“Is your pining stare for the kindred an obligation?”
Gemi is too perceptive. “You aren’t told no often, are you?”
“You’d be the first,” she says, and I exhale a laugh.
“General Naik,” Ambassador Chitt says from my right, “may I have a word? It’s about your family.”
“Go on, Deven,” Princess Gemi says, her mouth upturned. “I’ll watch over the kindred.”
Kali overhears the princess and narrows her eyes at us. I lift a finger to her as I rise, indicating I will return momentarily. Chitt and I stroll down a pebble pathway toward the inlet.
“On my order, Pons has flown to Tarachand to find your family,” Chitt says.
As a Galer, Pons can ride the skies on a wing flyer, the fastest form of travel. We have not had access to the flying contraptions since leaving Iresh. I appreciate Pons’s and the ambassador’s assistance. “Thank you.”
“We’ll keep looking until we find them,” Chitt says. Although we just met, I am inclined to trust his word. He stops at the inlet, the palace lights shining onto the still water. “My friend from Janardan contacted me. A platoon of elephant warriors and bhuta soldiers escaped the demon rajah and are hiding. I may be able to convince them to join the battle in Iresh.”
Manpower from the Janardanian army would be advantageous. “Do you think they could meet us in time?”
“They should. Their troops travel by land barge,” Chitt explains. Tremblers power the stone-wheeled barges that are big enough to carry a herd of elephants. I have never seen one myself, though I have heard they are a sight to behold. “I’d leave in the morning to reach them.”
He sounds uncertain about going. I question why and then realize two things: I am the general of the imperial army and he is offering me his assistance, and he does not want to leave in case my mother and brother arrive. “You should go. We need all the troops we can gather.”
“Do you need to consult with Prince Ashwin?”
“No.”
“Then I’ll leave tomorrow.” Chitt’s gaze skitters to the cove and breaker, then back to me. “One more thing. The sea raiders were spotted offshore west of here. We have increased our lookout guards, but I thought you should be aware.”
I, too, examine the breaker from afar. “Can they get through?”
“There are ways,” Chitt admits, “but Captain Loc doesn’t wish to engage our entire navy. The admiral is aware and has put precautions in place for the voyage. You’ll be safe. I hope and pray that you—” He halts and bows, a swift change to formality. “May the gods be with you.”
“And you, Ambassador.” I watch Chitt go, curious what he stopped himself from saying. I never had a proper father—mine wanted nothing to do with his bastard son. Brac and I have always had that in common. I am not sure how I feel about that changing.
When I return to the terrace, a platter of fruit and yogurt dip have been set out, and Kali, Indah, and the admiral have gone. Princess Gemi is the only one left.
“You just missed them,” she says. “They took the kindred on a tour of the palace.” I start to leave to find Kali, but Gemi grabs my forearm and brushes a finger across my skin. “Stay and have dessert. You hardly touched your supper. You must be hungry.”
I am, in fact, starved. The threat of seasickness prevented me from eating much on the riverboat, and tomorrow, I will be back on the water.
Gemi wears a sly smile as she tops off my wine chalice. “Nush,” she cheers.
In Tarachand, it is rude to refuse a host’s offer of food or drink. Besides, Kali is safe with Indah and the admiral, and I have an unobstructed view of the breaker from here to keep an eye out for the raiders, should they try anything. Picking up my chalice, I return to the table and eat.
5
KALINDA
Shadows swathe my bedchamber. Natesa and Yatin are shut in her antechamber, their supper scraps left on the terrace, deserted beside a lit lamp. I envy their freedom to shut out the world and lose themselves in one another.
Deven has not yet returned. I did not want to leave him behind, but Indah and the admiral suggested they show me more of the palace, and I could not stand Princess Gemi a moment longer. She sat so close to Deven during supper she was nearly in his lap.
A warm gust grazes my ear, but a blizzard rages inside me. I gravitate to the lamp and lean over nature’s flame. My soul’s reflection takes form—a fire dragon. I study the small, serpentine figure for changes since the Voider poured his cold-fire inside me, but it gazes up as usual and awaits my command.
You’re a lovely sight. I reach for the fire dragon, seeking its warmth. I am not afraid of a burn or any other reprisal. Both of us are born of fire, though only one of us is the master.
My hand touches the flame, and the dragon recoils. Shh. I am fire, and fire is me. The dragon bares its fangs and then flies down into the center of the flame and vanishes.
The lamplight flickers in the breeze. My soul’s reflection has never retreated from me before. I suppress a shudder, the cold inside me seeming to snicker at my failed effort to elude it. What are my powers good for? Tarachandians believe I should be stoned or locked up. The sultan believed bhutas should be slaves. And the datu treats our gifts like sideshow displays. I did not master nature-fire or learn how to scorch and parch soul-fire to entertain people.
But I have always flouted convention. My fevers made me an outcast at the temple, and my disgust for Tarek made me an outcast at the palace. My uncommon Burner powers make me unusual even among bhutas. I was born a rogue. I am the daughter of a Burner and a rani. Two people that by all rights should never have fallen in love. I came into this world with a purpose, to finish what my parents began. The Voider can steal Tarek’s identity, our army, and our people, but he cannot take away my birthright.
I wave my hand, and the flame puffs out.
Darkness rushes in, and a heavy, burdensome premonition prickles at me. Someone is here. I draw one of the twin daggers strapped to my thighs and peer into my shadowy room. Out of the darkness steps a man not of flesh and bone. He consists of the vile parts that are left after a body decays. I throw out a heatwave and illuminate him.
“Tarek?” I whisper.
He shields his eyes. “Put out the light.” Tarek’s voice wrenches me out of my shock. I push more soul-fire into my fingers. He shies from the radiance. “I’ve come to warn you.”
“You’re dead.”
“Kalinda, I will not see my empire fall. Tarachand is my legacy.”
Every pain he caused me fires off inside my head and heart. I want to let the past go, put all this ugliness behind me, but my memories shackle me.
“Your legacy is of fear and hatred.” My hands burn brighter. Tarek cringes, and his indistinct form begins to fade. “Go away. You’ll find no mercy here.”
He peeks out from behind his blurry fingers. His haunting voice roughens. “Kalinda, I still love you—”
I hurl a heatwave at him. His hazy shape shatters into a thousand oblivions that shower down, hit the floor, and disappear.
Light. I need light. Shaking all over, I rush around, lighting every lamp until the chamber is aglow. I slump down onto the bed.
I still love you.
I rap my fists against my head to bang out his voice. “Leave me alone. Just leave me alone.” In the abrupt silence that follows, my clarity sharpens to an unbearable point. “I hate you,” I whisper to him, wherever he may be. But my abhorrence is irrelevant. To the gods, our marital bond ties my soul to his. I will be Tarek’s wife for eternity.
Someone touches my shoulder. I whirl around with my dagger, and Ashwin lurches out of striking distance. “It’s me.”
I drop my blade. “You snuck up on me.”
“I knocked before I came in. Are you all right? You’re shivering.”
“I . . .” Not knowing where to begin, I start to cry. Ashwin enfolds me in his arms. I clutch him close and rest my cheek against the hollow of his neck. A stead
y current of heat flows off him and into me. “You’re so warm,” I push out from between chattering teeth.
“What happened?”
“Tarek was here.” My tears flow faster. “Why couldn’t Jaya have visited me? My soul should be tied to hers, not his.”
“Kali, you’re making no sense. You saw Tarek?”
“He was a shadow, but it was him. He said—he said—” My voice hitches, and I press my cheek hard against Ashwin’s collarbone. He rubs my back, his heart drumming near my ear. “Do you think I’m bound to him forever?”
“No one can rule your heart, not even the gods.”
“But our matrimony vows—”
“Marital bonds cannot last past death; otherwise every marriage in every life would be honored. Think of the tangle of nuptials.” He runs his hand down my hair. “As I understand it, souls aren’t bound by wedding vows but by love.”
I swipe my forearm across my damp nose. “Tarek repulses me. Don’t you despise him?”
“He angered me sometimes . . . but mostly he made me sad.” Ashwin pauses and then whispers, “We were both a disappointment to each other.”
I do not share his rationale. “I hope Tarek suffers an eternity of darkness for taking Jaya from me.”
Ashwin leans back until we are eye level. “Tarek hasn’t taken Jaya away forever. Have you heard the tale of Inanna’s Descent?”
“Once.” Non-deity myths were not part of my studies. I am in no mood to listen to childish stories, but Ashwin wants to cheer me up, so I oblige him. “Inanna went into the Void to search for her lost intended.”
“Her intended was not lost. A demon seduced him. Demons have corporeal bodies like you and me, though they’re monstrous. This particular demon had the power to assume a mortal form.”
Much like the power Ashwin gave the Voider when he released him to fulfill his heart’s wish, but he brushes over this similarity.
“The night before their wedding, the demon took the form of Inanna and entered her intended’s bedchamber. Trusting the demon was Inanna, he went off with her into the evernight.” I settle closer to Ashwin, his voice a mild rumble. “The next morning, Inanna donned her wedding robes and set off to be married. She waited at the altar all day for her intended, but he did not come. Jilted, she returned home and locked herself away. She refused to see anyone and could not find the strength to change out of her bridal attire. Many nights later, she woke to find her intended at her bedside. He could not step out of the dark, nor could she light a lamp without him fading. He had traveled by shadow to tell her he was trapped in the Void.”
Traveled by shadow. Ashwin once told me that when the day was made, so was the night. When man was made, so was his shadow. The Void dwells in darkness, and life dwells in light. Can spirits in the Void, both living and dead, travel into the mortal realm so long as they stay in the dark? Is that how Tarek came to me? “I never understood how Inanna’s intended visited her.”
“Numerous sources cite that mortals trapped in the Void are confined to the dark. They can visit our world at night, but they must return to the realm below during the day. Inanna spent every night with her intended. But she could not bear to leave him in the dark for eternity, so she descended below to find him and came upon the first of seven gates. Each guardian required a toll for her passage and to point her in the right direction. Inanna paid with the clothing and adornments of her wedding attire. After the final gate, her torchlight went out. Inanna feared she would be lost in the dark forever, but she sensed her intended was close by. Following the promptings of her heart, she found him near death. She had to get him out, but she could not see the way. Inanna cried up to the gods, but none would listen except the fire-god Enlil, who had a weakness for mortal women. He took pity on Inanna and sent her an ever-burning ember to light their path back to the mortal realm.”
Ashwin skims his finger under my chin. His voice gentles between us, a silky caress. “Love bound Inanna and her intended together and gave them direction in the dark. If their love can overcome the Void, so can yours bind you to Jaya in this life and the next.”
Tears blur my sight. I did not think a tale could lessen my sorrow, but Ashwin’s storytelling and assurances soothe me.
The mood between us shifts. The intent of his touches changes from comfort to one of need. His hug becomes more for him than me, and his heart beats faster.
I should pull back. Push him away. But his nearness calms the blizzard inside me. I am not parching his soul-fire. He is bequeathing it to me.
Ashwin settles his forehead against mine, his gaze trained on my mouth. His thumb brushes over my bottom lip, and my stomach bubbles like hot springs. His breath smells of cinnamon. A craving for more of him ripples out in a wave. How much warmer would I feel with his lips on me? I tip up my chin and wait for more of his light.
“Kali,” Deven says.
He stands in the doorway, his emotions progressing from disbelief to hurt. Ashwin’s arms fall from around me, and my teeth clack together, snapping me back into focus.
Deven crosses the chamber and throws Ashwin to the floor. “You have no honor! You’re taking advantage of her loyalty!”
His fury shocks me. He rarely reacts without forethought or context. “Deven! I was upset and—and Ashwin found me.” I reach for him, but he brushes me aside.
Natesa and Yatin run in from the other room in their nightclothes and draw up straight.
Ashwin shuffles back from Deven on his elbows. “Kalinda is aware of her actions. I’m not forcing her to stay with me. This is her choice.”
Deven leans over Ashwin and grabs the front of his tunic. “Keep your hands off her.”
Ashwin yanks himself from Deven’s grasp. “Touch me again, General, and I’ll have you imprisoned.”
“Both of you stop it!” I say.
“I’m not your general,” Deven grits out. “I won’t serve a man I don’t respect.”
“Deven,” I breathe. “You don’t mean that.”
He retreats from Ashwin, his arms and fists bunched. “I serve you. But if you continue to align yourself with this boy . . .”
“You’ll denounce me too?” The challenge slips out of me testier than I intended. But the thought of him coming between Ashwin and me . . . I need Ashwin’s warmth.
Deven draws up to his full height. “My apologies, my queen. You’re free to do as you wish.”
He revolves and marches out.
“Deven, wait!” I hurry after him, but he whisks ahead. In my effort to keep up, my limp worsens. We venture down corridor after corridor, and I quickly lose my bearings. I ignore the pain in my leg for as long as possible, but when he is nearly out of sight, I double over. “Deven, please.”
He pauses and stares over his shoulder at me, his flinty expression split by shadows. “How long have you and the prince . . . ?”
“We became friends in Iresh,” I say. “What was said at supper about us was for the datu. He’ll aid the empire so long as he thinks Ashwin and I are committed.”
“Then what was that just now? Were you practicing your commitment?”
“That was . . .” A mistake. But my excuses will only serve to bruise him more deeply. Telling him Ashwin’s closeness acts as a balm for my wounds is ridiculous. I cannot understand the oddity of our connection myself.
“Are you in love with him?” Deven questions, eerily calm.
I hug my torso, trying to strangle the cold inside me. My need for heat is paramount, unquenchable. For whatever reason, Ashwin answers that necessity. I cannot deny he has some hold over me. “No, but we . . . we need each other.”
Deven drops his chin, his jaw twitching. “I told you once that I won’t stand by while you spend every meal, every public showing, at another man’s side. I told you I want you by my side, and I still do.”
“And I still want to be there.”
He lifts his gaze and searches me for sincerity. I meant what I said. He must see that. But bleakness enters his v
oice. “I won’t interfere again. When you decide what you want, I’ll be waiting.”
Deven charges off without a second glance. I lunge after him, but pain shoots through my knee. Backing up, I rest against the wall and push my palm over my heart. Maybe I can wring out whatever nonsense has come over me. I care for Ashwin, but I love Deven.
My body trembles from indecision. Even after recognizing the distinction of my feelings, hunger rises in me to return to the prince’s pacifying arms . . .
Gods, I’m incorrigible.
I lower myself to the cool floor and rest my leg. The Voider’s icy breath rages within me, freezing me to my spot. The corridors all look identical. I chased Deven so far, I cannot recall the path back to my chamber. Not that it matters. I have little strength to do anything except huddle into myself and try to regain some warmth.
A nudge rouses me awake. “Were you here all night?” Indah asks, standing over me.
Morning’s first rays lighten the corridor. I push up from the floor, astonished I slept here. I understand why neither Deven nor Ashwin searched for me, but I am surprised Natesa or Yatin did not come looking. They must have assumed I was with Deven. “What time is it?”
“Dawn.” Indah joins me on the floor, our backs leaning against the wall. “The navy is finishing preparations for the voyage. We’ll leave for Iresh soon.”
“Did Ashwin and the datu come to an agreement last night?” I was so upset when Ashwin found me, I forgot to ask.
“I don’t know about the prince, but Bulan is pleased. Ashwin offered up lumber, grain, and livestock in exchange for our help. Our food stores have been low for some time, and we don’t have enough land to cultivate the agriculture necessary for our population.” Indah presses a hand to her stomach.
“You still aren’t feeling well?”
“I’m a bit run down from traveling, but I’m fine,” she says. “I’m glad I found you. I didn’t get a chance to ask you last night: Do you and Ashwin intend to marry?”
“You know we don’t. Why?”
Her lips mash together. “At supper, when Ashwin said you weren’t officially set to wed . . . he wasn’t telling the truth.”
The Rogue Queen (The Hundredth Queen Series Book 3) Page 7
