by Katie Wright
The game officially started and I already knew this game was not going to go to fifteen points. Someone was going to get hurt and I was concerned it would be me or Cara. We were both short and perfect targets. Mickey was spiking them so hard over the net I almost jerked away when one came at me. I blocked my face but made a fist so the ball bounced off and traveled to the other side. I took a deep breath that was a close one. I heard someone chuckle to the left of me. It was Casey, of course. He just shook his head and looked forward. I was about to say some snide remark when I saw him jutting in front of me sufficiently dunking me in the water with his hands.
I hadn't had time to hold my breath and swallowed a lot of water. Once I came up coughing I tried to yell at the ass man who had dunked me in the pool, I mean what the hell was wrong with him?
Once I could catch a breath I screamed, "What the hell is wrong with you!"
His face finally showed some real emotion and he spat, "I was trying to save you from getting knocked out by the ball because you weren't paying attention!"
I was fuming I wanted to take his head and drown him. Seriously I did. He could have pushed me out of the way or pulled me out of the way, did he have to go for a full dunk? His wet body up against mine was too close for comfort. I shook myself trying to get whatever ass man germs were on me.
"Jesus Christ," Brian yelled, "Can we just keep playing since you're fine."
"Can we also be gentle with the ball hitting I don't wanna get dunked either." Cara was looking up at everyone with her big doe eyes. Now who was going to argue with that?
"Yeah, sure." Was that Brian's tender voice I heard? He actually didn't snap and say suck it up, which is what he did so many times with me. But then again Cara wasn't the cousin he had picked on his entire life.
Back to the game which finally ended at dusk. Surprisingly my side won. I wanted to cheer but really the only reason we won was due to the fact that Brian and Casey had been there. Sarah and I were not pool volleyball aficionados and never would be.
The game was over and in about a half an hour the fireworks were going to be going off. We needed to hike the entire family to the park across the street. That was the best place to see them at. This park had a large lawn that everyone could set up blankets and lawn chairs where they could enjoy twenty minutes of pure unadulterated deafening noise and blinding lights of different colors. It was going to be great!
We all trudged over with our blankets and chairs and made our way to a spot on the lawn that would fit all thirty of us. Sarah, my friends, and I sprawled out on one blanket while Brian, Mickey, and Casey sat on another. Strategically Mickey placed their blanket next to ours so he was sitting basically next to Jane. She rolled her eyes at me. I never knew if she was interested in Mickey back. I knew she liked him as a friend but I didn't get the sense that she wanted more than that. Either that or she just wished he would tell her how much he liked her. But she never got into depth with me. Probably because he was my cousin and she isn't the type of person that would cross that line without permission. Although what she didn't know was that I didn't care if she did anything. It had nothing to do with me and I didn't know what had been going on since I left for college. All I knew was that since we were younger Mickey had always liked Jane and she was always allusive towards him.
I checked my indiglow watch which read 8:45.
"Hey." I looked to my right and saw Casey staring at me. It must have been him who said it.
"Hey," I said disinterested.
"I'm sorry if I came off as rude earlier and for dunking you in the pool it wasn't my intention to hurt you that's why I pushed you out of the way. I guess I just reacted."
Damn him, why did he have to be apologetic? I guess I should say something, "Well I'm sorry that I yelled at you and said those things about you. And thank you for trying to help." Why did I say that? I didn't want to say that.
I looked at him and I couldn't tell because it was dark but it seemed like he had a smirk on his face.
He was leaning back on his elbows looking around taking in, I guessed, the scenery. Then he asked, "So you were a history major?"
"Yeah just graduated." I wanted to ask him why he was interested and who told!
"Why history?"
Well that was original, why did everything he say piss me off? "Um, I guess because I like it?"
"Do you really think it's important," he genuinely asked.
"Yeah I think it is. It's not just about learning dates and people. Look I see it more as a real life soap opera, because that's what it is. And not only that but the concepts that someone uses to look at the past can help us now." I don't know why it bothered me that I was always defending my position about history. Fine if you don't think it's important whatever, but don't put me down because you don't feel that way. I was just very passionate about it.
He must not have caught my hint of irritability because his next statement made me want to strangle him.
"Well if you look at it not every situation is the same so why do we need it?"
"Are you asking for an argument?" I shot him a glare. One I'm sure he couldn't see because it was very dark in the park.
"No I'm not asking for an argument I'm just curious."
"Why do you care?" I knew the anger I was feeling was obvious in my voice. Maybe he enjoyed making me angry. Sick people were like that.
"I was just asking! Why do you take things so personal?" His demeanor was so very cool it made me sick.
I started to wail my hands in the air and raise my voice, "You know it's people like you that just don't get it and people like me who don't feel like wasting their time with people who just don't understand."
I could tell at that I'd finally broken his barrier. He turned on his side to look at me the best he could, "Are you calling me stupid?"
Could I say, 'Yes I think you're an idiot with tunnel vision?' No I couldn't.
"I don't think you're stupid I just think…" I was cut off by a loud boom and then another one and another. Damn the fireworks had started. Everyone was 'oooing' and 'ahhing.' I wasn't enjoying it so much and from the looks of it neither was Casey. He wasn't even looking up but at the space in front of him.
Then I suppose he noticed me staring and attempted to look like he was watching the fireworks. I could hear the music that accompanied the fireworks. It was all about the importance of freedom and how much we lost to gain it. Didn't he even understand we were celebrating history? Stupid ass, I really just wanted to punch him in the face.
After the fireworks were over which actually were pretty decent this year the entire troop made their way back to my house. I didn't speak the entire time and avoided eye contact with Casey as much as possible. My entire group decided to walk back with the boys but I just didn't feel comfortable anymore and made a quick excuse to talk to my mom.
Luckily home isn't very far since it is in the neighborhood across the street. Once everyone was home people started to leave and say their goodbyes. I was mindful to make sure I gave hugs and kisses to all my relatives. I was in the kitchen when I said goodbye to my Aunt Carrie and Uncle Todd. But I noticed that my cousins weren't with them.
I looked in the back and noticed they weren't there. Finally I made my way towards the front when I heard my name. I stopped and hid in the hallway out of view.
"Yeah well sorry if you didn't have a good time man." Yep that was Brian.
I heard what sounded like a brief cough, "Yeah well I did have a good time man. I'm glad you got me out of the house and I appreciated it. I really don't think I could have stayed home this year you know? But next time maybe we could do stuff without her around." Was Casey talking about me? Suddenly that feeling came over me again. You know when you've been discarded by someone you liked or your boyfriend decided to break up with you. The absolute bitter feeling of rejection
"Yeah Heather can be a bitch, but she's my cousin." Had Brian just said I was a bitch? I had to admit it hurt a little too much. I knew I
had the nickname on occasion but was I really that bad? Now I could feel the heat on my face, behind my eyes.
"Yeah to be honest she is kind of a bitch."
And that was when I almost let go. It was fight or flight at this point. To bad the stairs were by the front door mere meters from where they were standing.
I wasn't able to make a decision when my mom came from the front door. Shit she saw me.
She smiled and then looked over to see Brian and Casey.
"Hey your mom was looking for you guys." Then she returned the smile she gave to them and turned to me, "Hey Heath, Brian's leaving say goodbye."
Oh my God why hadn't I moved when she first saw me? Brian was the first to come from the living room entrance. He looked at me and I looked at him. I walked up to him and gave him a hug. I wanted to cry when he gave me a hug. He was the biggest bull shitter in the world. He stood there and acted like he gave a damn but he didn't I was just his bitch of a cousin.
The heat behind my eyes was overwhelming I knew if I didn't leave soon the tears would come and I would embarrass myself and lose the only pride I had left.
"See you Brian," I managed to say.
"See ya."
Casey didn't say anything to me and I didn't even know if he was going to because I refused to look at him. The two boys followed my mother out where they said their last goodbyes. When they couldn't see me from the hall any longer I made my way upstairs to my bedroom. I flopped on my bed and cried into my pillow. I was mad at myself for crying over being called a bitch and acting like a baby. Why did it hurt so much? And did it hurt more that my cousin said I was a bitch or that Casey agreed?
Chapter 3: Bar Ho
So, yes it was true, I didn't have a job but managed to go out in the middle of the week with my best friends. Drink specials were on Wednesday and since I didn't have a job and the other two didn't seem to care that they'd only end up with three hours of sleep we went out.
I hadn't been out in two weeks since the party. I did however save the extra money I got from student loans which were not used for books to enjoy myself. It would at least hold me over till I got a real job.
Going out with Jane and Cara was the only time I felt really free. Maybe it was the alcohol but it didn't matter I was always deliriously happy by the end of the night. We went into Patty's, a rutty bar on the outskirts of town. The music was usually good, the drinks were cheap, and company was great. If I was lucky I'd lose myself in some hot guy's arms tonight lit like a jack 'o lantern.
Jane had maneuvered us around the one side of the bar so that we had an ample view of who was coming and going. Basically we got a clear view of the bar and entire dance floor. It was an advantage, we could now stake out possible options.
Patty's was getting overwhelming crowded and I hadn't seen anyone I felt was reasonable to even dance with so far. Jane on the other hand had her hands tide behind some guy's neck and his tongue in her mouth. No offense I love Jane but I didn't need to see that. I looked around and only found slight sympathy in the bartender's eyes. He looked and pointed at my now empty rum and coke. I nodded to him. I would at least get drunk if I couldn't get anybody. He got me a new drink and took the leftover money from the bar.
I watched our designated driver, Cara, although she was using my car b/c as usual her car was in the shop, talking with some guys she knew from college. They were all pretty average to me. I didn't think she had any interest in them but I could definitely tell they were more than a little interested. The one guy with blonde hair and a slight case of acne kept touching her arm when she said something that was so obviously funny.
I was starting to get that tired yet buzz feeling. I leaned my head against my hand. I felt the bar stool move next to me. I didn't look up because I was afraid if I made eye contact and it was one of the creepy old guys from the bar I'd be stuck talking with him all night.
"Hey cuz."
I looked up, saints be to God, it was Mickey. At least with him around I knew I'd have a good time.
"Hey!" I said a little louder than necessary. I gave him a big hug. He looked surprised but then looked at my face.
"You're drunk!" He started laughing.
"Well what else would I be doing here?" I laughed with him. For some reason he thought it was terribly funny that I was drunk or drinking for that matter. But then again he didn't see me after a test. It was a ritual that I'd get plastered after a major exam. How would he know? He had only spoken with me off and on for the last four years.
You may be wondering why I didn't see him or Brian in the summers between. Well I thought at one time I wanted to be an archaeologist so I did internships usually in another state and last summer I took a month to go to field school. It was a lot of fun but I soon realized I didn't know if I could do this all the time.
"So how have you been?"
I gave him a look, I didn't know what look I was trying to portray but I wanted to get across that I wasn't good.
"I'm okay," I glanced over his shoulder and wanted to take it back. I was now not even okay I was terrible. Damn it he brought him. Well of course he did, he's one of his friends.
"Hey haven't seen Jane I thought she'd be here." Mickey was looking around and I thought he would have noticed her groping the guy behind me but when I turned around I noticed she wasn't there. Where did she go?
"Well she was here." Now I was more concerned to where she had gone. We always stuck together and never rushed off to do whatever we wanted it wasn't safe.
I kept looking when I noticed Mickey's face changed from seeking to a wounded one. I followed his gaze and saw Jane dancing, if that's what you call it, on Mr. Licentious. I wanted to feel bad for Mickey but he had it coming.
I offered words of encouragement, "Why don't you go out there and dance with her?"
He looked down shyly, "I can't dance."
"It's not hard to learn how to grind against someone. In fact you don't even need skill, unless of course you just stand there. That's happened."
"What's happened?" Enter ass man.
"Nothing." Mickey said sharply.
Casey looked a bit bewildered but in true to form he acted as if nothing had happened. Wasn't he going to ask his friend what was wrong? It didn't seem to matter to him especially when a busty blonde snaked her arm through his.
"Hey babe you wanna dance?"
Babe! What the hell was she his girlfriend? Why did I care? I didn't. This was the guy that called me a bitch. Which reminded me, where was the other dickhead?
"Where's Brian?"
Casey decided to answer although I was talking to Mickey. "He's talking to the band members. He knows some of the guys."
"Oh," was my clever response.
Oh, how I hated Casey and I was wondering why he was still staring at me like I had more to say.
"Babe," whined the blonde bar ho. Oh how I hated them both now.
"Let's go." He took her hand and walked her to the dance floor.
I didn't want to watch the bar ho do what she considered dancing on Casey who has now graduating from ass man to mimbo. God I loved nicknames from Seinfeld episodes, it was so much easier to reference from them than the library.
"So is she going out with him?"
I knew he wasn't talking about Casey's bar ho but Jane. I wanted to kill Mickey. I did too and I guess the alcohol wasn't allowing my emotions to stay in one gear, "Why don't you admit you like her and get it over with! Everyone knows!"
He looked up stunned at either my outburst or the truth.
He looked over my shoulder then back at me, "God you're such a bitch Heather." He pulled himself off of his seat and walked away.
I turned around to see what he was staring at only to see Jane. She shrugged her shoulders, "It's not like I didn't already know."
I looked for her vanishing companion, "What happened to your man ho?"
"Oh I don't know I think he got bored." She nodded her chin in direction of the dance floor. And there was the blo
nde bar ho hooking up with Mr. Licentious himself. So where had Casey gone off too?
"You're not mad?"
Jane threw a hand in the air, "Oh hell I don't care. Where do you think Mickey went?"
I shook my head, "Who the hell knows? And who the hell cares?"
"Wow I'd thought you'd care?"
Now was she going to call me a bitch too?
"It's not that I don't care because I do. I asked him to go dance with you. And he wouldn't and then he started talking about you out of no where and I couldn't help it. How did I know you were behind me?"
