by S. Moose
“Tell me about your lips.”
“Why?”
“I love lips on a woman.”
“Can you explain?”
“When I look at a woman’s lips I imagine how she’ll look when she’s sucking my cock. A woman’s lips tells me a lot. It tells me how sexy she is and how far she’s willing to go.”
“Even though you don’t know what my lips look like, what do you think of me so far?
“Desperate.” Immediately I take my fingers from my pussy. “You’re desperate, Camila. You work long hours and bring your work home with you to analyze. You need constant praise when you know you’ve done a good job. You need approval. You need me to tell you how you’re doing so you can feel better about yourself. You never got that from Henry so you turn to me, which is fine. I want you to turn to me. I want all your pleasures, and I want my name to slip from those lips. I still need to know how sexy they are. You turn to your ex-husband who doesn’t give a shit about you. You let him use you and treat you like shit. So yes, I say you’re a desperate woman.”
“If you think I’m so desperate then you can find some other pussy to want.”
• • •
The next morning in the office I get right to work. I don’t talk to Taylor or Natalie; I only want to focus on what I’m doing.
When I got off the phone with Sharp last night, he never texted or called me back. He probably went out to fuck some nasty slut. I wasn’t going to do this anymore with him. He has this idea of me, and it’s wrong.
“Knock, knock!” I turn around and see a bouquet of lilies in her hand. “For you!”
I lift the card and read the message:
You’re not desperate. You’re a woman I’m not used to.
-Sharp
For some reason I smile.
CAMILA: My pussy needs something though ;)
Me: What does it need?
Camila: Someone who knows what he’s doing. Someone who can make me come by the sound of his voice.
Me: There’s only one me, Camila. You can try to find someone who’ll bring your pussy any pleasure, but you’ll fail. Your pussy won’t know pleasure until my tongue licks your sweetness
My phone rings and it’s her. Predictable, yet still I’m intrigued. “Sharp,” she breathlessly says.
“You’re touching yourself.”
“I am.”
“Tell me how wet you are.”
She moans in the phone. “Soaking wet. My legs are open wide, and I’m looking at myself in the mirror.”
“Good girl. Put your fingers in your mouth. Taste yourself.”
“So good,” she whispers, “wish I could feel your tongue.”
“Are you tight?”
“Yes, I am.”
“It’s because your cunt’s not being properly fucked. Do you want me to fuck you?”
“Yes, please.”
“No.”
I hang up the phone and get back to work, but I can’t focus. She’s getting to me. I’m fucking letting her get to me. Unsure emotions are flooding my head. Fuck. This can’t happen now.
I check my reflection in the mirror, splashing cold water on my face. My dark hair falls in my eyes. Running my hands through my hair I take a few deep breaths. Pacing around my office I think about the talks between us. Rules and order are what I’m used to. This is a cruel joke, fucking with my plans. The only time I show any emotion is to my mom and Grayson. When I’m at work I’m about the business. Sure, I yell when my staff creates dumb shit for me to clean up. I rarely smile outside my home, but talking to Camila is making me feel again. I’m fucking feeling again, and it’s scaring the shit of out me.
Camila texts me a few times, but I ignore her. I need to keep my mind clear. After everything, all our conversations, I need the space. I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything for a woman. Women lie. They’re fucking liars and I don’t need anyone in my life. She’s not what I want. She’s not what I want.
But she is what I want.
“WHAT!?” THERE’S NO ANSWER. I look at my phone and notice the call’s been disconnected. “Mother fucker.”
Me: Just wanted to talk!
Me: Are you always negative?
Me: Learn how to be positive.
Sharp: What the fuck is your problem?
Me: Life…
Sharp: Life isn’t about being happy and in love. It’s a dirty, filthy excuse.
And he’s right. That’s what life is all about, so why should I stay in the position I’m in? If Henry can go around doing whatever the fuck he wants then I can too. I can, and I will. I will have Sharp in my bed, fucking me, owning me, claiming me.
• • •
“Rough night?”
Natalie sits on my desk handing me a cup of coffee. This is what I need right now. “I may or may not have had a few martinis.”
“Where the hell was my text?”
Before I can answer, my phone rings. Looking at the caller ID I frown, wondering why she’s calling me. “Suzanne?”
“Oh my God, you need to hurry and come to the ER!”
“Why?” I get up from my chair, grabbing my purse and heading out my office. Natalie’s right behind me. “What’s going on?”
“It’s Henry. He’s been attacked,” she cries.
I turn to Natalie, with wide eyes, “Henry’s at the hospital.”
“Come on; I’ll drive.”
The car ride is silent. I’m not sure what to do or think. How could this have happened? I lean my head against the window, wondering if I should call Sharp. It doesn’t seem right to tell him. Every time he hears Henry’s name he gets so upset. I have no idea why.
Natalie pulls into the parking lot, and we rush inside. I ask for Henry’s room and am given instructions. Rushing inside I stop at the entry way. Henry’s on the bed with bruises all over his face. His hands are bloody and one of his eyes is closed shut. There are bloody towels in the sink and dried blood around his nose and mouth. My hand covers my mouth as I stand there unsure what to say.
“No,” I hear him say, “get out.” His voice is so low. Martin gets up and gently guides me out of the room.
“I’m sorry, but you need to go.”
“Martin? Why?”
“Please? Just go before you make it worse.”
I back away as Natalie leads me out. I’m not sure what I’m feeling. I know Henry and I aren’t together, but why wouldn’t he want me with him. The sudden feeling of being abandoned floods my emotions. I close my eyes, hoping I’m dreaming, but when I open my eyes I’m outside of the hospital.
I need time to be alone. I need time to process everything in my life.
• • •
The next day my lawyer calls me and lets me know in a few days I’ll be back to Cam Ellison. I ask him about our upcoming meeting, and he said it’s not needed. Everything that needs to be said or done can be between the lawyers; there’s no reason for Henry and I to see each other.
We have an offer on the house and take it. There’s no sense in trying to get more money. Both of us are done. We don’t want the house and we’re ready to move on with our lives. I have an apartment lined up in Fairport, so I’ll be fine.
I call Henry a few times, but each call goes unanswered. I know we’re not together, and I shouldn’t care. I do care though. You don’t throw away years with someone because of problems. I know I should hate him and despise him. A part of me does and always will. Then there’s a part of me that’ll care for him and hope for the best.
Because that’s what we both deserve.
SHE HASN’T BEEN AT WORK and she’s not answering my text messages. I don’t like being fucking ignored. Today has been one fuck up after another.
Natalie was running late, and my schedule wasn’t updated. I fucking missed a meeting, and I never miss meetings. This is the first time I’ve been careless. What the hell is going on?
Camila wasn’t at work, and Taylor bitched about having too many projects on her desk. I did
n’t want to deal with their female hormones. They’re fucking crazy. Probably on the rag or some shit. Either way, dealing with emotional females wasn’t my thing.
I look at my phone and see the unanswered messages.
You aren’t at work.
Are you dead? You better be dead.
There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be here. I don’t care if you’re sad or fucking going through shit with Henry. Get your ass to work NOW!
A heavy sigh escapes me. I pour a third glass of Cognac and relax in the living room.
I wait for updates on Camila, but nothing comes. No one is answering me. Don’t they know how impatient I am? Does everyone want to get fucking fired today?
“Honey?” I turn around and see my mom walking in, taking a seat. “Sit down.”
“Mother, now is not a good time.”
“Sit down.” I do as she says. “You need to realize what you’re doing. You’ve been up and down and things are getting out of control. You’re in the office all day, every day. What is going on? Talk to me, honey.”
“I can’t.” With my mom, I can tell her nearly everything and she understands, but I can’t tell her this. Her hand finds mine and I soon find myself relaxed. It doesn’t seem dark when she’s near me.
“Try.”
“There’s this woman at my company, and she’s breaking all my rules.”
“Rules?” I give her a look, “okay I don’t need to know. Go on.”
“I’m falling for her, and it’s scaring me.”
“That’s normal, Honey. Love comes at unexpected times. If she makes you smile. If she makes your day better. If she challenges you for the better and puts up with your rollercoaster moods, then I say she’s a keeper. So what are you going to do?”
I have no fucking idea. At this point, I’m not sure what the right direction is. I realize how honest she’s been, and I’m the one who’s lying. I want her, and I will have her.
I look at my phone again, but there’s nothing from her. The only thing that makes sense is she’s upset with Henry. Something happened, but why is she letting him get to her? I roll my eyes. Pathetic people. This is why there are deception and lies in this world. You want to believe what you hear and you want to believe in forever, but there’s no such thing. Even if there is, sometimes it’s too late. Sometimes hate invades you for so long it’s hard to let it go.
People say the truth will set you free, and sometimes it does. But sometimes the truth can cause more pain than it should. Finding out the truth about my past, doesn’t change what I’ve already done.
That night changed my life. I turned into a different man. I didn’t know who I was, but I knew what I wanted to do. My heart broke, and I was numb. All the unimaginable lies. I believed it all. I tried hard to get through the shit and felt lost. I was dead for so long. I disappeared from the world until I was found and given purpose and an idea.
Before, I wasn’t in control; now I am. I’m in control of what will happen.
“CAM?” I LOOK UP and see Natalie and Beverly staring at me. I shake my head and finish my wine.
“I’m fine. Trust me, I am fine.”
I push back my brown hair, closing my eyes and thinking about how Sharp is going to kill me tomorrow when I go back to work. I’m usually not like this. I needed time to gather myself. The divorce is final, and I’m all moved out of my house. Everything’s been quick and painful. I hired movers to pack the house because I couldn’t do it. Locking myself away in a hotel until things were done was what I needed.
Now I need something else. “I need a night out to let loose. My divorce is final, and I have a sweet apartment, plus it’s Thirsty Thursday, so let’s go fucking wild.” Getting up from the bed I grab clothes from my closet and rush to get ready. I hear the girls mumbling. Dylan’s probably going to kill me for taking Beverly out, but she’ll be the DD because I need to get wasted tonight.
Walking into One nightclub, I order a round of shots for Natalie and myself. Wearing a very low-cut shirt with my tightest dark-wash jeans and black heels I look damn fucking good. If I were a guy, I’d want to fuck me too.
Taking the shots, I hand one to Natalie as we raise our glasses and cheers to a great night. We spend the first hour at the bar getting drunk. Well, mostly it’s me drinking. Natalie’s watching Beverly, and Beverly’s watching me. I feel bad having her come out since she’s pregnant, but surprisingly Dylan agreed and wanted her here.
Sipping on my drink, I finish it when a very sexy guy comes walking my way. At least, I think he’s sexy. Cocking my head to the right, I blink a few times, trying to clear my vision. Shit, I’m so gone.
“I gotta take Bev to the bathroom. But stay here!”
“Okay,” I nod, keeping my eyes on the distant sexy guy. I turn to the bartender and ask for another drink, when I turn around he’s gone. “The hell?”
• • •
Sitting at my desk, I look at the bottle of water on my desk. Last night is so blurry. I remember drinking at the bar, laughing with my girls, and then seeing someone sexy. Then that’s it.
I woke up in my own bed, with pajamas on, with medicine and juice on my nightstand. I texted Beverly, but she didn’t text me back and neither has Natalie. Nothing makes sense. Did I black out? I had to have blacked out. I know I wasn’t roofied, but I have the symptoms. It doesn’t make sense.
Not able to dwell on this for long, I grab the Starbucks bag and head to Taylor’s office. Tapping on her office door, I walk in holding a latte and a cranberry walnut muffin. “I come in peace.”
“Oh, look who’s here.”
I set her goodies down and pray she’ll listen. “I’m sorry things have been a mess with the divorce and selling my house.”
“Are you okay?” She asks, taking her latté. She’s concerned and worried. Her eyes soften with care and she’s looking at me with a slight frown.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” And it’s true.
“Cam?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you okay being here today?”
“I have to be,” I whisper, “I have to be. I can’t jeopardize my position, and I’m so surprised I haven’t been fired so no more dwelling on this shit. I’m here, and I’m ready.”
Taylor fills me in with what I’ve been missing. She tells me that Sharp’s been in a bad mood, and I should email him as soon as I get back to my office. I nod listening to her, but I really want to get out of her office and text Sharp. Taylor tells me I’ll be okay, smiling, I realize she’s right. I am going to be okay.
Me: I’m here at work.
Sharp: Really? I thought you fucking died.
Me: Sharp, I’m sorry.
Sharp: Camila, what you pulled fucked over a lot of projects. You put the company in a terrible position. I should fire your ass.
Me: I know, and I’m so sorry.
Sharp: I have two options. One, I could fire you.
Me: What’s option two?
Sharp: I like option two better. You’ll find out soon.
Me: Well, I’ll let you plan out the better option. I have to get work done.
Sharp: Don’t run off again.
Me: Way to make me feel better, Sharp.
Sharp: It’s my pleasure.
It’s nearly nine when I’m done with my work. I don’t feel like heading back to my apartment and Beverly’s in bed now. I think about texting Sharp, but decide against it. Taylor and Natalie are gone, and I’m sure they’re busy with their lives. Looks like one is the loneliest number.
I run to Wegmans and pick up some dinner. Walking around the prepared area, in the refrigerated area, there’s really nothing that catches my sight. There are chicken tenders and some Asian cuisine. I’m not terribly hungry, so I settle on a salad with a fruit smoothie.
When I get back home, I see a man standing near the door. I hesitate and pull out my can of mace. Slowly approaching the door, the man looks at me and smiles.
“Camila?
“Yes?”
I hesitate.
“These are for you.” He hands me a beautiful arrangement of lilies and roses.
“Thank you.” I watch him leave and go inside, holding my flowers. I know who they’re from. Entering my quiet apartment, I set down the flowers and open the card.
I miss our fucked-up conversations.
I miss your sexy and sassy mouth.
I miss you.
-Sharp
My heart races. He misses me! I think about texting him, but for now I wait. I want to enjoy this moment to myself before I let him know how happy he’s made me. Sharp cares.
Sitting in front of my bay window of my apartment I finish a glass of wine and set it out the table. Reaching for my phone again, I turn on the song “Back at One” by Brian McKnight and let the memories take over.
I miss you. Where are you? Are you happy?
Thinking about him makes things better, in some strange ways. Before meeting him, my life was routine. Wake up, get ready, make sure Mom approves my outfit via video chat, have Stuart take me to school, hang out with friends, go to class, be the star and make sure I represent the Ellison name to the upmost pride, but with him in my life it kept getting better. For the first time in fifteen years, I was living. I was happy and loved life because of him. It kills me that I can’t find my first love, the one who believed in me and made me want to live.
He grabs me from behind, spinning me around. “Ahh , put me down!”
“Nope.” His lips find my cheek, kissing me all over, whispering how beautiful I am. “I love you so much, Baby.”
