"David," I whispered, darting a wary glance at the back door. "You're not planning on telling them about us are you? If Ford ever found out..." I trailed off in an emotional tone laced with anxiety and fear.
"Jenny," David said with a serious expression. "I'm not keeping this from Natalie. She's the mother of my child and my future wife. I'm not risking my relationship by keeping this a secret."
"What?" I blurted out in terror.
"I didn't say anything tonight because Ford needs to hear it from you. I'm telling Natalie after you guys leave. We don't keep secrets from each other." I could see in his eyes that he didn't think I should keep secrets from Ford either.
I stared at him with my mouth hanging open in shock. I could feel tears threatening as I contemplated losing Ford again.
"Do you love Ford, or is he just a fling?" he eyed me pointedly.
"I...I love him, but-"
"If you love him, you can't keep this from him," David interrupted me. "You know that, right?"
The tears welled up in my eyes now. "But...but he'll leave me," I whispered pathetically as I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. "Natalie will hate me."
Sympathy filled his eyes as he pursed his lips. He glanced at the door then turned back and took my hand in his in a platonic and comforting gesture.
"Jenny," he said sincerely as he squeezed my hand for emphasis. "Listen to me. Your relationship is more at risk if it's based on secrets and lies. Believe me, it's not worth the risk. I can see how much he loves you, and what happened between us was in the past. I'm not the same person anymore, and obviously neither are you, since you're his girlfriend now. Give Ford some credit. It's going to be hard for him to hear, but if he's told you anything about his past than you know he won't hold yours against you."
I was inundated with terror and doubt. David didn't see that disgusted look on Ford's face when he left me last week. If I saw that again it would destroy me completely.
"I...I can't..." I said as I fought a sob.
David stared at me for a moment, then let out an exasperated sigh as he released my hand. "I'm telling Natalie tonight," he said in an uncompromising tone. "You do what you think you've got to do."
I took what David said for what it was meant to be; an ultimatum. Once Natalie knew, then she'd sure as hell tell her brother, because that's exactly what I would do. David was right about one thing at least. Ford did need to hear it from me since I didn't have a choice now. I just hoped that Ford's love for me was strong enough to get past this, because losing him was unthinkable.
"I...I'll tell him," I finally said in defeat, feeling deflated and small.
"It's the right thing to do, Jenny." He smiled wanly. "This isn't going to be easy for either of us or them, but everything will be fine. You'll see."
Yeah, right. I kept that thought to myself and nodded in agreement, even though I didn't believe that at all. I feared that everything I thought I'd gained when I fell in love with Ford would all be gone tomorrow, like some fleeting dream that was never meant to be mine in the first place.
Chapter 5
Ford
Jenny became more and more withdrawn as I drove her home from my sister's house. She'd turned quiet and somber, and now she sat staring straight ahead out the windshield with a lost expression. Every time I tried to engage her in conversation, her answers were monosyllabic and emotionless. She wouldn't even look at me now, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what I'd done to upset her.
I thought dinner at my sister's place had gone well. Jenny got along with Natie and David, and I knew my sister approved since she took me aside and told me so herself. I wasn't sure how David felt, but I was convinced that he approved too. Jen seemed nervous most of the night, and I'd been worried about her. Maybe she didn't think she made a good impression. If she needed some reassurance, then it couldn't hurt to try to give it to her.
"Natie told me that she likes you," I said with a grin, hoping to get a smile out of her. "You got her stamp of approval, and I'm pretty sure David feels the same."
Instead of smiling in relief like I expected, she pressed her lips together until they turned white and stared at her lap. To my surprise, tears started dripping down off her face onto her clenched hands. What the hell?
"Honey," I said softly and reached out to touch her knee. "What's wrong?"
She finally looked at me, and her face was a mask of fear and despair as the tears continued coursing down her face. It broke my heart. Luckily, I was just pulling into Jen's apartment complex, so I quickly parked next to her Mini Cooper. I immediately turned and cradled the sides of Jen's face between my hands.
"Jen, honey. What did I do?" I feared that my cluelessness about relationships had somehow fucked this up again.
"Y...you didn't do anything," she said dejectedly and averted her eyes. "It...it was me." She sucked in a ragged breath. "I'm sorry," she whispered so softly I almost couldn't make it out.
"What are you talking about?" I asked in confusion. "I've been with you practically all night. What could you have possibly done? Whatever you think you did can't be that bad."
"It didn't happen tonight," she answered me in a quavering voice. "And it's bad, Ford. Really bad."
Icy fear began to inch its way up my spine as I watched the deep anguish swimming in her gorgeous eyes. "Just...just tell me, honey," I finally whispered in resignation as I let go of her face and leaned away from her. Holy hell, I had a sudden and really bad feeling that I didn't want to hear what she had to say, but it was too late now.
"David and I..." she trailed off, her hands clutching in her lap in her distress. "We...we slept together."
I stared at her in complete and utter shock with my mouth hanging open for several long moments before I reacted. "Fucking hell," I finally spit out as anger and hot scalding jealousy hit me hard. I closed my eyes and balled my hands into tight fists. "When?" I snarled out through clenched teeth. If David cheated on my sister and slept with Jen behind my back, he was a dead man.
"It...it was last summer," Jen said in a small tone laced with shame. "Before he met Natalie."
I took a few calming breaths through my nose, some of the anger fading, but the jealousy had other ideas.
"Just once?" I asked demandingly, needing to know the answer even though I knew I'd probably regret it.
Her only reply was silence. I guess that answers that question. I closed my eyes as bitter ugly jealously roiled through me in a violent wave. I'd never felt anything like it before. It was one thing to know in the abstract that Jen had been with other men. It was a whole other thing for it to be with someone I knew, not to mention my friend and future brother-in-law.
"How. Many. Times?" I snarled out the question as I turned to glare at her.
"I...I don't know," she sobbed out. "It...it was on and off for almost four months."
"Where?"
"My...my apartment, sometimes in hotels," she answered sadly. "But it didn't mean anything. It was just sex."
A sudden unwanted image of David fucking Jenny in her apartment, in the same bed that I'd made love to her so many times, popped into my head. Fuck me. I ground my teeth together and fisted my hands in my hair as a low growl vibrated out of my throat. I didn't know what to say right now, let alone string a thought past the jealous rage inside me. I knew it all happened before we met, but it still burned. It still hurt.
"Natalie doesn't know?" I finally managed to get out. I wasn't the only one that this effected.
"She probably does now," Jen said sympathetically. "David was going to tell her after we left tonight."
I felt an unwanted twinge of sympathy for David, even though I still wanted to wrap my hands around his goddamn neck and squeeze the life out of him. God only knew how my sister would react to this. I didn't envy anyone who had to tell my sister something like that. Her temper was worse than mine.
I lapsed into silence, listening to Jenny's soft sobs. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what t
o do. My head was a fucked-up mess of anger, and jealousy, and hurt, and the one person I could get comfort from was the one that helped cause it. I wanted to hold her, tell her I loved her and kiss her, but I couldn't get the thought of David touching her out of my head, so I just sat there.
An urge to start interrogating her hit me. I wanted to know what they did in detail, if it was good, and if I was better, but I knew that was a horrible idea. I didn't need any actual facts to go with the vivid images that I was already concocting in my own mind. I needed to get out of here before I made things worse. I'd just end up hurting her while I tried to wrap my head around this, and that was the last thing I wanted. I couldn't afford to take it out on Jen, not when she was already sobbing next to me. I needed some space to calm down, so I could come back to her when I was capable of being objective.
"I...I think it's best if I leave now," I said in a tight voice as I fought to control my temper.
Jen took in a startled gasp then started sobbing even harder as her fingers started frantically fiddling with the door latch. She was crying hysterically when she finally managed to get the door open. Jen flew out of the truck before I could stop her. She was already half way to her apartment door before I could get out of the vehicle myself.
"Goddamn it," I growled out as I hurriedly got out of my truck, angry at myself now too. I'd fucked up and hurt her anyway without even meaning to. I ran after her, and caught up to her just as she stopped to unlock her door. It was eerily similar to the last time I fucked things up, and she thought I was just using her for sex then tried to push me away. I hoped like hell that everything worked out okay again this time.
I came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. Her hands stilled and her body deflated at my touch, her head bowing in defeat.
"I'm so sorry, Ford," she forced out between sobs. "I should have known this was too good to be true, and I'm sorry you wasted your time on me. Everything is ruined, and it's all my fault." She sucked in a harsh breath. "Again."
"I told you that I'll never let you go again, Jen." I turned her around to face me, but she continued looking down in shame. "And I meant it. I'm not leaving you."
"But...but you said you were leaving." She finally looked up to meet my eyes. There was terrified hope in them, tempered by doubt. Damn it, when would she trust me completely?
"I know what I said," I said irritably, then sucked a few breaths to calm down and moderate my tone. "I meant that I was going home tonight. I'm angry and upset. I need to be alone right now because I'm afraid of saying something wrong and hurting you, like I just did. That doesn't mean I'm leaving you, or that I'm going to stop loving you. I just need some space to wrap my head around this shit."
"Y...you still love me?" she asked waveringly.
"Yes, goddamn it," I snapped out vehemently as I gripped her shoulders in my hands and captured her gaze. "And I'm so fucking jealous that I can't think straight. I want to hold you and kiss you, but I can't get the image of David touching you out of my fucking head."
"Ford, there's nothing to be jealous of." The tension around her eyes softened, and I was pleased to see that she stopped crying. "It was just a fling that happened months ago. I never felt anything for David."
"I know that," I turned and began pacing back and forth across the sidewalk. "But I'm going to see him all the goddamn time. He's my friend, and he's marrying my sister, unless Natie throws him out or fucking kills him first." I grumbled that last part under my breath. Shit. Let's add worrying about Natie and David's relationship to my pile of shit to deal with tonight.
"Maybe you should go talk to David," Jen suggested gently, then actually managed a small wry smile. "Hell, he might need a place to stay or someone to take him to the hospital when Natalie is done with him."
"I'd have been tempted to keep it to myself if I had to tell Natie something like that," I admitted with a shake of my head. "He's a braver person than me."
"Me too," She looked down in shame again. "If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have told you either. I was afraid of losing you."
"I hate it when you doubt me, Jen." I reached out and gripped her chin firmly. I gave her a stern glare. "You can tell me anything, and there's nothing you could do that's going to make me stop loving you."
Her eyes lit up. "Nothing?" she asked.
"Nothing." I leaned down and gave her my best dominating stare. "Once I love something, I never let it go," I growled firmly, then grinned playfully at her. "Holy hell, Jen. I've had the same truck for seventeen years. Isn't that proof enough?"
She nodded and gave me a warm smile.
I pulled her into a hard hug, and breathed in her luscious vanilla musk. "And just because I'm upset and need some space or time to myself, doesn't lessen my love for you either. Understood?"
"Okay," she whispered as she snuggled closer to me, her hands clutched in the back of my shirt, and her breasts pressed against me.
I started to feel aroused, and got hit by another image in my head of David and Jen together. I clenched my teeth and pushed it away with a low growl. This shit had to stop, and I think Jen was right. I needed to talk to David. I didn't want this screwing up my relationship with my future brother-in-law, anymore than I wanted it effecting Jen and me.
"I've gotta go now, honey," I whispered as I stepped out of her arms.
"Alright," she answered in obvious disappointment.
I leaned down and gave her a soft almost chaste kiss. "I love you, Jen," I murmured against her lips.
"I love you, Ford," she answered in a low breathy voice that pulled at my heart. I reached up to caress her cheek with my knuckles. "Go get some rest, honey. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Promise?" she asked as she leaned her cheek into my touch.
"I promise," I rumbled out before I walked away, hoping that if I proved myself enough, Jenny would finally realize that no matter what happened or how things went to shit, I'd never leave her, and I'd never stop loving her. Never.
**********
I sat there in my truck glaring at the front of my sister's house, pissed off all over again as soon as I pulled into the driveway behind David's black Audi A6. There was a light still on in the living room, and I wondered what was happening in there. Was my sister cleaning up the body? A dark part of me wanted to help. Fuck, I needed to get a grip. I didn't like this jealousy thing. It made me feel twitchy and ready to punch someone, someone like David. Holy hell, I had to stop thinking shit like that.
I grumbled obscenities under my breath at my emotional overreaction to this situation. This was ridiculous. I had to get past this. I had to. Sitting out here wasn't helping, and leaving sure as hell wouldn't solve this problem. Man up, Spencer. I took a deep fortifying breath and finally forced myself to get out of my truck.
I stalked across the driveway and up the sidewalk, grinding my teeth together as I tried to keep my temper in check. Part of me was kind of afraid that I was going to lose my shit and punch David as soon as I set eyes on him. I stepped up onto the porch and paused as I glanced in through the picture window. David was sitting alone on the sofa, bent forward with his face buried in his hands and his entire body slumped in defeat. The sight sucked the anger right out of me. It looked like my sister took this as badly as I thought she would. David had way more at stake here than I did, since they had a child together. Fuck, this was such a mess.
I knocked softly on the door, skipping the doorbell so I wouldn't wake my nephew this late in the evening. I could see David through the small window in the front door as he turned to see me. His eyes widened in surprise as he rose to his feet. I could see resignation in his eyes as he crossed the room slowly, then opened the door and eyed me warily. The sight of him made vile jealousy surge up inside me again. His hands and his body had touched my Jenny. He'd been inside her, fucked her. Anger seethed inside me again, making me start to tremble. I clenched my hands into tight fists, digging my nails into my palms until it hurt as I fought to control it. Fuck me. I wanted
to pummel him.
"If you want to hit me, it's okay," he said in quiet resignation as he dropped his gaze to the floor. "I fucking deserve it." The shame and guilt in his tone were unmistakable.
"I'm not going to hit you," I snarled out, even though I hadn't completely ruled it out yet. I pushed past him into the living room and put some space between us, just in case. "Where's Natie?" I asked to distract myself.
David sighed deeply then spoke. "She locked herself in our room with Daniel." He started running a hand through his beard as tension thrummed through his body. He moved back toward the couch, and I watched him sit down next to the pillow and blanket that I hadn't noticed before. "Looks like I'm sleeping out here tonight," he grumbled in defeat. "Not that I'll be doing much sleeping."
I watched him rest his head in his hand. Holy hell, David was a wreck, and unwanted sympathy started nagging at me. I started pacing, not knowing what to do or say, and feeling restless and impotent to do anything about this mess.
"I thought I put my past idiocy to rest," David finally said as he shook his head in disgust with himself. "I guess you can't whore around like a fucking idiot, and not have it come back to bite you in the ass, huh?"
I pursed my lips and clenched my teeth as my sympathy annoyed the alpha male in me that still wanted to be pissed off. Well over two years ago David was dumped by his fiancee a few weeks before their wedding, and it'd fucked him up pretty badly. He'd responded by giving up on love and sleeping with any woman who was willing until he met my sister last October. She'd helped him find love again, heal his wounds, and gave him the family that he longed for when they accidentally got pregnant a week after they met. He loved Natalie, worshiped the ground she walked on, and that little boy was his entire world. Holy hell, I hoped this situation didn't cost him all of that.
An Act of Release: Order & Chaos Book 2 Page 9
