by Judy Blume
My mother spent all of Sunday morning washing and ironing Jeff’s shirts. If you ask me she was just keeping busy so she wouldn’t have to think about all the awful things that might happen to him.
That afternoon Aunt Ruth and Uncle Dan brought Amy home. Then we all sat around in the living room, waiting for something to happen. But nothing did. Uncle Dan called my father a couple of times. Daddy didn’t want to leave his apartment in case Jeff decided to go there. Mom called police headquarters once, but Sergeant Tice wasn’t in and there weren’t any messages for my mother. It was a very gloomy afternoon.
At three thirty the phone rang and I jumped up to answer it.
“Hello, this is Mary Louise Rumberger calling. Is Jeff home?”
At first I didn’t answer her. I didn’t know what to say.
“Hello …” she said again. “Is anyone there?”
“Yes,” I told her. “I’m here.”
“May I please speak to Jeff?”
“No … he’s not in right now,” I said. “Can I take a message?”
“Who is this?” she asked.
“It’s Karen … his sister.”
“Oh. Well, tell him I called and ask him to call me back.”
“Okay … I’ll tell him.”
“What time do you think he’ll be home?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe around five or five thirty.” I don’t know why I said that.
“Okay. Thank you,” Mary Louise said.
“You’re welcome.” I hung up the phone and went back into the living room. “That was Mary Louse Rumberger,” I said. “She wanted to talk to Jeff.”
“I hope you didn’t tell her anything,” Mom said.
“I just told her he wasn’t home right now.”
“That was very good thinking, Karen,” Aunt Ruth said.
“Is it a secret that Jeff is lost?” Amy asked.
“Kind of,” Uncle Dan said. “Can you keep a family secret?”
“I guess so,” Amy said.
An hour later Aunt Ruth ordered some pizzas for supper and I went outside to wait for the delivery truck. It was a good excuse to get away from everybody.
I sat down on our front steps. Mew ran out of the bushes and rubbed up against me. I picked her up. Her front paws smelled like mouse. Mew loves springtime. She sleeps a lot during the day and prowls around at night. The Great Gray Hunter, I call her. She brings a mouse or a mole to our door every morning. This doesn’t make my mother happy. And to tell the truth, I don’t like to be the one to get the shovel and scoop up Mew’s catch. I love her a lot and I’m glad she’s happy, but I wish she wouldn’t bring home so many surprises.
In a little while I saw a girl walking up the street. When she got to our house she turned and came up the driveway. It was Mary Louise Rumberger. I knew it right away. And if I hadn’t recognized her face I’d have known her by the Noxzema smell.
She said, “Hi. I’m Mary Louise.”
I said, “I know. I’m Karen.”
Then we just looked at each other until Mary Louise said, “I brought Jeff a book he wants to read.”
“Oh, that’s nice,” I said. “You can leave it with me and I’ll give it to him.”
“I’d rather give it to him myself.”
“Jeff isn’t here right now,” I said.
“Where is he?” Mary Louise asked.
I knew she’d say that sooner or later. “He’s not home,” I told her.
“I know,” she said. “You already mentioned that.”
This conversation might last forever, I thought. I’ll keep telling her Jeff isn’t here and she’ll keep saying she knows.
“Well, where is he?” Mary Louise asked again.
“Who?”
“Jeff!”
“Oh, Jeff. He should be back soon.”
“Do you know that somebody called my house Friday night looking for him?”
“Yes,” I said. “That was my uncle.”
“Why did he call my house? Didn’t he know where Jeff was?”
“I guess he thought Jeff was with you. But really he was in New York visiting his friend from camp.” There, that sounded pretty good.
“None of this makes any sense to me,” Mary Louise said.
“It does, if you really think about it,” I told her.
“I didn’t know Jeff was going to visit his friend from camp.”
“He doesn’t tell you everything, does he?”
“I don’t know,” Mary Louise said. “I thought he would have mentioned something like that. He was supposed to meet me at the Y Saturday night.”
“Oh, well probably he didn’t mention it because it was a last-minute thing. He didn’t plan to go. He just went.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that when I called?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I guess I forgot.”
“How long will Jeff be gone?” Mary Louise asked.
“Oh, he’ll be back any day now.”
“You mean you don’t know exactly when?”
“Sure I do,” I told her. “Any day. Soon. This week, I think!” I was getting in deeper and deeper.
Mary Louise shook her head. “I’m having a party Friday night. Jeff is supposed to be there. If he’s not coming back I’m going to cancel my party. Why should I have a party without him?”
“I don’t know,” I said. I wished she would stop sniffling like that. I didn’t want her to cry.
“You can tell him for me that if he doesn’t come home by Friday I never want to see him again!” Mary Louise started down the front walk, holding her book tight against her.
“Hey, Mary Louise …” I called.
She turned around. “What?”
“I think he’ll come back for your party.”
“I hope you’re right,” she said as she walked away.
I hoped so too.
Sunday, May 9
I am so afraid J.N. is dead!
Twenty-seven
Mom didn’t go to work on Monday and when I got home from school I found her sound asleep on the living-room couch. I called Aunt Ruth. “Did you hear anything about Jeff?” I asked.
“No, not a thing.”
“Mom is sleeping. Should I just leave her alone?”
“Yes,” Aunt Ruth said. “I finally got her to take one of the sleeping pills the doctor prescribed. You know she hasn’t slept since Friday.”
“I know it,” I said. “I can take care of Amy when she comes home. So don’t worry.”
“Thanks, Karen. I’ll be over with something for supper about five o’clock.”
“Okay. Bye.”
I got a blanket from upstairs and covered my mother. I’m worried about her. If anything happens to Mom what will become of me and Amy?
Where is that detective my father hired? And how about Sergeant Tice? What is he doing besides chewing his gum?
I’ve got to try to find Jeff myself.
On Tuesday I went to the Mansfields’ after school. I had to start somewhere and Petey was number one on my list. Brian answered the door.
“Hey, Karen,” Brian said. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to see Petey,” I told him. “Is he home yet?”
“Yeah, he’s upstairs. What do you want to see him for?”
“It’s personal,” I said.
“Oh, yeah?” He started to laugh. “How personal?”
“Look, Brian, just tell Petey I’m here, will you?”
Brian turned away from me and yelled up the stairs. “Hey, Petey … somebody’s here to see you about something personal.”
“Very funny,” I told Brian.
“Yeah … I’m a riot … everybody knows that!”
I wonder if it’s true that Brian likes me?
Petey came running down the stairs, but when he saw me he stopped.
“Could I see you alone?” I asked him. “Outside maybe?”
Brian made a noise then. It sounded like woo-hoo!
&nb
sp; Petey nodded at me and we both walked outside. He even shut the front door in Brian’s face so he wouldn’t be able to hear anything.
“Listen, Petey,” I said. “If you know anything about my brother you better tell me. Because my mother’s really sick about him. I mean it … she’s sick! And if he’s dead … if Jeff is dead … I want to know it! And I want to know it now!” I put my hands on my hips and waited.
Petey did the craziest thing then. He started to laugh. And that got me mad! “I don’t see anything funny,” I said. “Maybe you think it’s funny that my brother could be dead in some alley, but I don’t!”
Petey just kept laughing.
“Do you understand me, Petey? Please tell me if you at least understand what I’m saying.”
Petey stopped. “Jeff’s not dead,” he said in this deep voice that surprised me. So he can talk!
“How do you know he’s not dead?” I asked.
“I just do, that’s all.”
“You tell me where he is, Petey Mansfield!”
“I don’t know.”
“Then you don’t know if he’s dead either, do you?”
“I’m telling you, Karen, he’s not dead! Now that’s all I’m going to say!”
“Well, if you know that then you know where he is and you can just tell him for me that if my mother has a heart attack or something, it’s all his fault. You hear that, Petey? It’s all his fault! You just tell him that for me. And if you’re lying about Jeff being dead and anything happens to my mother, then it’s all your fault!”
“You’re really something, Karen. You know that? You’re really something!” Petey said.
I took a good look at him. Maybe he’s not so bad. Maybe if he was the last boy on earth I would marry him. That is, if I was going to get married at all, which I am not.
I went home. I wanted to tell Mom not to worry, that Jeff wasn’t dead. But I had no proof. So I didn’t say anything.
Later that night, after Amy was in bed, I went into the kitchen to get an apple. While I was peeling it the phone rang. I answered. It was Jeff! He said, “Hello Karen.” Just like that. When I’ve been worrying he might be dead! Hello Karen. Like there was nothing wrong at all. I hollered, “MOM …” and dropped the phone.
“What is it, Karen? What’s wrong?” Mom asked.
“It’s Jeff,” I said. “On the phone.”
“Oh, thank God!” Mom said. She picked up the phone. “Jeff, Jeff where are you? Are you all right? Oh, Jeff please come home … yes … yes, no questions. I don’t care where you’ve been as long as you come home. Where are you now? Jeff … Jeff …”
My mother put the receiver back on the hook. “He hung up,” she said. “I don’t know where he is, but he’s coming home.”
“When Mom? Did he say?”
“I don’t know. Tonight I think. Karen … you go up to bed now.”
“Oh, Mom.”
“Please, Karen! I don’t want Jeff to have to face anyone but me tonight. You’ll see him tomorrow … or whenever he’s ready to see you. Okay?”
“Okay … if you say so.”
As I went upstairs I heard Mom phone Aunt Ruth. “Jeff’s okay,” she told her. “He’s coming home.… Oh, Ruth, I can’t.… You call Bill for me.”
I went to my room, took out my Day Book and wrote:
Tuesday, May 11
J.N. is alive! I heard his voice. He is coming home. M.L.R. doesn’t have to worry. He’ll be able to go to her party.
I didn’t get into bed. I turned out my light and sat in front of the window. I waited and waited. Finally I saw Jeff come up the walk.
Maybe Petey did know where Jeff was. Maybe he told him to come home. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what happened. Or maybe Petey didn’t know a thing. I suppose that’s possible too. Jeff could have decided to come home all by himself. I’ll probably never know the truth.
I sneaked out into the upstairs hall. With the lights turned off nobody could see me, but I could see down. My mother hugged Jeff for a long time. Then she held him away to get a good look at him. While she was looking he started to cry. Just like a little kid. Imagine Jeff acting like that! They sat down on the bottom step then and my mother held him tight. I always knew she loved him best.
Twenty-eight
“Jeff is back!” my mother told me and Amy at breakfast the next morning. “I’m taking the day off from work.”
“Where is he?” Amy asked.
“In his room … asleep,” Mom said.
“Where was he?” Amy asked.
“Wherever he was he’s home now. And that’s what counts. We aren’t going to ask him any questions. I want you both to understand that completely.”
“The one who asks the most questions—” Amy started to say.
But my mother didn’t let her finish. “Never mind about that. No questions!”
“Okay,” Amy said. “You don’t have to yell.”
“I’m not yelling,” Mom told her.
Amy fiddled around with her waffles. We eat them every morning now. They’re the frozen kind that you pop in the toaster. I think they’re good. We never had them when Daddy lived here. Daddy doesn’t trust frozen foods.
That afternoon when I got home from school, I went up to Jeff’s hideaway. The door was closed but I heard Jeff grunting, so I knocked.
“Yeah …” He sounded out of breath.
“It’s me, Karen.”
“Oh.”
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah … I guess so.”
I opened the door. Jeff was on the floor doing push-ups.
“Hey … your toe is unbandaged!”
“Yeah … Mom took me over to Dr. Winters. It’s fine now.”
“That’s good.”
Jeff was counting. “Eighty-five, eighty-six, eighty-seven …” When he got to ninety he stopped and lay flat on his stomach. He was breathing hard.
I sat down on his bed. “Mary Louise Rumberger was over on Sunday,” I said.
“I know … I talked to her before.”
“She wanted to make sure you were coming to her party.”
“I know.”
“Are you?”
“Sure.”
“That’s good. Jeff?”
“Yeah …”
“Did you have fun when you ran away?”
“I didn’t run away,” he said.
“Oh. Well, was it fun when you were gone?”
“No.”
“I’m not supposed to ask any questions … I know that. But I just want to tell you one thing. If you went away because you wanted to stop the divorce, you better forget it. Daddy and Mom had an awful fight Friday night. They yelled and screamed and called each other a lot of names. They’re just impossible together.”
“I know that, Karen.”
“Then you didn’t run away to stop Daddy from flying to Las Vegas?”
“No,” Jeff said.
“But I was sure you did.”
“Well, I didn’t.”
“Oh.”
“Dad was over to see me this morning.”
“He was? Was Mom home?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, what happened?”
“Nothing. She stayed upstairs the whole time.”
“Is Daddy going to Las Vegas?”
“Yeah. Tomorrow.”
“I guess I knew he would,” I said. “Jeff …”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you came home.”
Jeff turned over and looked up at the ceiling. “Don’t ever run away, Karen. It stinks!”
“I won’t. Not ever. I promise.”
Wednesday, May 12
I will never run away. Running away does not solve anything! Also, I will never tell anyone I went to see Petey Mansfield yesterday. If J.N. knows, let him tell me.
I have started to mark my days again. I am back to C−. I just had an awful thought. Suppose there aren’t any more A+ days once you get to be twelve? Wouldn’
t that be something! To spend the rest of your life looking for an A+ day and not finding it.
Twenty-nine
I got two postcards from Daddy. I wrote him back while Mrs. Singer was giving us her daily lecture on manners. She told us we haven’t had a real sixth-grade day all year. Now isn’t that too much? Here we are getting ready for junior high and she’s telling us we don’t act like sixth graders yet!
Debbie says if Mrs. Singer sprays hair stuff on herself once more this year she’s going to report her to the principal. Imagine a teacher spraying herself in front of the class and then telling us we have no manners. I will be so glad to be rid of her!
This afternoon we had to fill out little green cards for next year. One question was about parents. You had to check a box telling if they were deceased or divorced. I checked divorced. I might as well get used to admitting it.
Tonight I found out my mother is going to sell our house! How can she do such a thing? She says she has to put our house up for sale. It has something to do with the divorce. I can’t believe it.
I asked Mom, “What about us? Where will we go?”
“I haven’t made up my mind yet,” Mom said, “but I’m thinking about Florida. We might as well move someplace warm as long as we’re going to move.”
“Florida! That’s about a million miles away,” I said. “I’ll never see Debbie again. Or Val. And what about Daddy?”
“Oh, you could see him during school vacations. It would be fun. But nothing’s definite yet. So don’t start worrying.”
“I’m not worrying. I just want to know what’s going on.”
“Right now the only thing I can tell you for sure is that we’re selling the house.”
“Daddy won’t let us move to Florida,” I said. “It’s too far away.”
“It’s not that far,” Mom said. “You’d be able to write and phone.”
“That’s not the same as seeing him!”
“Karen … I don’t want to argue about this,” Mom said. “I have a lot of thinking to do before I make up my mind.”
“But we are going to move?” I asked.
“Yes … but I don’t know where.”
“When will you know?”
“By the end of next month I hope,” Mom said.
“You mean we’ll move over the summer?”
“Yes. I want everything to be set before school opens in the fall.”
