by Johns, S. A.
“So, how are you?” Matt finally asked.
“I’m OK, and you?” She replied.
“OK.” He nodded.
“Matt? Do you love me?” She started.
“Of course I love you.” He answered. “I know that you are still mad about the whole Chelsea thing and...” He started.
She cut him off mid-sentence. “I don’t want to talk about that now, OK?”
“OK. What is it then?” He asked nervously.
“How much do you love me?”
“Julie, you are scaring me. I love you lots. Why? What’s going on?” He said.
“Matt, do you think that if I forgave you we could get on with our lives like nothing happened?” She asked him.
“I think it’s possible, yeah.” He said.
“What if it were the other way around?” She looked at him looking at her confused, and then she continued, “What if I was the one who cheated? Would you be able to forgive me and move on?” She asked, her voice so serious that she thought for sure he had figured it out by now.
“Julie? Are you telling me that you cheated on me?” He asked rather annoyed that she didn’t just come out and say what she wanted to say.
“Matt, please, answer the question.”
“I-I don’t know.” He paused, “What is this all about?” He asked a little harshly.
“I’m still trying to figure it out myself, and I wanted to know if you’d be as forgiving as I’d like to be.” She looked away because she knew that at any minute her strength would dissolve and she would start crying.
“Julie, look at me.” He said. And she did. “Are you OK? I’m sorry for hurting you, you know that, right?”
“I know you are sorry, and...” she started sobbing.
Matt slid over next to her and pulled her sobbing form into his arms and held her. He hated to see her so upset, and he felt helpless and didn’t know what to do but hold her. “Hey, it’s OK. Let it out if that’s what you need. I’m here now.” He smoothed her hair and tried to soothe her. She kept crying.
“Matt, I still love you.” She said between sobs. She reached to the end stand for a tissue and blew her nose loudly.
“Oh Baby, I knew you’d forgive me.” He said almost crying himself.
“There’s something...” She blew her nose, “you should know.” She looked up at him.
“Whatever it is, it’s OK. We are going to be OK.” He said optimistically.
He held onto her a bit longer, until her sobbing began to quiet. Then he looked at her beautiful face that was now covered with freshly flowing tears. He lifted her face towards his and kissed her. She was so used to him always being there that she automatically began kissing him back. His kiss was different than usual. It felt like he needed her and this was the first time they had ever kissed. It was tender and loving. It felt like he was exploring her mouth for the first time, and she explored his again, trying to see if it was still the same Matt. This kiss wasn’t like any of the ones with Shane. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it was nice. He was still holding onto her and he was rubbing her back, still kissing her. He had this habit that when they were kissing if he wanted more, he would start by rubbing her back and then head straight for her voluptuous breasts. And that’s just what he had done next. He began rubbing and gently squeezing her firm breasts. He could feel her nipples grow taut beneath his roaming hands. He moved his mouth down south and started nuzzling her neck. She let a little moan escape her. He leaned her back on the couch and slowly led one hand up underneath her over-sized t-shirt and his finger sought out her nipples again. She arched with pleasure to his hands. He used the other hand to lift her shirt up and then off over her head. This revealed a black leopard print bra with front hooks. He took no time at all unhooking it, and letting her breasts free from their confinement. He wanted to take her all in as his mouth went to one nipple and then the next, sucking, licking and biting down gently on each in turn. Julie was getting so turned on that she could hardly stand it. This was the first time since she caught him cheating that she wasn’t thinking about it. She pulled him to her and kissed him full on the mouth again. He pulled away; he wanted more of the rest of her. He fiddled with the drawstring on her pants until he had it untied and then pulled her pants off. This let him see that she was wearing a matching black leopard print thong. He could feel the tightness in his jeans and he didn’t want to wait any longer to mount her. He traced a path from her chin to her belly button and beyond. he slid his hand down into private territory. She instinctively spread her legs for him. He inserted one finger then two into her wetness She again began moaning as he started to bring her to great heights, but before he wold let her peak he stopped and took off his pants and entered her with lack of restraint. She began to moan loudly as he moved in and out of her at a rapid pace. He made a circular motion and combined it with the in and out ones, until finally he came with an explosion. Then he held her for a minute and kissed her on the face.
Was that it? Nothing more? She was a bit upset, but then she remembered that that is what always happened. He always got off first and then he was done. And what about her? She would end up going to the bathroom and taking matters into her own hands.
He looked at her and saw the anger and disappointment on her face and he knew what he had to do. He kissed a trail down over her stomach to her most private of places and spread her legs. He began rubbing and stroking her. She began to move her hips up and down to let him know what to do and where. She was close to the brink when he lowered his head and proceeded to use his tongue and mouth to take her to the point of not return. Her body shuddered with release and she too finished with a bang! She pulled and pawed at him until he came back up to her and they kissed. He collapsed on top of her and they lay there for a few minutes while they caught their breath.
Finally, she pushed him off and she threw her shirt back on and headed to the bathroom with her pants in her hand. Once she was inside with the door closed did she start to freak out. What had just happened? Was she crazy? She just had sex with Matt. Her ex of only a few days, but her ex nonetheless, and without any protection! That’s what made her think of Chelsea. When she had caught Matt with Chelsea he didn’t have any protection then either. This was all turning into a big mess. She invited him over to tell him that she had slept with Shane and she ended up sleeping with him!
She went to the bathroom and cleaned up a little then put her pants on and went back to living room Matt sat fully dressed. He smiled at her and she half smiled back.
“Is something wrong, Jules?” He asked.
“Uh...no, it’s fine.” Was her reply.
“You don’t look fine, and that didn’t sound like everything’s fine. Are you sure?” He asked.
“No, I’m not sure.” She answered honestly. ‘What did we just do here?”
“I’d say we just had sex.” He smiled. “Did you forget what that was already?” He laughed.
“No. That’s not what I mean. We didn’t use any protection!” She half yelled.
“We don’t use it that often, remember? We are engaged.” He told her.
“No, Matt. We’re not engaged, remember? We broke up!”
“I thought that we just made up. You said that you still loved me.” He tried to explain.
“I do still love you, and I do want to forgive you...” She paused, “but do you remember not using protection with Chelsea?”
“Oh. Is that what this is about?”
“Is what what this is about” She asked.
“The Chelsea thing...again!” He yelled.
“Matt, it isn’t just that, you didn’t use protection with her! And everyone knows what a big slut she is. You’d better pray to God that I don’t catch a disease from her!” Julie yelled.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Julie.” He tried
“This isn’t something to joke about, Matt.”
“I know, and I’m not joking. It’ll be fine” He told her.
&
nbsp; “How do you know?” She asked.
“Just trust me.” He said.
“Matt. Be straight with me here. Is there something you aren’t telling me?” She asked.
“No, you know everything. I swear.”
“Now tell me, have you thought about what I asked you before? About if you could forgive me and move on like you want me to do.”
“Julie, I don’t know. I guess the situation would have to arise before I’d know.” He looked at her wondering what was going on.
“Matt, I have to tell you something.” She looked to the floor for a second before looking back at him.
“OK. What’s so important?” He asked as if it would be nothing to worry about.
“I want you to listen to what I have to say before you say anything. Do you understand? It’s important.” She told him with all the strength that she could muster under the circumstances.
“OK, I’ll listen and try not to say a thing until you are finished.” He humored her.
“Good. You remember the night of Keith and Karen’s wedding reception, right?”
He nodded.
“When you were fighting with my and I took you home, and then you kept calling me all night yelling at me?”
Again, he nodded.
“Well, Shane knew that we’d be fighting and he called to see if I was all right, and when he heard me crying hysterically he came right over. He was concerned for me, OK.”
Matt looked at her blankly.
Julie began to fumble with her hands when she noticed that they were trembling. “Well, he was consoling me and you kept calling and I was getting more and more upset. He tried to console me.” She looked at Matt.
He stared at her with growing contempt in his eyes. His face turning red as he realized what she was going to tell him.
“Matt, please, don’t hate me. But one thing led to another and I kept thinking that since you always accused me of sleeping with him that I might as well do it, that way you’d be right.” She looked up and as she did she realized that she shouldn’t have told him any of this, but it was too late now. “One thing led to another and I slept with Shane.”
She looked at Matt, who was ready to explode now; his face was red and his eyes showed so much hatred. This was not a face that she had ever seen before or ever wanted to see again. She stepped toward him and placed a hand on his arm.
“Don’t touch me!” He yelled at her as he threw her hand off of his arm.
“Matt?” She pleaded.
“Julie, you try to act like you are all high and mighty and tell me that you can’t forgive me, and then you expect me to be OK with this?” He vented.
“I’m not asking you to be OK with it, I’m asking for your forgiveness.” She said.
“I don’t want to look at you let alone forgive you!” He slammed his fists down on the table in front of him. “I can’t believe that I just had sex with you, you slut!” He accused.
“Matt, it’s not like that! You wanted me to believe that you still loved me and that we could still be together after you slept with Chelsea, so what’s the big difference?” She shouted.
“The difference is that you did it to me!” He shouted back.
“You are being a hypocrite now! You can’t honestly think that it’s all right for you to do it but not me! What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” She screamed.
“Julie, I loved you with all my heart and you go and cheat on me!” He yelled.
“Matt! You did it too!” She began wailing at the top of her lungs. “But at least I used protection!” She resorted to the lowest thing she could think of at the time.
“So, how many times did it happen?” He demanded.
“Does it really matter if it happened once or a million times? It happened and I admitted it. I admit that it was wrong. That’s more than you did.” She told him.
“OK, Saint Julie. Here’s one for you. If you didn’t catch me with Chelsea would you have still told me the truth?” He asked sure that her answer would be no.
“Of course I would have still told you. I feel awful for doing it, but what can I do about it now?”
“If you’d have stayed away from him like I asked you, it would have never happened,” He said.
“Matt, you can’t tell me who I can and can’t be friends with!” She snapped as she started pacing back and forth between the living room and the dining room.
“Julie.” Matt said, placing his hands on her shoulders, “I loved you! How could you?” He yelled shaking her back and forth.
“Matt, you’re hurting me!” She yelled as she tried to push him away.
“I love you, Julie.” He said, tears forming in his eyes as he moved his hands to her upper arms and kept shaking her.
“Stop it! You’re hurting me!” She screamed, still pushing at him with no luck since he was bigger and stronger than she was.
“I loved you!” He kept screaming over and over again.
“Matt! Listen to me! I love you, too!” She said crying. She didn’t know what else to do, but maybe if she said that she loved him too that he’d settle down. And it worked, for a minute.
“You do?” He asked, tears streaming down his hardened face.
“Yes, Baby, I do.” She said crying. He calmed down as she pulled him to her and he put his head on her shoulder and sobbed.
“Julie, I love you so much. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“It’s OK. I’m here.” She tried to be brave. She knew that he’d be mad, but she never expected this. It was way out of control. She was actually afraid for her safety. Then from out of no where she had this thought about Shane showing up unannounced while Matt was still there. That would be a catastrophe. She used all her will to keep him away.
“Matt? Are you all right?” She asked sounding concerned.
“I’m all right as long as I have you.” He told her.
“I’m here, I’m here.” She tried her hardest to calm him down; she didn’t want to get hurt. She’d never seen him like this before, and she was glad for that much.
“Julie, please don’t be afraid of me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He said as he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.
“I’m OK.” She insisted, “But I was a little scared for a minute.” She admitted.
“I’m sorry. You know that I’d never hurt you on purpose, don’t you?”
“Yes, I know that.” She started. “I knew that you’d be mad, but I didn’t think that it’d be that bad. I’m sorry.” She looked at him and was aware of his eyes on her.
“I hear you say you’re sorry, but if you were really sorry, it wouldn’t have happened at all.” He told her. “I think I have a right to be pissed, don’t you?”
“Well, yeah, I know why you are mad. The same reason I was mad. But I am in the process of forgiving you.” She told him truthfully.
“I want to forgive you, but I know that you won’t give up your friendship with him to be with me, so I’ll always wonder if it’s still happening.” He explained.
“I know that that’s a valid fear.” She agreed with him. “And I don’t have much trust in you anymore either. I just don’t know what to do about it now.”
“What do you want to do?” He asked her.
“Matt, I don’t know. We broke up a few days ago. Today we had sex and then another fight. What do you want to do?” She asked him.
“I don’t know either. We’ve been together for such a long time. Maybe we do need to be apart for a while. I can’t trust you yet, and you can’t trust me.” He said.
“If you’re sure that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.” She agreed.
“Do you think you’ll ever trust me again?” He asked her.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” She answered honestly. “Think you can ever trust me again?”
“I don’t know either.” He told her.
“Matt, I really did and still do love you. We just don’t seem to be v
ery compatible anymore.” She said.
“And I still love you, Julie. Always did and always will. But you’re right, we aren’t compatible anymore.”
He wrapped his arms around her and they held onto each other for what seemed like an eternity. They were both crying now. Finally, he released her.
“I think I’d better get going now.” He said.
“OK, if you have to.” She said rather sadly.
“I think it’s for the best.” He told her.
She walked him to the door and as he was walking out, he leaned to her and kissed her on the mouth. She suddenly didn’t want to let him go. As he was walking away, she started crying anew. Why was she so upset now, after all she is the one who broke up with him just a few days ago? She slid down the open door frame and watched through blurred vision as he drove out of sight.
It is definitely over now. It is completely over and that’s that.
She didn’t know what to do now. Should she just up and rejoice or sit there and cry? Should she call Matt already and try to get him to change his mind, or should she call Shane and have him comfort her? There was no easy answer, actually she felt that there was no answer at all. So she just sat there and did nothing. Nothing at all.
“Julie? Wake up.” A voice was saying.
She slowly opened her eyes and looked up. There was no one to be seen. She looked around. She was half on the porch and half in the house. She fell asleep in the doorway and who knew how long she’d been that way. She didn’t even know what time Matt left. She began wondering where that voice was coming from. There was no one there, anywhere. She dismissed it as a dream. She got up and went back into the house and saw that the answering machine was blinking. She pushed the button and played the message. It was her mom. “Julie? Wake up.” It started. Her mom always said that because she always thought that if Julie didn’t answer the phone that she was still sleeping, no matter what time it was. So that explained the voice. It was her mom on the answering machine. She didn’t feel like talking to her mother right now anyway, she thought that she’d call her later. She sat down and started watching T.V.
While she was flipping through the channels she suddenly had the urge to call Shane. She tried to fight the urge, but it didn’t work. Finally she picked up the phone and called.
