by Sara Shepard
Surveying the room, I realize that Thayer’s computer is still on, casting an eerie glow across his desk. An open IM window blinks beckoningly on the screen.
Heading over, it says.
The message is for my sister.
My blood runs cold. He’s gone to see Laurel? He’s going to tell her what happened tonight, and she’ll console him … and then what? It’s obvious she’s totally in love with him. And they’re so close. Just because they haven’t been romantic yet doesn’t mean they never will.
I back out of his bedroom and retrace my steps toward the kitchen, taking care not to make any noise. Forget the sleepover. Forget my friends. I have to find Thayer. I have to talk to him, to apologize, to explain, to make him understand....
As quietly as I can manage, I unlock the latch on the back door and slip out into the night. The chirping of crickets and the rush of the wind in the leaves spur me on. Before I can take another step, I hear a voice.
“Sutton.”
My name sounds low and throaty, slightly choked. And I’d recognize the voice blindfolded. I couldn’t forget it if I wanted to. I’ve been thinking about it all night.
It’s Thayer.
14
JUST BETWEEN US
At the sight of Thayer standing there, bathed in moonlight, my legs go weak and wobbly. The air is fragrant and thick with the scent of acacia blooms, and a light breeze rustles the cool night air. Somewhere in the distance, a dog howls mournfully.
“Thayer!” I cry. Before I can stop myself, I rush toward him, arms outstretched for an embrace. But as I reach for him, he steps back, his eyes cold and flat. His face is devoid of emotion, which is almost worse than if he looked at me with hatred or disgust.
“I’m sorry,” I insist. “The prank wasn’t my idea. And it isn’t what you think.” It’s cold out here in the wind, and goose bumps break out across my bare arms. I rub my hands over my forearms, trying to warm myself. But I can’t reach that cold pit in the base of my stomach. I blink, feeling my eyes well with emotion.
Thayer’s eyes flicker across my body, making me shiver even harder. His jaw is set and his posture is rigid. “I shouldn’t be surprised, I guess,” he snaps, raising his head and gazing over my shoulder into the distance. “You guys are the Lying Game. I was just the idiot who acted like a sucker.” He laughs once, a short, bitter chuckle. “I can’t believe how gullible I was.”
“Thayer, no,” I plead. “You don’t understand. I didn’t want to prank you, I swear. I was lying to my friends,” I admit, winding a strand of hair around my index finger. “That kiss … that was real for me. Honest.”
“And I’m supposed to believe you now?”
I bite my lip. “I don’t blame you if you don’t. But … hear me out, okay? I’m the most popular girl at Hollier. I have best friends who think I’m awesome. And compared to how I’m treated at home, it’s kind of an amazing feeling.”
He sniffs. “How are you treated at home?”
“Sort of … second best, I guess. Like I don’t belong there.”
Thayer lowers his chin. “I’ve never seen any evidence of that.”
“Well, real or not, it’s how I feel,” I say. “Maybe it’s just my paranoia about being adopted getting the best of me. But Thayer, it’s why I’m so afraid of losing my friends. That’s all I was worried about, that’s why I didn’t stop the prank and why I didn’t tell the truth when they caught us. I didn’t want them laughing at me. But then I realized how stupid that was. Like, unbelievably stupid. I should get to decide who I like.” I swallow hard, then raise my eyes to his. “And I like you.”
There. I said it. There’s no going back now. But I’m still too terrified to really look at Thayer. “You don’t have to forgive me or like me back. I understand if you want someone who’s always been good to you, like Laurel. But I thought I’d let you know how I really felt. You asked me if I’ve ever been honest a day in my life, and with you, I do feel honest. And I’m telling you something honest now.”
Then I turn away, embarrassed by my little speech. I’ve made it almost the whole way around before I feel Thayer’s hand on my shoulder. He spins me back toward him. There’s a serious look on his face, and for a moment, I can’t tell if he’s angry or not. He takes my hands and squeezes them hard.
“I like you, too, Sutton,” he says.
My heart skips a happy beat, but quickly lurches to a stop when I see his pained expression. Something is very, very wrong.
He untangles his fingers from my own. “I’m just not sure it’s such a good idea for us to date publicly.”
“Why not?” I blurt.
Thayer sighs, running his fingers through his hair so that it stands up like an exclamation point on top of his head. “It’s complicated,” he says finally.
I feel like I’ve just been slipped some sort of mind-altering drug. “Well, of course it’s complicated,” I say. “It’s complicated for me, too. But why for you, exactly? Because you’re Mads’s brother? Because of Laurel?”
Thayer meets my eyes, unblinking. “That’s part of it, I guess. There are a lot of factors involved.” He looks away. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Sutton. But you also kind of scare me.”
“What do you mean?” My voice quavers.
He pauses to think. “It’s like you’re two different Suttons,” he says, his speech slow, deliberate. Off in the distance, a car alarm shrieks. “The Sutton I saw the other night, in your kitchen, was incredible: funny, and warm, and honest.” He emphasizes the word, making me cringe. “I feel like that Sutton just … gets me. Believe it or not, I don’t go around telling people about my sleepwalking.”
“I don’t ever tell anybody about my dreams,” I respond, my voice soft.
“Right,” he agrees. “That Sutton and I have a connection. And it’s amazing.”
I cast my eyes downward, taking in the uneven stones that line the Vegas’ yard. “But …”
“But the other Sutton, the public you—she’s not so nice. And I’m not sure I want to be part of that world.”
I stare at him. “But you love all the attention you’re getting now. I know it!”
He stops me with a raised palm. “I like having friends, sure. But I don’t want to be part of the backstabbing, fast-moving, game-playing crowd of yours. It’s not my style.”
I swallow hard. “I’m sorry about the prank we pulled on you. But I can be nicer—I will be nicer. I can even end the Lying Game if you want. Things can change.”
He places a firm palm on each of my shoulders, leaning so close to me that his eyelashes almost skim my forehead. “You just told me how badly you need your world. I’m not going to ask you to change that.” He reaches out and brushes my cheek lightly. “I want to be with you, too. But I’d rather keep it kind of quiet for the time being.” He looks at me imploringly. “Can you do that?”
I blink, totally thrown. Never has someone told me that they don’t want to be with me because of who I am—usually that’s what pulls a guy toward me. But Thayer also has a point. Deep down, I’ve known for a long time that what the Lying Game does isn’t exactly nice. We’ve gotten caught up in it, though, fueled by it, and it would be hard to stop now. I picture trying to tell Madeline and Char that the club is ending. Will there be enough to hold us together? Will they move on to someone else and leave me hanging? What if they blame this change on Thayer; what if it causes a rift between him and Madeline?
Should I care that he wants this to be a secret? Or should I just throw caution to the wind? What if I never find something like this again?
I tilt my head up, winding my hands around his lower back and pulling him toward me. “Let’s try it,” I whisper, smiling. Because whatever is happening between us, whatever this is, I want more of it. Lots more.
A cautious smile spreads across Thayer’s face, and his lips find mine. He kisses me softly, then leans so his lips brush against my ear. “Okay.”
He runs his fingers down my spine
and I melt, kissing him again with more urgency, more emotion. There’s nothing more to talk about now.
Having a secret boyfriend could actually be kind of hot. Of course, it’ll just be another secret to keep, another lie to tell.
I have a feeling it will be the first of many. But if it means being with Thayer, they’ll all be worth it.
FB2 document info
Document ID: 6f093055-5ba6-4d20-9281-2cd4a90be2ce
Document version: 1
Document creation date: 15.9.2013
Created using: calibre 1.3.0, FictionBook Editor Release 2.6 software
Document authors :
Shepard, Sara
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