He didn’t want to leave her, though he had to. Like before, he’d make the journey alone.
And will she die, while you’re away? an inner voice taunted. Will she truly be safe?
He wasn’t certain. Though he tried to convince himself that Morren belonged here, among her sister and kin, the truth was, he wanted her at his side.
He wanted her for himself.
His hand curled into a fist, angry with himself for even considering it. She doesn’t want you or any man. And never will.
The pain she’d suffered went too deep. Wanting to be with her, as a lover, was asking too much.
A faint noise caught his attention, and Trahern remained still. Against the flickering torches, he spied a hunched figure searching among the huts. He couldn’t tell who it was, so he crept closer.
The man was cloaked in dark wool, with a roped belt around his waist. He leaned heavily upon a walking stick, and when the moon slid out from behind a cloud, Trahern recognised Brother Chrysoganus.
Now what was the monk searching for, so late at night? The souterrain entrance, perhaps? Fallen coins, left behind?
Trahern moved swiftly, catching the monk unawares. Brother Chrysoganus jerked backwards, shivering with a nervous laugh. ‘Why, Trahern. You startled me.’
‘Were you looking for something?’ He didn’t bother to hide the edge in his voice. The monk was trespassing where he shouldn’t, and he wanted to know why.
‘No. Well, yes, I suppose. It’s probably nothing, but I thought I’d help them search.’
Trahern moved close enough to rest his hand upon his sword. ‘And what were you looking for?’
‘It wasn’t a what, my friend. It’s a who. Katla alerted us and asked for help.’ The monk cleared his throat and wiped at his forehead with his sleeve.
Trahern felt a sense of dread creeping over him, even before Brother Chrysoganus finished.
‘Morren Ó Reilly’s gone missing. And no one has seen her.’
Chapter Thirteen
It wasn’t at all what he’d expected the man to say. ‘How long has it been?’
‘Half an hour, so she said. Katla claimed she left the hut and hasn’t returned.’ The monk shrugged. ‘I was speaking with her sister, Jilleen, beforehand, and when we returned, Morren was gone. I thought I’d join in the search over here. I suppose you haven’t seen her, either?’
Trahern shook his head. Without bothering to say farewell to the monk, he ran back towards the women’s hut. When he saw Jilleen’s stricken face, his fear trebled, for nothing would make Morren leave her sister.
‘I only left for a few minutes,’ Jilleen wept. ‘I wanted to see Brother Chrysoganus, to seek penance for—for…what I did. And when I returned, Morren was gone.’
Trahern studied each member of the clan, Irish and Viking alike. When he realised that Adham was also gone, a tight rage settled in his stomach.
While he’d been mourning Ciara, the bastard had taken her. He allowed the fury to flare within, along with the unfailing vow to find her.
And God help Adham Ó Reilly, when he did.
‘Where is Jilleen?’ Morren muttered to herself, her worry knotting within. Her sister had slipped away during the storytelling, and no one knew where she’d gone. Morren had left the women’s hut to look for her, and Adham had offered to accompany her. When her efforts came up fruitless, he’d promised to walk back with her.
‘Do you think she could have fallen into the souterrain passage?’ he offered. ‘It may be that she lost her footing and fell into the pit.’
‘No.’ She shook her head ‘Jilleen had no reason to be near the souterrain.’
‘We’ve searched everywhere else,’ he said, shrugging. ‘And what if she struck her head or harmed herself? She wouldn’t be able to cry out for help.’
Though it seemed doubtful, Morren supposed they shouldn’t leave the souterrain without searching. ‘All right.’
She went down the ladder first, shivering at the cold. Adham followed, bringing the torch. Though it cast a small heat, she couldn’t stop the chill flooding through her. ‘She’s not here.’ The unbearable pressure of fear heightened. ‘Where could she have gone?’
‘We’ll find her, Morren,’ he said. ‘Don’t be afraid.’ He put his arm around her shoulders, and she flinched.
You’re being foolish, she told herself. He’s just trying to offer you warmth.
But she couldn’t bear the thought of his body so close to hers. And wasn’t that unreasonable, given that she’d huddled so near to Trahern?
She pulled back, about to climb the ladder. ‘Wait, Morren.’
Adham reached out to touch her hair, and a cold wave of revulsion shuddered through her. ‘You’re so beautiful. I wanted to tell you that.’
Ice crawled over her skin, but she managed to pull away once again, touching the first rung of the ladder. ‘Th-thank you.’ Her teeth were chattering from the cold, but it wasn’t merely the frigid air.
He stopped her from climbing the ladder, his hand snaking around her waist. With a smile, he said, ‘You spent the entire night staring at MacEgan. I was hoping for an opportunity to speak with you myself.’
With a step closer, she could smell the fermented mead upon his breath. No doubt it gave him the courage to be so bold.
The world seemed to hold still when his mouth moved closer to hers. She wanted to run, but she froze. His kiss wasn’t meant to threaten her, but at the unwanted touch of his mouth, she shoved him.
Memories shattered inside her, of the men hurting her. Of the searing pain and humiliation. The wild anger burning up inside suddenly broke free like an unstoppable wave. Though she knew she was behaving as if she’d gone witless, she couldn’t stop herself. Adham tried to soothe her, touching her shoulders, and again she pushed at him. ‘Don’t touch me! Please, just don’t!’
He mumbled through an apology, but she couldn’t seem to stop the torrent of rage pouring through her. Not again. Never again would she allow a man to take what she didn’t want to give.
When Adham gaped at her, she seized the torch from his hand and pointed to the ladder. ‘I don’t want you. Get out, and don’t come near me again.’
He took a hesitant step away, and she waved the torch at him. Struck senseless, he climbed the ladder, and it was then that she heard the voices.
Trahern was there. She caught angry words and the sound of a fist hitting flesh. Seconds later, he climbed down to her. She was shaking, the torch casting erratic shadows on the wall.
‘He’s gone,’ Trahern said softly. ‘I sent him away.’
The torch fell from her hands, dropping to the ground. She sobbed, clutching her middle while she sank against the wall.
‘Did he hurt you?’
‘He tried—tried to kiss me.’ Lowering her head to her knees, she poured out her fury. ‘I know it was just a whim. He didn’t plan any of this, but I didn’t want him to touch me. I couldn’t—I just couldn’t. Not again.’
Her words weren’t making sense, but Trahern mumbled something about flaying the skin from Adham’s body. ‘No.’ She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. One breath, then another.
Gradually, the rage disappeared, and embarrassment came over her. ‘He only thought to steal a kiss. He doesn’t know what happened to me. I suppose he thinks I’ve gone mad.’
Grey eyes regarded hers with seriousness, but Trahern bade her wait a moment. He climbed the ladder, and she heard him ordering the people back to their huts. ‘She’s fine,’ he said. ‘I’ll bring her back in a few minutes.’
When she heard her sister’s voice mingled with Trahern’s, relief broke through her. Trahern climbed back down to her and sat beside her. ‘Jilleen went to give her confession to Brother Chrysoganus, during the storytelling. She never left the cashel.’
‘She’s safe?’
Trahern nodded. He drew up his own knees, resting beside her.
‘You don’t have to be here, you know.’ She wiped at her
eyes, knowing that she must look like a mess. ‘I’ve created more trouble than I intended.’
He waited for her to continue, offering no judgement. The tears stopped, and she felt drained. Tired.
‘I wouldn’t let him touch me,’ she said at last. ‘I fought back. The way I wanted to fight that night.’ She shivered, and he set his cloak across her shoulders. Not once did he touch her, respecting her need for physical distance.
‘I was afraid,’ she admitted. ‘And angry with him. I never knew I could feel that way. And now—’ she rubbed her arms, drawing his cloak tighter around her ‘—now, they’ll talk about me. They’ll know what happened that night. I can’t bear it.’
‘It wasn’t your fault.’
‘I know.’ Though she uttered the words without thinking, a part of her wondered if it was true. If she’d fought back against the men, as she had tonight, could she have escaped? Would everything be different?
‘I want to ease your fear,’ he said quietly. ‘But I don’t want you to be afraid of me.’
She lifted her face to his. In the flickering torchlight, his grey eyes were filled with compassion. His chiselled jaw was strong, but there was no condemnation against her.
When he opened his arms, she went to him. His strong embrace pushed away all else, and she gripped him hard, sitting upon his lap. He’d come for her, and she realised that she’d wanted that.
She’d hoped that he would come. This man, who drove away her demons and kept her safe. The barriers seemed to fall away, and she breathed in his scent, letting him hold her. How could she let him go, after all this? It hurt, just thinking of it.
‘Trahern,’ she whispered. I care for you in a way I don’t understand. I need to be with you.
‘What is it, a chara?’
My friend, he’d called her. Not his love or his dear one. A piece of her heart cracked apart, for how could she reveal her longing? His heart had been given to another. Not her.
Instead, she hugged him harder, not letting him see the emptiness that stretched before her. ‘Just hold me. For a little while longer.’
He did, without questioning why. And though she needed him this night, not a word did she speak about the desires hidden within her heart. Time was slipping away, and she feared she wouldn’t see him again, after he left.
‘Trahern is leaving today,’ Jilleen predicted. ‘Isn’t he?’
Though it was dawn, her sister hadn’t missed the preparations and the group of men gathering with Trahern.
‘He said they would.’ Morren donned her overdress, wishing it weren’t in such poor condition. She needed a new one, but there was no spare wool to be had.
‘Why aren’t you going with him?’ Her sister drew near, her soft blue eyes filled with worry.
Morren didn’t answer, but simply shook her head.
She embraced her sister, stroking Jilleen’s hair. ‘He doesn’t want me to come. And besides, I can’t leave you.’
Jilleen hugged her tightly. ‘Don’t worry about me. I’ll be all right here.’ A choked sob rose up, and her sister gripped her as though she didn’t ever want to let go. ‘Those men don’t deserve to live, after what they did. It was supposed to be me that night, Morren. Not you.’ She wiped at her tears. ‘I wish to God I’d been brave enough to endure what you did.’
‘You are thirteen. Not a grown woman.’ She didn’t regret her choice for a moment. There was no doubt in her mind that Jilleen wouldn’t have survived the attack, had she not intervened.
‘I’m not sorry I killed that man,’ Jilleen said. ‘And I want the others brought to justice. If I could go, I would.’
Thankfully, the Dalrata chief wouldn’t allow it. But Morren didn’t like the idea of Jilleen being alone, even though there were other Ó Reillys here. ‘I won’t leave you behind. And that’s that.’
‘You’re falling in love with him, aren’t you?’ Jilleen said wistfully. ‘He rescued you last night. I thought he was going to murder Adham for stealing a kiss. He—’
‘You’re wrong. I don’t love him.’ Her face turned crimson, for that wasn’t at all what she felt. She didn’t—that is, she couldn’t—
Her muddled thoughts made no sense, even to her.
‘Go with him, Morren,’ Jilleen urged. ‘Even if you don’t find the raiders, he’s a good man. He’ll take care of you.’
The door opened, and Katla came inside. In her arms, she carried a small bundle of clothing. The troubled expression on her face suggested that she’d overheard more of the conversation than she should have. ‘I don’t blame you for killing the raider, Jilleen.’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘Anyone who threatens family deserves to die.’
She reached out to Morren, her face ravaged with frustration. ‘And though I suppose I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, I believe Jilleen is right. Someone needs to bring the rest of them to justice. They don’t deserve to live, after…what they did.’ The older woman’s voice broke, and she rested both hands upon Jilleen’s shoulders. Her hand patted the young girl, as if trying to replace the daughter she’d lost.
And when her gaze fastened upon Morren, the flush of shame returned. Katla knew what had happened to her. Somehow she did. Possibly Jilleen had admitted the truth.
‘Go with them,’ Katla urged. ‘Trahern needs your help.’
‘He doesn’t want me to go.’ Morren drew closer to her sister, her heart aching already.
‘You’re wrong.’ Katla offered a sympathetic smile. ‘You mean a great deal to Trahern. All of us see it. He would have torn the cashel apart last night, just to find you.’
The Norsewoman walked across the room and lifted a small bundle wrapped in wool. ‘Here is an extra gown and supplies for your journey. You have my vow that I’ll watch over Jilleen like I would my own daughter.’
Morren’s hands closed over the bundle, her throat closing up. Though she wanted to remain with Trahern, the fear of her past was far too daunting. She wasn’t sure she could face the men, even if it was to bring them to justice.
And as for Trahern… Her stubborn heart beat far too quickly at the thought of him. He’d brought her back last night, his hand holding hers. And before he’d let her go, he’d embraced her, as if it were the last time.
‘He won’t let me go,’ she repeated. ‘It’s not possible.’
‘Ask,’ Katla said simply. ‘There’s no harm in it.’
She started to find another excuse, but Jilleen took her hands. Steadily, her sister looked into her eyes and pleaded, ‘Bring them to justice, Morren. Not just for me, but for yourself.’
Trahern readied his horse, tying the supplies of food and drink from the Dalrata tribe members, after the chief had provided the promised goods. Four men, including Áron and Gunnar, had elected to join him.
It was mid-morning, but he was surprised to see Morren approaching with a horse. From the reins she held in her hands and the pack of supplies loaded on the animal’s back, he recognised her intentions.
He crossed over to her, taking the reins of her mare. ‘No.’ There was no chance he’d allow Morren to travel with them. It wasn’t safe.
She ignored him and boosted herself up onto the horse’s back. ‘These men can’t identify the other four. I can.’
‘Do you believe I’ll let you come to harm by travelling with us?’
‘No, I don’t. I know that you’ll guard me. And once I’ve helped you find the men responsible, I’ll return home.’
He saw no point to her defiance, and he reached up to lift her down again.
Morren gripped his hands to stop him. ‘I’m a grown woman, Trahern. I make my own decisions.’
He lifted her down anyway, keeping his hands around her waist. Leaning in, he said, ‘You’ve a sister to look after. Or have you forgotten?’
‘Katla has promised to guard her. I believe she will.’ Morren rubbed her arms. ‘And Jilleen wanted to remain behind with the others.’
He was about to deny it again, but she touched her hands to his. �
��You’re not the only one who wants vengeance, Trahern.’ Her voice had grown hard, reminding him of her rage last night. Lowering her voice, she said, ‘Every time I see a child’s face, I think of those men. They stole that from me.’ Her blue eyes stared into his. ‘I don’t sleep at night, because I see their faces. I remember what they did, and I relive it every day. I want it to end. I’ve had enough.’
When he looked into her blue eyes, he saw the same darkness that had haunted him over the past few months. The same despair that had torn him down, breaking his spirit into pieces.
He didn’t want that for Morren. He wanted her to remain with her family, safe from harm. But then, hadn’t he tried that himself? He’d lived with his brothers, trying to forget about Ciara. All it had wrought was madness.
Morren returned to her horse. She mounted the mare, sitting squarely upon the saddle. Her expression held determination and not a trace of fear.
Trahern swung up onto his own horse, Barra, and brought the animal alongside her. Morren stared straight ahead, pretending as though he weren’t there. ‘You’re going to stay with me,’ he said. ‘In my tent. I won’t allow any of these men to come near you.’
She paled, but jerked her attention to him, suddenly realising what he meant.
‘They’re going to think we’re lovers,’ he said sharply. ‘And even if I deny it, it’s what they’ll believe.’
‘I don’t care what they believe,’ she insisted, her voice almost inaudible. ‘I trust that you’ll keep me safe. And that you won’t…touch me, either.’ She looked away, an awkwardness suddenly lacing her tone.
He rested his hand upon Barra’s mane. Though he wanted to make the promise, to vow that he wouldn’t set a finger upon her, he couldn’t speak the words.
In the end, he admitted the only truth he could. ‘I would die before hurting you.’
Chapter Fourteen
Surrender to an Irish Warrior Page 14
