by Karen Clarke
‘Only me!’ Elizabeth’s voice reverberated through the hallway. I sometimes forgot how strident her tone was.
‘It’s my mother-in-law.’ I felt a pulse of apprehension. ‘Look, I’d rather she didn’t know about … about yesterday.’
‘Mum’s the word.’ Liv mimed zipping her mouth shut, a flush rising to her cheeks. ‘Did you know she was coming this morning?’
I shook my head, which was starting to swim. ‘She doesn’t phone ahead, she just turns up,’ I murmured, gripping the edge of the worktop. If she wasn’t always hanging around, I wouldn’t dare leave the house. My skin felt suddenly cold where the ends of my damp hair had soaked through my coffee-stained jumper. ‘Best let her get on with it.’
Liv didn’t look convinced. ‘You should tell her if you don’t want her here … Oh hello, I’m Liv Granger,’ she said as Elizabeth strode in, bringing a smell of outdoors and a tang of manure. She must have come from the stables. ‘I think we met briefly before.’
Elizabeth had stopped in her tracks, eyeing Liv warily, as though I’d invited a homeless person inside. ‘Yes, you’re Sophy’s friend.’ She pulled off her leather gloves as she crossed to Finn and dropped a kiss on his curls. She was clearly making an effort to be amiable, despite her obvious surprise at seeing someone else in the house before her.
‘Nanny, actually,’ Liv said, before I could offer an explanation. ‘Started this week.’
Elizabeth’s whole body froze. ‘Sophy knows I’m always on hand to help out,’ she said, a frown ruffling her brow. ‘I’m sure she doesn’t want a stranger taking care of her son.’
Seeing anger cloud Liv’s face, I held up a hand. ‘Elizabeth, you know how much I appreciate everything you do, but Liv’s giving me a hand at the moment so you don’t need to break up your day.’ My attempt to be conciliatory was spoilt by a jaw-splitting yawn. Elizabeth’s glance took in my dirty sweater and damp hair and my stomach tightened.
‘But you don’t know anything about her,’ she said as if Liv wasn’t there. I realised afresh how cut-glass her accent was, accentuated by an undercurrent of genuine anger. ‘It’s ridiculous to employ someone when I’ve made it clear I’m at your disposal.’ Seeming to sense the disintegrating atmosphere, Finn began to cry. ‘Now look what you’ve done.’ Elizabeth put down her bag, but Liv had already moved to lift Finn from his chair, holding him high then dropping him down, so his cries stopped and he gave a whoop of delight.
‘He’s fine,’ she said, handing Finn to me. ‘You don’t have to stay, Elizabeth.’
Ignoring the way Finn stiffened, I pressed him against my shoulder. I was holding my breath, forcing my eyes to stay open as I watched a succession of emotions chase across Elizabeth’s carefully made-up face.
‘I’ll get on with some cleaning then.’ Patches of red seeped through her foundation. ‘This place is a bit of a mess.’
‘I didn’t get round to tidying up yesterday.’ I recalled my shock at the state of the place when I came home.
‘Oh, don’t worry about that,’ Liv said. ‘A house is supposed to look lived in.’
‘Honestly, Elizabeth, you should go,’ I repeated. ‘I’m sure you’ve got lots to do.’
Her gaze fell on Finn and I felt bad when I saw the longing in her eyes. ‘You can’t stop me seeing my grandson.’
‘Of course not …’ I began, but she picked up her gloves and bag and stalked out, closing the front door quietly behind her.
‘Whoops,’ Liv said, taking Finn as he struggled to break free of my arms. ‘Looks like you’re in trouble.’
‘She’ll probably phone Dom.’ Would he mention the note? He probably thought I was making it up, that I was the one who had it in for his mother. A crushing weariness bore down, and before I’d thought it through, I said, ‘Sometimes, I think the only thing she really likes about me, is Finn.’
‘You don’t think she did that, do you?’
‘What?’ Liv was looking at the stain on my jumper. ‘Why?’
‘Just … you said it was brand new and hanging on your wardrobe door. How did the stain get on there unless it was deliberate?’ Liv shook her head. ‘She seems pretty possessive, that’s all. Like she’s really angry with you.’
Watch Elizabeth. ‘Of course it wasn’t her.’ I forced a laugh. ‘I’m always spilling things. I must have done it myself, or maybe Dom did when he was bringing me some coffee.’
‘You’re right. Sorry. I didn’t mean to …’ She smiled apologetically. ‘So, are you taking him to Mums Meet Up this morning?’ She jiggled Finn, who was making a grab for her hair.
‘Actually, I don’t feel up to it.’ Another wave of exhaustion crashed over me. ‘I’m so tired, already.’
‘Listen, why don’t you go and have a lie-down and I’ll take him?’
I looked at her, feeling as though I was standing on the opposite side of a glass wall. ‘Won’t it be weird, not taking Evie?’
‘I’ll just explain I’m working for you now,’ she said with a shrug. ‘They won’t mind, and it’ll be nice for Finn.’
I knew I should go too. Liv was on a month’s trial and Dom wouldn’t be happy I was letting her take Finn out without me, but wasn’t that what nannies did? Wasn’t the whole point of a nanny that they cared for children when the parents couldn’t? And I was so sleepy. My eyelids were sagging. ‘Well, if you’re sure,’ I managed, though another yawn.
‘I’m positive.’ She gave an encouraging nod. ‘Go on up and we’ll see you later.’
I gave a feeble wave and headed upstairs. Too tired to climb under the duvet, or even take off my jumper, I collapsed across the bed and dropped into a fathomless sleep.
Chapter 20
Liv
I grabbed the front door key, just in case Sophy was still asleep when I returned, and headed up the road pushing Finn in his pushchair, my eyes skittering over the oppressive houses in The Avenue, wondering if someone behind those elegant bay windows had called social services on Sophy, and if so, why? Did someone else bear her a grudge? Or what about Elizabeth? There was something a bit off with her, though Sophy couldn’t seem to see it.
My mind flashed back to the day before. Seeing Sophy in such a state, visibly shaking when Tess what’s-her-name appeared. The woman’s words had given me so much pleasure. In fact, I’d wished I’d thought of ringing social services myself. I’d tried to follow them, couldn’t wait to go inside the house and watch Sophy squirm. But then things changed. Sophy hadn’t wanted my support. She’d placed her hand on Finn’s buggy, as though claiming it – claiming him – letting me know Finn was her child. ‘Go home, Liv,’ she’d said, and I knew at that moment I had long way to go before she fully trusted me.
I hurried up The Avenue, past a pair of identically Lycra-clad women I didn’t recognise, who stopped running when they saw me and watched with blank expressions as I shot past. I turned the corner and my phone buzzed in my pocket. Ryan? I’d left a couple of voicemails for him, desperate to know what he’d wanted to tell me about Sophy. Did he know more about her than I did? That she’d worked in London since university. That she’d met Dom at work and got married.
I pulled my phone from my pocket, and looked at the phone screen. It was an unknown number. ‘Hello,’ I said, pinning the phone to my ear, pushing the pushchair one-handed.
‘Liv, it’s Dom.’
‘Hey, Dom.’ Why the hell was he ringing me?
‘Is Sophy with you?’ He sounded anxious. ‘She’s not answering her mobile or the home phone.’
‘No, she’s in bed. I’m taking Finn to Mums Meet Up. Is everything OK?’
He was silent on the other end, and I remembered I’d promised to stay with Sophy for the first month. ‘Dom?’
‘Yeah, fine – no worries. I’m going to try to finish work early. To be honest, I’m worried about her.’
Christ. Was he confiding in me? My mind raced. This was my chance. ‘I agree she doesn’t seem herself.’
I expected him to bi
te back. Say I had no idea what Sophy’s ‘self’ was. And he would have been right. I didn’t know her at all.
‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘I keep turning to my mum to give Sophy support, but I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing.’ He sounded desperate – as though he had no idea who to turn to.
‘To be honest, I think Sophy needs to cope without your mother’s help.’ I smirked, couldn’t help it. ‘And I noticed Sophy was brighter when she’d been to London.’
‘Yeah, Isaac’s a good friend to her, always has been. He’s a great bloke. Maybe I should invite him and his girlfriend round for a meal. I could cook.’
I felt my body sag. So Isaac was a friend. Nothing more. The photo and my trip to London had been a complete waste of time. ‘Are you sure?’ I found myself saying, quickly wishing I hadn’t.
‘Sophy wouldn’t have an affair, if that’s what you’re asking.’ His tone had hardened. Oh God, I had to bring this back.
‘No, I mean are you sure about inviting Isaac and his girlfriend round? Sophy was only saying the other day that she’d hate any of her friends to see her in such a state.’
‘Yes.’ His voice softened once more. ‘Maybe you’re right. She never used to be like this. She was fun … happy.’
‘If you ever need to talk, Dom, I’m always here.’
There was another brief silence. ‘Listen, I’ve got to go, but as I say, I’ll try to get away early.’
The line went dead. Had I overdone it?
‘Olivia!’ Kim was suddenly dashing towards me, Dougie perched on her hip. ‘Are you going to Mums Meet Up?’ She sounded out of breath, and I caught a slight whiff of body odour. Her eyes flicked about her, as if expecting to see someone else. ‘No Sophy today?’
‘No Sophy today,’ I echoed, catching her eye, and morphing my face into what I hoped was a look of despondence. ‘If I tell you something, Kim,’ I went on as we fell into step, heading up the road towards Petra Rose’s house. ‘Do you promise it will go no further?’
She nodded several times, her cheeks flushing. ‘Of course. Yes.’
‘Well, Sophy had a visit from a social worker yesterday.’
‘I knew it.’ Her tone was triumphant. ‘I was only thinking last night how Sophy is an accident waiting to happen. Elizabeth told me how she isn’t coping at all.’
‘There was a report of neglect.’
‘Oh God, really?’ Kim’s attempt at a horrified tone didn’t quite mask her glee.
‘Mmm, and you know what I think—’
‘No smoke without fire.’ I’d fed her the words, and she looked positively joyous she’d finished my sentence.
I shook my head. ‘What I was going to say was, those bloody do-gooders should mind their own business.’ I put on my sincerest smile, as though I really cared about Sophy. ‘She’s a good mum. I’m sure she doesn’t mean to be—’
‘Neglectful?’
‘No.’ I injected my voice with worry. ‘I meant so tired all the time. She’s asleep right now.’ Going by the way Kim’s eyes sparkled, like tiny marbles caught in the sun’s rays, it wouldn’t be long before gossip about Sophy being a neglectful mother spread throughout ‘Mums Meet Up’, and hopefully the surrounding neighbourhood. Whoever had called social services had made my job so much easier.
Kim keyed the code into the gate, and opened it, and he we headed down the path towards the annexe, where, through the window, I noticed Clare.
My heart sank, recalling how she was a good friend of Petra’s, and most of the mothers in the neighbourhood.
I lifted Finn out of his pushchair, and followed Kim into the room that was alive with chatter, and the sound of children’s squeals of laughter. It was easy for me to drift into the corner, as far away from Clare as I could get.
I lowered Finn onto the floor, and handed him a book, which he promptly put into his mouth, and found I couldn’t tear my eyes away from little Evie. I missed her and hoped Clare was being a good mum to her.
Truth was, Clare seemed more animated than I’d ever seen her – interacting with Evie, making the little girl’s face light up with pleasure. Maybe I’d done her a favour.
Suddenly she looked up, as though sensing my stare. She glared across the room at me, the smile she’d had for Evie vanishing. Would she cause a scene? Would she want everyone to know the reasons why I left my job?
Chapter 21
Liv
I lifted Finn from the floor, and onto my knee, and he grabbed at my hair, winding it round his little fingers. Clare looked as though she was about to rise, when Petra clapped her hands and initiated a sing-a-long, and I quickly found myself mouthing the words to ‘The Wheels on the Bus’.
I was relieved when the meet-up ended without a confrontation with Clare, and couldn’t get out of the building quick enough, hurrying down the hill, zigzagging the pushchair to and fro across the pavement, loving how Finn giggled and hiccoughed.
Back inside number seven, everything was quiet and still. ‘Sophy?’ I called, as I carried Finn through to the kitchen, and slipped him into his highchair, ready for his lunch. ‘Sophy?’ I strapped Finn in, and handed him his cup. ‘Hold on there, little fella,’ I whispered. ‘I’m just going to find your crazy mummy.’
‘Sophy?’ I called, glancing into the lounge, before taking the stairs two at a time. The doors on the landing were closed.
I opened the door to her bedroom, and peered round. It was almost in darkness, just a sliver of light creeping between the heavy curtains.
‘Sophy?’
I heard a small groan, and stepped in.
She was curled like a foetus on the far side of the king-sized bed. ‘Sophy,’ I whispered, and I was about to nudge her awake when I spotted an almost empty bottle of white wine, and a glass on its side, on the bedside cabinet.
I stepped back, as though scalded. Was Sophy a secret drinker? It would explain everything: the tiredness, the low moods, her inability to look after Finn properly. Did Dom know?
I grabbed the bottle and glass, intending to get rid of it, and was about to head downstairs, when I realised this opportunity was golden. I placed the glass and bottle back where I’d found them. Dom was coming home early. If I let Sophy sleep, he would see for himself. A smile stretched across my face. This was perfect.
I reached into my pocket, and pulled out her necklace. I’d been carrying it with me since I took it, waiting for the right opportunity – and this was it. I laid it next to the empty bottle.
I hope you’re proud of me, Ben, I mused, as I left the room, and closed the door behind me, because this is all for you, my darling brother.
Later, after playing with Finn and giving him lunch, he fell asleep in my arms. I carried him upstairs and placed him in his cot, passing Sophy’s closed door on my way back down. I was making my way into the lounge, intending to snoop, when I heard Dom’s key turn in the lock. I raced into the kitchen, and was fake-filling the dishwasher when he appeared in the doorway, pushing his fingers through his hair, a troubled look on his face.
‘Hey,’ I said, looking up as he passed me. He was close to me as he grabbed a mug from the cupboard, and I recognised the smell of perfume. It was unmistakable. Eternity. I used to wear it. And I knew Sophy didn’t.
‘Where’s Sophy?’
‘Still asleep.’
He rubbed his hand across his chin, his eyes turning to meet mine. ‘Listen, why not take off, Liv. I’m here now.’
‘OK, if you’re sure.’
‘Yep. Positive. I need to talk to Sophy alone.’
‘OK, well Finn’s asleep in his room.’ I pointed at the baby monitor next to the fridge. ‘He’ll let you know when he’s awake, I’m sure.’ I headed from the kitchen, raising my arm in a wave. ‘I hope you guys sort things out.’
‘Thanks,’ he said, turning away from me.
Once in my car, I keyed Ryan’s number into my phone. It went straight to voicemail.
‘Hey,’ I said. ‘You left me hanging last nigh
t. Call me. Please.’
I leant back in the car seat and closed my eyes. I wasn’t tired, but I needed to regroup my thoughts. Stop my head from spinning.
Who reported Sophy to social services?
What had Ryan meant last night when he said Sophy’s not as she seems?
I started the engine, deciding I would pop round his house on my way home.
Ryan lived in an Edwardian detached house on a quiet road on the outskirts of Hatfield. It had once belonged to his father, who died of a stroke shortly after Ben’s death. He left the place to Ryan.
I hadn’t been there for ages, but there had been a time, when I was in my twenties, that Ryan and I had grown claustrophobically close. I was looking for answers, I supposed, and so was he – two broken reeds trying to hold each other up. We kissed once, I remembered, but it hadn’t felt right. In fact we’d laughed at the awkwardness of it and then got steaming drunk.
We’d drifted apart around a year ago, me suggesting he needed help with his alcohol problem, that he should attend AA; him refusing, claiming he liked the feeling of oblivion alcohol created. I deliberately didn’t call him after that, unable to watch him slowly kill himself. Well, until the other day.
Now, as I stood on his doorstep studying the grubby windows, the front garden over-run with weeds, I felt a pang of guilt. Perhaps I should have tried harder to be there for him.
I took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. No reply. I knocked again, and again, before crouching down, and opening the letterbox. ‘Ryan,’ I called through, feeling sure he was in there, ignoring me. ‘It’s Liv, open up. Please.’
As I made my way back down the path, I shuddered and turned quickly, my eyes scanning the windows. It was as though I was being watched.
I pulled up outside Mum’s, my head still a tangle of thoughts.
Sophy Edwards’ life was spiralling out of control, with little help from me, and I wrestled down a sudden feeling of doubt. Sophy didn’t seem to be the wicked, evil witch I’d created in my mind following Ben’s death. She was a sad, lonely creature.
