by Katie Wright
Hey Heather what's up?
"Nothing really, why?"
Well I have a proposition for you.
"Sounds really enticing," I mocked.
Oh shut up, you know my parent's cabin in the Poconos?
"Uh, yeah?"
Well I offered Cara to go the weekend after New Years and then Mickey wanted in on it and I figured well I might as well ask you and Jane if you guys want to come.
"Hold on I need to ask Jane." He mumbled an okay.
"What is it," Jane asked.
"Well it seems we are invited to Poconos the weekend after New Years, do you want to go?"
"Hell yeah!"
I spoke back in the phone, "Yeah definitely Brian."
Cool, I just gotta call Casey, I'll talk to you guys later.
Brian hung up on me before I had a chance to reply.
I stared at the cell for a few moments.
"What is it Heath?"
"I think he said he was going to call Casey. I guess I could ask Tony to come along," I trailed off. Did I want to do that? And would my cousin allow me too?
"I guess you could ask him," Jane said unconvincingly. I knew who she was cheering for.
"I could mention it to him."
"Yeah."
Less than a week before Christmas and all I could think about besides the Dan ordeal was my lack of a job. I didn't really want to work at the library anymore. It wasn't my passion. Tony and I were out at dinner when I mentioned my feelings.
He chewed on his spaghetti and swallowed, "Why don't you take the LSATs, like I said?"
I shook my head, "I don't know, I haven't been to school in months, and if I fail…"
"If you fail then you'll find something else. But you have to try, just schedule an exam this spring. If you do good you can go, I know you, you've always liked that law shit which I find extremely boring."
I fixed the spaghetti straps on my brown dress. Tony had taken me out to a restaurant in Philly. The restaurant was elegant, contemporary, and expensive, in other words, not my taste. I also wasn't very pleased I agreed to wear this dress.
It was pretty but also another cost I didn't want to place on my credit card. The heels made me wobble and nearly fall three times along the concrete sidewalk. Tony insisted we walk even though it was nearly seven blocks from his apartment. I was freezing even with my wool coat covering me.
I rubbed my legs for the fifth time trying to regain some sensation while listening to Tony.
Finally I spoke up, "I'll think about it Tony. I promise but I still need to see how this library thing works out."
"That's a good idea," he took another mouthful of his spaghetti.
I picked at my shrimp alfredo and took bite. It was good but I wished I was at home in a pair of sweats or even at Tony's watching a movie. Ever since we started seeing one another it wasn't the same. We couldn't just hang out anymore. He always insisted on wining and dining me. I supposed his new job was affording him enough to go out once a week to a classy spot such as this.
Tony cleaned his mouth and returned the napkin back to his lap. Then he interlocked both his hands and placed them under his chin whilst staring at me avidly.
The gaze was suffocating and I finally said, "What are you looking at?"
"You're beautiful."
I was a little more or less astonished by his frankness. I never considered myself that way and would have told him so but I could tell he was serious so there was no point in arguing.
I uttered a "thank you," and returned to my meal. His gaze never left me and prevented me from finishing with a full stomach. I told him I was no longer hungry. He didn't seem disappointed and ordered two coffees.
"What's bothering you Heath?"
I shook my head and fixated my eyes on my lap and the napkin that was now painted with alfredo sauce, "Nothing."
"Because you're not even looking at me, you're staring at your lap."
I rubbed the back of my neck and it reminded me of Casey. It was a nervous habit of his, something I had recently picked up. The mere thought of him made me realize my thoughts were straying and that wasn't fair to Tony.
"I was just thinking about," I began, "that after New Years I have to go to Dan's hearing."
"He's out on bail right?"
I nodded, "Yes, and I really wished none of this had happened."
"Yeah, but I'll be there, remember?"
I brief smile fell on my lips as I remembered his heroics, "Yes thank you again." It was very genuine and so I brought my eyes back to his.
Tony took one hand from under his chin and left it outstretched and palm up. I wasn't sure exactly what he wanted me to do but then as he started to pull back again I took my hand and placed it in his.
His face brightened, "I'd do anything for you."
"I know," I muttered.
After our coffees I told Tony it was time for me to return home since I was tired. He looked forlorn but I told him I'd see him before Christmas and that we should hang out. His face came towards mine but I couldn't do it, I couldn't allow him to kiss me. I pressed a hand to his lips. I whispered to him, "Why don't we wait till mistletoe?"
Tony brought his arms around me and pulled me up towards him, "Why wait?" Then he kissed me and I didn't push him away. In fact I responded back. It was like that with Tony, there was no way you couldn't fall into his kisses.
When he pulled away he whispered, "We can take things slow, but I just wanted to do that."
"It's okay," and I felt it was. I should be giving him a chance, one that we both deserved. I felt like I had been on an emotional roller coaster since I met Casey.
"Are you sure," Tony asked tenderly.
I nodded and then remembered, "Oh!"
"Oh, what," he laughed at my outburst.
"Brian invited me to the mountains after New Years, do you wanna go?"
Tony gave me a tight squeeze, "A weekend in the mountains alone with a bunch of women sounds very enticing."
I smacked his arm, "My cousins will be there too!"
"Well they have to sleep sometime," he chuckled to himself. "Yeah I'll definitely go."
I was really happy suddenly. At least I wouldn't be constantly distracted by Casey while I was there. If he brought Lucy with him and I was alone it would be ten times worse. I breathed a sigh of relief and then gave Tony a brief kiss goodbye.
Christmas had come and gone so swiftly I didn't have time to truly enjoy it. It was a great day to sit around and enjoy time with my family. I had received a nice amount of gifts and they seemed to enjoy what they had gotten.
I also had gotten a phone call from Tony wishing me a merry Christmas and also to inform me he wouldn't be attending my family's yearly New Year's Eve celebration. He said he would make up for it in the mountains.
I always felt that the holidays went by too quickly. There was a gargantuan amount of hype leading up to the event that when it was over left me physically and mentally weak.
New Year's Eve would be the same, a bunch of hype leading to a lonely night. I knew that I wouldn't be kissed this year, or any other year for that matter. I was never with someone during New Year's when the ball dropped and everyone embraced their partners for the year or just for the night. It didn't normally bother me but this year it felt different.
One reason and that was namely Casey. There was hope that he would have dumped the teenie bopper by now, lent some time in between for reflection or to save face and then would have asked me to be more than what Lucy is or ever was to him.
I knew that every chance I had with him was gone now. As long as he was with Lucy I wouldn't pursue him, I wouldn't sink to that level. If he wanted me he'd have to do it without my pressuring him. Sometimes a person needs to realize what's more important. If I was more important to him than Lucy than he would surely do something about it and if Anthony was such a threat than he would take action.
I now knew it was time for me to think about my current situation with Tony. So
mething told me that it was better Tony wouldn't be here for New Year's Eve. That if he should be I would be using him for my own selfish needs. Anxiety welled in my throat as I realized that this situation I placed myself in just wouldn't work any longer.
I decided to recline from my present thoughts and sleep. I did sleep but the idea that in less than a week I would be face to face with two men I respected and loved in different ways was weighing heavy on my mind and heart. I'd have to make a decision sooner or later but I hoped one of them would make it for me.
Chapter 20: Party Crasher
I couldn't quite understand why my parents insisted on throwing parties. For one thing our house couldn't hold the surplus amount of guest who always came. Secondly no one from either side of their families ever offered and I found that plain rude. My third and final reason is a personal one. I always found that I had the freedom to leave someone else's party but never my own.
The house was still decorated for Christmas in splendor. The hour before the party reminded me of the quiet before the storm. Sarah and I were still putting out food and other essentials to make that evening wonderful for my parents. I had no idea if it would have the same effect on me.
An hour later and the guests were arriving through the front door. It was necessary for my sister and me to greet at least the first ones. An hour after everyone was presumed to be there we could saunter off and do whatever we wanted. I waited next to Sarah, who was dressed in a navy blue dress and matching heels. I stood next to her in a similar type of dress except it was dark green and my heels held straps on top that prevented my foot from leaving its position.
I didn't understand why this was the only party necessary for me to dress up in. I felt uncomfortable and awkward, much like I was at the restaurant with Tony. If he were here he would tell me how good I looked and I would be flattered but his words would never hit anywhere beyond my flesh. In a way I was happy he wasn't here and on the other depressed that I would not have anyone to enjoy the night with romantically.
I did remember then that my friends Cara and Jane would be here to enjoy the fun. Jane, in fact, was bringing over a 'guy friend' from work. From our last phone conversation I understood she had a crush on him and he had one on her. I told her I was excited to meet her new boy toy and would decide if he was worthy of Jane. She laughed of course but there was an underlying tone in her voice that told me she held my opinion in high regard.
When she came in at last I finally took the opportunity to leave the receiving line and hang out with her.
Jane pushed the tall blonde, green eyed boy up to me. "This," she waved her hand in his direction, "is Lee. Lee this is Heather."
I placed a hand out to shake which he took, "It's nice to meet you Lee." I remembered my mother always told me to repeat the person's name when being introduced; it would help me memorize their name. It always worked.
We all sat around the kitchen when four recognizable people entered.
"Hey," Cara jumped over to me and Jane and gave us both hugs.
"Hey," I said cheerfully and then looked behind her over to my cousins. "Hey guys!"
Brian smiled down at his girlfriend whom he pulled her around the waist to him. They were such a cute couple. It almost hurt me to see them so happy with one another. I wasn't jealous of them but of what they had with one another that I believed I would never feel with anyone.
Mickey parked next to Jane, "So who's this?" He bluntly asked Jane.
Jane was composed and said, "This is Lee, my date." She stressed the word 'date' and glared back at Mickey.
Lee offered a hand to Mickey, who grabbed it and squeezed it. I could see Lee's hand being pinched and him practically pull it out of Mickey's.
Lee was then introduced to Brian, Cara, and of course Casey who was noticeably without his girlfriend. This time I would not ask where she was. I thought for a moment about the question, 'Where was Lucy?' Sarah hadn't even mentioned she would be coming. I now knew why but then why would Casey leave her to come here? 'Because he wants to see you,' my mind spoke.
My thoughts were still with me when his presence finally came upon me. I had not noticed him but now as he stood before me I could see him very well. He wore a pair of black pants and a button up blue shirt that match the color of his eyes. His hair was messy on top of his head; a mass of slightly untamed curly hair. In a word he looked, hot.
My attention was ripped away from him when my name was mentioned.
"What?"
Jane turned and looked at me, "Where's Tony?"
I didn't immediately choose to answer because of the person standing right next to me. But then I finally responded, "He's spending the holidays with his parents in Ohio."
"Is he coming to the cabin?" Brian inquired.
I nodded, "Yes." I felt the body that was now touching mine become erect. I couldn't even hear him breathing any longer. I took a glance at him and regretted it instantly.
His face turned towards my own and his eyes were an ice blue staring directly into my own gaze. I pulled my eyes away and looked back at the group whom had gone on to another conversation.
"I'm surprised you didn't ask why Lucy wasn't here," Casey mentioned quietly to me.
I was surprised and turned to stare at him.
He noticed my astonished look, "You're surprised I said that?"
I finally was able to speak, "I don't know, I wasn't going to ask." At that point my voice sounded bitter and cold.
He pushed himself from the counter and left the room. My urge was to follow him; so I did. He made his way out to the back porch where the smokers resided and the beers. He pulled one out of the cooler. He offered me a Smirnoff and I took it.
He removed both tops and then asked, "What's up with you? I haven't talk to you in awhile."
I was very much aware that Casey and I hadn't spoken and now, suddenly, I couldn't remember why.
I nodded, "True."
He cocked his head to the door, "You wanna go inside?"
Did I want to? I wanted to be outside here with him and discuss this. The question was, 'was this the place and time to?'
"Um, yeah I guess so but I wanted to talk to you first," was my direct answer.
He fidgeted a bit and then said, "Aren't you cold?"
I was feeling a breeze catching the bottom of my dress and then agreed that it was in fact too cold out there to have a decent conversation.
We went inside where I found the group; now huddled in the family room. Sarah was turning on the karaoke, but quickly turned her head, as though she had a sixth sense we entered the room.
Now I must take a break to explain the recent situation between my sister and myself. As of late she hadn't spoken about Casey; and I haven't offered her an opening to do so. I felt as though there was no point. Lucy was her friend and I was her sister, but somehow I was the reason for Lucy's misery. I respected their friendship even if I didn't like Luce.
Sarah hadn't seen me and Casey together in awhile and the look on her face was a bit worrisome. Either she was worried about me or how she would deal with the present state of affairs that was occurring before her eyes.
She stood up and then called out, "Hey Heath you wanna sing some karaoke?"
She knew I wasn't inclined, nor did I have a voice to sing.
"Come on Heath," Jane cheered. She was obviously not aware of my sister's plan to keep me from being alone with Casey.
Now that all eyes were turned on me I had no choice but to comply. I moved over the screen and picked 'It Must Have Been Love," by Roxette.
I pelted the tunes out as haphazard as I could and laughed along with the parts I couldn't sing to. Let's just say I didn't even make it through the first round. The crowd in the game booed me off stage.
I was moving around the couch when I felt a hand grip my arm, it was Sarah. She took me away from the group and upstairs.
I pulled my arm out of her grasp, "What's wrong Sarah?" I poised the question because I was aware of
her reasons for removing me from the room.
Sarah crossed her arms, "I'm not mad at you Heath but Lucy called me today and let me tell you I was a little surprised he would have come knowing I'm friends with her!"
"Wait, who, what?"
"You know who, Casey."
"What happened?" Well if Casey wouldn't confide in me then Sarah would.
Sarah uncrossed her hands, "I guess it was for the best, but Casey broke up with Lucy today. From her side of things she thinks he found someone else. That's not what he told her of course but we all know why he did it and it did have something to do with someone else, namely you."
