“I don’t see why not,” Tannya said.
“All right. Is everyone ready?” I asked taking the lighter and moving towards the fuse. The three of them piled up onto the sundeck and pulled their feet up. Their fingers were in their ears, and they were shrunk up, ready for the blast. “Three … two … one!” I said and lit the fuse. When it started sparkling I leapt up onto the sundeck too.
BOOM!
We all opened our eyes and watched as the cannonball disappeared through the trees. You could hear twigs and branches snapping and falling. “That was so cool!” I said. I felt a sense of empowerment. Launching cannonballs was a great adrenaline rush. I was feeling tough, and unstoppable … and crazy. I also noticed my pain was completely gone. I was still pissed about my boat, but I did get Wayde back so I guessed I should get over that.
“This is really fun!” Miss Kitty said with a girlish grin.
“You guys are dangerous,” Aunt Val said blatantly. “This game is getting out of hand.”
“No, it’s not! I love this! It’s exciting and real,” I protested.
“It’s illegal!” Val said.
“What? No, it’s not,” I assured her. “I checked. The boats are licensed and the cannons are fine too, except the noise, which Rex doesn’t seem to care about unless the neighbors do. It’s perfectly legal to fire a cannon in Minnesota. You don’t need a license or anything!”
“Only if it’s a blank load,” Val argued.
“It is!” Tannya told her. “These aren’t the ones that blow up, they just land.”
Miss Kitty and I nodded in agreement. Val put one hand on her forehead and the other on her hip.
“The cannonballs don’t have to blow up. Just them hitting things is what does the damage. If you load a ball in to the cannon it’s not a blank load. What we’re doing is illegal.”
Our humor turned to confused and worried looks. No one said anything for a few seconds as we all looked back and forth at each other. Finally Tannya broke the silence. “Check it!” she said with a bossy pirate voice at Miss Kitty.
Miss Kitty wrinkled her brows.
“On your smart phone!” Tannya snapped. “Check it, and see if it’s legal or not, Candee Barre.”
Miss Kitty reached in her pocket and took out her phone. While she did that we mixed more drinks. The cider was cooling down some but it was still good. We looked over at Ocean’s Lie. We watched as the first two men pushed the raft half onto shore again.
I looked over my shoulder at the pirate ship. It was still floating so I guess they must have fixed it. When the girls saw me looking in that direction, they looked too.
“It’s not sinking yet,” Val said. She sounded bummed out.
“What do you suppose they’re up to?” Tannya asked, looking over at the raft.
“Who knows. They’re idiots,” Miss Kitty said. “You’re wasting your time in that dinky raft, boys!” she yelled over to them.
Long John looked up. He was headed back into the woods again. “Oh, yeah,” he yelled back. “Just wait for a second. We’ve got something of yours that you’re gonna to want back.” He laughed and then disappeared from sight into the trees.
20
“What could they possibly have that we would want from them?” Miss Kitty asked.
“Probably just the rest of the treasure. I brought four boxes and we only stole three back,” Tannya said.
“They can keep it. One box won’t change the fact that we won,” I added. “So, Aunt Val,” I asked, still half watching the woods, waiting for Long John’s return. “What happens now? Do we have some sort of awards party, or meet somewhere after and shake hands, or what? How is it declared over and that we won?”
“I don’t know for sure. I think you just go onto the internet site and update that you are the winner.”
“That’s what we thought,” I said.
We all sipped on our cider some more.
“She’s right!” Miss Kitty said looking up from her phone. “It’s a load, if it’s loaded. Just putting the ball in makes it illegal.”
“Oh, shit!” I said, surprised. “I didn’t know that!”
“Oh, well. It’s not like we’re hurting anyone. And Wayde hasn’t been arrested yet, so I don’t think it matters too much to anyone.” Tannya paused then looked at me. “Right?”
“Right,” I said. I didn’t care. I liked the evil, naughty feeling. I felt like going back to high school and slapping a few bitches that I’d been wanting to slap for many years. It felt good to be carefree. “We are criminals! We’re breaking the law!”
“Yeah we are!” Miss Kitty said. “If we get into trouble, Sara Narra can get us out of it anyway.”
“Yeah, she has a special way with Officer McHottie,” Tannya said.
“Pffft! I do not.”
“The photos on your phone would say otherwise,” Tannya sassed.
“Please don’t remind me. I will deal with that later!” I said.
“What? What pictures?” Miss Kitty elbowed Tannya. “Tell us.”
“Yeah, we’re a team. We all need to be in the loop,” Val said.
I rolled my eyes at her. “You don’t even have a sweatshirt, or a bandana.”
“That’s no problem! I can get one here for you by tomorrow,” Miss Kitty said and looked at her phone again.
Tannya started telling them the story, while I kept an eye on the ship and the raft area. I finished my drink and set it down. Miss Kitty and Val were pretty pissed about Jodi too.
“Fucking bitch! She’d better stay off your property or we’ll take her down,” Miss Kitty said still looking at her phone.
Val nodded and added, “She better find her own life and stay out of yours or she’ll have us to deal with!”
I smiled. This was why she was my favorite aunt.
“Done! I’m having it delivered tomorrow,” Miss Kitty said proudly to Aunt Val.
“Really? That’s great! Thank you so much!” Val slung an arm around her.
“No probs. I kept your name, ‘Gun Powder Gertie,’ for the back.” Miss Kitty told her.
We all giggled. “That’s fine!” Val told her.
I looked over to the ship and noticed the old wooden rowboat moving away from it. “Now what are they up to?” I said.
After they all looked. Val said, “That’s Willy. I wonder where is he going?”
“You mean Scooter?” Tannya said. “Let’s fire a ball at that boat.”
“No! We’d sink it in a second, if we could actually hit it, which isn’t very likely,” Val said.
“It’s worth a try,” I said moving the cannon towards the door from where it had landed again after the last shot.
“True! We should at least try,” Miss Kitty added.
“Really? You’re all in agreement on this? You all think it’s a good idea?” Val asked.
“That man ruined my life, and has stolen from me for months,” Tannya said putting another gun powder bag in and ramming it down.
“Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have one shot of my ex sitting in a boat, like a duck on the water,” Miss Kitty said.
I looked at Val with raised eyebrows. “Oh, a boat full of scorned woman. I get it,” she said.
While Tannya shoved the ball in, Miss Kitty cut a fuse and shoved it in to the hole. “Would you like to do the honors?” Miss Kitty asked holding the lighter up.
“My pleasure!” Tannya answered as I started the boat and turned it in the direction of the row boat. Tannya pointed the nose of the cannon down a little.
“You’d better hurry!” I said. “He’s almost to the dock.”
“Fire in the hole!” she yelled and we all jumped up on the sun deck and plugged our ears.
BOOM!
CRASH! The cannonball missed the boat by just a few feet and hit the dock. The dock exploded into a million pieces. Wood flew high into the air and in all directions. It was destroyed. All that was left were tiny pieces of wood the size of toothpicks.
�
�HOLY SHIT!” Miss Kitty laughed. “That was awesome!”
“Oh, fuck! I wasn’t expecting that!” I said and shared in a bunch of high fives. We were hooting and yelling, and cheering. It was loud and exciting.
“Bloody hell!” Tannya said. She looked pissed. She wasn’t high-fiving anyone. “We fucking missed! What are you people celebrating? RELOAD!” she demanded.
“What? We don’t want to hurt him,” I said. “Look at him, he’s scared. That’s all we really wanted to do. It worked.”
“The fuck it did! I wanted to sink him! RELOAD!”
“We only have one ball left,” Miss Kitty said.
Tannya thought about that for a moment. “I suppose we should save that.”
“Probably best,” I said. ”Besides, look at him.” Everyone looked in his direction.
He was out of the boat, just pulling it up on shore. He was yelling something and shaking his fist. We giggled as we watched him throw a temper tantrum. He was kicking the dirt and picking up pieces of the dock and throwing them in our direction all the while screaming at us. It was pretty amusing. He was way beyond pissed. We couldn’t make out what he was saying but it didn’t sound nice.
When he walked towards the house we turned our attention away from him. Val’s cell phone rang. She looked up at us. “Wayde.”
“Answer it,” Tannya told her.
“Hello,” she said reluctantly. She turned on the speaker and we all gather around.
“Game off!” Wayde said in a not so friendly voice.
“Okaaaaay.”
“What the hell are you doing, Val?”
“Well, I was helping you win a game until you started acting like a jerk and not playing by the rules. You’re firing at my niece’s pontoon. It’s personal now. What the hell is your problem?”
“He’s just mad because we got some of his treasure,” Tannya said into the phone from over her shoulder. “We got the most! We won!”
“You need to stop this and return the treasure. I’m not kidding around, Val. This is bigger than you know. I don’t want to see you get involved in this.”
“Involved in what? You think I’m not already involved? I’ve been with you for over two months. I helped build that ship. I dressed up like a goddamned pirate wench for days on end to make you happy. I’d say I’m pretty involved.”
“Fine. I’ll let you win, but will you trade some of the small treasure that you took for some of the larger crates? Then you’ll for sure have more. You can have the win. I don’t care.”
“What? Why?”
“BULL SHIT! This treasure is ours. NO TRADE. If it wasn’t better than what you have, you wouldn’t want it back. No way!” Tannya told him. “You want your treasure back, you come and get it!”
“Game on, wench. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you get wrapped up in this and get hurt, it’s not on me. I tried to reason with you. I’ve got bigger fish.”
“Yeah, like who? Willy? He’s a dick-head loser!” Tannya said.
“Take me off speaker,” Wayde said.
“Anything you got to say you can say in front of my girls,” Val said and winked at us.
“I got nothing more to say, except you’re going to pay for that dock.”
“Screw you! You’re going to pay for my awning!” I yelled.
“Fuck you, lady! I got a hole in my ship!”
“GAME ON!” Miss Kitty yelled from beside me, and then Val ended the call.
After we all sat back down on the boat, we started discussing the conversation and wondering what was in the treasure. “Why don’t we just unwrap it and look?” Miss Kitty said.
We all looked at one another and smiled. “Let’s do it!” Tannya said.
As she went to the pile and grabbed a package, I looked past her to the woods. I could see people moving in the trees. “They’re back,” I said.
We watched as Captain Morgan appeared and threw what looked like a rope into the raft. Next through the woods came Long John. He looked in our direction, then turned back towards the woods. He was waiting for something. A few seconds later Flying Dutchman appeared. He was with someone else. When they were clear of the trees I could see what Long John and Captain Morgan were looking at.
Flying Dutchman was shoving a person towards the raft. The person had a t-shirt over his or her head, hands tied in back.
“Oh, my god!” I covered my mouth. “Who is that?”
“What are they doing?” Val asked nervously.
“I don’t know,” Tannya said slowly.
We were all chatting amongst ourselves, trying to figure out what was going on. The person was tall and thin, had on jeans and a sweatshirt. We had no idea what Ocean’s Lie was doing or why.
“This is scaring me,” Val admitted.
“Nah, I bet this is part of the game, they’re playing hard ball, pulling out the big guns,” Tannya said with a grin.
“Hey, ladies! We got something for ya!” Long John yelled.
“Don’t yell back,” Val said. “I don’t like this. This doesn’t feel right.”
I was concerned too. The person they were pushing didn’t seem to be participating, seemed to be struggling to walk while blindfolded, and Flying Dutchman was shoving hard.
They shoved the person into the boat and pushed it off shore. Then they started paddling over to us. We talked about it and decided to let them get close enough to talk.
When they were close enough I sat in the driver’s seat and had my hand on the key. I wanted to be ready to make a getaway should they try anything funny.
“Let’s just see what they want,” Tannya said. It was a bit weird because they were lower than us in the raft, and they had to sit.
They got close enough for my liking. We could see their faces and hear them fine. I nodded to Tannya.
“Arrr! That’s close enough, losers,” Tannya said to them. “Ye jackasses didn’t call me, so I did what any pirate would do. I got me own ship. Ye know what they say,” she said in her tough pirate voice, “if you can’t join ’em, beat ’em! Arr haaar harr har!” she laughed.
“What are you doing?” Miss Kitty asked the men, serious.
“We have a trade. It’s my understanding that you’ve got some of the Poseidon’s treasure. We want to trade your treasure for your friend,” Captain Morgan said.
“What friend?” Val asked.
“This one!” Flying Dutchman said and pulled off the t-shirt.
All of us gasped, except Val.
Jodi.
“Fuuuck,” Miss Kitty said in a quiet airy breath.
“What the hell?” I said in shock. What was she even doing here? My blood pressure picked up, and I was red hot. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. Here came the anger. She was gagged with a bandana so she couldn’t say anything.
Jodi looked around. Her face was priceless. It was total fear. I watched as she discovered she was in a raft, with three men dressed like pirates, and there, across the water, were her three worst nightmares. I couldn’t imagine what was going through her mind. She had nowhere to run, and no one to help, and no one here cared about her. Her eyes showed total helplessness.
I was basking in it. I locked eyes with her. And slowly squinted my eyes. “Keep her! Do what you will with her. We don’t want her!” I never broke eye contact with her.
“What?” Long John said surprised.
“Throw her ass overboard. She’s no friend of ours,” Tannya told him.
“No, no, we should make her walk the plank!” Miss Kitty said with a grin.
“Agreed! Make her walk the plank!” I said still glaring at her. “Make sure her phone is in her pocket and sinks with her, too.”
Jodi raised her eyebrows, looking worried. It was awesome to see. Val leaned over my shoulder from behind and quietly asked, “Do we know her?”
“Yup, Jodi, Derek’s ex, Jodi Vagina,” I said with a tight-lipped smile.
“Oh, I see,” Val said. “Sorry, boys, no deal.” Val whispered to me,
“Is that her real name?”
“Vagerna, but whatever,” I whispered back.
“Mmmm,” Jodi mumbled through the gag and shook her head. Then she tipped her head to the side. Her eyes said, “Help me.”
I laughed a long, evil laugh. The pirates in the boat didn’t look very excited to hear that response. “We can’t sink her,” Long John said.
“What are you doing here anyway, Jodi? Were you invited, or were you trespassing on my property again? Maybe peeping in my window, taking more pictures for your extortion? Did I miss anything?” I asked.
“That’s a nice rap sheet, plus I’m sure there’s a law against being a bitch, too,” Tannya said. “You see, honey, in the Cities we just walk away and slap down some green for the clean-up, but out here, in my town, we handle things a little differently. Isn’t that right, Sara?”
“Sure is. You’re trespassing! I think it’s legal for me to shoot you.”
“I think you’re right,” Miss Kitty said and came and stood tall next to me and Tannya.
Captain Morgan and the boys were standing there with their mouths open. I guess it wasn’t going as well as they’d planned.
We all stopped when we heard a phone ringing. It was mine. I looked at the screen. “Derek,” I said and stared at Jodi. She tipped her head again.
“Hello?” I said in a sweet voice.
“Hey! Well, you sound chipper. Are you staying out of trouble?” he asked.
“Umm, well … funny story. I’ll tell you all about it when you get here.”
“Okay …”
“What time are you coming?” I asked.
“I got off early, not much happening here today. I guess the bad guys are taking it easy today.”
“Ha, I bet!”
“I’m just leaving my apartment now. I’ll be on the road in a few minutes.”
“Okay, see ya in a bit.”
I disconnected. “Jodi, that was your boyfriend on the phone. He’s on his way! You must be so relieved,” I said snidely.
Destroyed and Detained Page 16
