by Noelle Adams
“Thank you,” she rasped, meeting his eyes and reaching down to stroke his face. “Thank you, Jacob.”
He nodded. Couldn’t form any words at the moment since he was torn between need and a tenderness he’d thought he wasn’t capable of anymore.
She pulled him back up so she could kiss his mouth, parting her legs again as she did so he could fit between them.
He slid into her again. She was tighter. Wetter. Hotter. Perfect.
He built up the rhythm between them, pushing one of her knees up toward her shoulder and bracing himself with a hand on the ground. This time there was no holding him back. He let go of the final threads of his control and took her hard.
She was with him, pumping up to meet his thrusts and clutching fistfuls of the shirt he still wore. They were both grunting like animals when he felt her clamp down around him hard as she cried out loudly.
Maybe she’d come again. He hoped so. His mind was a blaze of need and pleasure and long-needed homecoming as he fell over the edge with a loud bellow.
The pleasure swallowed him up. Took him over. Emptied him as he emptied himself inside her.
When the last of the spasms of climax had faded, he could no longer hold himself up. He collapsed on top of her, briefly afraid he was too heavy but relaxing when she wrapped herself around him and held him tight.
This was what he’d always needed.
This was what he’d spent his life wanting.
This was what he’d been missing for so many unsatisfying years.
He’d been running away from himself all the time he’d been running away from her.
But now he was with her again. She wanted him too.
And he wasn’t going to let her go.
THE FIRST TIME RIA had had sex with Jacob, they had both been virgins. So it had been good. Sweet and loving and fumbling and careful and good. But also a little awkward and occasionally uncomfortable.
She hadn’t regretted any of it. It had meant so much to her. But it hadn’t stopped the world the way the sex she’d just had.
Both of them knew what they were doing now. And it was like they were starving for each other after years of going without.
She hadn’t realized she could feel that way. She certainly hadn’t imagined it would happen again with Jacob.
But her first thought as they lay tangled up together afterward was that this was exactly what she’d needed for a long time. Her body had felt out of her control because it was desperately reaching for what it knew it needed.
And that was Jacob. Being with him this way.
It wasn’t a bad thought. Not at first. It made her stomach twist, but it also made her heart race in excitement. He’d been just as desperate for this as she was. He’d needed it just as much. She knew she wasn’t making that up. He’d been nakedly vulnerable in a way he hadn’t been since he’d returned to Azalea.
But things were different now. They weren’t the same teenagers they’d been before, clinging to each other, completely trusting the other.
Because Jacob had abused her trust back then. He’d abandoned her. She knew now he’d had reason, but the reasons weren’t good enough.
If he’d done that to her then, when he’d loved her completely, simply because he’d been hurt, then what might he do to her now? They no longer had the safety net of a pure and simple young love.
They had no safety net at all.
Life hurt you. Always. There was no way to make life not hurt.
Which meant if she started to trust Jacob again, then the same thing might happen.
And her heart would never survive a second breaking.
So instead of indulging in the desire to cuddle up in the protection of his big body and strong arms, she pulled away and reached for her bra as she sat up.
He was still stretched out on the blanket beside her, and his eyes were soft and sober as they rested on her face. “Y’okay?”
“Yeah.” She managed an easygoing smile that she didn’t really feel. “Fine. It was good.”
“Yes. It was. Really good.”
The wetness between her legs brought something starkly to her realization. “Shit. We should have used a condom.”
He winced and jerked his head to the side, clearly as taken aback as she was by their immature gaff. “Damn. What an idiot I am. I didn’t even think about it. Are you—?”
She made a face. “I haven’t been in that kind of relationship in more than a year. I’m not on birth control.” A rush of panic almost overwhelmed her for a moment, but she fought her way through it. “But it’s not really the time of the month... I mean, we could get unlucky. Things happen. But this isn’t the time of the month where I’m likely to get...” She let out a gust of air. “Shit.”
Jacob licked his lips and then sat up. He reached over to put a big hand on her arm. “Hey. It’s going to be okay. We’ll take care of it. Whatever happens.”
He was being kind, and she appreciated it. But his kindness made her feel even more shaky, less certain. Because she’d thought he was kindhearted before and then he’d left her anyway.
“It’ll probably be okay.”
“Okay.”
She gave him a wobbly smile. “Anyway, I guess that put a damper on hot sex.”
“No, it didn’t.” His voice was thick. Something was changing in his eyes. They looked full. Deep.
Terrifying.
She almost choked on a sudden flare of fear and clumsily pulled on her top and panties. “I did have a good time,” she managed to say.
The deep look in his eyes shifted slightly. His lips turned down in a confused frown.
“Thank you for... for making sure I enjoyed it. It was nice of you.” She hated the sound of her own words. The way they minimized what had felt very special to her. But she didn’t really have a choice here. She had to keep things safe for her, and the only way sex with Jacob could be safe was if it was purely recreational.
It couldn’t mean something.
That would mean her heart was in it.
And that would mean it would get broken again.
“Ria?” He was straightening up. “Ria, we should probably talk—”
“We can,” she interrupted on the edge of panicking again, this time about what would happen if she and Jacob were to have a real talk about what had just occurred between them. “We can talk about it later. But I feel kind of... kind of weird and icky right now, and I want to go home and clean up. We’ll talk later.”
She saw Jacob’s face change, close down, as she babbled out the words.
She’d hurt him, and she felt sick about it.
But she wasn’t—wasn’t, wasn’t—going to hurt herself again.
Better to set the boundaries now before things got even messier between them.
“Okay.” That was all Jacob said. He hadn’t moved from where he sat on the blanket.
It was her blanket, but she didn’t give a damn about that. She needed to get out of there.
Right now.
“Okay,” she said, managing another smile. “We’ll talk later. Thanks again.”
Thanks again.
That was what she’d said to him. After deep, amazing sex.
She was crying as she hurried down the hill and back to her car.
Jacob hadn’t said another word.
SHE DROVE BACK TO THE house she shared with her sister. Their parents’ house. A big Victorian in one of the older parts of Azalea. Her parents had kept the house up well, so it was still in good condition. She parked around back and went in the kitchen door, hoping Belinda wouldn’t be around.
She was around. Belinda was in the living room, stretched out on the couch with her laptop on her thighs. “Hey,” she told Ria with an absent smile.
“Hey.” Ria wasn’t going to linger. She wanted to hide in her room. Belinda was distracted with her computer. Maybe she wouldn’t notice anything was wrong.
“Ria, what the hell?” Belinda demanded. She put her laptop on th
e coffee table and stood up.
Ria sighed and turned around. “I’ve just had a bad day.”
“You’ve had more than a bad day. Tell me what’s going on, and tell me right now.”
Tears streamed down Ria’s face again. “I really messed up.”
Belinda gestured toward the couch. “Then we’ll fix it. Tell me what happened.”
Seven
A FEW DAYS LATER, JACOB was sitting at the counter in Anna’s Diner, sipping a cup of coffee and wondering if Ria would walk by on her way into the flower shop. He knew she usually got up early to meet wholesalers for flower deliveries and to get started on the local orders, but then she’d go back to her place for a while to shower and have breakfast before coming back in to open the shop. Right now was probably her second trip to the shop.
He’d seen her walking by at the same time yesterday, which was why he came back to Anna’s this morning.
His grandfather was declining every day now. He couldn’t have more than a couple more days. And there was nothing for Jacob to do about it except work around the house and sit by the old man’s bed and wait.
He’d called Ria once a day since they’d had sex on Saturday, but she hadn’t called him back. Yesterday she’d sent him a text saying she’d seen his calls but she thought it was better if they let it rest a few days before they talked.
Let it rest.
That was what she’d said.
All he wanted to do was bury himself in her warmth and sweetness—preferably for the rest of her life—and she wanted to let it rest.
The part of him that resented this—that was angry about her pushing him away after what they’d shared on Saturday afternoon—was constantly drowned out by the realistic side of him that kept reminding him this was all his own fault.
Of course she didn’t want to jump back into a relationship with him.
Of course she was hesitant about giving herself to him again.
Of course she didn’t trust him.
Look at what he’d done to her before.
Sometimes this voice also added that he should just give up and move on, but he wasn’t ready to do that yet.
They hadn’t even really talked. He wasn’t ready to call them a lost cause quite yet.
He’d taken the last bite of his breakfast sandwich and was staring out the window at a mostly empty Main Street when a voice surprised him, coming from his right. “You look like hell, man.”
Jacob turned his head and blinked at Ken Harley. He was wearing his sheriff uniform today, and he’d been sitting at a table across the restaurant until just now. “Oh. Yeah. Hey, Ken.”
“Your grandpa that bad?”
“He’s pretty bad. Just a matter of days now.”
“Sorry to hear that. I guess it’s rough, even though you’ve been gone for so long.”
“Yeah.” Jacob experienced a little stab of guilt. His sleepless nights weren’t only caused by grief over his dying grandfather, but he could hardly explain to a virtual stranger that he was heartsick for more than one reason.
“I heard you might get back together with Ria Phillips.”
Jacob blinked again. Several times. “Where did you hear that?”
Ken shrugged one shoulder. “No idea. Just around. That’s what people are saying.”
“I don’t know why they’re saying it.”
“Guess it looked like you might still be into her, but folks could be imagining things. They do in small towns like this.” Ken had a laid-back way of conversing that took all the pressure off. Like there were no real stakes in what he was saying. Like he was just along for the ride. There was a resting intelligence in his eyes that belied this hands-off approach to the world, so Jacob figured it wasn’t real. It had probably served him well as sheriff, encouraging confessions that never would have been spilled if the conversation had felt more serious.
“Yeah.”
“But they’re not always wrong. Guess Ria has been looking under the weather.”
Jacob sat up straight with a tense jerk. “She has?”
“I guess. Folks think she’s down about you.” Ken leaned a little closer, and the knowing intelligence that always seemed to be at rest flared up so suddenly and so intensely it was genuinely shocking. “We all love her round here. She took it hard when you left before. So if you’re thinking of a repeat performance, you’d best be headin’ back north just as soon as you can.”
The threat was mild, but it was real. It was very clear that Jacob wasn’t wanted around here if he was just going to break Ria’s heart again.
It took a moment before he could speak around the tension in his throat. “That’s... that’s not what’s happening. It’s different this time.”
“Okay.” Ken was laid-back again in an instant, leaning over the counter to wave the waitress over for more coffee. “Glad to hear it. Give my best to your grandpa.”
Maybe it was the significant conversation with Ken. Or maybe it was the idea that Ria had been “under the weather” the past few days. But Jacob’s resolve to wait until Ria gave him a signal she wanted to talk went right out the window the instant he saw her walking down the sidewalk across the street.
She had her hair in a ponytail, the long, dark length of it bouncing as she walked. She wore jean capris and a simple white T-shirt. She was beautiful and familiar and looked tired even from the distance.
Jacob put a twenty-dollar bill on the counter and went after her.
RIA HADN’T BEEN HAVING a good week, and the fact that Jacob had called her every single day since Saturday was only making it worse.
It would have been a lot easier if he’d been a jerk about it. If he’d just screwed her and dropped her, it would have been easier to deal with, but that wasn’t what had happened.
He’d been just as emotionally invested in the sex as she was. She wasn’t fool enough to think he hadn’t cared about it.
But he’d cared about it before too. He’d cared about her. And he’d still hurt her more than anyone ever had.
On Wednesday, she was determined to pull herself out of her slump and get back to her characteristic positive attitude. As she walked the few blocks into work that morning, she was telling herself everything was fine. She’d made a little slipup on Saturday, but it wasn’t the end of the world.
People slept with people they shouldn’t all the time. It didn’t have to be life-changing. World-shaking. It just was. There had always been a spark between her and Jacob, and it had flared up again on Saturday.
It was over now.
Jacob Worth wasn’t in control of her heart.
She was.
“Ria! Ria, wait up.”
She knew who the voice belonged to as it called from across the street near Anna’s. She froze. Waited. Didn’t turn around until Jacob had caught up with her.
Then she steeled herself and said coolly, “I told you I wanted—”
“I know. I know. I’m sorry. But there were a few things I needed to check on.” He looked a little paler than he had last week. There were dark smudges under his eyes. His gaze was searching her face almost desperately.
She frowned. “What things?”
“Well, for one, we didn’t... we didn’t use protection. And if there was a consequence to that mistake, then I’d like to know about it.”
“Oh. Oh!” She relaxed as she realized what he was worried about. “Oh, we’re fine with that. My period started last night. So we’re okay.”
Because she was watching, she saw this process on his face. Relief. Understanding. Then something like... concern? “That’s good then. But I was told you were under the weather the past few days. Are you okay?”
She groaned and glared over in the direction of Anna’s, where whoever had been gossiping about her was probably still having breakfast. “I’m just fine. I still feel kind of weird about Saturday, but I’m not going into an emotional decline over a little sex. Believe it or not, your dick isn’t some all-powerful force, bringing joy an
d despair to all women everywhere the moment you pull it out of your pants.”
To her surprise, he choked on a laugh at that. “So you’re saying it’s not even a little bit of an all-powerful force?”
She giggled. Couldn’t possibly help it. The warm, ironic amusement in his eyes was simply too irresistible. “Not even a little bit. I’m sorry to tell you, but your dick is just a dick.”
They smiled at each other, and an anxious tension in her chest and belly relaxed fully.
“Okay,” he said, hiking up his jeans, which had been sliding low on his hips. “I know it’s weird between us, and if you don’t want to talk to me, I can respect that. But I don’t want...” He cleared his throat. “What happened on Saturday meant something to me.”
She held his gaze for several moments before she finally nodded. Admitted, “It meant something to me too.”
“So why can’t we—?”
“Jacob, you know why. It took me a long time to get over you before, and I’m not sure I want to go down that road again.”
“I get that. I really do. But maybe this time—”
The jolt of fear she experienced at his thick tone and the look in his eyes refused to let him finish the thought. “I don’t know if I even want to try.”
He didn’t move for a few seconds. Then gave a jerky nod.
“I’m sorry, Jacob. I really am. But I’m not the same person I was. Neither are you. I have a life here. A good one. And I’m not going to sabotage it with some long-lost teenage daydream about you being...” She shook her head, her voice breaking. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean for this to hurt, but I need to do what’s best for me.”
He gave another stiff nod. He was tense until he let out a long, purposeful exhale. “Okay. I get it. I blew it.”
For some reason the brief, no-nonsense words almost made her cry.
“I don’t want things to be bad between us, Jacob. It never felt right that things were so... so unresolved. So... so do you think we could... I don’t know... try to be friends? Or something?” There was an obvious plea in her tone, and she knew he would hear it.
His face twisted briefly before he said, “Of course we can. You were the first real friend I ever had, Ria. I’d hate if I couldn’t even have that with you.”
