by Leia Shaw
She flew out of his lap and grabbed the rest of her clothes. “We should go eat.”
He sighed, but decided not to push things for now. She was already panicking. He didn’t want her to shut down. Her shell had cracked for a short time, and inside the cool aloof woman, was a soft, vulnerable girl – sexy and a damn good kisser.
If he had any sense, he’d put it out of his mind. The last thing he needed right now was another relationship.
Shit. This was a clusterfuck and a half.
Sighing, he rose from the bed and collected his clothes. Emerson was already in the shower. He followed her in to clean himself off then redressed. She was quick at least, unlike most girls, and out in a few minutes. She’d dressed in the bathroom then pretended to primp in the mirror. He could tell she was avoiding because she kept straightening the same piece of hair over and over. And she seemed to be looking at him more than she was herself.
When he walked by the desk, he glanced at the computer – the letters that had crumbled his world were still there on the screen like angry little home-wreckers. He looked away, unprepared to process everything, at least not on an empty stomach. Maybe after he ate, he’d be able to face this. Or maybe he’d just get drunk and pretend it never happened.
Yeah. That sounded good.
He looked at Emerson, who’d already grabbed her coat and bag and was waiting by the door. “I’m ready for that drink now.”
Chapter 14
Eleven o’clock was not Emerson’s idea of going to bed early to get a jumpstart on the next day. The cool night air snapped her wide awake. By the time they made it from the restaurant across the street back to the hotel, and she got cleaned up for the night, it would be midnight. This whole thing with Hope had screwed up her plans. Now they’d either need a shitload of coffee tomorrow or she’d be late to the convention.
Dinner had been less awkward than she’d thought, thankfully. Levi had drank, but not enough to get obnoxious. Just enough to dull the pain, it seemed. She’d have been shit-faced by now, if it’d been her. He was stronger than he looked – especially for a musician. Right now his feelings about the cheating barely showed. Or maybe he was the type that seemed okay at first then just snapped out of nowhere. Like the criminals Jess used to watch on late night crime shows. Just how obsessed with Hope was he? Enough to stalk her and tie her up in some creepy basement of an abandoned building?
She eyed him skeptically as he walked next to her. He stared at the ground, looking lost in his thoughts. No. Levi was like a big puppy dog. Loyal to a fault. Everyone had their flaws though. Was his hoping too much?
They walked into the side door of the hotel, nearest to their rooms. They’d avoided certain topics since the news about Heidi. The spontaneous rebound sexcapade for one, but that was fine by her. The whole thing should never have happened. He blamed himself but she’d started it by hugging him – an impulse she didn’t often have. Something about him changed her, made her feel things she wasn’t used to feeling. Parts of it she liked – feeling pretty, maybe even a little sexy.
She fought back a grin. A guy that looked like Levi wanting to have sex with someone like her didn’t happen often. She supposed she could take it as a compliment.
“So what are you going to do?” she asked him, worried this changed the rest of the weekend.
He lifted his head and shrugged. “The same plan, I guess. Only I’ll stay in a motel, instead of with her.”
“You’re still going?” She shouldn’t be surprised. It went with that whole loyal to a fault thing.
“I need closure,” he explained on a sigh. “And I need to see her. Just once.”
What the hell did she say to that? It wasn’t her call to make but, god, he was an idiot. All he was doing was rubbing salt into the wound.
“This girl was my whole life for the last four months,” he said. “Besides, we’re almost there so I might as well. I have nowhere else to go.”
“You could come with me.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she wanted to take them back. Shit, that was a bad idea. What was he going to do at a hacker conference? Follow her around like a bored housewife? Maybe he could pretend to be her trophy husband.
She snorted. “Never mind.”
“Yeah. It’s better if I just stick to the plan.” He stopped in front of their door and frowned. “Well, goodnight.”
Panic flashed. She didn’t want him to go yet – not when he looked so lonely. The urge to hug him again pulsed through her but she tamped it down. She could pretend it was all about him, the desire to fix him, make him feel better, but in truth, she was lonely too.
She opened her mouth to invite him in, but chickened out at the last second. “Goodnight.” She turned to her door.
“Oh. What time do you want to get on the road tomorrow?”
Turning back to him, she did a quick calculation in her head. “For me to get to Chicago around dinnertime, we’d have to leave here by six in the morning. Is that okay?”
It’d be hard to get up in the morning but the convention was more important than sleeping in. The big stuff didn’t start till Saturday but tomorrow night there were small events she wanted to attend.
“Slave driver,” he mumbled, eyes twinkling. “I’ll be up and ready for my turn to drive, Captain.” After a sloppy salute, he fished in his pocket then pulled out his room key. “Maybe I’ll get up earlier and go for a run. It’ll help me stay awake while I’m driving. Wanna come?”
Was he serious? A burst of laughter erupted. She opened her hotel room door, exaggerating the laughter now to make a point.
“I’ll take that as a no,” he said, scowling.
Still laughing, she shut the door.
Her computer sat open on the desk, catching her attention. It’d gone into hibernation mode so the screen was black, but she was irritated with herself. Not only had she left it in the room, unguarded, but she’d even left it open and not password protected.
Sex must’ve scrambled her brain. Annoyed, she started up her computer so she could close her pages then shut it down for the night. Hope’s Facebook page popped up. The chat window was still blinking with new messages from Levi. With a sigh, she closed the page then the computer then washed up for bed.
It was times like these she wished she was a typical girl. She’d call her best friend and gush about sex then they could talk through what to do from here. Wasn’t that what girl friends did? They told each other how hot and perfect they were and how the right guy would find them, and that it was okay to sleep with your road trip buddy who’d just had his heart broken by his internet girlfriend. That was normal, right?
Well, she had Jess. She’d make a big deal out of things for sure, but it was better than stewing in confusion all by herself. Might as well drag someone else along. Jess was a night owl so hopefully she’d answer her phone. Ugh. Emerson hated talking on the phone but it would take forever to text through this mess.
She dug out her cell and dialed Jess’s number, unsure whether she wanted her to pick up or not.
“Em?” she said, sounding sleepy. “What’s wrong?”
“Uh, sorry. Were you asleep? I can call back tomorrow.”
“No, no. It’s fine. I have work tomorrow so I was trying to go to bed early but couldn’t sleep anyway.” She paused. “You never call. What happened?”
Was it too late to back out? With a sigh, she bit the bullet. “I had sex with Levi.” God, it sounded so much worse when she said it out loud.
Silence. Then a gasp. “Holy shit, Em!”
“Yeah.”
“That was fast!”
Fast? She rolled her eyes even though Jess couldn’t see.
“I mean, I knew it would happen eventually but not this soon. Congratulations.”
“Jess!” How did she explain this wasn’t a cause to celebrate? “I’m not having his baby! We had spontaneous sex and it was a mistake.” Her mind drifted to the way he’d felt inside her, how he’d made her scream, how perfect
their bodies fit together. “A really fucking hot mistake, but still a mistake.”
“It always seems like that the first time,” she mumbled. “Especially if you still have morals. So how’d you get rid of Internet Girl?”
“I didn’t.” Sadness crept in. And guilt. “I found out, accidentally, that she was cheating on him.”
“Good. That works in your favor.”
Heartless bitch. “Not good. He’s heartbroken. It’s sad and I made it worse by fucking him.”
“Seriously?” She could picture Jess poising a hand on her hip. “I don’t think a man would ever say getting laid made him feel worse. You did him a favor. He’ll forget about stupid Faith Peace –”
“Hope Love.”
“…and see the good thing that’s right there in front of him.”
“A free vacation in the Midwest?”
“You, dork!”
Was that what she wanted? For Levi to choose her over the lying, cheating internet girl he thought he loved? Did she even want him? The excuse that he wasn’t her type was starting to seem lame, even to her.
It didn’t matter anyway. He was rebounding. He needed to heal. Making a decision, whether it was Emerson or not, was never smart right after a break-up. Besides, he considered her a mistake too. She wasn’t even on the table, so to speak.
“Just keep an open mind,” Jess said. “Have faith. Or hope.” She chuckled.
“Yeah.” Somehow the conversation made her feel a little better. Jess didn’t offer much in the way of wise advice but it helped anyway.
They ended the call with quiet goodnights, and Em promising to keep her in the loop, then she changed for bed.
Lying under the covers, she stared at the ceiling, wondering if Levi was doing the same. Or was he still talking to Hope, choking through I love yous, pretending that nothing was wrong? Poor guy. She wished she was better with words. He could probably use some comfort. Girls bought each other ice cream and watched sappy movies. What did guys do when they were upset? Drink? Beat each other up? She’d make terrible back-up in a bar fight.
Tomorrow she’d have to spend five awkward hours in the car with him. And then worse… Drop him off at the girl’s house. The girl who broke his heart.
What a shitty day.
Chapter 15
It felt weird not checking his phone every two minutes. Every time the urge struck to text her, Levi remembered the betrayal and it stung again. He was reliving it over and over.
At least now he was driving, which meant he couldn’t text even if he wanted to. It’d been tempting when he’d first woken up, especially after having said a tense fake goodbye the night before. He still wasn’t sure how he was going to handle the whole mess. His stomach had been in knots all night. He’d skipped breakfast and his workout, opting for staring at the ceiling in misery instead.
Emerson hadn’t said more than a few words to him all morning. For the last hour, she’d been lost in her work, typing away on her laptop. Did she still regret having sex with him? Maybe he should check with her, make sure she was okay. Wasn’t that what girls wanted from guys? Talking about feelings and shit?
He cleared his throat. “What are you working on?”
The clicking stopped for a moment then resumed. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Good point. “You’re quiet today.”
“How is that different than usual?” She didn’t even look up from her computer.
Another good point. But they needed to clear the air. Ignoring each other couldn’t go on forever. He needed one comfortable relationship on this trip, even if it was just a friendly one. “Look. I don’t want things to be awkward between us. You’re a cool person. I like you as a friend. And who knows? I might need you to investigate another internet girlfriend down the road.” He turned to give her a teasing smile, but was struck with something he hadn’t expected.
Emerson looked hurt.
It hit him hard in the chest. Sure, she was different from most girls, but he’d forgotten she was still a human being. And what he’d just said to her – the let’s stay friends talk – would’ve been a blow to anyone’s ego.
God, he was an ass. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt the one girl who’d supported him through this, who’d not judged him too harshly, who’d been his friend whether she wanted to admit it or not. Hope may have been his dream girl for the last few months, but Emerson was here in the flesh, and sweet, and forgiving, and he didn’t think she had a betraying bone in her body.
He wanted to apologize then hold her on his lap until she knew he meant it. He wanted to kiss that heartbroken look away and make sure she never had a reason to wear it again. Instead, he stared dumbly, trying to get his thoughts together to say something helpful and coherent.
But she spoke first, seeming to have shaken the feeling away. “Are you serious? You’re gonna do this all over again?”
“No.” He chuckled humorlessly. “I think I learned my lesson.”
She focused back on her computer. “I don’t feel awkward. We can still be friends.”
“Good. Do you want to talk about –”
“No.”
Phew.
In some ways, Emerson seemed to operate more like a guy. No mushy feelings from her, or crying at minor misunderstandings. It was refreshing, but he worried about her too. She should be ranting at him for having used her last night, and then having hurt her feelings this morning.
Last night, she’d been a passionate little thing – unafraid to let loose, to make noise, to give everything. The opposite of the robot he’d once thought she was. Even now, he remembered her moans. They’d played in his head over and over all night. And now he was getting hard again. He shifted to adjust himself then went to turn the radio on.
“We should probably figure a few practical things out,” Emerson said. She shut her laptop and stuffed it in her bag. “What exactly is your plan for Cleveland? I’m not gonna just leave you on the side of the road and drive away.”
“That’s nice but you have a convention to go to. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
She was quiet a moment. Was he fine? He didn’t have a plan, other than show up on her door and demand answers. After that, he’d probably call a cab to drive him to the nearest hotel then wait until Emerson came back for him. Lame, but he didn’t have much of a choice. Renting a car and driving home by himself would suck. And he wasn’t about to ditch closure with Hope and follow Emerson around like a sad puppy. He wouldn’t mind following her around just because he liked her, but she had work to do and he’d be in the way.
“At least let me drive you to a motel and make sure you’re checked in.” She shifted then mumbled, “If you’re gonna be such an idiot about it.”
He gave her a sidelong glance at the idiot remark. How could Emerson understand the deep connection he shared with Hope? She’d already admitted to lacking experience in relationships. From an outsider’s perspective it probably seemed crazy that he could fall for someone he’d never met. Sometimes it even baffled him. But it was there anyway. Nobody made him smile like Hope did. She was in his thoughts almost constantly. Any time something funny happened, she was the first person he told. They’d shared moments of excitement, joy, laughter, and even sadness. They’d talked about their childhoods, loneliness, making it in the real world after graduation. They’d both started new jobs together, moved into first apartments, survived broken relationships with family members or friends. They’d been through a lot in the last year, and they supported each other through it all. Losing Heidi felt like losing a limb.
What would he do without her?
Sadness crept in, making his throat close up. He was a mess. He had to get himself under control before he saw her that afternoon.
Lost in thought, his mind went on autopilot as he drove. He’d been following behind a construction dump truck for a while on the lonely stretch of highway. A piece of debris flew out, catching him off guard. He swerved out of its way but
went too far to the right and scraped the guard rail.
Emerson screamed.
He slammed on the brakes and threw his arm across her chest as they both flew forward in their seats. The car ground to a halt and smoke rose up from the hood.
“Shit.” He banged his hands on the steering wheel. Stranded in the middle of who knows where. He looked Emerson over. “You okay?”
Eyes wide, body stiff, she nodded. “Yeah.” She exhaled a deep breath. “You?”
“Yeah.”
They sat in silence a moment then Levi opened the door. “Let’s see the damage.”
Surrounded by cornfields and flat grassy land didn’t bode well for getting help. Even the highway was nearly empty. Two cars had passed since they’d stopped. At least it was warm outside. The sun beating down on them was a nice contrast to the April breeze.
He looked over the car with an assessing eye, nodding and scowling.
“What do you think?” Em asked. “It looks pretty bad.”
“I have no idea. I don’t know shit about cars.”
She rolled her eyes. “Great. Aren’t all guys supposed to know stuff about cars?”
“Aren’t all girls supposed to know stuff about make-up?” He arched a brow.
They glared at each other until she looked away. “Point taken.”
It was a small victory but he’d take it. “So what do we do now?”
Emerson put her hand up to shield the sun from her eyes then turned in a circle, scanning the area around them. “Do you remember the last town we passed through?”
“Uhh. Fayville?”
“Fuck. I was worried you’d say that.” With a deep sigh, she shook her head. “I know what to do. I’m gonna hate myself for it, but I know what to do.”
***
Emerson and Levi sat elbow to elbow in back of the station wagon while a toddler on her right bopped her in the face repeatedly with a stuffed bunny. Emerson stared out the front window, brooding. Waves of humiliation and anger poured off of her, affecting no one in the car but her. The bunny smacked her in the face again.
