Because I was so amused by your recent reaction, you and that woman, Amy”!!! Sandra sighed inwardly and said; “I’m not sure what you’re trying to say? You are amused? Do you think I am such a down to earth person, and you are better than everyone else! You want to have your nose all up in the ear to keep staring to whom am I talking to? Or perhaps to have permission from thee, who you want me to talk to?! What kind of useless humor is that? I think you must be really nuts! Cause in some fucked up way you want to just hurt me”. There was a little silence. I put almost whole my body on the steering-wheel, concentrated, driving on the Road and yelling at her for nothing! Why?! Sandra now burst to chock into cry, just like a baby pulling up her snot. I am confident that the friendly relations and good contact between Sandra and Amy would develop and expanded more than ever through the serious efforts and determination of them. My dream of being a professional ballet-dancer failed to lose its color with the passage of time has become increasingly popular in today’s contemporary world. I believe there are many tempting reasons behind killing someone and the one that always turns up time after time is profit. Revenge is driven by emotions and similarly pleasure. Killings done for revenge are usually performed at the spur of the moment at time of emotional anguish and always result in the killer apprehended by the authorities. A gun shot should be directed ideally to the brain or the heart for inflicting the best damage.
As the result of few hours of competent interrogation-unattended by any abusive methods, but yet conducted during a period of delay in presenting the suspect before a committing magistrate. The suspect confessed to the murder. He told of going to the victim’s home for purpose of collecting his unpaid money from Amy and selling her some more drugs, which she ignored to open the door and the suspect should break the window and then killed her. He thereupon located and took some money he found in the home. So, that’s for sure the FBI made fewer errors to arrest Sandra than might be expected under such unusual circumstances. I had this belief that Sandra couldn’t just accept to be treated as an objective. It is a problem of dignity. After all, Sandra told me, the guy who killed Amy is a serial killer and a drug-dealer too. As matter fact, this riddle is a really strange phenomenon and a rare breed to me after all. This is simultaneously both fascinating and grotesque! For most of us normal folks, it is difficult to fathom what possesses an individual to commit serial murder, let alone in such an extreme and horrendous manner. Personally, I believe our fascination lies in the need to understand the depths of human depravity. It’s hard to understand how a person can be something so unfathomably awful, so extremely grotesque!
We got home and unbelievably how Sandra slammed the door hard behind and ran to her bedroom! I just took a beer off of the fridge, sat down on the couch, put my feet on the table and turned the TV on.
IF THERE IS LOVE, SMALLPOX
SCARS ARE AS PRETTY AS DIMPLES
I really owe greatest debt to Sandra for her support and encouragement. I am most appreciative of her support to my life because without her love, nothing else would matter to me. Truth be told, it frightens me then, so much so that I could call Ray to know, what he knows about Amy’s murdering! I remember, the first time I set my eyes on Ray Dillon, I was beside my father’s casket and he was standing towards the back of a group mourners comprised almost entirely of my father’s extended family. Ray was a good half foot taller than everyone else, and unlike my paternal relatives. His head was covered with his own hair. I wondered why he should cover his face almost with those big time sunny-glasses! He also wore a chain of gold little long; just enough to say that he fancied him a Nonconformist. I likely wouldn’t have noticed him at all if he hadn’t seemed so out of place. To be blunt about it, he looked too good to be associated with that crowd. As far as I could guessed, his presence and his contact should seemingly occupied only by Amy to that funeral ceremony! Why? Observing to that picture of Amy in his house there is no doubt about it. Anything could be thinking related to her murdering under any circumstances.
Sandra opened her bedroom’s door and quickly ran the stairs kind of blowing wind down and sat beside me. She pushed a strand of ink-black hair behind her ear and leaned forward, her black-suited body a deep crack against the pale couch and walls. “Jennifer I’m scared. You know why? You should see him when they were taking him into his cell. Walking with handcuffed on, and with a very horrible voice, but the same time a pungent smiley turned his face to me and said; you’re going to be next. I just freaked out when I saw that face full of hated”! “What are you saying? That’s all bullshit. Don’t get confused! He is going to be in that prison till he rots out”. [Sandra, in this moment, folded her hands in her lap; decided that looked too prim, and rearranged her into a more relaxed pose, ankles crossed]. Jennifer: “Now you are driving me crazy”. Before she opens her mouth again and saying something, I just put my finger on her lips and said: “Watching this I have no inkling that Ray Dillon, you know who I’m talking about? That filthy drug-dealer! He should be behind all of these murdering and threats! He would become also the central thread in all that followed. Even now I can hardly fathom how it came to be that a man who had never been anything more than a minor character in his life would come to dominate its plot. You know, one day he got me to his house, I sneaked to his closet and I saw her picture there, (I mean Amy’s picture), hung on the door. I itched to get a better look at the picture-morbid curiosity might have been a personality flaw!
Then as hard I could squeeze my eyes to get sure that was her picture! Yes, Pretty sure under any circumstances. But the discussion here is, where he (the murderer), got your picture from? As you said the FBI agents, found your picture in his pocket, now you tell me something Lady; did you ever meet that Ray in person”? “No”. “Did you give any of your pictures to Amy”? “I don’t think so”. “No. no. this is not my answer. Did you or not”? “No. ”. All terms of the agreements reached to the conclusion that, all of these unanswered questions pointed to Ray and these eves winding roads with twists and turns should get fixed by our inspiration and our action howsoever. But how we feel both now! Just like two lost souls, we got to swim as like fishes in this fish bowl! And run paranoid, and digging our chances into the ground! Sure enough, those fears and tears will hit our wishes and hopes and make us to turn down! “Mom, we can’t just button our lips and hiding behind our petrified eyes! We have to win in this battle. It’s no doubt about, we just reason ourselves out of ours fears. I’m sure you are paranoid after all; he said you are going to be the next! So, don’t sit here like bear with sore! Come on. Let’s go. Let’s get it over with”.
In spring’s month of April, as daylight draweth night
On the hills all round about when I cast my eye
Cherry blossoms do I see!
Or is it white clouds?
Everywhere unstintingly, mists each corner shrouds.
Now the orange blossoms fair fill the air with sweet
I rise upon thatched eaves, with perfume replete.
Then when eventide is come, summer showers fal
And a cuckoo in the woods makes his joyous call.
When autumn comes again, soft and stealthily
Half the year has sped away.
How time flies ah, me!
Thus our life, too, fades away, like the waning moon.
Once life stretched before! Alas!
Has it gone so soon?
Then comes winter’s cold, dark night
Dawn awakes to woe
Mountains paths that I must trudge
Now are deep in snow
Like snow-hidden foot prints lovers, traces all are gone
Only in sad memory your image lingers on!
I remember, one day when I was seven, my mother met me at the door when I came from school. She told me my little sweaty cat had been struck and killed by a truck that hadn’t even bothered to stop. I didn’t cry when we burie
d him, although my dad told me nobody would think less of me if I did, but I cried when she told me. Partly because it was my first experience of death! I never saw my dad cry at all, now that I think about it; at his emotional, he might fetch a heavy sigh or grunt out a few reluctant chuckles-no breast-beating or belly laughs. In that night, we were walking along in stunned silence, Sandra and I were walking towards his (Ray) house. It was raining, and I turned over onto my back swiftly to Sandra which she was whining and bitching whole the time. We just wanted to focus our senses how to get to that house! The rain was feeling nice and cool, like the very first feeling when I was walking under the shower head. The wish bracelet I was wearing started to get heavy from soaking up the rain. By the time we got close to the house, we just fell down to the frowsy muds. It’s clearly of frequent occurrences. We had to stop and biding our time because, we were bent on going to that house. Very soft and slowly kind of roaming and rambling following a foot step we reached the porch.
We climbed the ladders smoothly up, and then we knelt to our dark of shadows down. We got almost out of breath by panting. So, it’s from excessive of tiredness we should stop for a second. I pasted my ear up to the door. There wasn’t any sound. It was merely silence. Sandra was scared, and mumbling with herself. I assume she was at the end of her tether! I let out a breath to purge the rant from my tongue and pasted on my professional smile, I turned my face to her and I said: “I don’t think anybody is home. There is no sound you can hear. I believe he probably is moved! So, let’s get back home”.
In the middle of the journey of our lives
I found myself in a dark wood where
The straight road had been lost sight of.
Sandra just after all with an enormous explosion tears through her blue eyes made wet her chins. She was so disappointed, and then she gave me a long, sad, forlorn look, I didn’t know what to say, so I said, sort of awkwardly: “You definitely need a shower”! Cursing myself for asking what she was thinking, after all, walking in this great late night! But as matter fact, she just with a concealed smile and shedding tears said: “Who can know when life hangs in the balance, or why? As you said; we’ve just made a move and tried our best.
So, let’s get back home and take a shower before this smells of shit cover whole of the Neighborhoods”! Then I took a deep breath and forced a smile to spread across my face, to seep into my voice: “I am sorry. I’m really sorry for all of these”. I know she would smile approvingly when I got her here so far in this rain and dark! But the fact here is how; I should know my plan wouldn’t work! High, piercing thunderstorm shook the air, and my hands flew up to cover my ears. “What the F!” My hands shaking, I jumped back. The crumbled cement under my shoes shifted, throwing me off balance. Sandra caught me before I hit the ground. This reflection of noisy thunderstorm, I had it since I was been just a little girl. Sandra, in this moment stumbled back; kind of to run away by seeing me so shocked. I believe she was too scared to see my reflection to that thunderstorm! She just turned on her heel and got me on my feet. I followed her and then we walked so fast back to home. I was pondering that riddle as I reclined on my porch. A chilled breeze was numbing my cheeks and earlobes and flicking tickly hairs across my forehead. I had my feet up on the railing, leaning back in one of those cheap plastic lawn chairs, the kind that blows out onto the lawn during every thunderstorm. It would have been a good occasion to smoke a cigarette. It was one of those rare moments of mental peace I get these days, the kind you don’t appreciate until they are over. My cell phone screeched the sound like sonic bee sting. I dug the slim little phone from my jacket pocket, glanced at the number and felt a sickening little twinge of fear. I just disconnected the call without answering. I was just nervous and quickly jumped off of my chair and running into the house that Sandra encountered me on the way and stopped me. “What is going on? Why you’re so nervous? Tell me what’s happened”? Before I started to talk, the phone called back again. I closed my eyes, said an angry five-word prayer. Sandra was flabbergasting watching me with her wide eyes. She thought I’m getting crazy. I just pushed the bottom and answered.
“Hello” “Jennifer. Is that you? How you been? It’s Ray. Hey girl, you don’t call, you don’t write. Did you forget me so easy? Could you meet me at my place? I got some important things to tell you, don’t hesitated, good stuff about you and me! I really missed you girl. Don’t disappoint me”. The phone was on the speaker and Sandra just had her mouth wide opened and listening. I cleared my voice and very friendly kind of unexpectedly sound to him I said: “Hi Ray. Long time no see. How you been yourself”? “I’m cool. Good to hear your voice again. So, what do you say? How things going on”? “It’s not so bad. So how about yourself? Life goes on”? “Terrific. I am really anxious to see you”. “Where would you like to see me? I mean, at the same place”. Sandra was looking at me with a very worried look. “You’re crazy? It’s a set up. Did you forget already about Amy’s murdering? “No Sandra. As matter fact I didn’t. But to solve this riddle and reveal his awful secret, I need to get to him and find out in close. Assuming we don’t need to go utterly mad in the attempt! If we find out what is behind to all those awful secrets, we feel free to skip ahead. We don’t have a lot going for us with just our bare hands”! “Wait a minute. Hold on a second. Is it him, the big, twitchy guy with veiny skin stretched over swollen biceps? He got a tattoo of a tiger on his arm, and teeth filed into razor-sharp fangs”? “Yes. That’s him. How come? Did you ever meet him”? “I think so, but I’m not quite sure. You remember Amy? One night I met her in her house. We were talking and then he (Ray), blanked me, obviously pretending he hadn’t seen me. He was passing by to the door to leave. He turned his face to us, kind of suspicious. Amy said that he is living there to help her to pay the rent, and beside she told me, he couldn’t get any place under his name. I believe he is leading the high life dealing drugs. He is dangerous. He is evil. I don’t think you should contact him under any circumstances”. “You know what! I just like to get too close to him, get an ax and chopping off his head. I know if I just put on eight bullets holes in him, I’m pretty sure he will spring back to his feet and will eat the look of terror right off my face! I hate him too much. I want him disappear from this universe”.
There’s a fairly popular misconception and myth that most men are commitment phoebes. We’ve somewhat dispelled it here by clearly outlining, stenciling, and color-coordinating that it isn’t that men are scared of commitment. Heavens no We’re merely scared of committing to the wrong person, which I’ve gathered is something women aren’t so much afraid of. Seems that women are more afraid of losing out on the investment they’ve put in, even if it has yielded not so positive returns! Either way, there is a disconnected there.
Sandra always thinking positively to all issues and that gives me much comfort effects and power to go through my problems. What she was trying to tell me that I should not to threaten him, and that will open hostility into our family. I assume I have to be very wary of confronting rashly. How do you know, he could be reasonable, or it could be distinct possibility this will be a very dangerous course of action! I would think of, if I want to decide to take this risk, I have to be strong and try to relate to him without appearing condescending! Poor Sandra, how she always tried to convince her (Amy); and telling her that at least to try associate with people who don’t use drugs, and avoid situations where they will be used and given to you. She also told her; the past has taught you a valuable lesson. Learning from your mistakes has made you a stronger person today. Try immersing yourself activities that are made more difficult by drugs”. We should accept under any circumstances that, if we don’t mistakes in our life, how would we learn? But the question here is, not like that mistake Amy did it! I have everything planned, excessively detailed plans. This is going to be this week-end. Probably I am desperate to see him too! There is no reason to freak out. Soon though, he’ll realize that he’s just playing at co
mpatibility in an attempt to convince either me or himself that the two of us are meant to meet each other for the second time! Sandra looked very nervous when I told her about my plans. “Where do you want to meet him”? “He said he is coming here to pick me up to his house”. “You mean the same house we’ve walked through that night”? “I believe so”! “How sure you are about him”? “Well, he’s not going to kill me. Beside, this was our plan to find out what is behind to all those unanswered questions”.
He pulled up to his house. I felt the old dread coming back, churning like a sour stomach. The brisk wind chased us to the door, carrying a faint sulfur smell blown from a plant outside town that brewed drain cleaner. He opened the door and immediately gestured toward a very cute and very frightened-looking woman on his sofa. She was as young as I am. With powder-blue eyes and the kind of crystal clear pale skin that gave her a china doll look, chestnut curls bundled behind her head in a ponytail. She wore a long, flowing skirt that her fingers kept messing with, an outfit that only emphasized how small she was. “Jennifer. This is Tina. We need her help to bring that diamond into cash with you of course. She knows the buyer and the place”. He saw a shock in my face and just nodded to reassure me. I tried to pretend with that look of shock, what he was talking about! He was looking out of his pale-lamp like eyes for blind fish. I jerked back when he glanced up and looking in that way at me. He said in a wandering impression and restlessness; “You know the ring! The diamond ring! That’s what I’m talking about. That dread, like a punch in the stomach. Ray stepped into the kitchen and smoothly returned to place with three bottles of beers in his hand. “Tina, this is Jennifer. She got the diamond-ring (he poured some white powder from a white package on the glass table, and started talking with a voice so barely audible). I strongly recommending, Tina helps you get a restraining order, drives you safe to the dealer, and then coming back to me with all of the money. That’s it. Now come over here and make your life to a bright light of happiness”. She took a cute twist on her butt kind of frustration way, and then casted a little gleeful glance on me, and proceeded towards the table. Before I started to talk, he with a cozy and soft way took my hand and dragged me nicely to the table. I was scared. I knew that was cocaine, what else! Tina put a rolled-paper to her nose and sniffed that shit so hard that I could see some drops of blood drained from her nose. Her eyes got too red seemed like bleeding! She leaned back on her seat and took a napkin and cleaned off her nose, staring at me with her hangover eyes. I certainly was overwhelmed to do that, despite to see those bloody, hangover eyes! Cocaine is stimulant, very strong stimulant. It’s the most powerful natural stimulant known to man. It works up a man’s central nervous system. It causes physical and mental alertness when taken, including a feeling of surging body strength. It is followed by complete physical and mental exhaustion. In its pure form, cocaine is made up of shiny, white or colorless crystals. Hence, its common name: snow. The cocaine powder is odorless, but it has a bitter taste. That I found out when I got the first sniff into my nose. Vow, I felt euphoric and high. I was Looking at them with double-faces, and following kind of hallucinogen! My mouth got dried and I had to drink my beer in a sip. Ray began to laugh at me with that perplexed face. But all of sudden, Tina jumped off of her seat and I assumed, that could be of taking high doses of this stuff led her to a panic attacks, hallucinations and delusions. Erratic, bizarre and violated behavior! The content and purity of street drugs is always unpredictable. I assumed, he should “cut” that stuff with other drugs or materials which affected on her so that deep! She laid on her back on the floor and foams draining out of her mouth. I was shocked, turned my face at him to see what his reaction to that is! He did not react in any way, just sitting there, laughing and sniffing. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a ghost, but I’m guessing that if you did, the thing didn’t run over and punch you in the face. I felt just like you. I am looking at him kind of a ghost and certainly somebody needs to give him a punch right in his face. I was panic so, I asked him to call 911, but indeed he ignore to all, just telling me to relax, it happened many times. I shouldn’t be worry! I took my cell-phone and dialed myself the number. Busy lines and they should put me on hold. Can you believe it? Putting me on hold, an emergency situation! Life doesn’t have to be constant string of struggles! Why he is so abusive? Physically and psychologically! Suddenly, Tina with that ridicules face full of foams, came on her feet and took a pill (Gelatin shapes, known as window pane, liquid), out of her mouth and with a surprised-look and a threatened sound: “Ha. Ha. Welcome to the club lady. Did I scare you? It’s just part of the game sister! You got to use to that”. Normally overdose happens when a toxic amount of a drug or combination of drugs overwhelms the body. Heroin and other downers affect the part of body’s central nervous system, which slows breathing, blood pressure, and heart rate, and in turn reduces body temperature. But indeed negligent to all those affects, she just seemingly turned on to make a fun of me and certainly trying to crap me up to that ridiculous and funny game! While Ray was stepping to the kitchen, turned his face at me and with a cute and softly voice said: “Didn’t I tell you, you shouldn’t get so worry? As she said you got to use to that”! It’s hard to understand how a person can do something so unfathomably awful, so extremely grotesque! Sandra was so serious about the diamond ring which Ray is anxious talking about it. I remember that day when I asked with an attitude to know more about it, she just replied with a “humph” and then rolled her eyes to me and said, there is one thing you should know, how pricey is that diamond ring! That is a very valuable and prices for dynasty to your father”. No matter how, the only thing is, our family party assembled early. It’s another cause, because, my father was soon joined by friends and connections, all eager and excited, and certainly each provided with a colored glass for the occasion. An afflictive connection, threw into the shade, yes, she (Amy), was that afflictive connect to my father and our family today. She who has been cheating on him for a long time even if my father should found out, it was too late, because she was too smart and my father so weak. Sandra also said Amy concerns to my father, she who started off as a friend, and that was some of her false advantages to misuse him. But figured to all whatever I could imagine, Amy had gone some difficulty back in her life too!
Ballerina Page 10
