Now that Ri has sprung this info on us, I am considering how to drop ours on him, because I am beginning to think he has no clue that Joel is on campus.
I try to look casual as I ask Riley, “Any other news around campus?”
He looks at me, then at Tristan, and finally down at his feet, nodding his head. “I already know, you guys.” He shrugs. “I know Joel is here. What have you told Tristan, Vivienne?”
Tristan glances at me. “Hello. I’m right here. See, it’s me in the flesh? No need to talk as if I am a third party. All Vivienne said to me is that you guys have known each other since you were kids.”
Riley nods. “Yeah. It was more than that. Joel and me, um . . .”
“It’s okay, Ri. I get it,” Tristan says. “I’m cool with it. It’s no one’s business.”
“You’re right,” Riley replies. “It isn’t, but I am afraid that Joel will make it everyone’s business. Let’s just say that when I ended it between us before coming to Fairmont last fall, he didn’t take it well, and he’s done everything he can to infiltrate my life since then, even though he was back home in Virginia. I got constant e-mails and texts, and tons of messages on my phone. He stopped short of telling my parents, but he got his point across. Maybe he still thinks . . . crap. I don’t know what he thinks. That I am just going to out myself to everyone and that we can be together. The truth is, even if I do come out here at school, I don’t want to be with him. I don’t know what to do.”
“Have you talked to him?” Tristan goes over to the fridge where he grabs us each a bottle of water.
“No. Nah, man. I don’t want to talk to him.”
“You can’t avoid him, Ri,” I say. “Fairmont isn’t that big, and he’s obviously here because of you. At least that would be my first guess.”
“You’re brilliant, Viv. Any suggestions? I’ll take pretty much any idea you have right now. Unless it involves talking to him.”
Silence fills the room. After several long, tension-filled seconds, I say, “I’ll talk to him. See if I can feel him out and find out if he has ulterior motives for being here, or if he is here just to go to school.”
Riley frowns. “You don’t know this guy, Vivvie. I am sure he has ulterior motives. He’s a master manipulator. I mean master. His dad is a well-known defense attorney back home who has a knack for making a killer look like Little Red Riding Hood. What’s the saying? Oh yeah—the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. You’ll probably leave the conversation convinced that Joel is only here to become a better rider. Not here to get even with me for . . .” He sighs.
“For what?” I ask.
“For dumping him.”
I can’t help wondering if Riley is being entirely honest with me. It kind of seems to me like there is something missing from this story. “That doesn’t sound right, Ri. I mean it sounds like a lot of trouble for someone to go through just to get even over a breakup.”
“Like I said, you don’t know this guy. And, you are way too trusting of people.”
I cross my arms and give him a look that says Really? I raise my eyebrows, cock my head, and smirk. “Riley Reed, do you not know me all that well yet? I am far from trusting. I am not easily manipulated, much less charmed.”
“She is right about that. I am still trying to charm her,” Tristan chimes in.
“Oh no, now you have me charmed completely,” I say.
Tristan walks over and puts his arm my shoulders. “Good. And trust me, I am not finished charming you.”
I lean my head on his shoulder. “I think I like the sound of that.”
“Hey, lovebirds . . . um, I have a dilemma here. Can you hold off on the sexy talk until I’m not around?” Riley says.
“Sorry.” I lift my head off Tristan’s shoulder and smile up at him. “He’s just so irresistible.”
Tristan kisses my nose.
“Hey! Come on, you two.”
“Fine. It sounds like it’s about time for me to have a chat with our pal Joel Parker, anyway,” I say.
“You’re a good friend, Vivvie.” Riley looks relieved.
“I know.” I smile. “The best. I’ve got your back, Ri.”
I don’t say it out loud, but the truth is that I’m not exactly eager to go and speak with Mr. Splendid. But I’ve always been loyal and protective of my friends—and Riley definitely falls into that category, so I’m willing to do anything to help him. I understand his fears about being outed, and if I can help him avoid the anxiety that talking with Joel will cause, it’s worth dealing with my own feelings of trepidation.
“All right, boys,” I say, making my voice sound more confident than I feel inside. “You hang out and relax. I am going back to the barn to find the newcomer and do some fishing. Find out if his reasons for being here are legit, or if he has a nasty agenda in mind.”
Tristan hugs me and gives me a kiss.
“You two really are so cute,” Riley says, teasing. “But kind of obnoxious.”
“We are, aren’t we? Cute, I mean. We aren’t obnoxious. It’s just that she’s my girlfriend and I want her to know at all times how I feel,” Tristan says.
Riley puts a finger in his mouth and mimics gagging.
How much sweeter could Tristan be, though? I don’t think all that much. “I could stay all day listening to compliments, but I’d better get out of here,” I say, completely thrilled that Tristan just said what he did.
“Be careful, Vivienne,” Tristan says.
“Oh, trust me, I will watch my step.” I reply. “Although around here, who knows what good it will do me.” I’ve learned the hard way that getting into people’s business at Fairmont can have unexpected results.
CHAPTER five
My first thought is to look for Joel at the barn, and, sure enough, he’s just walking out of his horse’s stall when I arrive. A look of surprise crosses his face.
“I thought you went to get something to eat,” he says.
“Change in plans, actually. I wanted to come back here to talk to you.”
“Oh. All right, what’s up?”
I push through the awkwardness I feel. “It’s about Riley.”
Joel crosses his arms in front of him. “Oh.”
This time the way he says oh sounds 100 percent more irritated than the first time.
“Look, I know about you two.”
Joel’s eyes widen. “Really? What exactly do you think you know?”
I lower my voice. This is so not easy, and I shift my weight back and forth on my feet, crossing my arms, too. “That you guys were at one time more than friends.”
He nods. “Wow. He told you that?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m shocked. Riley has made it pretty clear to me that he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s gay, and he’s made it even clearer that he wants nothing to do with me.” He runs a hand through his sandy-blond hair and looks at me intently, as if he doubts what I’m saying.
“He did?” Playing stupid is going to be my number-one tactic—but looking at his skeptical face, I don’t get the feeling that Joel is going to trust me.
“Yes. Before he left for Fairmont at the end of last summer, he totally blew me off, but I wasn’t quite ready to say good-bye. I wanted to explain to him that I understood we were over, and I thought I’d have the chance when I visited Fairmont with his parents last semester. It was never my plan to make him uncomfortable, or tell anyone about him, or us. Plus, I, uh . . . well, I needed to get away from the barn I’d been working at.” He waves a hand in front of his face. “That’s another story.”
I detect a sadness in his eyes with that last comment, and something inside me churns at how stricken he looks. I don’t know if I’m being manipulated or not, but I suddenly feel sorry for Joel. I’d judged him pretty harshly when he’d visited with Riley’s parents. Too
harshly, maybe.
He continues with, “More than anything I just want to be Riley’s friend again. I mean, did he tell you that we’ve known each other since kindergarten? We had a lot of good times before anything happened between us. I miss the chance just to talk and hang out with him.”
As I’m studying Joel, I notice the guy even has tears in his eyes. He seems totally unlike the cold person I met on Parents’ Day, who, honestly, came off like a jerk. Now my intuition says he’s sincere. Could my bad first impression of Joel have been wrong? The comment Riley made about him earlier suddenly runs through my head: He’s a master manipulator. I also remind myself about the stalker factor—and the way that Joel had tormented Riley with e-mails, texts, and voice mails for months.
“I can understand that.” I smile gently, hoping that it doesn’t seem totally obvious that I’m trying to use psychology to get him to confide in me. “But, can you see Riley’s point? I mean, you obviously know his parents and how they would react if they knew. I’m sure you can imagine that he feels terrified of what might happen if they find out. Do your parents know?”
“I do know Riley’s parents and, yeah, their attitudes are straight out of the Dark Ages. My mom, though, is cool—she knows that I’m gay. She’s the only one. But I never told her anything about me and Riley. I definitely haven’t told my dad. We haven’t spoken much lately, other than to deal with paying my tuition and getting my horse out here to Fairmont. My parents are going through a divorce at the moment. My dad decided to leave my mom three months ago. I haven’t seen him since. I deal with my dad on a business level these days. He’s busy working on a new family.”
I am speechless, which is rare, but yeah . . . I am speechless, because I can relate. My dad left us when I was ten, and I know what kind of scar it leaves. I doubt that it’s much different whether it happens when you’re the age I was or when, like Joel, you’re seventeen. When your dad abandons your family, it just is what it is—not cool. Beyond not cool. More like damaging in a way that feels impossible to recover from.
“You okay?” he asks.
“Yeah. Sure. Uh, my dad left my family, too.”
“Sucks.”
“It does,” I agree.
“Please let Riley know that I am not going to tell anyone. I’m not here to make his life miserable. I am here for the education, and to become a better rider, and to get away from a complicated situation at home. That’s it. I swear. I don’t want anything from him. I wish we could get beyond our past, and just be friends, but if not, well, there isn’t much that I can do about it.”
I hide a smile as I remember Riley’s words earlier. You’ll probably leave the conversation convinced that Joel is only here to become a better rider. The thought again makes me question whether or not Joel is for real. His words sound perfect. Are they practiced? They really do sound good. Sure, my heart goes out to him because I can relate to what he’s been through with his parents. But, Riley knows him better than I do, and insists his character is not good, so I have to question the guy’s sincerity. Plus, it’s weird how the Joel I’m with today seems like the polar opposite of the awful, snobby guy I met on Parents’ Day weekend. Then again, it’s possible that Joel has had some sort of change, some epiphany that has caused him to really take Riley’s feelings into account. I mean, people do change, don’t they? I know I have. After all, I’d promised myself that I’d avoid getting involved in a relationship when I came to Fairmont. I didn’t exactly stick to my guns on that issue. Within a few months of my arrival, I was with Tristan.
“Okay, Joel. I’ll tell him.” I don’t know what else to say. I figure I sort of have to take him at face value.
“I mean it, Vivienne. I’m not out to embarrass Riley, or make him broadcast who he is to the world. I’m still bummed out that he hurt me, and continues to by refusing to talk to me, but I’m not some callous jerk who wants to force his hand.”
I nod. “Well, thanks. That’s good to hear, and I’m sure Riley will be happy, too.”
Joel starts toward the door of the barn. “You walking back to the dorms?”
“Not yet. I’m going to spend a few minutes with my horse. I kind of hurried out of here before.”
“To find Riley, I suppose?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I’ll see you around.”
“You will.” I smile and leave it at that, then head into Harmony’s stall. She gives me a low little nicker. It’s very faint, but I know she’s saying hello. At the same time, she sends me images that pose the question: why did you leave me so quickly earlier?
She’s communicating in her way—the way I became so familiar with last semester when I finally got to the point where I could understand Harmony’s thoughts, thanks to the images she shares with me. For example, right now: to let me know that she missed me, first she shows me an image of her looking up and down the empty barn aisle, and then she shows me an image of me.
I feel a jolt of happiness over the fact that this horse and I can finally communicate easily. Last semester was tough initially because when I first started riding Harmony, she didn’t communicate with me at all. That bothered me because it had never happened before. Now, being in sync with her feels great.
“I told you, big girl, that I was going home for Christmas and that I’d be back.” The only problem with having my ability is that you tend to talk out loud to horses a lot—which is exactly what I’m doing. Luckily, the barn is empty. “And here I am. I know you got exercised and turned out in the pasture, so it couldn’t have been all that bad.”
She takes a step toward me and gives me a nudge. “Yes, I have another cookie, and tomorrow I will take you out. But first I have to have a discussion with Riley that I don’t want to have.” Harmony now pictures Joel and shows me his image. “You’re right. You were listening, weren’t you? Smart girl.” Then, I almost gasp in surprise. She shows Joel again, but this time there’s a noticeably troubled look on his face. It’s an expression only Harmony could have seen, maybe in the moment right before Tristan and I first arrived at the barn, and I can’t say that it’s a look I like at all. If I am not mistaken, the look on Joel’s face is one of hatred, or at the very least anger. He’s frowning and his hazel eyes are dark. His nose crinkles as if he tastes something bitter or dank.
I put a hand on the side of Harmony’s elegant head. “Are you sure?”
I show her an image of Joel smiling, but immediately she returns the image she showed me initially of him looking angry or disgusted—or something along those lines. As the image fades from my head, I wonder if I am misreading it altogether. Maybe what I’m seeing on Joel’s face is a look of fear.
I try something that works sometimes with Dean back home when he gives me confusing images.
I place my hands where her heart is, and start by expressing my feelings toward her—pure emotions of love and friendship. Within seconds I begin to receive from her a sense of gratitude, love, and respect. I can’t really explain how I know that this is what the emotions are, just as I can’t explain how I received this gift in the first place. I just know how the emotions feel and that the good feelings flowing between us seem to somehow open the channel of easy communication. I wish I could understand it better, but I don’t.
Next, I picture Joel again, and direct all of my intention toward communicating with Harmony. There is a huge difference between someone feeling hate or anger and someone feeling fear. What I need is to decipher what Joel’s troubled expression meant in that moment. If Harmony can help me nail that down, I am hopeful I’ll be able to determine if the guy is for real or completely full of crap and filled with bad intentions that might ruin Riley’s life.
Nothing becomes clear right away, so I keep trying. I go back to my personal feelings for Harmony and place my hand on her heart. Then I picture Joel again and express that I’m confused.
What I get back from
her is a similar type of confusion. I perceive feelings that come across as a mix of fear, spite, anger, and sadness . . . yet slowly, as the seconds tick by, I understand that fear is the overriding emotion. In a way, that is a relief to me.
I now go back to sending her waves of good feelings, because I know doing these types of investigations with Harmony can drain both of us. This is the first time we’ve really been together since I got back from Christmas break, and I don’t want to ruin our good connection. I have to be very careful in communicating negative feelings to Harmony in this way. She’s not used to it like Dean is, and it could backfire on me.
Seconds later, I finally receive back that wave of love, gratitude, and respect I’m hoping for. I put my arms up around her neck and lean into her shoulder. “You are a very special girl,” I say. I kiss her on the nose to say good-bye and start to make my way back to the dorm, wondering about the complex emotions Joel is dealing with, and also what he is afraid of.
CHAPTER six
After walking back up the hill from the barn, I head straight for my own dorm suite. As much as I love my roommate, Martina—other than Riley, she’s my best friend at Fairmont—I’m glad that she’s not supposed to get back to school until tomorrow. I need some time alone. I’m not quite ready to go back and see Tristan and Riley because I’m not sure what to say. Honestly, between the talk I had with Joel and the insight Harmony provided, I have no idea what to even think.
When I open the door, though, I realize my moments alone are not going to happen. Through the open door from our small living room to our shared bedroom, I see Martina sitting on her mattress with her knees hugged to her chest. Her suitcase and a few boxes of new things are scattered on the floor.
“Hey, I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow,” I say. When she looks up, I notice right away that she’s been crying. I perch next to her on the bed and wrap an arm around her. “You okay?”
She nods and says, “I’m happy to see you,” before the tears start.
Dark Harmony: A Vivienne Taylor Horse Lover's Mystery (Fairmont Riding Academy Book 2) Page 3
