by Tj Hannah
How messed up is that? I know Garett fucked her. Not that it would be the first time we tried for the same girl, but I have a girl. Sort of.
I glance at my phone again, but the screen is still black.
“What are you, like, twelve? You’ve checked that phone every ten seconds since you got here.” Brenda leans over the bar and grabs a fry from my plate. Her voice is harsh, but I know she’s teasing. Being the day shift waitress at a dead bar in a city so small it shouldn’t really be a city has this ability to grind away any of the seriousness of life. For Brenda, her days consist of drinking coffee, flipping through soap operas on the bar TV and serving grown men beer at noon. Brenda knows everything about everyone, and the way her brown eyes are staring me down she knows I’m hiding something. It’s a testament to her skills because I hide everything.
“I’m expecting a call,” I say and swipe the phone off the counter before she can get to it. Brenda smirks and continues to wipe down bottles of booze from the back shelves, reaching up a dozen times to attempt to tuck her short dark hair behind her ears.
I probably shouldn’t have texted her, but I was sitting in the office, waiting for my Dad to not show up, like usual, and saw her employment file open on the desk. The way she ran out of here with Garett last night is making me crazy. She looked almost frantic.
There’s something intriguing about Sophia, and something that she’s hiding. It bothers me that I am so interested in her. I want to know why she looks at everything with wide eyes like she’s never stepped outside of her own head and has no idea that there’s a world beyond her sadness. I want to know why she punches steering wheels and reaches for her purse every time something makes her jump. I more or less just want to know how she got stuck in my head. Getting involved is off limits for me. That’s why what Kayla and I have works.
“Well honey, you want another beer while you wait for that call?” Brenda swipes my empty bottle and I shake my head, reaching into my pocket for money.
“Once they get in there, it’s hard to get them out, eh?” I hear the shaky voice of Richard from a few seats down the bar, and I shake my head. Brenda rolls her eyes.
“All good, Brenda. Keep the rest. Have to get back to work.” I push back from the bar and nod to Richard sitting three stools down from me. “Once what gets in where, Rich?” I ask, leaning on the bar next to a man I’ve known my entire life.
The old man is the most regular of the regulars and has been coming to Dad’s bar every day since his wife died four years ago. Before that he was in here with Ruth every Friday for steak sandwiches. Now I think he comes for the company, or to avoid the pain of being home and living in his memories. I can relate to that.
“The girl you’re waitin’ for.”
I shake my head again. Horny old man thinks of nothing but women.
Just after she passed away, he always used to come sit with the guys and me and tell us stories of his wife, Ruth. I didn’t think old people were wild like that, but Richard and Ruth were beatniks through and through. Bonnie and Clyde, without the killing. Rich would always throw an arm over my shoulder and make everyone lean in.
“Those women, they have more power than any man I ever knew, I tell ya. Once you set eyes on the right one, you might as well be dead ‘cause your heart no longer beats for you, your world no longer spins on its’ own, your soul is wrapped up in that single gaze and handed over freely. Everything you do from that day forward, whether ya like it or not, will be for her; and her only. That's what I call true power.” He would slap his hand down on the table and lean back like he just said the most brilliant thing ever spoken.
He was a great poet and a hilarious drunk, but I didn’t believe a word he said.
“That’s bullshit, Old Man. In the end, they’ll always crush that heart and walk out on that world.” I would tease him, and he’d look at me with these dark eyes, so serious.
“Until you stop staring at women with your prick, boy, you ain’t never gunna set eyes on the right one. That young brain a’yours knows nothing of what it means to be in love.”
“There ain’t no girl, Richie. I’m not waiting for anyone.” I pat his shoulder and turn to leave. He says, “For Ruthie.” Which is how he ends every conversation. I feel bad for the poor bastard. In more ways than one.
I walk back to work, with my head down, thinking about Richard and his words. That shit doesn’t mean anything. Not to me anyway.
My thoughts are broken by my phone buzzing. For a moment, I think it’s Sophia and my stomach jumps making me stop and frown. I’ve never had that jump in my stomach when my phone rings.
It’s my sister. My stomach twist for a whole new reason.
“Hey, Gaby.” I try to sound light, but it’s still hard to talk to my sister even after all these years. I lean against the chain link fence outside the metal shop where I work. I shove one hand in my pocket and listen with a smile.
“Uncle Corbie, guess what I did today? I made a, uh… I made a... What’s it called Mom?” I hear my nephew, Parker, stutter, and then clunk around while he whispers to my sister. I hear her whisper something back. “I um, I um, made a bolt.” He states so proud of himself that I laugh out loud.
“A bolt? That’s amazing, Buddy. On the lathe?” I laugh again when he’s silent for a moment.
“What’s a lathe, Uncle?” His squeaky voice becomes so serious, and I hear Gaby laugh this time.
“It’s the machine that spins the metal round and round so you can shape it.”
“Oh, yeah, I used that. Or my teacher did. I helped.”
“That’s awesome! I can’t wait to see it. Can you put your mom on, Bud?”
More shuffling and banging and yelling and then my sister sighs into the phone.
“Hey, Corb.”
“What the hell is a six year old doing operating a lathe?” I’m not angry, but astonished that she would let him operate heavy machinery like that.
“It was for his class trip thing. They were doing some career fair series where they visit a bunch of different trade shops to see how things are made. And don’t get too excited, I only knew it was a bolt because his teacher said that’s what it was. It looks more like something a robot dog would shit out.” Parker giggles in the background and I relax. It’s always weird that my twenty one year old sister has a six year old son, but the sound of his voice calms me almost as much as the water does when I swim. His excitement for life makes me wish I could have a tenth of what he does. It also makes me hate my father, which is a weird association, but Dad almost forced Gaby to have an abortion. It’s part of the reason Mom took her away. I couldn’t imagine life without Parker. Even if I only see him once a year.
“How are you doing?” My voice settles to normal, and I can almost see Gaby sitting on the kitchen counter, twirling her short hair in her fingers until it stands on end in little clusters, shrugging her shoulders like she used to when she’d talk to her friends. I doubt she’s changed much, and unless she’s right in front of me I can’t ever picture her as anything but that awkward sixteen year old girl she was before she had Parker.
“I’m good. Parker’s losing teeth now, he looks like a rabbit. Don’t ya bud?” She speaks half to me and half to Parker. The sound of scraping chair legs fills my ear, and Gaby takes a minute to give him shit for it.
“Are you gunna tell Uncle about the surprise?” Parker yells and Gaby shushes him.
“What surprise?” I ask.
“Well I wasn’t, but I guess now that you blabbed, I have to tell him. You stinker.”
“Tell me what?” My chest tightens because I hate surprises. Every time a woman has said they had to tell me something it was ‘I’m cheating on you’ or ‘I just need to be single for a while’ or ‘I’m leaving your father and taking your sister with me.’
“Parker and I are coming home for your birthday.” Parker starts yelling in the background, but my gut drops and I slump forward.
“Corbin?” Gaby says, and I breathe in.
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Is it okay that we were going to come home? I mean if you don’t want us...” she starts with that little sister tremble in her voice.
“No. No, I want you to come. That’s awesome. Really. But Mom?”
“Is not coming with us. She dropped a couple hints, but I didn’t think you’d want to see her.” Gab trails off.
“I don’t.” My tone is harsh, and Gaby knows I don’t like to talk about Mom. Mostly because the things that crush me about her; clutter me up with guilt and lies, are things I never want my sister to know.
“That’s what I thought. I really think you should talk to her though, Corb. She’s really changed.”
I’ve tried to talk. She doesn’t fucking listen.
“Well, I haven’t changed, Gab. Just accept that. It’ll make this a lot easier.”
“You’re both stubborn as shit. Fine. Well, we’ll see you at the end of June, I guess. We were planning to leave the weekend after Parker’s done classes. Love you brother.” She holds the phone out, and Parker screams at me that he loves me too.
“Yeah that’s cool. You too. Later.”
I hit end. And now I definitely need another beer, so I push off the fence and head back to the bar. Good thing my boss, Leroy, doesn’t care when I’m there, as long as the work gets done before it has to ship out.
I’m looking down, texting Garett to meet me at the bar. He works at the legal aid office, so he’s like me and can duck out whenever. Absently, I reach out to open the door to the bar and it slams open into me, knocking me backwards and sending my phone crashing to the ground.
“What the fuck!?” I yell as I catch the wide eyes of Sophia.
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry!” she squats down on her heels and scoops up my phone, and I join her. I’m super pissed that my phone is in pieces, but then I hear her sniffle. Ducking lower to check under her silky dark hair, I see a tear fall from her nose.
“Whoa, hey? Sophia, are you crying?” My chest squeezes because I hate crying chicks, but I also get this crazy urge to pull her in for a hug.
She doesn’t look up, so I reach out and pull her chin up with two fingers. “It’s okay. It’s just a phone,” I continue as her cloudy eyes swirl with tears. I see her chest pumping wildly, and it reminds me of last night, just before she took off with Garett.
“This isn’t about the phone, is it?” I ask and wish she’d just answer me. I’m not feeling this one-sided conversation.
Out of nowhere she laughs. A shoulder shaking, manic kind of laugh as she reaches into her purse and pulls out a pile of plastic similar to my own. My eyebrows pull together, and I look from her to her hands. None of this is helping my confusion.
“I’m sorry, Corbin. God, how fucking embarrassing. I was just going to go get myself a new phone because I broke mine. Obviously. I thought I’d stop by here–” She stops stuttering and wipes at her eyes with the back of her forearm. I realize I’m grinning at her and shaking my head. She stands, and I slowly follow, taking the mess that is my cell phone from her hand.
A loud thumping noise sounds and Kayla’s little silver car pulls up in front of the bar. Both Sophia and I watch her get out, and her nose wrinkles in confusion as she sees us, Sophia’s hand in mine.
“What are you guys doing here?” She asks behind the fake smile that I know so very well, but she’s distracted. “Sophia, are you crying, sweetie?”
Sophia shakes her head. “I just came to get my schedule.”
Kayla’s eyes dart to me with this accusing glare. Fuck, she thinks I did something.
Luckily Kayla doesn’t care about other people’s feelings and continues talking like the last five seconds never happened. “Anyway, I’m glad I ran into you two. I’m here early to start planning for the Mills Bash, and I’ll need you both. The DJ backed out. Asshole. He knows all the good ones are booked out like a year in advance. And you’re fucking dad, Corbin, I swear to God. I wish I could just buy this place and kick him the hell out. Do you know how hard it is to find the money for all this shit when he drinks half the bar?”
Sophia stares blankly and I shift. For some reason, I feel really not okay with Kayla airing out all my family problems in front of Sophia, but she doesn’t seem fazed by it at all. Actually, she might not even be keeping up with Kayla’s rapid fire statements and hand gestures.
“I do know, Kayla. I am the one that balances his books. Which are never balanced,” I say and she glares at me.
“Well then I really need you to figure out where I’m getting this money from.”
“I’m good at math, Kay. I’m not a fucking magician.”
“Well become one.”
I groan. I don’t know why because I plan that stupid party every year and every year we don’t know where the money’s coming from. Every year something goes disastrously wrong and Kayla and Brenda freak out, and then everything works out in the end, and it’s the best party of the year. Every year. The Bash is a yearly fundraiser that started when I was a kid before Dad became useless. The only non-shitty and selfless thing my dad’s ever done. It was so successful the first year that the Mayor even foots most of the bill now because we always make a shit ton of money. Fuck Ferris wheels, this is our town fair.
“The what? I missed almost all of that.” Sophia asks.
“Only the most massive summer party that ever existed. Don’t worry, you’ll get caught up. I need you to come in an hour early for each of your shifts though. You get paid for it.” Kayla pushes her sunglasses on top of her straightened hair and reefs open the sticky door. She looks at me, then Sophia, then back to me and nods her head. “Corbin. A moment?”
Shit. Not now.
“Yeah, sure,” I say and turn to Sophia. “Are you buying me a new cell phone after this?”
Her lips pull into a guilty smile, but she doesn’t say anything, so I follow Kayla into the bar. As soon as the door closes Kayla’s on me.
“So what was that?” she asks, putting her hands on her hips. I look behind me at the door then back to her.
“What was what?” My brain fogs and fuzzes as I try and understand the scowl on her face and defensive stance.
“Are you buying me a new phone after this?” Kayla mimics me, and I can’t help but laugh. This one short burst that makes everyone in the bar look at me.
“Seriously?” I ask.
This is exactly why I don’t get involved. Why I don’t invest. Mine and Kayla’s relationship is never supposed to pass into this jealousy zone.
“Don’t play stupid, Corbin. I saw the way you looked at her.”
My face pulls even deeper into confusion. “Kayla, are you my girlfriend?”
She scoffs but doesn’t say anything.
“Kayla?” I grip her shoulders and force her to look at me. Her eyes burn with anger because she knows where this is going. It’s gone here before, just not for this reason.
“No.” She says flatly.
“Do you want to be?” I ask, and she shakes her head.
“No.”
“I said I’d tell you if I was sleeping with other people and I promise you that I will. If you want me to yourself, fine, but you have to claim me.” I spread my arms out to make my point. I know she won’t. Kayla is more afraid of commitment than I am.
She crosses her arms this time and her face twists into a pout. Kayla wants what she wants, when she wants, and without any questions. She doesn’t give a shit about me. I know that. The fact that I say no to her is what keeps her interested. I’m not stupid. I just don’t care.
“Well then, if that’s done, I’m off to see a girl about a cell phone.” I turn and get the fuck out of there as fast as I can before she can say anything else.
Chapter Six
Sophia
I dig my toe into the crack in the sidewalk as I lean against the brick wall. The sun warms my face and dries my tears, but the embarrassment still lingers. I can’t believe I broke Corbin’s phone. And then cried about it
.
I stifle a laugh and choke on it. God, I’m stupid. I can’t stop the smile when I think about the terrified look on his face. I would be terrified of me, too. I close my eyes and lean my head back, then the door opens with a loud groan. Corbin steps out, and the door bangs shut. Someone should seriously fix that thing.
“You ready to do this?” he says and gestures to my car.
“I guess so. I have no idea where I’m going. I haven’t really had a chance to get out since I’ve been here.” I climb in the driver side, and he somehow crams his long legs and broad shoulders into my tiny car.
"I'll give you the tour. It's not long, trust me." He shrugs as I pull out from in front of the bar. The sun glares through the windshield, flickering shadows pass across the dash as we pull onto the main road. There's silence inside the car. It's weird now that Corbin and I are alone. Awkward and tense but not uncomfortable. It feels good to sit next to him. I just don’t know what to say. He taps his fingers on the dash, and I drive.
"Have you lived here your whole life?" I ask, trying to cut into some of this strange tension. Corbin rolls down the window and I wonder if he feels it too.
"Yep. Turn left here." His voice is tighter than before. Not as flirtatious and friendly as he was at the bar.
"And your roommates?" I push him to talk for some unknown reason. Now that he spoke, I want him to keep talking about him. Maybe because I'm terrified he might start asking questions about me. Maybe because every time he’s around things I don’t mean to say fall out of my mouth.
"Riley came here two years ago to teach. The rest of us are from here. Garett and I have been best friends since we were kids." The corner of his mouth pulls into a playful smile, and my cheeks burn.
"I didn't mean-" I blurt out unintentionally but slam my mouth shut. Like I said, things I don’t mean to say.
Corbin nods but doesn't look at me. "I don't care, Sophia. What Garett does is his business." Corbin looks at me this time, his smile wider. "Or who Garett does. Don’t worry, he doesn’t kiss and tell."
My cheeks flush, which pisses me off. I have no clue why I brought that up.
