by P J Stanley
Tell
Me
Every
Lie
P. J. Stanley
Copyright © P.J. Stanley
Copyright © Travis Szablewski
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
promise
Emily Keller combed her fingers through her long, brown locks, smoothing the curled strands behind her ears. The conversations buzzing around her melted into one, the voices circling around her, growing louder and louder as her hazel eyes scanned the bustling dining area inside Joe’s Diner. Emily’s black flats shifted on the tile floor, the bottoms clinging to the sticky linoleum plastered with syrup and dried soda. She never understood what her daughter, Blair, saw in this place. It was always her favorite. After a year in Greece, Blair told her the first thing she wanted was a double patty melt from good old Joe’s.
This had been the longest that they had been apart. Ever since she was born, Blair and Emily had been inseparable. Emily was the center of every mom’s envy during Blair’s high school career. While their sons and daughters were out drinking behind the old windmill on Route 4 or wasting their weekends getting high on the docks at Ivy Lake, Blair and Emily were going shopping, seeing movies, or staying in to binge-watch Netflix and eat bad Chinese food. Emily knew what all the other PTA moms thought of her.
She’s not even acting like her mother.
You can’t be best friends with your daughter.
She understood their envy. She understood their judgment. Not everyone could understand the relationship that she and Blair had. The first time she held Blair, Emily promised herself for the first time that she would never be like her own mother. She would never become Roberta Keller.
Judgmental.
Rigorous.
Uncompromising.
There was no sex talk. There was no talk about the confusion and terror she felt when she got her first period. Roberta was too busy holding the vodka bottle when she should have been holding Emily. But Emily was haunted by the same demons that haunted her mother. The thirst. The addiction. The tip of Emily’s tongue pressed through her chapped lips as she swallowed, her throat arid and scratchy, as her eyes drifted to the couple sitting in the booth across from her own.
Emily’s eyes settled on the beer bottle the woman held, the liquid swirling along the curved edges as Emily watched the woman bring the bottle to her red, pouty lips.
All she needed was a sip.
A taste.
Emily’s two front teeth nibbled on her bottom lip as she reached forward, wrapping her hand around the glass of ice water. She swallowed as the crisp water slithered down her throat. She set the glass back on the red table as a tall, blonde waitress stepped up to the booth, her black apron covered with ketchup stains.
“Are you ready to order yet?” the young woman asked, a fake smile stretching across her face.
“I’m waiting for someone.” Emily smiled and nodded. “Rough day?” Emily asked, motioning toward the red splatters on the black fabric wrapped around her tiny waist.
“You can say that again!” The girl smiled. “Are you sure there isn’t anything else I can get you? An appetizer or a drink?”
“No, thank you,” Emily said, shaking her head and staring at the table as she rolled the crinkled straw wrapper between her thumb and index finger. The young waitress nodded and spun around, zipping around the crowded tables. She couldn’t risk being caught with a drink. Blair thought she had quit drinking entirely. The truth was she hadn’t been to her meetings in two months. She had control now. She wasn’t dependent on the buzz. The stories she heard in group all ran together in her head. It was almost as if the classes made her want to drink more. She knew with Hank by her side, she could kick it fully, someday.
“Mom!” a soft voice rang out, ringing in Emily’s ears as the word crashed through the dozens of other conversations blaring around her. Emily glanced to her left to see Blair Bradley. Blair’s blue eyes were wide with excitement. Her thin arms opened wide as she rushed toward the booth, her long, blonde hair whipping through the air behind her.
“Blair!” Emily smiled, scooting out from the booth as she stood. Blair shuffled toward her, throwing her arms around her mother.
“Oh, my God! I missed you so much!” Blair said as a warm tear streamed down her cheek, her lips quivering with every word she said.
“Trust me, I missed you more,” Emily said as she rested her chin on Blair’s shoulder, hugging her daughter tighter and tighter as she felt Blair’s heartbeat against her own. Emily closed her eyes, inhaling the familiar, sweet, coconut smell of Blair’s blonde locks.
“That was the longest year of my life,” Blair said as she released her mother, removing her shoulder bag as she shifted into the booth seat. Emily sat down across from Blair, scooting to the middle, as she stared back at Blair. She got more beautiful every time she saw her.
“But I bet it was worth it,” Emily said. She reached across the table and cupped Blair’s hands tightly. “Tell me all about it! How was Greece?”
“Mom, it was absolutely beautiful, the Temple of Aphaia and the Maitland Monument. It was like stepping into a totally different universe; I mean, their culture and their food! I can’t tell you how much moussaka I ate. It was all just so amazing. I still can’t believe I went.” She laughed.
“You’re only twenty-one and you’ve already been to more countries than your old mom,” Emily quipped.
“I really did miss you, though. It was a rough adjustment. I mean, I had my housemates and everything, but it was so weird not being there with you, not seeing you every single day. I wish you could have gone with me,” Blair said.
“Well, I want to see all the pictures. I’ll live vicariously through you,” Emily said, squeezing Blair’s hands tighter.
“Mom, you have no idea how much I missed you. Seriously,” Blair said, shaking her head. “So enough about me. What’s been going on here? Same old, same old?”
“You just got back from Greece and you want to talk about my boring little life?” Emily grinned, shaking her head gently.
“Yes! Did I miss anything exciting?”
“No, not a darn thing.” Emily said. “Hank just started a new construction job. They’re building a new bank on the corner of Paulson and Main.”
“He still hasn’t proposed?” Blair asked, her eyes narrowing on her mother.
“God, you want me to get married more than I want to get married.”
“No, I just know Hank makes you happy. He’s a catch and I know he’ll pop the question someday. I mean, he’s got to. You guys have been together for two years and you’re both not getting any younger,” Blair teased.
“Yeah, thanks for the reminder,” Emily said, rolling her eyes. “But you know it was hard for me after the divorce with your dad, and his separation from Christy wasn’t that joyful either. We just want to take our time.”
“Well, hopefully not too much time. You know it will happen at some point.”
“So how was Cole? Was he ecstatic to see you? He must have missed you a whole lot,” Emily said.
“I’ve never seen him so affectionate in my entire life, which m
akes sense since he hasn’t been getting any for a year,” Blair said, giggling.
“Blair!” Emily cackled, her eyes scanning the diner that surrounded them as her cheeks grew hot.
“Did you do what I asked?” Blair inquired, biting the corner of her bottom lip nervously.
“Yes, I drove by the apartment every now and then. I never saw a car there. As far as I know, he was a very good boy,” Emily said. “I bet Zoey was happy to see you, too.”
“Oh, yeah.” Blair smiled as she reached forward and grabbed her mother’s water glass. “She missed having someone to copy off of in Anatomy and Physiology. She was really happy to see me though. She kept an eye on Cole, too. Having a friend living right down the hall has more perks than just borrowing tampons.” Blair giggled and sipped from her mother’s straw.
“I guess you haven’t talked to your dad, have you?” Emily asked. Blair’s button nose scrunched up in disgust as she shook her head. She hadn’t talked to her father since last Christmas. Now, here they were in February, a year and two months later, and still not a single syllable uttered to him. Emily knew Blair took the divorce hard, understandably so. What he did hurt Blair just as much as it hurt Emily.
“I have nothing to say to him. I refer to him as the sperm donor now.” She laughed.
“Blair, that’s not nice,” Emily reprimanded. Sure, she agreed. But she would never let Blair know that.
“Please, Mom. Don’t act like you two became best friends while I was gone. It would take more than a year to patch that shit show up.”
“Well, I think it’s time the two of you get past this little disagreement,” Emily said.
“How are your meetings going?” Blair asked, shoving the conversation and hurling it into a new direction.
“That was a smooth transition.”
“Well, I just don’t want to talk about Dad, okay?” Blair sighed. “So, how are the meetings?”
“They’re going great. I am now six months sober,” Emily lied.
“Mom, that’s great! See! I had every faith in you,” Blair grinned.
“I know. It was hard with you being gone but I just buckled down. Hank helped me through it a lot.”
“It’s just really nice to see you so happy and healthy, Mom. I know you’ve had your issues and your struggles, but we all have. What matters is how you handle them, how you overcome them. I’m really proud of you.” Blair smiled, two dimples forming on her round, supple cheeks.
“And I’m proud of you,” Emily said, “for finally coming home.” Emily giggled as Blair smiled. “Promise you’ll never leave me again?” Emily joked, reaching forward once more. Emily’s fingers locked around Blair’s as her blue eyes darted up to her mother’s.
“I promise.”
desire
Emily’s hands wrapped around the steering wheel of her Honda Civic as she stared through the windshield. The rays of sun danced along the clear glass as Emily’s eyes stared forward, the old shops of downtown Elwood swirling by as she spun the wheel to the right. And that’s when she saw it: The Elwood Community Center, the yellow paper AA sign taped to the glass door.
She knew she should go back.
She knew the desire for the bottle still lurked deep down inside her, waiting in the shadows, preparing to slither to the surface at any given second. But now that Blair was back, she had the strength to quit for good. She had the drive to try again. The booze was the main reason she and Mitch called it quits in the first place; well, that and the affair he had with his big-chested, blonde, bubbly, size zero, twenty-one-year-old receptionist, Callie. She still remembered the feeling when she found out. The way her stomach sank and twisted inside her as she saw the text messages on his phone. The way his eyes widened when he walked into the room, all of his precious secrets hidden beneath the touch screen that trembled in her hands.
A year after the divorce was when she met Hank. It was all an accident, and it was the best accident that ever could have happened to Emily. That accident saved her life. It was supposed to be a blind date set up by her best friend, Kate. She still remembered the smell of the sweet pink Moscato she was sipping at the bar. She still remembered the feeling of watching the old clock on the wall, the hands moving faster and faster with every glass she finished.
He never showed.
And that’s when she met Hank. Both of them, the only ones left at Willy’s Bar. Both of them stood up. She liked his smile and his sense of humor, the sweet smell of his cologne, and the way his right eye closed slightly when he laughed too hard. They shut the bar down that night. And then she woke up with him the very next day as the morning light shimmered through the curtains, illuminating the night’s mistake that slept next to her. Little did she know that the mistake that her arm was draped across would be the best mistake of her life. He walked her through recovery. He held her hand through the nights of tears and anger and rage. He held her in his arms when all she wanted was to taste the liquor on her lips and the warm glow in her chest.
She would never heal.
She would never not be an addict.
It would always haunt her. But Hank was the water that tamed the fire burning in her. He kept her demons locked up, secured tightly in the cage hidden behind her heart. They would always be there calling her name. But Hank knew their language, and he knew how to talk them down.
But no one could ever stop them. Not even Emily herself.
Emily turned her wheel to the left, pulling into Kate and Greg McCallister’s driveway. Emily stared forward as she eyed Kate’s white minivan parked in front of the garage. Emily pushed her door open and stepped out of her car, her flats clicking on the concrete as she made her way to the front porch. She glanced back, eying her own home across the street, the small, gray two-story Victorian she bought after the divorce. She had met Kate two years ago when she and Greg moved to Elwood. Of course, they bonded over wine and, soon after, Kate discovered that Emily’s love for wine was much more than a hobby. But she never judged Emily. She never talked down to her about her addiction and her afflictions. And that bought Emily’s loyalty. In this day and age, it’s hard to find people like Kate and Greg. Their hearts, open and honest and full of compassion.
Emily shuffled up the creaky front porch steps and reached forward, wrapping her hand around the golden doorknob, and turned. The white front door sounded off on its hinges as Emily peeked inside, eying the messy foyer. Emily stepped inside, carefully moving around the numerous toy cars scattered along the gray hardwood.
“Kate, are you home?” Emily called out, closing the door behind her.
“In the kitchen!” Kate called out.
“If this is a bad time? I can just call you later!” Emily said as she stepped to the right, making her way through the kitchen doorway.
“No, it’s always a bad time. There is no such thing as a good time in this house.” Kate giggled. Emily’s eyes settled on Kate McCallister as she slowly walked from the refrigerator in the corner, her large baby bump pressed tightly against the front of her white floral blouse.
“How are you feeling? Still dealing with the morning sickness?” Emily asked as she moved toward Kate and gently placed her hand against the hard bump.
“I swear, it was not this bad with Eli. This baby is determined to kill me. It never wants me to eat ever again,” Kate said as she pulled her long black hair behind her shoulders, tying it up in a high ponytail.
“It’s weird how you’re still getting sick. It usually ends after a couple of months,” Emily said as she walked to the coffeemaker on the counter and poured herself a cup.
“It did with Eli.” Kate sighed heavily as she sank into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Emily turned, sipping the hot coffee, as her eyes scanned the stack of dirty dishes piled in the sink. “Please don’t mind the mess. Greg was supposed to do those last night, but he coincidentally had to work late at the office.”
“That’s original.” Emily chuckled as she cupped the warm mug in her han
d and sat in the chair beside Kate.
“So, how was Blair?” Kate asked as a big grin spread across her face.
“She was great. You have no idea how happy I am that she’s finally back. I just missed her so much,” Emily said, sipping from the mug as the steam filled her nostrils. “It’s a struggle. As a mother, you never want your kids to leave you.”
“Speak for yourself,” Kate joked as she smirked, rubbing her hand along her large stomach. “You could have borrowed Eli for a year.”
“Is he still acting up?”
“Look at this house and you tell me,” Kate said, shaking her head. “He’s already so jealous. He threw the biggest fit at the store when we were picking toys out for the baby. It’s like he doesn’t understand. He thinks there’s only enough attention in this house for him and him alone.”
“That’s normal. I mean it’s a big change for him, too. But I’m sure when the baby gets here in two months, he’ll love it.”
“He told me he was going to flush it down the toilet,” Kate said as she rolled her eyes.
“Well, it may just take him some time.” Emily smiled.
“I don’t know. I mean, maybe me and Greg did this too soon. I mean, maybe we should have waited til Eli was a little older.”
“He’s four, Kate. He’ll come around. He should be excited. He’s going to be the big brother,” Emily said.
“I just think maybe this wasn’t the right time.”
“What do you mean? Do you wish you weren’t having it?” Emily asked as her smile faded.
“No, not at all,” Kate said, shaking her head. “I just think we should have planned it better. I just feel bad for him, as crazy as he’s making me. He just doesn’t get it.”
“Mom!” a high-pitched voice rang out as the sound of tiny footsteps stomped down the staircase in the foyer.
“God, I guess the Benadryl wore off,” Kate joked as she looked to the kitchen doorway. “In here!”
Emily glanced to her right as Eli McCallister raced into the kitchen, his tiny socks gliding along the white tile floor as he held an action figure in his little hands.
