by Jordan Marie
“It will be okay, sweetheart. I promise. It will work out. You weren’t here, you didn’t see how destroyed I was when Aden left me, but it worked out. We found our way back to one another. And…”
“You two loved each other. Titan and I are just… fuck buddies,” I tell her, and I hate those words. I hate them. Besides, they’re not even true. We were a drunken mistake. A mistake that made a child…
“It will be okay. If Titan doesn’t man up, you don’t need him. You have your family and what’s more important, this child has your family and he or she will have you as a mom.”
“That’s what I’m—”
“And you will be an awesome mother, Faith. You may not believe that, but I definitely do.”
I let her words wash over me and I pray she’s right.
I’m scared she’s wrong.
31
Titan
“Faith.”
I call to her standing in the middle of LAX. She’s with Black, and I hate that I’ve waited this long to talk to her. I didn’t really expect her to leave so quickly. I thought she would stay here and visit with Hope. They’ve moved here permanently while Aden works on the new film he’s directing. When I showed up this morning Hope chewed my ass out. It was deserved, I know, so I took it without comment. I had to have a few days to wrap my head around everything. I never planned on becoming a father. I really never planned on it with a woman I’m not in a relationship with. I don’t even know how to classify Faith. She’s not a girlfriend, she’s not even a friend at this point. If anything, she’s been a pain in my ass.
And really damn good in bed.
None of that screams relationship. None of that screams mother of my children. So I took a few days to get my head together. I should have known she wouldn’t wait around—she never does.
“Titan,” she says, her face closed off and the light in her eyes so dull that she looks like a different person.
“We need to talk.”
She frowns. Her gaze moves over my body, her face giving nothing away. She looks up at Black and some kind of silent communication moves between them. He nods, then cuts me a look like he’d like to have his own talk with me. I have no doubt he will at some point.
“Titan, they will be boarding the plane soon,” she says, her voice somber and without any of the sass that’s normally attached.
“Stay here.”
“I need to get back. I start a new job next week and I need to find a place to live. Living with my aunt isn’t going to cut it with a baby on the way,” she says, her pale face coloring with her words like she’s embarrassed.
I reach behind the base of my spine and rub the tension that’s there, feeling like I’m walking on eggshells. I feel like one wrong step and she’s going to completely pull away from me.
“You could stay here—with me, I mean,” I respond. I see surprise on her face for the briefest of seconds, before she taps it down.
“I don’t think that would be a wise thing to do.”
“Why not? It will give us both time to come to terms with what’s happening.”
“Come to terms? It’s not a death sentence, Titan. No one has been diagnosed with cancer or some other kind of disease. It’s a baby. My baby.”
“Our baby, Faith.”
“Only if you want it to be,” she murmurs, rubbing her stomach gently.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m just… Look, if you want to be part of this child’s life, that’s awesome. We can work together and make that happen. But, if you don’t, that’s fine too. This doesn’t have to change anything for you.”
“You’re pregnant with my child, Faith. That changes everything.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
“It does. Is that what you think of me, Faith? That I’m not man enough to stand up to my mistakes?” I growl and I can’t keep the anger from bleeding through. People are starting to gather around us, listening—but, fuck… She wanted to talk here and if that’s the only play I have, I’ll take it.
“My child is not a mistake,” she growls back and she looks ferocious doing it, reminding me of a mama bear protecting her cub. I like it. I like seeing that from her, especially when talking about a child I fathered.
I fathered.
Fuck me if I’m not still getting used to that.
“It’s our child and I didn’t mean it was a mistake, not like that. Shit, woman. Cut me some slack here. You storm into a church and throw this at me. I need a little time to get my head straight.”
“You can take all the time you need, Titan. No one is pressuring you to do anything. I’m not asking for one thing from you. I just… My aunt said you needed to know what was going on and she was right. I came here to tell you and I told you.”
“So now you’re leaving?”
“I have to get back to Texas. I want my child to grow up surrounded by family. That can happen in Texas.”
“It could happen here. I’m here. Aden, Hope and Jack are here. Our child would have family.”
“Aden and Hope travel more than they stay home. Besides, I like Texas.”
“I thought you wanted to go to Arkansas,” I remind her, remembering our earlier conversations and giving a weak smile as I think about it. It seems like forever ago now.
“Things change.” The intercom announces the boarding of the next plane and Faith holds up her ticket with a sad smile on her face. “I’ve got to go, Titan. You have my address if you need in touch with me.”
“You’re leaving? Just like that?”
“Just like that,” she answers and walks away.
I let her go. There’s nothing more I can do here, but Faith hasn’t seen the last of me.
Not by a long shot.
32
Faith
“I need a ceiling fan above the table. Don’t you think, dear?” Ida Sue asks me as I come into the kitchen.
I yawn, looking up at the ceiling. I’ve been back in Texas a week, and I’m finally feeling like I’m getting control of my life again. I even have an appointment to look at an apartment today. I started work yesterday. I’m a secretary at the local elementary school. It’s not a glamorous job, it’s even a little boring. But I’m starting to think boring is just fine.
“It would look good up there. Why do you want a ceiling fan there, though? You have that killer light that Jansen made you,” I ask. She does. It’s a light that I’ve seen in magazines for big bucks. It’s made out of antlers and Jansen put a gloss on them so they shine. It’s very rustic and matches Ida Sue’s dining room perfectly. It’s not my taste, but definitely cool—plus, her man made it for her and that has to mean more than some out-of-the-store ceiling fan.
“This old table gets a lot of use. Hot is good and sweat too, because it means you’re working hard and enjoying it, but when you’re already sweating it’s a little too damn hot to enjoy the things that make you sweat more—no matter how fun. I’m thinking a fan would be good for those days. Not to mention having the wind blowing down… could add a little more to the overall experience.”
I blink. I blink again. Suddenly, I think we’re not discussing food or having family dinners.
“I’ll be late getting in, Ida Sue. I’m going to go by Petal’s shop after work. There’s an apartment upstairs for rent.”
“I still think it’s a bad idea. You’ve had the man calling you since you got here. He gives me a bad feeling.”
“He did me too; that’s why I left him. I don’t know why he’s calling now—I left him six months ago. I don’t understand, but at least he quit calling.”
“Probably because Black threatened to have his buddies in Dallas check into him,” Ida Sue murmurs and she’s most likely right. He hasn’t called since I got back from California though, so I’m taking that as a good sign.
“Yeah,” I agree, wondering how my life got so complicated.
“I don’t see why you have to move out anyway. Jansen and I love having you here. Y
ou’ve got Petal’s room and you can turn little River’s old room into a nursery. It’s perfect,” she says and I can’t help the smile I get at her words.
I’ve never had a real family. My father loved us, but he was struggling with many things—most of those being a woman who owned his heart but liked to grind it into the ground, and she did that often. Aunt Ida Sue always cared about us, but we had distance between us so she couldn’t always be there. Our other aunt tried her best to help, but there was only so much she could do because she was a lot older than my father or even Ida Sue. Being here has probably been one of the best times in my life.
I walk over to Ida Sue and hug her, holding her to me. She smells like the blueberry muffins she made for breakfast this morning and that too is something I wish I’d had when I was younger. I can’t remember my mother baking anything. I can’t remember my mother being in the kitchen—at least not sober.
“I love you,” I whisper close to her ear.
“I love you too. Does this mean you’re going to make an old woman happy and stay?”
“I can’t. I need to stand on my own two feet. I need to make a home for little Zeus or Eris,” I laugh.
“There’s that Lucas spirit. In that case, I have a key for you.”
“A key?”
“Yeah, you don’t need to be climbing stairs all the time. Right now it’d be fine, but you give it a few months and that little monkey you’re carrying starts dancing on your bladder, then climbing stairs will be the last thing you want to do. This here is a nice three-bedroom house, right down the road from Petal and Orange. Rent is reasonable too.”
“Are you ever going to call Luka anything but Orange?”
“Probably not. The things I’m tempted to call him make Petal get all pissy. Besides, those names aren’t as fun anymore since I like the big dummy these days.”
Her response makes me laugh, but then I look at the key in my hand.
“Whose house is it?”
“A friend of mine. They heard you were staying here and they offered up the house. Check it out, see if you like it and if you do, we can work out the particulars then. I can text you the address.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“I’ll do it then. Thank you so much, Ida Sue. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Well then, you never have to find out, do you? Now, you hurry on along. I need to see what else I can get done around this place besides a fan. Yes-sir-ree, I’m going to get some real spring cleaning done.”
“I’ll leave you to it, then. Thanks again,” I call as I grab a banana and then head out the door. Ida Sue doesn’t respond; she’s already mumbling about installing something in her bathroom. I’m not sure what, but I could have sworn she mentioned a chocolate fountain. I’m not sure why anyone would want one of those in their bathroom. It seems really unsanitary, but I’m not about to question her.
I’m not that brave.
33
Titan
“Did she take the house?” I ask Ida Sue.
The bitch is crazy, even over the phone. Still, she loves her niece and she’s helping me take care of Faith. I have to depend on her right now; I don’t have a choice. I’m kind of glad we’re only doing this over the phone, though. There’s some days my ass still hurts from all of her pinching at Aden’s wedding.
“She’s moving in this weekend. She’s expecting to pay rent, though, Tighty. She’s not going to be happy when she finds out there is no rent.”
“I’ll deal with it. And I thought I told you not to call me that anymore.” My hand flexes on the phone in irritation.
“That can be arranged if you answer my question.”
“Ida Sue—”
“Tighty-whiteys or boxers?”
“I’m not answering that shit.”
“So we’re talking commando. I like it.”
“You are a special kind of Fruit Loops, aren’t you?”
“Fine. I have another name for you. It’s better.”
“I’m dying with anticipation.” I laugh, wondering how they let this woman walk the streets alone.
“I just bet you are. When will you be making your appearance in Texas anyway?”
“I have a few more things to close up here. It will probably be next week. Not that it matters. Faith’s still not taking my calls.” I sigh.
I’ve made a fucking mess of this. I just can’t seem to stop myself. I don’t blame Faith for not taking my call. In her shoes, I wouldn’t want to talk to me right now. Still, it can’t keep going on like this. I’m hoping things go better when I get to Texas. I don’t have a lot of hope—but I have to try.
I found that house in a great neighborhood and it’s close to some of Faith’s family. Luckily, that family is not Ida Sue. I’m not sure I can take being really close to her right now. Which is another reason I’m dreading going to Texas. I get Faith moved into the house, I know I’m going to have to grovel my way back in with her and that means I’ll be staying in a motel—there’s only one in that small town—or with Ida Sue. None of those options fill me with happiness, but I’ll do what I have to. Hopefully, Faith will forgive me sooner rather than later.
“It’s the Lucas blood in her. We can be a tad hard-headed,” Ida Sue confesses. “She’s a smart cookie, though. Once she’s sees you’re serious, it will get easier.”
“I hope so,” I answer, rubbing the side of my neck. I don’t have a lot of trust in Ida Sue’s claim. Nothing with Faith has been easy so far, and I doubt that will magically change.
“It will. You’ll see, C.T.”
“C.T.?”
“That’s you new nickname. Anywho, I have a very important question for you.”
“What does C.T. mean?”
“You don’t like it?”
“It’s better than Tighty,” I grumble, closing my eyes. This damn woman could give me a headache.
“Good it’s settled then. You’ll be C.T. Now about my question…”
“What is it?” I ask, getting tired when she doesn’t talk for a bit.
“Do you know how to wire lights?”
“Wire lights?” I repeat, thoroughly confused.
“Yeah, like install a ceiling fan?”
“Well, no, though if it has instructions I can usually figure it out. What does that have to do with anything?”
“Oh, just wondering. Now, to get my part in this 007 plan down, let me recap.”
“Okay,” I tell her, glancing over at the clock. I’ve got a meeting with my team GM in an hour. I’m dreading it. Turning in the uniform seems so final, but it’s been a long time coming. The job I’ve managed to grab in Texas isn’t my dream job, but I’m kind of looking forward to it. The money is mostly shit, but there’s a pension plan, yearly bonuses and the house I’ve moved Faith into—without her knowing—was supplied in the deal. It’s not the money I once made, but then, it won’t be the same lifestyle either and I’m okay with that. I’m actually kind of excited about it.
“I get Faith in the house you bought, help her move out of my house. You move in with me for a year—”
“Only if there’s no room in the motel and—”
“There won’t be,” she says, sounding perfectly serious.
“…and I didn’t say a year. How do you know about the motel?”
“I… uh… checked today. They’re booked up solid for the next month.”
“Fuck,” I growl, feeling the dream of my own space—and protecting my ass from Ida Sue’s fingers—fading away.
“So, you will stay with me for a year and—”
“It won’t be that long. I just need to get Faith to forgive me,” I argue, praying to God it’s nowhere near a year. If Faith can’t forgive me and I can’t interest her in trying to make the two of us work as a couple, then… Then I’ll find a place to rent and I’ll be there for my child.
I just hope Faith will let me try to be there for her too.
“Back to
the plan. You’ll stay with me and work on getting my niece to forgive you. Do I have all that right?”
“Pretty much.”
“Okay then, C.T., you best be getting a move on. You got a big mountain to climb and you need to be down here to climb it.”
“Okay—”
“Preferably without a shirt on,” she says and I can hear the laughter in her voice, but I also hear the eager tone too.
“Just like I said, you’re a special kind of Fruit Loop,” I tell her, shaking my head. I don’t want to like her, but I can’t seem to stop myself.
“I prefer Cocoa Puffs. They’re just the right shade of chocolate.”
“You did not just say that.”
“Later, C.T.,” she laughs and then the damn woman hangs up.
Christ. I really hope Faith lets me in with her again… and soon.
34
Faith
“I don’t understand. How can they not charge me rent for the first month?”
“He’s got the flu, peach blossom. You want him to drag his ass out here with a fever of 108 to collect your rent?”
“He’s got a fever of 108? Shouldn’t he be in the hospital?” I ask, not knowing temperatures could even go that high.
“Or the morgue,” Black says and I frown.
“Oh my God, I know this sounds horrible, but what if this friend of yours… What was his name again?”
“I call him C.T. His name’s kind of a tongue twister.”
“What if C.T. dies?!?! I just moved in. I’d hate to lose the house.”
“He’s not going to die,” Ida Sue says, and she really doesn’t seem worried. Still, a temperature of 108 seems… extreme.
“Unless someone kills him,” Black says and I frown at my cousin.
“No one’s going to kill him,” Ida Sue growls at Black. They stare at each other a minute and I’m pretty sure I’m missing some pertinent information to this conversation.
