The sound of tongues clucking up and down the human traffic jam sounded like hens scratching in the barnyard. News of what caused the line to come to a standstill filtered back through the people, but Agnes wasn’t up to clucking. She didn’t give a damn where Jack went to church or even if he did. She just wanted to get away from Violet before the woman started something.
Agnes expected to see Violet in funeral black, no makeup, and red eyes. But she’d fooled her by showing up all flamboyant, which meant she had a plan. Agnes figured it was a conspiracy between her and Beulah, since she kept tiptoeing so she could see the exact moment Beulah hugged the preacher one more time and then moved on outside.
Violet took a handkerchief from her purse when the line moved an inch or two and began to sob. Ethan threw his arm around her and patted her on the shoulder.
“Oh, Agnes,” she cried in a loud voice, “how could your niece trick us like that? It’s horrible, simply horrible.”
The buzz of conversation stopped so quickly that a feather floating down from the church rafters would have sounded like an atomic bomb. Everyone strained their ears toward the two old ladies in the middle of the church. The silence was just plumb eerie.
When Agnes ignored Violet, she sobbed louder, her bright-colored dress shaking like a circus tent in the wind. “I just can’t understand why Catherine would do that to us when we all loved her so much. She’s done my poor son so dirty.”
Agnes whipped around to face Violet. “My niece didn’t do a damn thing. You shouldn’t have tried to make her sign that damn pre-dump.” She rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. “You made me cuss in church. God should lay that one up to you.”
“Oh, Agnes darlin’, you don’t know? Ethan caught her with another man. Of course, I’m not one to spread gossip so I won’t call names, but he’s a prominent man in Cadillac and a member of the police force. Oh, dear, I hope I don’t get him fired. My poor Ethan is just heartbroken.”
Agnes looked up at Ethan. He looked smug, not heartbroken.
Violet wiped at her eyes and the clucking around her grew in volume. “I’m so sorry to break the news to you. I realize that since you could never have children that you’ve always favored Catherine, but you shouldn’t have put your trust in her. She’s a sneaky, devious person.”
Damn! Where was that shotgun when Agnes needed it anyway? Well, a woman worked with what she had and since her shotgun was at home, she doubled up her fist and decked Violet right there in front of the people, the preacher, and even God. The clucking stopped and dead silence reigned. It damn near broke her knuckles, but it was worth every bit of it.
“You hit me, you old witch.” Violet grabbed her eye. “You’ve blacked my eye.”
“Now you got something to really cry about, and we are both seventy-eight so don’t be calling me old! My niece wasn’t with another man and you know it. Think twice before you ever say a bad word about her again.”
The line parted like the Red Sea, and Agnes walked out of the church on burgundy carpet like a celebrity going out to meet the paparazzi.
Chapter 12
The concession stand offered hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, candy, nachos, and cold drinks. Two firemen grilled hamburgers and hot dogs out back between the building and the chain-link fence, but only Trixie and Jack had shown up to run the concession stand where they’d sell their wares. Jack propped up the front window to a long line of people already waiting to buy food.
“Whew!” Trixie said.
“Ah, we can do it,” Jack said. “You are Wonder Woman and I’m Superman.”
“Really?” She laughed.
“Oh, yeah! I put our capes in a safe spot. Wouldn’t want to get mustard all over them.”
Agnes brought a tray of hot dogs in the back door. “Capes. We got to wear capes. Nobody told me we had to get dressed up. I could’ve gotten into Bert’s trunk and found his fireman’s outfit.”
Trixie’s day just turned from bad to worse. “What are you doing here?”
“I come to poison Violet,” Agnes said.
“Shhh. Someone will hear you,” Trixie said.
“I’ll take the money then,” Agnes said. “Cathy is right behind me. She’s got a box of pecan tarts from Clawdy’s. She can take the orders. People can pay me. I’m damn good at the money business. Then you two can make the orders and Cathy can deliver them.”
Trixie lowered her chin and looked over the top of her sunglasses. “No poison?”
Agnes giggled. “Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I left the arsenic at home, but that don’t mean I wouldn’t do it.”
“And you can’t hit her,” Cathy said.
“My fist is still sore and her black eye ain’t healed yet. But I’m tellin’ both of you, if she starts it, I ain’t backin’ down.”
Cathy patted her on the shoulder. “Violet wouldn’t start anything today. She’ll be on her best behavior because Ethan is speaking tonight. Here’s a stool for you to sit on and there’s the money box.”
“Thank you both for showing up,” Trixie said. “I appreciate the help.”
Agnes settled in at the end of the serving shelf. “No thanks necessary. I came to help Cathy. Don’t think I came down here to help you.”
“Ah, come on, Agnes. You know you love me,” Trixie said.
“Of course she does. Everyone loves Trixie.” Jack chuckled.
“If everybody jumped off the cliff, I would not join them,” Agnes snapped. “And if Jesus loved Trixie, I still wouldn’t.”
“Aunt Agnes, be nice. What can I get you, Darla Jean?” Cathy asked the first customer.
“Nachos with an extra spoonful of picante if it came from Miss Clawdy’s, but if it didn’t, then leave it off and a cup of hot chocolate. It’s getting cold out here.”
Her order was ready by the time she reached Agnes with her money.
They quickly fell into their roles and a dozen customers later, Cathy looked up to see Violet staring right at her. “What can I get you today?”
Violet tilted her chin up two notches and looked down her nose at Cathy. “I’ll have two hot dogs, two Diet Cokes, and those last two pecan tarts. I suppose Marty made them, right?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Cathy said. “Pay Agnes and that will be right out.”
Violet lowered her voice so that the people around her would have to strain to catch the words. “Catherine, honey, I don’t carry grudges. Ethan and I both hope you are very happy in your new relationship. We just wish you would have been honest and not played him along so long. He’s heartbroken.”
Trixie yelled from the workstation in the middle of the stand, “Hello, Violet. Did I hear you say that Ethan is very happy in his new relationship? Cathy always knew that he and Anna Ruth had a thing for each other and now they can be together. Ain’t that nice?”
“Did I hear my name?” Anna Ruth said from two people back down the line.
“Yes, we were just saying how wonderful it is that Cathy was willing to give the ring back when she found out Ethan was in love with you,” Trixie hollered over the crowd.
“Oh, my!” Anna Ruth gasped.
“Well crap, now I’ve let the cat out of the bag. I’m so sorry. I guess he was waiting until after the election to declare himself.” Trixie lowered her voice, but only slightly.
Jack’s shoulders rocked as he held in the laughter. Trixie was Wonder Woman, in the flesh!
Violet clamped her mouth shut and moved down to Agnes. She threw a bill on the counter and Agnes counted out her change. Cathy set the order in front of Violet, and Agnes removed the tarts.
“Those are my tarts. I already paid for them so you can’t have them. All we got left is two pieces of fudge and I will promise you that I did not put poison in them even though it crossed my mind.”
“Ethan doesn’t eat fudge. It’s too sweet for him. Give me both pieces though and don’t you dare charge me double for that fudge. I’m not paying a penny more for it than I would a pecan tart,” Violet s
aid through clenched teeth.
Agnes pulled two thick pieces of fudge wrapped in cellophane from under the counter and put them on the tray for Violet. “Honey, I’m giving you the fudge since I’d already spoken for the tarts. Now you be sure that tray gets brought back here and don’t leave it settin’ on the bleachers or the cleanup crew will throw it away.”
Violet didn’t even answer.
“You said you wouldn’t poison her?” Trixie asked.
“I didn’t!” Agnes protested.
“Why did you only bring two pieces?” Cathy whispered.
“It’s all I had left in the pan and I know how she loves fudge. I didn’t even spit on it, I promise. Remember what your mamma taught you about catchin’ flies with honey? Maybe that fudge will sweeten her up.”
***
The new bathroom facilities were supposed to be finished in time for football season to start in September. But on the last Saturday in October, they were still nothing more than pipes sticking up out of a concrete floor surrounded by block walls about four feet high. Even though the existing facilities were in bad repair and entirely too small, they had to work for one more football season. Marty had been at the tail end of a dozen people waiting in line in front of the ladies’ room when Violet Prescott rushed around the field, her high heels making holes in the grass along the way.
Gossip had already solidified the whole rumor about Ethan and Anna Ruth into the gospel truth. Seeing Anna Ruth right smack beside Ethan, handing out little flags while he handed out his cards, just put more meat into the story. Everyone forgot all about the rumor that Cathy was sleeping with a policeman. Now they focused on Ethan and wondered if he’d marry Anna Ruth before the election. Would he give her the same engagement ring that he’d given Cathy or would she get something even bigger just to show the world that he loved her more than he had Cathy? Would Anna Ruth sign the prenup?
Violet fidgeted and even moaned a couple of times as the line moved slowly forward. Marty tried her best to ignore the woman, but that wasn’t happening.
“This is ridiculous. I never realized how bad we need bigger restrooms,” Violet said.
“This is the last season we’ll have to use these bathrooms. The new ones should be finished for next year,” Marty said.
Violet whimpered and crossed her legs. “Why is it taking so long?”
Marty nodded toward the door. “A lady took six little girls in. Here she comes out now.”
“We’re only going in to freshen up our makeup. We’ll let y’all cut in line,” a young teenager offered.
Violet and Marty moved up closer to the front.
“I’m sorry to take up space. We were waiting on our kids. They went in with Scarlett. You can move on up here,” another person said.
When Scarlett brought those little girls out of the bathroom, Violet took off like a teenager on a cross-country run. She threw the door open to the first stall and disappeared in a blur.
“You okay in there?” Marty asked while she washed her hands.
“Must’ve been those hot dogs. I bet they’ve been sitting out all day and they’re tainted. I knew we should have manned the concession stand as well as our own table of homemade gifts. You can’t trust Chamber and the fire department to get things done right,” Violet said weakly.
After the things she’d tried to spread about Cathy, Marty figured she deserved more than an upset stomach. Marty wouldn’t have blamed Cathy if she did poison her, but her sister was too nice to do that. Now Agnes was a different story altogether.
“Anything I can do to help? Should I get Ethan so he can take you home?” Marty asked.
“No, I wouldn’t ruin his evening for anything. This is our day of glory to be at home court and let all his constituents get to know him,” Violet said. “I do believe it is just a case of nerves.”
“Constituents are what he has after the election,” Marty said.
Violet swung open the door. Marty squirted more soap in her hand and washed them again. “He will win this election. And if he doesn’t, it’s all your sister’s fault.”
“Mrs. Prescott,” Marty lowered her voice to a whisper, “I would be careful what I spread about if I was you. Agnes loves me, but I would not cross her. You, on the other hand, she would gladly kick right out in front of a semi. And Cathy is her favorite.”
***
The cloud that Anna Ruth floated on was hundreds of feet above the earth and Ethan was the only other person on it. He loved her! The whole town knew and Trixie, bless her heart, had let the cat out of the bag.
When Beulah relieved her, she handed over her flags and winked at Ethan. They’d have to be discreet until the election, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t meet in private. By the first of the year, she’d be living in that big house with Violet and Ethan. Cathy didn’t know how good she could have had it, but Anna Ruth was so glad that she’d refused to sign those papers. Anna Ruth would have signed them in a heartbeat. Just let him ask her if she’d give up her teaching job to be his wife.
She was standing in the line at the bathroom when Violet came trotting across the field—again.
“Oh, hello, Violet. Come on up here and take my place in line, honey,” Anna Ruth said.
“Get out of my way!”
“Are you not feeling well, Violet?” Anna Ruth sputtered.
“I’m feeling just fine but don’t you be getting any cute ideas about the rumors Trixie started tonight. They are not true. Ethan is heartbroken about Catherine breaking up with him over that policeman down at the precinct. It’s horrible that she threw my son over for a womanizer. It’s more than he can take. Finally, it’s my turn,” Violet said.
Anna Ruth stepped aside and Violet rushed inside again.
***
Business had slowed down to a crawl and Agnes got bored with her job just before it was time for Ethan to crawl up on the flatbed trailer and do his speechifying. She’d eaten the two tarts that she wouldn’t sell to Violet and had a hamburger. Her butt was numb from sitting on the bar stool too long. She’d done her duty to her niece and given Violet those pieces of fudge. Now it was time for her to go take her place at the edge of the parking lot where she could hear all about why she should vote for Ethan.
Should was the word. Wouldn’t was the truth. She wouldn’t vote for that pansy-assed politician if the only other candidate on the ballot was Anna Ruth, and she hated her for taking her spot in the social club.
She popped out her lawn chair and set it right smack over the extension cord bringing electricity from the field house to the flatbed trailer.
“Hey, Marty.” She motioned her over. “I’m tired and I want to get situated before Ethan tells us all his bullshit. You can finish up my shift.”
“What if I had a mind to get my chair situated?” Marty asked.
“I’m older than you are and it won’t hurt you to help your sister,” Agnes said.
“Okay, what do I do?”
“Ask Cathy.”
***
“Cathy, what has Agnes been doing?” Marty opened the back door. “She sent me to finish her job.”
“She’s been taking money, but we’re only a few minutes from closing down. I bet all the crafts are already picked over, but it wouldn’t be nice to leave without hearing Ethan’s speech,” Cathy said.
“That old girl is brilliant.” Marty laughed.
“How’s that?” Cathy asked.
“She got to play, doesn’t have to pick up her toys, and now she has a front row seat to probably throw tomatoes at Ethan. She’s got her lawn chair right up next to the platform,” Marty said.
“Oh, dear God. We’d better get on over there and stop her from doing something crazy. I figured she’d want to be as far from Violet as possible.”
“That woman always has an agenda. If she’s sitting there it’s because she’s planning something wicked. We’re all three in here and Darla Jean is out there somewhere. I saw her buying some items for her sister’s Chr
istmas presents. Want me to call her and see if she’ll go babysit?” Marty asked.
“No, Agnes promised she wouldn’t start a fight,” Cathy said.
“But she didn’t promise to be good if she could agitate Violet into starting one first,” Trixie said then moaned. “Well, shit! Look who is on duty tonight.”
“Who?” Marty saw Andy the minute the word was out of her mouth.
“Andy will be introducing Ethan’s campaign manager,” Jack said. “And then the campaign manager introduces Ethan. It’s a big affair, you know.”
“Seems like a lot of introducing to me,” Trixie said.
“It is what it is. This is small-town Texas where everything is a big splash, including the fall Crafts Festival.”
“Hey,” Darla Jean came around the end of the concession stand, “don’t close up yet. I need another cup of hot chocolate. The wind has shifted from the south to the north. Looks like we’re in for a cold snap after all.”
Cathy poked her on the arm. “I’ll get one ready for you but then we’ve all got to go keep Agnes out of trouble.”
Darla Jean peeked around the end of the concession stand at the football field parking lot. Craft tables were set up in two long lines. The football field had been roped off with yellow tape with signs saying that no walking on the grass was permitted. The back gate was open so folks could use the bathrooms, and the front gate was open so folks could get to the concession stand.
“She’s just sitting there waiting for Ethan’s speech.”
“Not Agnes. She’s got something up her sleeve,” Marty said.
“It’s time to shut the place up if we’re going to hear the big speech. We’ll come back and clean up afterward.” Jack unhooked the chains and locked the flap.
The Blue-Ribbon Jalapeño Society Jubilee Page 16
