hip, a big goofy smile wreathing her face.
“Come on, you two watering pots! Jace is about ready to barge in here and drag you down the aisle, Trace.”
Alex starts at her volume and lets off an indignant wail, making us all coo and fuss before I hear an insistent knocking before Jared sticks his head into the room and scowls.
“That fool is about to start hyperventilating, Trace. Get your sweet ass downstairs now.”
“Yes, sir!” I say, saluting him and following them all out of the room without so much as a shred of doubt in my mind.
I’m marrying the man of my dreams and fully intend to live the rest of my days in bliss. What more could I possibly want?
Things are definitely starting to look up, and right now I feel like nothing can go wrong.
Chapter Fourteen
Jace
I’m sweating so profusely by the time I look up and see Trace walking down the stairs towards me that I’m a wreck of giddy happiness and the weirdest fear.
With every step she takes down that staircase I feel the knot tighten to breaking point. It’s not fear of getting married or even of anything happening to me that has me by the balls as she smiles and comes closer. It’s the fear that I’ll somehow let her down one day that’s choking me.
I know that I am the best man for her. That’s not vanity or arrogance talking, but my unwavering certainty that no other man will ever love my Tracy as much or as completely as I do.
Yet here I stand, scared witless because I’m not deserving of her.
She’s good and light and everything that I could ever want while I’m this asshole who broke her heart before and left her with empty promises and shattered dreams.
“Breathe, dude, just breathe. She’s almost yours, bro,” Jared whispers, squeezing my shoulder as I swallow audibly when her foot leaves the last stair and she glides towards me in a dress that’s a cloud of perfect white and everything feminine.
By the time she reaches me and sides her soft hand into mine, I’ve caught my breath enough to get rid of the black spots floating in my vision and I can smile through the overwhelming joy I feel.
“Hi.”
Lame, Lane. You can do so much better than that, dude.
“You look amazing,” I whisper, and she giggles, standing on tiptoe to kiss me softly.
“And you look scared shitless, Lane.”
“Not scared,” I whisper back, taking her hand to walk her the rest of the way to the preacher. “Just terrified that you’ll change your mind and run screaming from the house.”
That gets another giggle and I look around when my brothers all chuckle and Pop gives me the thumbs-up while Ma starts bawling like a baby.
“Nope. You’ll have to pry me loose with a crowbar, Lane,” she says loudly enough that even Ma can laugh through her tears. “I’m in this to win it.”
“You’re my prize,” I whisper back, ignoring Jared’s ribbing and Miah’s retching sounds when we reach the preacher and he starts intoning some shit that makes my teeth ache.
“You think you can hurry this up, preacher man? We don’t have all day,” I mutter after the fourth speech about the bonds of marriage.
I already know how deeply bonded I intend to be with, Trace. I do not need some old man telling me what commitment is and making Trace shake the longer he continues his spiel.
The man harrumphs but gets with the program when Jared snarls and I’m kissing my bride minutes later to the sound of applause and the knowledge that I’ve finally got my girl.
***
Trace
My wedding afternoon is magical and every girl’s dream when the family finally lets us go and we move up to the room. I say afternoon because it took Jace about an hour to finally lose all patience and just grab me and run for the bedroom to the sounds of his brothers’ off-color ribbings and his mother’s protests.
Now that we’re here I’m nervous as hell and I don’t know why. Jace and I know each other intimately already, and there isn’t a thing that we haven’t done to each other after we reconnected.
This seems different, though, and I can only guess that it’s because we’re finally married and bound by more than just the promises whispered to each other in the early hours of the night after intense lovemaking and a lot of cuddling.
This is the real deal, and now that we’re here, I’m terrified to disappoint him somehow. What if he wakes up tomorrow and regrets this rash decision? We haven’t talked about anything important yet, and suddenly I’m afraid of what will happen once this ordeal is over and done with.
I’ve read stories about people coming together in times of great stress and loving each other crazily only to fall apart once they go back to the real world.
“Trace? Babe, are you okay?” he asks, coming up behind me after locking the door and pulling the curtains firmly shut.
The glide of his lips over my nape distracts me and I moan at the feel of his hands sliding the simple white sheath from my body. It’s only when I’m left in my bra and panties that he turns me and looks down at me earnestly.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. No. I-I feel so scared suddenly,” I admit when he presses me to talk and I feel my tears slip free to slide down my cheeks.
“Scared? Why, babe?” he asks, leaning in to kiss the moisture on my cheeks.
“This is all so messed up and I feel like this happiness is only a dream, Jace. Roman is gone and Paulie…and everything is so intense. What if it all blows over and you wake up and realize you don’t really want me anymore? I mean, you left me before, and it must have been because there was something wrong with me, but I don’t know what and I’m scared and—”
The finger he places over my lips cuts me off and I find myself crushed to his chest as he squeezes me harshly.
“There will never be a day in my life when I don’t want you, Tracy Lane, and that’s the truth. Even when I forced myself to let you go, I was bleeding inside because it felt like I just cut off a part of me that I needed to survive.”
“Why? Why did you do it if you still loved me?” I ask tearfully, finally letting myself ask the questions I’ve be
en keeping locked away for days.
I know this is not the time and that I am ruining the moment, but I need to know. I have to know before I can let go of these feelings of fear and anxiety.
Jace stiffens at my words and I let him go when he paces away, running a hard hand through his hair.
“The day met you I knew that I would love you. It was just so natural and right when you looked at me and I saw the woman you were trying to be despite the restraints your parents put on you. And I did, Trace. I fell so hard and so fast that by the time I came up for air we were here and living together as if we’d known each other all our lives.”
That’s true. After those first few days of getting to know each other, Jace and I just clicked. I would have walked on coals for him if he asked, and I know he would have done the same for me. But he’s right; the intensity was almost crippling, it was so deep, and there were times when I was downright scared of what he made me feel.
“And then my CO called and I knew that it was only a matter of time before my real life intruded on us. It scared me, you know, thinking that I’d be going off to war while you stayed behind and waited for me. And then I thought about us having babies and you being alone to raise them and…I couldn’t hack it. The pressure was too great for me. Stupid and selfish, I know, but I just couldn’t…”
He doesn’t finish and I feel so sad for him in that moment. Maybe he left me because he was a coward, or maybe he left because some part of him wanted more for me than he thought he could give.
The answer no longer matters as I watch the man I love, my husband, look at me with so much regret and love that I feel it like a physical caress.
“Don’t leave me again, okay?” I say tearfully, after minutes pass with him just staring, waiting for my response. “I wouldn’t survive it this time.”
Jace relaxes and is across the room and on me so fast, I gasp when he lifts me clear off the floor and starts kissing me as if he can’t breathe without me.
“Never. I almost killed myself with work the last time. I’d never survive without you again, Trace,” he vows, kissing me again with a little more heat now that the talking is over and he realizes that I’ve given him the forgiveness he needs but hasn’t asked for.
JACE (Lane Brothers Book 3) Page 12
