“I’ve had worse.” Ty shrugged.
“I just . . . I can’t believe it . . .” Julian breathed, still shocked. “You’re sure it was the same guys as the ones at Lyla’s party?”
Ty nodded at Julian. “Definitely,” he replied.
Julian’s stomach did an uneasy flip.
“There was the mouthy one, the little one with braces, and that big guy with the bad hair. That was the one who did this to the back of my head!”
“Your sweet Romeo, Julian?” Guy asked, with more than a little snark, as he came into the room with a bowl of chopped fruit. “It’s such a small queer world,” he mused. He shoved a few strawberries into his mouth before setting the dish on the table.
“You know that guy?” Ty asked Julian.
Not waiting for Julian to reply, Guy burst in, “Yeah, Julian knows he’s a closet-case, gay-bashing asslick! And not the good kind of asslick.”
“You guys don’t know him like I do,” Julian said quietly.
“Didn’t you say they were gonna call the cops on you?” asked Lyla. Ty nodded. The whole room hushed.
Julian looked back down at the ground, studying the carpet, tense with worry.
“Julian, get real. Aren’t you supposed to go out with Paris, anyway?” Guy asked. “Why are you hanging out with that creep?”
Julian shook his head. His thoughts were too loud. This was too much. He stood and made his way to the door, saying simply, “I have to go.”
11
Honesty
Angie was out. Maybe she was at work or maybe at one of her political meetings. At that moment, it didn’t really matter to Julian.
“Thank the Goddess,” he said to the empty house. He went upstairs to his paints.
The canvas stayed blank. Julian came at it from different angles. He tried every colour in his collection. He even put on some music for inspiration. But all of it did nothing but make him more anxious. Falling on his bed in frustration, Julian stared up at the ceiling.
He felt like he’d been the one punched in the face — or stabbed in the back. Nothing was ever going to get better, not after this.
“Maybe I should just give up on Romeo,” he said. At this point, why not? He was probably never going to see Romeo again anyway. Julian pulled out his cell phone and saw he’d missed a few texts.
The first was from Paris, confirming their Friday plans. He shrugged. Might as well go out with her, he figured. It must just be fate.
The next was from Lyla, asking if he was all right. Julian hesitated, not sure what to say. She was probably still with Ty, Harvey, and Guy. They were probably all talking about him. How he was such an awful human being. How foolish he was for thinking he could ever trust a guy like Romeo.
No, he couldn’t talk to Lyla about this. But he had to talk to someone. Julian moved to the second best option. He fired off a text to Sami — who called right away rather than texting back.
“Well?” Sami began.
Julian didn’t respond.
“Have you talked to him yet?” asked Sami.
“Who?” Julian asked in return.
“Romeo, of course!”
Julian was silent again.
“I’m coming over,” Sami announced, ending the call abruptly.
Julian barely had a moment to think before the doorbell rang. “How did they get here so soon?” Julian wondered aloud.
Getting up from his bed, Julian made his way to the window. He saw a car parked outside. His instincts told him it was Romeo’s.
“Well I’m not gonna let him in,” Julian said to himself, crossing his arms. “He can sit out there all night for all I care.”
After a minute or two, Julian was biting his nails furiously. He glimpsed Romeo heading back to his car. Romeo rooted around for a while before coming back to the house and knocking even louder. Julian let out a sigh. Unable to help himself, he cautiously made his way downstairs.
Romeo didn’t look good. He was shaking and sweating. He was running his hands through his hair and making it stick up at odd angles.
“I heard what happened,” Julian said, his voice flat. He was shocked at his own tone. It was steady and direct, serious. Soon Romeo was little more than a puddle. Tears rolled down his cheeks and a dribble of snot peeked out of his nose.
Romeo mumbled an apology, looking positively pitiful. Julian resisted the urge to wrap him into a hug. Guilty tears were not going to fix anything. Still, not willing to let him just blubber on the front step, Julian pulled him inside.
Julian took a paint-stained cloth from his back pocket and offered it so Romeo could dry his tears. The colours on the rag transferred to Romeo’s face, leaving little rainbow flecks on his flushed cheeks.
Julian couldn’t stop thinking of Ty. How scary it had been to see him hurt. How frightening it was that Romeo could do such a thing.
“How could you hurt someone like that?” Julian asked. “Did you really threaten to call the police?” His insides felt like a storm, but Julian found he remained strong and clear, at least on the outside.
Romeo winced. “I didn’t know what to do.”
Julian raised an eyebrow, sceptical.
“Honestly, I didn’t even want to fight. When I got there, I was too late to stop it. And when I saw him hit Marty I just lost it. I think it was the blood — Marty’s blood. It brought something out in me. I just . . . God, I wasn’t thinking.” Romeo sighed. “I’m so sorry . . .” he trailed off, putting his head in his hands.
“Romeo,” Julian began, “that man you hurt, you’d seen him before, right? At the party?”
Romeo looked up and nodded a little.
“The thing is, that’s Ty. My cousin.” Julian went on as Romeo’s eyes grew wide. “The other guy is his partner, Harvey.”
Romeo looked down at his hands.
“It’s bad enough you — or, at least, your friends — started a fight with him,” Julian went on. He felt heat rising in his cheeks. “But threatening to call the police?” He shuddered, his voice faltering for the first time. “Romeo, he could be sent back to prison. Or worse . . .”
The two sat in silence. When, before, quiet moments together felt close, intimate, and comfortable, this time it was anything but. It was a long, tense silence. It clouded over all the other noises of the house and the street outside. Eventually, Romeo admitted, “I didn’t know . . .”
“Clearly,” Julian replied.
“I’m sorry,” Romeo said desperately. He was still sweating and shaking a bit. Maybe he’s still in shock, thought Julian.
“I don’t need your apology.”
Romeo tried to explain to Julian that it wasn’t his idea. That he didn’t even want to talk to the police. But Julian made it clear and simple. “If it was your friends, then talk your friends out of it,” he said. “You could literally destroy Ty’s life.”
Romeo nodded. “Ben was the one who started everything. He was just all worked up. He gets like that sometimes.”
“Honestly, Romeo,” Julian admitted with a sigh, “I really like you. Like, really, really like you. And I want this to work. But right now, everyone I know hates you.”
“And everyone I know hates even the idea of you!” Romeo answered. At Julian’s stern look he added, “But I really like you too. And I want this to work.”
The two shared a sad sort of smile. “I do too.” said Julian. “I could talk to Ty,” he offered. “See if he’ll meet with you to talk things out.”
Romeo nodded again. “I’d like that,” he replied, his voice cracking only a little.
As Julian went to grab his phone, he felt a fire growing in his chest. It was no longer the heat of anger but instead a sense of pride. Not in Romeo — though he was glad that Romeo wanted to make things right — but in himself. It turned out, Julian had discovered he could face disaster
. The worst could happen, and he didn’t have to hide away. There was no way to know how this might go, but he was going to do his best to help. That was something he could offer to the people he loved.
12
Confessions
It took a while, but as the evening wore on, Julian began to relax into Romeo’s company again. As they laced their fingers together, he began to breathe a little deeper.
Romeo told Julian how he’d gotten into it with his parents before he left home that night. Julian breathed with him, running his fingers along Romeo’s scar. “I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go,” Romeo admitted, picking up Julian’s hand. “I wish I could make this all go away,” he whispered.
“Even me?” Julian teased.
“No,” Romeo replied, more serious than Julian expected. “Never you. I never want you to go away.”
Julian came closer and they rested against each other. They let time stand still for just a while, softly breathing together.
A knock at the door interrupted their moment. “That must be Sami,” Julian said. “I called them before you got here. Can you let them in? I’m gonna call Ty.”
Julian left Romeo and Sami alone while he made his call.
“Hey, Jules,” Ty answered the phone.
“Hey,” Julian replied. Ty was silent, so Julian continued. “I’ve got kind of a weird request.”
“Yeah?” Ty asked.
“You know that guy who hit you? He’s . . . at my place.”
“Oh, Goddess, Julian, are you all right? Do you need me to come —”
“No, no,” Julian interjected, “he . . . he wants to apologize.” Julian bit at his nails. “Would you come over and talk with him?”
“I’ll see you in a bit,” Ty said simply. Before Julian could get another word in, there was a click as Ty ended the call.
Julian’s stomach tightened with nerves. “Well, better sooner than later I guess,” he mumbled.
“I brought double-chocolate cookies!” called out Sami. Julian grinned — Sami knew those were his favourite.
Romeo was quiet after learning that Ty was on his way. Thankfully, hanging out with Sami was easy, and much more pleasant than nervously counting down the minutes until Ty’s arrival.
“Did you see, your mom’s protest made the news!” Sami exclaimed. Julian shrugged, reaching for a third cookie to munch. “Your mom’s so cool,” they raved. “I wish my parents could be like that!” Sami sighed. They looked a bit down for a moment, before perking up again and adding, “Oh! And I heard there’s gonna be another big demo on Saturday. But I’m sure you know that. Your mom’s probably doing the whole thing!”
Julian just shrugged again. He didn’t try to follow all the stuff his mom got up to. Even so, a heavy ball of guilt began to pull Julian down from the inside as he thought of his mother. All the hard work she was doing for her causes, and his friends were getting involved, too. Everyone was doing their part to make the world a better place. What had he ever done for anyone? He’d started following in his mother’s footsteps for a while. But now, he wasn’t even doing that. The thought of going out there — with all those people, with news cameras and the threats of violence — made his stomach squeeze even tighter.
A burst of laughter from Romeo and Sami broke Julian’s train of thought. The pair were cracking up at a joke Julian had missed. He looked at them, smiling a little. Maybe Romeo could fit in with his friends after all. Just then, a knock came at the door, and the three fell silent. Julian’s anxiety was already making him feel sick.
Julian let in Ty, and Harvey followed behind. As Julian led the group into the living room, the five of them were quiet as Ty and Harvey sat down together on the old, patched-up loveseat. The rest of the group sat on surrounding chairs of varying types. Sami picked a spot next to Julian. Romeo took a seat on a stool.
Julian glanced at the faces around the room, unsure how this was supposed to play out.
“Romeo,” he said at last, “Maybe you can start?” He found his voice again, the one that was steady and direct. Julian stayed focused, willing Romeo to answer.
Romeo took a deep breath. He looked Ty in the eye, and said, “I’m really sorry. For today, for everything. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t the kind of guy I want to be.”
Julian breathed a short and quiet sigh of relief.
Ty said nothing. He just held Harvey’s hand and focused on Romeo.
“I want you to know that I’m . . . I’m gay too,” Romeo admitted. “I mean, I think I am anyway. I don’t know, but I mean . . . Whatever, the point is, I should have known better. I know it might not make sense, but I didn’t want to fight at all.”
Julian looked to Ty, but his face was still and impossible to read.
“After I saw you hit Marty, I don’t know what came over me,” Romeo continued. His voice cracked a little and his face turned red. “Honestly, I’m just really, really sorry. I’ll never do something like that again, I swear.” After a moment, he added, “Oh, and look . . . My friend who was saying that stuff about the police? I think he was just freaked out, because no one ever calls him on his shit.” Ty was stoic as ever while Romeo seemed increasingly flustered. “But, uh, I’m gonna make sure he doesn’t call the cops, okay? I promise. I don’t want to make things any worse.”
The room settled into silence. Everyone was looking from Romeo to Ty and then back to Romeo.
Finally, Ty stood, walked over to Romeo, and extended his hand. “Thanks,” he said.
Romeo accepted the hand and Ty pulled him up into a bear hug. Julian’s whole body relaxed and he leaned back into the couch. Sami patted his shoulder. When Ty put Romeo back down he said, “You’ve got some shitty friends though.” Romeo nodded and Julian smirked a little.
“I’ve been pretty shitty myself,” Romeo admitted, “until this one appeared in my life.” He looked at Julian, giving a hesitant smile.
“He’s special like that,” Ty replied.
Julian looked away, hiding behind his bangs. He didn’t feel special. Guilt still tightened in his gut as he thought about how Ty must have waited for him, how he’d abandoned his cousin when he needed Julian the most.
“When I was away,” Ty continued, turning to Julian, “I thought my life was over. But Julian, he wrote to me. He just talked to me, even when everyone else stopped. He kept me going. He just told me about his life, what was going on, and he . . . he reminded me that I had somebody to live for.”
Julian looked up, amazed.
“We’re family, Jules,” Ty said gently. Julian felt his eyes welling up. “I know we don’t have Uncle C around anymore. But I’m always here for you.”
Julian leaped up and Ty wrapped him in a big hug. He pressed his tears into his cousin’s chest, overflowing in gratitude.
Ty and Harvey decided to stay for dinner. Soon the group was relaxing together, like old friends. After they split a pizza, Julian was cleaning up in the kitchen when Sami joined him. He could hear the other three talking in the next room.
Sami leaned against the door and remarked, “That was pretty brave.”
“What, getting pizza with olives and pineapple?” Julian laughed, taking apart the pizza box for the recycling.
“You,” Sami answered. “You were pretty brave.” They shrugged. “Getting those guys together, helping them talk it out.”
Julian blushed. “I just wanted them to get along.”
A burst of laughter came from the next room over and Julian smiled at the sound.
“Well, good work.” Sami grinned.
Eventually, Ty and Harvey headed back home, and Sami caught a ride with them. Julian was left with Romeo, in a house still warm with the energy of their evening.
“Do you want to come up?” Julian offered.
Romeo blushed only a little before following Julian to his room. The pair collapsed onto t
he bed. Julian began to play with Romeo’s hair. Romeo looked up and said, “You’ve got a pretty amazing life, you know that?”
Julian glanced up and out the window, smiling. He did, didn’t he? It hadn’t seemed that way before. But today was a good day — good enough that he even had hope for tomorrow.
That was when Julian knew he could finally trust Romeo, and he told him so.
In reply, Romeo showed that he felt the same. “Julian, I love you.”
13
Second Chances
Julian hunched over the kitchen table, attempting to re-write his final paper. He had decided to try again, determined not to fail twice. The topic was written across the top of the outline: “Compare the lives of two of the greatest artists.” Julian gritted his teeth, reviewing the readings on Rembrandt, Van Gogh, da Vinci, Picasso, Monet, and Michelangelo. All of them long-dead, European men, none of whom Julian found very inspiring.
With a sigh, Julian’s thoughts turned to his new love. Romeo had awoken early and left only a note — he needed to go home and speak with his parents. Julian’s stomach clenched with worry and he glanced at his phone. There were no new messages. Turning the device face-down, Julian went back to the computer. He got lost in his thoughts so deeply he didn’t even hear Angie come home.
“Hello, my jewel,” his mother sang. Julian spun around for a hug. She stepped back, warning, “Careful, these scrubs are filthy!”
As she went to get changed, Julian followed, welcoming the distraction. Angie told him about how long the overnight shift was and the little dramas among the nursing staff. When she sat down, she waved for him to come and rub her shoulders a while. As he did so, she asked, “Whatever happened to that cute snack you brought home?”
Julian was puzzled for a moment, then let out a laugh. “Mom! Romeo wasn’t just a snack. I really like him! And he likes me!”
Angie sighed and rolled her eyes before closing them again. She nodded as he found the right spot to work his fingers. “Why don’t you go out with someone more on your level?”
Just Julian Page 5
