by Tj Hannah
Rich’s smile wrinkles up his face making him look ten years older, but his eyes are still full of life. “Be careful how you touch an old man, Sophie dear. My heart ain’t as good as it used to be.”
“Not to mention, Ruth would come back from the dead to fight for her man.” Jackson laughs. “Ya did good, Sophia. I would have gotten into a lot of shit for that, even if I am off duty.”
“Oh,” Sophia blushes and I get this surge through me that I don’t understand. I stand abruptly and pull my smokes from my pocket and nod to her.
“Join me?” I start moving, knowing that she’ll follow. There are very few people in here, so it’s not like she’s really doing anything.
The door slams open, and I step out. As soon as she makes it over the threshold I grab her waist and press her against the brick wall. Her breath comes out in an ‘oh’ and I crush her mouth with mine.
“Corbin,” she says all hushed and I can no longer control my hands. “What’s this about?” But she doesn’t stop me from trailing down her neck.
“It’s about nothing. I just can’t seem to stop myself. You do something to me I can’t figure out.”
“That’s flattering, but technically I’m working. Can we figure out this thing I do later?” She is still clinging to me, our bodies pressed together tightly.
“You’re such a good girl,” I tease her, but stop kissing her shoulder to try and start the process of calming myself down.
She laughs. “I’m not really. It’s all part of the lie, Corbin. Just like you being an asshole. I think it’s just an act.”
I step back from her and grin. “Oh, come on?”
She shakes her head. “I’ve never seen it. You have been nothing but a kind, careful, gentleman.” She’s mocking me now.
“Ouch. You’re ruining my reputation.” I say as she runs her hands down my chest and stomach, hooking her fingers into my pants.
“You have my attention,” I say, glancing at her fingers and she smiles. She pulls me into her, and I have to brace myself on the wall.
“I thought you came out here for a cigarette?” she asks and kisses me once before pushing me back.
“Tragic, Sophia. This is the beginning of my end. I hope you know that.”
“You’re a drama queen.” She leans in for one more kiss. “I have to get back to work. Saturday comes soon, according to my slave driver.”
“Don’t forget tomorrow is set up. You think she’s bad now?”
Sophia rolls her eyes as she hauls open the door.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow. You’ll come with me and Garett.”
xxx
Tomorrow comes with a hangover and a lonely sleep without the girl I so desperately want in my bed. A girl that somehow managed to maneuver her way into my soul.
Over coffee, I scroll through our text message conversation and think Brenda was right the day I waited for her first phone call. I’m twelve. And pathetic.
The conversation was nothing more than flirting and random truth questions ranging from favorite color to worst movie ever made to craziest place she’s ever had sex. Which she didn’t answer.
My phone beeps in my hand and I swipe my thumb over the screen to read it.
Warning: Mom alert. Please Corbin. It’s very important.
My heart plummets but before I can react the phone rings. I just stare at it.
Unknown number.
But I know who it is.
“Are you going to answer it telepathically?” Garett asks across the kitchen table, and I jump.
Hit talk.
“Yeah?” My mouth feels dry as beach sand and just as gritty.
“Corbin?” Mom’s voice sounds exactly like it did last time I spoke with her, over three years ago.
Why did I answer the fucking phone?
“Yeah.” I answer her, and I hear a choking sound. Mom’s crying, and it pushes and pulls all these things within me making it hard to focus. I push away from the table and take the stairs to my room.
“I’m sorry. I promised I wouldn’t cry if you picked up. It’s just-” Mom starts, her voice coming in hiccups. I push open my window and climb out one handed. By the time I get to my little flat spot, she’s gotten herself somewhat together, but I’m just starting to fall apart. I can’t stand the sound of her voice, but I miss her. I want to yell and cry. To tell her to go fuck herself because of how she betrayed our family, but still I keep her secret. I protect her.
“Gaby texted. Said it would be important.” I don’t mean for my voice to sound so harsh, but years spent hating your mother takes its toll. I’ve convinced myself she’s the only one at fault, but every day that I keep my mouth shut, I become more and more like her. I hate being reminded of it.
“Right. I’m sorry.”
“You said that already.”
She sighs deeply. “Corbin, I am calling to ask if you know a girl named Sophia Ross.”
My whole world stops at the sound of her name.
“How do you know Sophia?” I feel the tension coil up all the muscles in my shoulders and back.
“So you have met her?”
“Yeah, she works at dad’s bar.”
“Yes. Her mother said she took a job at a bar. That’s why I called. I was hoping that you would know her. I would have had Gaby do it because I know you don’t want to speak to me, but it’s official police business. I needed to speak with you personally.”
Everything that was stopped a moment ago starts working at full speed. My mind whirls with thoughts.
Police Business?
“Corbin?” Mom asks after a long silence where I try to grasp at anything happening inside my head.
“How do you know Sophia?” I ask again.
“Her mother hasn’t heard from her in over a month. She called me the other day in a complete panic. Wants to put out a missing persons, but I said I’d call around first.”
“Her mom called you?” The incredulous tone of my voice is thick, and I can’t wrap my mind around it yet.
“She did. I guess Sophia’s phone was disconnected, and Elizabeth just thought it was Sophia acting out. Making a point. But she’s worried and just needs to know Sophia’s okay.” Her voice is probing, like there’s more to her words than I’m realizing.
“Sophia's fine. You can tell her mom that. She just wanted time. Space. She’ll call when she’s ready, I’m sure of it.” I don’t bother to hide that the statement has a double meaning. Mom’s smart. I know she picked up on it.
“I’ll be sure to let her know. Thanks, Corbin. I’ll let you go now.”
“Mom?” I say, and I hear the tremble in her voice on the other end. “Mom, why would Sophia’s mom call you specifically?”
“I was the responding officer when Sophia drowned in the Kitalan Lakes region. Her family trusts me, and they miss her.”
“I’m sorry, what? She said she almost drowned a few years back.”
“Oh, no sweetie, she was dead. There were two of them.”
I’m silent for a long time as I think back to the day at Mills Lake when she told me about her fear of the water. She didn’t tell me there was someone else. “What happened to the other person?” There’s a hesitation that says I don’t want to know the answer. How could she not have mentioned this part?
“There was very little time. We had to choose. Him or her. It was my call, and logically it had to be her, or we would have lost both of them. What a tragic story. I really don’t blame her for trying to put it behind her.”
Mom talks like we’re just having small talk about some distant mutual friend. She has no idea what this means to me. But how could she.
The fog in my mind coats everything in a thick haze and I start to shut down. I can’t listen to this anymore. I can’t talk about this. I can’t talk to her about this.
I need to clear my head.
xxx
We pull up to Mills Lake, and the first thing I want to do is get in. Swim across and clear my mind. The soft l
ight ripples across the surface, and the familiar smell of damp air blows onto shore. Sophia gets out after me, her eyes wary. Her look is different now. Or, it's different now that I know about her. She seems more fragile. This isn’t just some trip into the water when she couldn’t swim. She drowned, and so did someone else.
I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pull her back to my chest, nuzzling my nose in her hair. I'll never tire of her smell.
"It's not the lake that you're scared of," I whisper in her ear, and she reaches up to grab my forearm with both her hands. "It's in here." I kiss the side of her head.
"It doesn't make it any easier," she says, her body tense. I wish she’d tell me about him. Whoever him is. I need to know, but I can’t just ask. Not without having to explain myself. I’m not ready for that.
"I know." My mind wanders to the phone call I got from my mom and my gut tightens until it hurts. But I should tell her. About Mom. About how I'm more tied to her past than she thinks I am. More than I would have ever thought possible. But part of me is still processing it. My mom had to choose. My mom saved her.
I don’t know how to deal with this.
“Hey?” Sophia touches my face. “Where are you?”
I force a smile. “Nowhere. I think I’m gunna go for a swim before we start.”
She tenses and glances over her shoulder.
“I’ll be fine. I swim in this lake all the time. It’s totally safe.”
“I wish you wouldn’t.”
I take her hand and walk her to the edge of the water. Her fingers tremble in mine.
“This is what I love, Sophia.” I step into the still water but let go of her hand. I would never force her back into the water, but I’ll never stop going in. “This is my drug. I have to swim, or I go crazy.”
She wraps one arm around her stomach and runs the other through her hair, taking a huge breath.
“I’m sorry. I know. It’s just hard. All I see is him.” She presses her hand against her mouth, her eyes get wide. My head becomes cloudy, but there it is. She said it.
Him.
“Who’s him?” I try to look shocked; even though relief pours through me that I don’t have to tell her about Mom. Not yet anyway.
Sophia spins and walks away. I watch her until she’s back at the truck, grabbing boxes from the back.
I pull my shirt off with one hand, throw it on the beach and dive in without my goggles, or trunks, or anything.
The further I go the more I realize that this is too much. Sophia’s emotional shipwreck is too much. I know that I should step back.
I just don’t want to.
But how am I supposed to compete with him? Especially if she doesn’t want to tell me who he is.
xxx
When I come out of the water to join my friends setting up the Bash, I feel no better. For the first time ever, I’m more confused coming out of the water than I was going in.
“Nice of you to join us.” Garett immediately puts a hammer in my hands and shoves me toward the stage in the wide open field behind the short row of cabin rentals. As we get closer I see Kayla, her thick golden hair pulled up in a ponytail which is not a look I see on her often. The too tight shirt and shorts are typical, but the guy’s arms around her is not. I elbow Garett.
“Since when is Kayla with Matt? I thought Matt was with Julie?” Matt and Julie have been together since high school. Which was a long time ago.
“Since when are you a fifteen year old girl?” Garett laughs and I glare.
“That guy’s a douche.”
“And Kayla is no longer your problem.” Garett shrugs.
“I don’t like it.”
“Focus on your own girl, Corb,” Garett veers off as I keep going toward the stage. “Kayla can take care of herself. Stop saving people. It’s pathetic.”
I flip off my friend, and he grabs his crotch like he does every time he tells one of us to grow a pair.
xxx
By mid-afternoon I’m sweating, dirty and severely dehydrated. I built the stage, hauled the equipment that showed up in a massive truck, signed off on a truck filled with beer kegs and rolled them into one of the cabins designated for bar staff.
Kayla had done a great job of convincing people to show up and help. The lake is beginning to take the shape of our massive party. The city partnered with us, and outside the beer gardens they’re setting up rides and games for kids. The Bash always happens the last weekend in June on the day that classes end for elementary and high schools. The turnout is always massive, and I’d be a lot more stressed out if I wasn’t still reeling from my mother’s call.
The city staff is putting up fencing around the bar area to keep the drunks in check. The whole lake is buzzing with people, and while I like the Bash, I like Mills Lake better when it’s just me.
I stab out my cigarette and catch sight of Sophia counting boxes of beer cups with her hair stuck to her face in the heat. She reaches up to push it aside and sees me. Her smile is breathtaking, especially when it’s aimed my way. But it also stirs the guilt of not telling her what I know. I nod to her and go back in the cabin to finish dealing with booze. I wish my dad wasn’t such a useless bag of shit and could actually get himself out here to help. It's his bar after all.
I barely finish the thought when a thick terrifying scream cuts through the air and I instantly know it’s her.
I stick my head out the door and look to the lake. Sophia is slung over some guy’s shoulder, her fists pounding on his back. The anger that surges through me is something I’ve never felt before. Even with everything I’ve been through. It doesn’t last because fear takes over when I realize what’s happening. They’re heading to the lake.
Sophia’s next scream pushes me forward, and I jump off the cabin porch. I hear laughing and screaming but mostly the sound of my mother’s voice.
Oh no, sweetie. She was dead.
I recognize the guy as Matt. The anger resurfaces. I push harder. Run faster.
Sophia’s screams get louder.
How can they not hear her? How do they not hear the terror in her voice?
She flails and kicks. She screams and cries begging him not to throw her in.
Kayla is watching me now. Running for them. Matt’s out to his waist in water.
As soon as I’m on the sand, I kick off my flip-flops. I see Garett in the distance, running for us, as well.
My feet cut through the water just as Matt heaves Sophia off his shoulder and into the lake. She isn’t under for more than a second before I get to her. She claws at me under the water, scratching my chest, kicking her feet out at me. Her eyes are wide, but in the murky water I doubt she recognizes me.
I finally get a hold of her around her waist and drag her to the surface.
Garett is next to me, and he helps me grab her. Sophia’s legs kick. She screams over and over. She’s in complete meltdown mode. Garett has to grab her legs. I hold her under the shoulders, pinning her arms to her chest and her small but unbelievably strong body struggles and fights.
We finally get her on the beach, and I almost have to lay on her to keep her still. There is nothing but pure panic in her eyes. No recognition. No rational thought. She just screams the name Lance.
Over and over.
“Go get her purse!” I yell at Garett who looks at me as if to say what the fuck is happening. “Her purse, Garett. Go!”
Garett kicks sand up as he runs to the truck, and I turn my attention back to Sophia, ignoring the onlookers.
“Sophia. Shh,” I shush her. Holding her wrists. “Sophia, it’s okay. You’re okay now. You’re out of the water. You’re okay.”
Her screams turn to sobs, but she still calls out his name.
“It’s not Lance. Lance isn’t here, Sophia. It’s me. Corbin.”
Her eyes search me desperately, and I see it. I see the light turn on. I see her come back.
Her arms fling around my neck and she cries. Her entire body is wracked with earth shat
tering sobs that rip and tear at my insides. No one should have to live with this much fear. I continue to comfort her, my eyes scanning for Garett, whose body is half in and half out of my truck window. I catch the horrified look on Matt’s face.
“I hope you’re fucking proud of yourself,” I shoot at him, and he shakes his head. I rub Sophia’s back, scared that if she doesn’t stop hyperventilating that she’ll pass out.
“I was just playing around, man. I had no idea. It was just a joke, to get back for kicking me out of the bar. I didn’t mean-”
“You didn’t mean to?” The words are filled with disbelief. “You didn’t hear her screaming? I could hear from the cabin. Everyone in the whole fucking city probably heard her.”
“They always scream.” His words fade out as he realizes what he said, and he looks to Kayla. Her arms are crossed, and she steps to the side as Garett comes back with Sophia’s purse. I pull out the bottle of pills and shake one into my hand.
“One?” I ask, but Sophia’s still crying, her head buried in my shoulder her breathing loud and ragged. “Sophia? One or two?”
“One,” She chokes out, and I pry her off me to give her the pill. She won’t look up, at me or anyone else. I need to get her out of here.
I scoop her up in my arms and stand. Kayla's still watching me with her lips pressed together.
“A bit of an over-reaction,” she mutters, and I stop abruptly. I’m not sure if this sort of momentary hatred has ever burned through me this hot and this fast before, but I’m taken over by it. I look at Kayla in a way that makes her take a step back.
“You know that name she was screaming?” My voice is so even I don’t know what to make of it. This is so far out of my fucking league I don’t know what I’m doing. I just react. Kayla’s eyes widen.
“Lance?” I continue. “That’s the name of a guy that Sophia knew. A guy that died. In a lake. From drowning. And she was there. So no. Not an overreaction. Not at all.”
Kayla doesn’t speak, but her eyes shift to Sophia, small and weak in my arms.
“I didn’t know.” Kayla’s voice almost inaudible.
“Well, now you do.”
