“Sara Vanelle, is she here?”
The nurse handed me a cup of water, but I waved her off.
“My wife? I was told she was brought here by ambulance.”
She began typing on her tablet, and then I watched her eyes scan whatever she was reading.
“If you wait here, Mr. Vanelle, I will get the doctor on call who is assigned to your wife’s care tonight.”
She began to walk away from me, and I gently pulled on her arm.
“Please, just tell me. Is my wife alive?”
“I’m sorry, sir. I will be right back.”
I fell to my knees and began punching the floor until my knuckles bled. Where is my Sara? I began to shake uncontrollably when the nurse was back with the doctor she mentioned.
“Oh my God! Mr. Vanelle, are you okay? Your hands are bleeding.”
She went to tend to me as if I cared about my hands. I just wanted answers about Sara.
“Mr. Vanelle, I’m Dr. Phan. Your wife is resting and already in a private room.”
“She’s not dead?” I questioned him. My tears were falling hard, and to hell with me trying to stop them.
“Sir, she is very much alive and stable. Please follow me into an exam space where my nurse here, Nicole, can bandage your hands. I will explain your wife’s condition to you.”
I silently agreed and followed the two into the next room.
“Your name is Nicole?” I asked the nurse who was smiling and being kind to me.
“It is, but my friends call me Nikki. Dr. Phan over here insists on calling me by my full name. I don’t even correct him anymore.”
“My daughter’s name is Nicolette.”
“That’s a lovely name, sir. Okay, all done. No more punching things, okay?”
I didn’t even feel the burn from the antibiotic solution. I was numb from hearing about Sara. I may have been in shock.
“Mr. Vanelle, are you with me?” Dr. Phan asked as he began flashing a light into my eyes.
“Yes. How’s my wife? Can I see her?”
“All in good time, sir. Let me check you first. Your heart is racing, probably due to a blood pressure increase,” he said as he began to wrap a cuff around my arm, and I just snapped.
“I’m fine. Back the fuck off, and just tell me about my wife or I will wrap this cuff around your neck.”
“Sir, there’s no need to threaten me. I was just trying to help you. Please calm down, or I will have you removed by security, and then where will that leave you?”
I looked at him with daggers in my eyes. Oh, the good doctor doesn’t want to test my limits of control when it comes to my wife. I took a breath and counted to five silently. If he didn’t tell me by the time I had reached five, then down he would go. Lucky for him, it didn’t get to that point.
“Mr. Vanelle, your wife was brought in earlier this evening with severe cramping and side pain. We ruled out appendicitis, and then did further testing by performing an ultrasound. Your wife experienced an ovarian cyst rupture that led to blood and pus in her abdomen. We immediately brought her into surgery. We removed the infected tissue and confirmed she had no others to speak of. She was very lucky, sir, especially with her health history. I can assure you this does not compromise her remission. This was an isolated incident, and to air on the side of caution, we will keep her admitted for the next couple of days to monitor her recovery.”
“Can I see her?” I asked again and again.
I knew what I was hearing but would not believe anything until I saw her, touched her, and felt her heart beating next to mine. He closed his tablet and gestured to me to follow him. I nodded my thanks, and I walked into her room.
She looked pale almost white as a ghost. Beads of sweat were lining her forehead. She looked very sick. This was my fault. I wasn’t with her when I should have been. I was out chasing my demons when my angel at home needed me. I held her small hands in mine, she was so delicate.
“Please, God, I know I’m a bastard and deserve no mercy, but please, your grace, don’t take my Sara away from me. She’s the only good I have in my life. She’s the only one I will ever need. Please hear me, and don’t take her away from me.”
I raised her hands to my lips and kissed them ever so gently. I then rose to kiss her lips, which felt like ice to me. I didn’t understand how she could look this way. I hit the call button, and Dr. Phan came in right away.
“Something is wrong. Her head is hot and clammy, but her lips are cold.”
He called for his nurse, and she began checking her bags of medicine. Sara was spiking a fever, but it was normal with the infection she had in her body. They added another medicine to her IV line and placed cool ice packs to her forehead.
I was incapacitated by my fear. All my memories were coming back to me from when she was sick with her cancer. She was older now but looked like she did then.
“Sir, she’s stable. Her body needs time to heal. The next twelve hours may be a little rough on her. She may even wake up and begin vomiting. I am the charge nurse tonight, and I promise to make sure she’s as comfortable as she can be. I will call for a cot to be brought in here so you can be close to her.”
“Thank you, but I don’t need anything. I’ll balance all night on my knees if I have to.”
“That won’t be necessary, sir. Please let me know if you need anything.”
“I just need my wife to get well.”
“She’s in good hands, sir. I promise.”
Another promise? I hate that word. It was overused in too many areas of my life.
At this point, the restaurant was very low on my priority list, but Sara would be pissed if I neglected the one place she loved most. I stepped out to call Ramone. He looked wrecked when I left. He was very close with Sara, and they had worked together side-by-side for nearly ten years now. He thanked me profusely for letting him know about Sara. I could hear his wife praying out loud for her in the background. I then called Tommy to let him know where to find me.
My hands were beginning to throb. They weren’t broken, only cut up and bruised. Good move, Jack, once again proving how you act first, think later.
After I was prescribed a pain pill for my hands, I walked back in to be with Sara. She was sleeping soundly. The cooling packs seemed to be helping with her fever. I kissed her again on her lips and finally felt some warmth.
“Thank you, God,” I whispered.
“Jack…” I heard in a faint tone.
I didn’t raise my head until I heard my name again, this time sounding louder and trying a bit harder to get my attention. When I realized where it was coming from, I sat up straight and looked to Sara, who was trying to smile at me.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered as tears were falling from her face, which just about made me break in half.
“Sorry? For what, my love? I’m the one that should be sorry. I can’t believe I wasn’t there when this happened. Please, Sara, forgive me for not taking care of you like I should have.”
“Jack, you had no way of knowing this was going to happen to me. I didn’t even know it. One minute I was standing on a step ladder reaching for my spices, and next I knew, I was in Ramone’s arms. He caught me as I was falling from the sharp pain through my abdomen. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. My stomach turned, and then I was vomiting all over my clean floors. It was a mess. The entire kitchen staff including Ramone were in complete panic and thought I was dying. I heard Ramone praying as he was calling 911 for me. I then passed out and woke up in the emergency room.”
“I’ll say sorry for the rest of my life, and it still won’t be enough. You must have been so scared.”
“I was, but I knew I would be okay. They took me into surgery, where I dreamed of you. We were back at the cabin, but it was summertime and the entire family was with us, including Nicolette and her baby son. Can you believe I’m already dreaming about what she is going to have?”
“Twins. She’s pregnant with twins. She just tol
d me her news.”
“Oh, my sweet lord! Double the blessing! I am so happy for her and Simon. And when were you going to tell me?” She smiled and pinched my arm.
“Ouch! Easy there, angel. I’m sorry, baby, I forgot. With finding you and then the time we shared at the cabin, the only thing that was on my mind was making you happy again.”
“You always make me happy, Jack, even when I’m mad at you.”
“I have so much to tell you, Sara, but not here, and not now. I just want you to get well and never leave me.”
“You have me for life, Jack, you know that. Now, I’m exhausted and need rest to heal, but our conversation is not over. When I wake up, I fully expect you to tell me about your bandaged hands.”
She then slowly closed her eyes and fell back to sleep. Oh, my sweet Sara. I pray that is true. I would rather die than lose you to the ugliness of my past.
She slept soundly for the next few hours and then was awakened by Nicole. She had about an hour left of her shift and wanted to check in with us before she left.
“Her vitals are good, Mr. Vanelle. I don’t see why she won’t be able to go home tomorrow, but I will let Dr. Phan confirm that.”
“Thank you, Nicole, for everything. I’m sorry I was so crazy last night. I’m sure this frightened you,” I said, as I raised my bandaged hands.
“Working in an ER, nothing surprises me, sir. You take care of yourself now and your wife.”
That I can do, always and forever.
Sara said to me, “You look so tired. Jack, why don’t you go home and take a shower, get some food into your system, and please rest. I’ll be fine.”
“If you believe for a second that I am leaving you here on your own, then you don’t know me at all, woman.”
I leaned in to kiss her as gently as I could.
“Okay, caveman, have it your way. But can you at least call Tommy to bring you some fresh clothes?”
“What? Do I smell?”
“Yeah, a little bit,” she said as she winked.
“You are so lucky I can’t throw you over my shoulder and take you to bed. I would so kiss you madly and make love to you for hours.”
“I love you, Jack.”
“I love you more, so much more than a guy like me deserves. One day you will believe it, love.”
Tommy stopped by a bit later with some flowers for Sara and clothes and food for me. I was hungrier than I let on to Sara, but she probably knew.
After a quick shower, I walked down the hall to speak with Tommy. He told me Max had been around when he found about Sara. He wanted to know if he could visit her, but I told him no on the account we would be home tomorrow. Sara had to stay three full days to rule out any complications from her surgery. I had called her oncologist after Dr. Phan had told me about the rupture. Dr. Diamante consulted through video chat with Dr. Phan to discuss the latest test results and scan. He agreed with Dr. Phan, and we were all assured Sara would make a full recovery. It was the best news I could receive. The black cloud that was hanging over my head still posed a threat. With the scare we just got through, I didn’t have time to think of anything else.
I was tempted to call my brother and Christina to let them know about Sara but decided against it. They loved Sara but hadn’t really talked to me since Thanksgiving. Sara being Sara, she called Christina and chatted with her for an hour on the phone. They usually scheduled a weekly call, but when Sara missed it this week, Christina was worried. I was in the background, trying not to eavesdrop. I was wondering if Massimo would want to speak with me, but Sara just said he sends his love. I knew she was lying for my benefit, but then I received his text.
“Hi, Jack. I’m sorry to hear about Sara. Thank God she’s going to be alright. I’m sure you were probably out of your mind with worry. Keeping you both in our prayers.”
– Mason Vanelle, CEO, Vanelle Records and Management.
I had almost believed his sincerity until I saw the automated signature. Some things never changed. Sara told me that Nicolette and Simon were out of town on some research trip. I was a bit alarmed that in her condition she had been out on the water, but Sara already calmed me down by telling me they were being well taken care of. I would always worry about Nicolette.
We were going home today. Sara was in the shower when I checked all the morning news programs and the papers. I didn’t read anything else on Michael, but I still had Tommy double check as well. I knew I had to come clean with her today, despite all that happened to us the last few days. Yesterday, I sidestepped the onslaught of questions when a huge arrangement of roses arrived for Sara. The card was signed personally by Dominick with well wishes of a speedy recovery. Although they were beautiful, Sara declined to accept them and gave them to the nurses’ station instead. She didn’t like to be reminded of my past, and Dominick was just that. She liked Max, and even Geno, but kept everyone else at a safe distance.
When we pulled into our space, we couldn’t miss the welcome home signs in the windows, and the huge banner inside that read “Welcome Home, Boss Lady.” She smiled brightly and clapped her hands in delight. Ramone was the first to greet her, and he gave her a single red rose and a rosary to pray on. She kissed his cheek, which made him turn three shades of red, and accepted her gifts. I quickly ushered her through the welcoming committee and carried her up the stairs.
“Jack, put me down. I’m not so fragile that I can’t walk on my own two legs.”
“I’ll be the judge of that, woman! Don’t argue with me.”
There was a hint of a warning to my tone. She’d scared the hell out of me since the moment I found out she was rushed to the hospital. I was exhausted and in no mood to have my wife test my limits. All I wanted her to do was rest. She knew better than to counter and just let me do my thing.
Her prescriptions were delivered, along with Ramone’s special chicken chili that she loved so much. His wife made a loaf of honey-sweet bread to accompany the chili. I made her eat a huge portion, and then I finished the rest.
“I’m full, Jack, no more,” she said as she pushed her tray away.
“Okay, I believe you. Take your pill and then get some rest.”
“Will you be here when I wake up?”
My heart dropped.
“Baby, what kind of question is that? Of course I’ll be here! I’m just going to go downstairs to check on things and do some work.”
“I’m sorry, Jack. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just didn’t want to be alone.”
“You are never alone, and I will not be too far away. Here’s your phone. If I’m not here when you wake, then just hit the speed dial and I will be up here in a flash. I love you. Go to sleep.”
I kissed her forehead, and when I raised my lips off of her, she was already down for the count. Nothing like a homemade meal to knock you out. Ramone would be getting a raise!
For the most part, the restaurant was pretty quiet. Tommy had everything under control. I phoned Max to stop by sometime this afternoon. He didn’t second guess my invitation and came right over.
We took a booth closer to the back, where it was quieter to talk. I declined going down to my office. I didn’t want to be too far away from Sara. I checked on her before sitting down with Max, and to my surprise, she was still asleep. I felt her forehead for a fever, but she was fine. Dr. Phan explained that getting extra rest would be needed. I was happy to see that she not only was following her doctor’s orders, but mine as well. I left very little room for discussion when it came to Sara. I had been that way since her cancer, and even the slightest change in her health always sent me into a panic. This scare was enough to last me a lifetime.
“So Jackie, how have you been…besides the obvious elephant in the room?” Max nervously asked me.
“As long as Sara is okay, I’m okay.”
“I’m sorry, Jack, about everything. I know about your meeting with Dominick. He can be a real prick.”
“You don’t know the half of it, my friend, but I
can’t really get into all of that now. Any new developments coming in?”
“Nothing on our end. We’re keeping an eye on the guy you told us about. Surprisingly, we’ve come up short on Marino. The guy seems to be off the grid.”
“Keep your ears low to the ground and your eyes wide open. I need this guy located.”
“You can count on me, Jack. I won’t let you down, not ever again.”
I believed my friend with every fiber of my being. He did what he had to do for me and the family he had pledged his allegiance to. I wasn’t going to question his loyalty. I knew I had it always, and I was the one that was sorry for ever questioning it.
“I trust you, Max, and thank you for always having my back. You may be the only one.”
I said my goodbyes to Max and ordered Tommy to close early tonight and post a sign to be closed tomorrow. I needed some quiet time and no interruptions when I finally talked to Sara.
She had slept the day away with little pain and discomfort. She was eating better and taking her medicine, which pleased me to no end. I would take tonight to hold her and then speak with her in the morning.
I had already negotiated with God for Sara’s survival. I was pushing my good fortune by asking for more, but I had to try. I held the rosary that was given to Sara. It had been years since I knew what to do with this, but I recited the prayers in the order that was on the prayer card. Then I spoke from the heart.
“Please, God, if tonight is my last night shared with my angel, then please watch over her tomorrow when we part. She will need your strength to get her though all the pain I will have caused her by my lies and deception. I don’t deserve her forgiveness, but I will ask for it anyway.”
I then remembered mama and her praying to St. Francis for me. She was another angel in my life that I didn’t deserve but who loved me anyway.
Climbing onto our bed and pulling Sara as close as I could, I whispered “I love you’s” softly into her ear and drifted off into sleep with the calming sounds of her heart beating next to mine.
An Unfinished Life Page 22
