I nodded, unable to speak past the hard lump in my throat because this was how I wanted to remember him, and to remember us. He kissed me before I could succumb to my grief, and I was grateful for it. His lips crashed against mine, erasing everything but this man and way he made me feel. He consumed me, his tongue pushing into my mouth and owning me completely. I moaned and kissed him back with equal passion, wanting to live in this moment forever.
He pulled away and opened his door, before scooping me up in his arms and getting out of the truck. I curled against him as he carried me up to his apartment, cherishing and memorizing his scent, his warmth, and the strength of his arms as he cradled me against his chest, so I'd always have it in my heart. I wanted to hold on to every minute detail of this man before he was lost to me forever.
Ford carried me straight to his bedroom and set me down on my feet next to the bed. Wordlessly, he started undressing me, caressing me and pressing soft kisses to the skin that he bared as he pulled my clothes from my body. I felt so loved and adored by the time he was done, that it made me ache and burn for him to be inside me.
"Please, Ford..." I whimpered out with need.
"Shh," he quieted me. "Lay down on the bed, honey. I'll take care of you."
I did as he said, and watched in breathless anticipation as he undressed for me, his heated eyes locked on mine the entire time. His body was glorious, from his muscular and beautiful tattooed arms, to his chiseled chest and abs, and his gorgeous erect cock. My chest constricted as I contemplated never being able to admire him like this again. However, before I could dwell on that for long he was crawling onto the bed and hovering over me with such hunger in his eyes, that I surrendered to him completely.
"I want you, Jenny," he growled out with eyes almost black with his arousal. His hand slid down to cup my sex in a firm grip. "I want all of you tonight. Every goddamn part of you." He slipped his hand down even further until one of his fingers lightly teased the tight little hole of my ass. "Please." The desperate need in his voice set me on fire.
"I want that too," I replied in a barely audible whisper. I wanted him to have all of me. I wanted to feel him everywhere, to have him claim every part of my body.
A deep rumbling growl was his only reply, before he claimed my lips in a blistering kiss that took my breath away. The kiss seemed to go on forever, the heat of his desire and his love flowing into me like a warm flood. It filled me up inside, made feel centered and whole. I stuffed down the pain of knowing I'd never feel it again after tonight.
He ripped his lips away from my mouth and kissed his way down my chin and then my neck, the soft hairs of his beard tickling me. He slowly worked his way down my chest to the hard jutting nipple of my right breast, engulfing it in wet heat as his lips wrapped around it. He took long deep pulls as he flicked it repeatedly with the tip of his tongue, sending hot flashes of desire pulsing straight down to my clit. I arched my back, pushing my chest up to him, needing so much more. I latched my fingers in his hair and held him close to me, holding on for dear life to this man I loved so very much.
One large hand gripped my left breast, kneading it firmly as he continued laving the other nipple with long strokes of his magical tongue. I mewled and whimpered uncontrollably from the onslaught of pleasure. His thumb and index finger found my left nipple, pinching and pulling on it until I was gasping to catch my breath.
"Ford," I called out desperately as my pelvis began thrusting unconsciously against him. He growled in response, the vibration on my nipple making me shudder. His hand slid down my belly, and his fingers slid between my soaked folds to my clit, pressing down and swirling his fingertip over it. I gasped and arched up as an orgasm started rushing up on me immediately between the onslaught of dual sensations on my nipple and clit. I flew apart with a long wail, and as the blast of pleasure began to wane, Ford suddenly thrust two fingers into my pussy, sending me flying all over again.
"Please, please, please..." I began to beg, needing more, needing everything.
"Yes," he said hoarsely after releasing my nipple from his mouth. I spread my legs wide, and Ford mounted me, his hips nestled between my thighs as his cock teased my pussy. "Fuck, yes," he snarled then thrust into me hard and deep, ripping a long wail from my mouth. "Wrap your legs around me, Jen." I did, my heels resting on his ass as he began to move, his hard muscles flexing with each thrust. I clutched him to me, digging my fingers into his back as I held on tight, not ever wanting to let him go even though I had to. My eyes stung and I pushed those thoughts aside, needing to stay in this moment and cherish every last second.
When I came, it was like a violent explosion, laying waste to my body as I convulsed and quaked under Ford. I came back down just as Ford pulled out of me, and I almost wept from the loss of connection. I whimpered in disappointment.
"Easy, Jen," he said reassuringly. "We're not done yet." He leaned away and reached for the drawer of his nightstand, pulling it open and grabbing a small bottle of lube. "Knees up to your chest, honey."
I did as he told me and watched in fascination as opened the bottle and put lube on the fingers of his left hand. He set the bottle aside and scooter further down the bed until his face hovered over my pussy, staring longingly at it.
"Oh honey," he rumbled out. "Your pussy is so beautiful, so perfect." He swept his tongue across my opening, making me gasp, then he buried his face between my legs, licking and sucking at my flesh with abandon. His lubed fingers slid between my ass cheeks, and he began to press one digit into my ass as his tongue continued to lap at my sex.
It felt tight and burned a little, but as his finger slid in all the way, he stilled inside me to let me adjust. His tongue moved to my clit, and he pressed down on it, sending me flying again with a long wail. As I came back down, he pulled out his finger and then pressed two into me this time, stretching and loosening the snug muscles. The tight full feeling intensified, a burn mixed with warm pleasure that made me want more.
"More," I gasped. I'd had anal sex before and enjoyed it, but I could already tell with Ford that it would be amazing.
He added a third finger as he made me come again, scissoring and moving them inside me gently to prepare me for what was to come. My insides fluttered and pulsed with aftershocks, making Ford groan against my clit. He pressed down hard with his tongue one more time, sending me soaring as he lapped up my juices.
Then I was bereft once more as he knelt in front of me, and picked up the bottle of lube again. "Do you want me to fuck your ass, honey?" he asked in a seductive growl as he dripped the liquid onto his massive erection and stroked himself to spread it over his cock. "Do you want me to own you, all of you?"
"Yes, Ford. Oh please." I needed it more than my next breath, needed to give myself completely to him before it was all ripped away from me, and I was all alone again. I stifled a sob.
Ford hovered over me now, and I pulled my knees up high, offering myself to him. He pressed the head of his cock against the tight little ring, and began pushing slowly and steadily into me. It was so tight, and it began to burn as he filled me up. I whimpered and he stilled, watching my face closely and waiting for me to adjust and relax before continuing his forward motion. He was patient and gentle, never moving faster than I could handle. He was taking care of me just like he'd said. He always kept his promises to me, and it made me feel so much sorrow because I was going to break mine, so I could keep him safe.
My distress must have shown on my face, because his eyes filled with worry. "Do you need me to stop, honey?" he asked with a strained frown as he stilled again.
"No," I blurted out as I clutched at his shoulders desperately. "Please don't stop, please."
He nodded and pushed the last of himself into me, and stopped. His entire body was trembling now as he fought to control his urge to move inside me. I tensed as the burn intensified for a moment, but then it began to wane as warm pleasure rose up to take its place. My body relaxed, and it felt like I was melting into the bed.<
br />
"Fuck me, Ford," I begged. "Fuck me now."
He snarled and began to move, taking slow deep thrusts in and out of me. He reached between us and found my clit with the fingers of his right hand. The added stimulation felt amazing, ratcheting up the pleasure and making my body sing. It built and built in my core, the fire burning brighter and higher as I climbed toward bliss. Ford's thrusts became deeper and harder as he grunted and groaned out in ecstasy, his eyes hooded and fixed on mine.
"So tight, Jen," he moaned. "So fucking good."
"Yes, yes, yes..." I shouted as I ignited, feeling like I was careening out of control as my orgasm blasted through me in a massive conflagration that annihilated me in an instant.
Ford bellowed out my name as my body clenched around him, my insides pulsing and squeezing his cock. He followed right behind me, emptying everything into me, his body, his heart, and his very soul. I could see it in his eyes as our gazes locked, both of us lost in this moment together.
"I love you, Jenny," Ford whispered as he panted for air. "I'll always love you."
I sucked in a shuddering breath. "I...I'll always love you too."
Our connection at this moment was so deep and so strong, and my heart broke into a million pieces as the full weight of what I was giving up hit me. I sobbed and trembled in my grief as I pulled Ford down against me, clutching him to me in utter devastation, so he couldn't see the sorrow on my face. Nothing would ever be this right again, and as Ford pulled out of me and wrapped me up in his arms, I knew without a doubt that I would never be right again either.
**********
I was still wide awake when the first glimmer of daylight began to filter in around the curtains of the window in front of me, illuminating the room in soft hazy light. I lie there on my side, warm and safe with Ford's arms wrapped around me, and his big body pressed against my back as he spooned behind me. I hadn't slept at all. I didn't want to miss a single second of my last night with the love of my life.
Last night, after he made love to me, he took me into the shower and washed me from head to toe with such care that I barely held it together. Then I washed him, savoring every inch of his imposing and incredible body. He took me back to bed and made love to me once more, before pulling me into his arms as he drifted off to sleep. His soft even breathing, and the feel of his heart beating slow and steadily against my back, had been the soundtrack to the bitter pain that clawed at my heart all night long.
Part of me wanted to wait another day, delay the inevitable, but it was getting harder and harder to keep myself from falling apart in front of him. I couldn't torture myself or him anymore. I had to do this. I had to break his heart, and mine, for his own good. God only knew what diabolical thing Carter would do to him if I didn't. It was time to go.
I closed my eyes for a long moment as I tried to memorize every detail of Ford cuddling me close, then with a soft sigh I slowly and carefully eased myself out of his embrace. I stood and turned to look down at him, admiring his gorgeous face. I longed to run my fingers down his cheek, but I feared waking him or losing my resolve to walk away. He mumbled my name in his sleep and reached for me, then rolled onto his stomach with his head on my pillow. He burrowed his face into it, and murmured my name yet again before quieting.
I clenched my teeth as I barely held in a sob of loss and despair. I turned away before I lost it. I went to my overnight bag on the floor nearby, then pulled out a T-shirt, shorts, a bra, and a pair of panties. I dressed and slipped on my sandals. I quickly and quietly gathered up any other belongings of mine and stuffed them in my bag, before carrying it to the living room and setting it by the door.
I turned and surveyed the room, spotting what I needed next. I hurried over to the coffee table and grabbed Ford's sketch book before sitting on the couch. I picked up his pencil and flipped it open to a blank page. I stared at it in despair, not knowing what kind of explanation would make this easier for Ford. Making him hate me by telling him I was leaving him for another man might be the best option, but I couldn't bring myself to write the words down. Even though I was going to do what Carter demanded of me, I would always be Ford's, now and forever, even if I couldn't be with him. Carter could have my body, but he'd never have my heart. I glided the pencil across the page as tears began to well up in my eyes, and only managed to write down two words.
I'm sorry.
I tore the page out, and let the pencil slip from my fingers to the floor. I stood and walked back to Ford's bedroom feeling like a zombie as numbing emptiness fell over me. I just needed to put the note on the nightstand and get the hell out of here.
I made it to the doorway and froze in place, staring at Ford where he was still sprawled across his bed on his stomach, and sleeping with his head on my pillow and a soft smile on his face. He looked so beautiful with his powerful body and that glorious back piece of a battling samurai and tiger inked into his muscular back. My God, I loved him so much, and my heart squeezed painfully in my chest. My feet felt like lead, like they were cemented to the floor. I couldn't move. I couldn't tear my eyes away from this man. Fuck. I couldn't do this.
With a harsh sob, my body slid down the door frame as I clutched the note in my fist. Ford was my heart, my very soul, and I couldn't leave him, no matter what Carter threatened to do. I guess that made me a selfish bitch. I pulled my knees up and curled into a ball, weeping in helpless defeat and knowing that I'd let Ford down because of my own weakness.
Chapter 11
Ford
I was woken by the sound of Jenny sobbing. I reached out for her and found the bed empty next to me. My eyes flashed open, and I sat up with a jolt of worry and fear. The room was dim with early-morning light, and I could see Jen sitting on the floor in the bedroom doorway. Her knees were pulled up, and her arms were curled around them. Long painful sounding sobs wracked her body, her head bowed so I couldn't see her face. I instantly flew up off the bed, staggering a little from the sudden motion, and rushed to Jen, dropping to my knees next to her.
"Jen?" I asked as I cradled the back of her head in my hand. "Honey, what's wrong?"
"I can't...I can't..." she babbled out as she threw herself into my arms, and latched onto me tightly. "I...I tried, but...but I c...can't..."
"Can't what?" I asked in confusion as I held her against me.
"I can't leave you," she began sobbing even harder this time.
"Leave me?" I blurted out in consternation. Holy hell, what was she talking about?
I looked across the living room and spotted her overnight bag sitting by the door. Terror blasted through me as I remembered the way I felt when we broke up for a short time because of a misunderstanding. It hurt so much, and I'd felt so angry and alone. I couldn't bear that again. Movement caught my eye, and I watched a slightly crumpled piece of paper flutter down from her hand to the floor. The words "I'm sorry" were written across it in Jen's handwriting. What the hell? I grabbed Jen's shoulders and pushed her away enough to look at her face. It was a mask of pain and sorrow and regret. None of this made any sense.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I demanded as I shook her slightly, my voice coming out in a deep snarl, terrified by this situation and losing it a little.
"He...he said I had to leave you." Her eyes were pleading and stricken. "He said he'd ruin you if I didn't, but I can't. I'm...I'm sorry."
"Who said that?" I asked in a gentler tone, her obvious distress paining me.
"C...Carter," she sobbed out.
"Carter?" I snapped out in surprise as anger for a very different reason bubbled up inside me. What. The. Fuck.
"Elliott Bennett is Elliott Carter Bennett," she explained through her tears. "He's blackmailing me into making sure my family takes his deal. He...he threatened to ruin Purcell Auto and my family if I didn't do it, or told anyone about it. Then...then yesterday he called me and said he'd go after you if I didn't leave you and be with him."
"What?!" I practically shouted.
I
thought about how needy and upset she was for the last few weeks. It seemed like an extreme reaction to mere stress over her family's business troubles, but now it all made sense. If I hadn't been so caught up and distracted by my own family's problems, I might have dug into it more. She'd been suffering alone all this time, and I felt like a clueless dumbass for missing it.
"I'm sorry, Ford," she mewled out. "You're going to have to be the strong one and leave me, because I can't. I just can't."
"I'm not going anywhere, Jenny," I said vehemently.
"But Ford," she said forlornly, "he has money and power. He knows people. He can do what he says? He's done it to people before. Don't you get that? We don't have a choice. He'll...he'll come after you. He said he'd ruin your business."
"You think I give a fuck about that?" I said fervently.
"I couldn't live with myself if he did that to you." More tears streamed down her face.
"Do you think I could live with myself if I let him rape you again?"
She pressed her lips together, her eyes drowning in pain and desperation. "Ford," she whispered as she looked down. "He said he knew things about you. Dark secret things. I don't want him to hurt you."
My God, I loved her so much for wanting to protect me at such an astronomical cost to herself. "Jen." I gripped her face in my hands firmly, making her meet my eyes. "The only way he can hurt me, is if he takes you away from me and hurts you again. And these dark secrets he's talking about are complete fucking bullshit. I don't have anything to hide, honey. I'm an open goddamn book. The most he'll find on me is an assault charge that I didn't even get convicted for when I was eighteen. I'm a tattoo artist. No one gives a shit about that, least of all me. I own my building and my business outright. He can't touch it. You're not leaving me, and I'm not leaving you. We love each other, and we're staying together. I won't let you sacrifice yourself like this, so put that shit right out of your head."
An Act of Release: Order & Chaos Book 2 Page 24
