by T. R. Briar
“You sure about that?” Gabriel asked. “How can I even trust you? Maybe it’s something you don’t remember. Maybe you did something so rotten you blocked it out mentally.”
“I’m not a monster. I know I don’t belong here!”
“I don’t belong here either! I’m not perfect, but come on. You really think I should be in Hell, just because I tried to look out for myself a little? That’s how politics works! Sometimes you gotta force things to get on top!”
He spoke bluntly, and Rayne couldn’t believe his conviction. If they really were in Hell, then he knew he could not trust this man. But was he any better, trapped in the same predicament? And right now, Gabriel was the only other human here. Rayne was tired of running around, terrified by each new thing that hunted him from the shadows. If they were damned, this man could be his only potential ally. He stood up, and faced Gabriel eye to eye. Gabriel started to speak, but Rayne cut him off.
“I don’t agree with that. And I also don’t know you, and under other circumstances, I feel we might be enemies. But right now, it doesn’t matter. You’re here, I’m here, and we need each other to survive. We need to help each other find a way to escape this fate. What do you say?”
Gabriel didn’t break his gaze away from Rayne’s intense stare. He glared at him for a moment, then relaxed, and held out his hand.
“Now you’re starting to make sense. Put ‘er there. You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.”
Rayne clasped his hand and shook it. Here in the dark places of existence, he’d take whatever help he could find.
* * *
David didn’t talk much about his date the next morning, and Rayne hadn’t bothered to ask. Conversation around the breakfast table didn’t rise much over a word or two. Levi wolfed down his cereal, and watched his father poke at the toast on his plate.
“What’s the matter, Daddy? Aren’t you hungry?”
Rayne didn’t quite know how to answer that. He hadn’t felt much like eating since the accident. Hospital food being as unappetizing as it was hardly made that a surprise, but now that he was home, he still didn’t care to eat anything. His mind overflowed with too many distractions to worry about whatever simple pleasure food would bring him.
“Come on, Levi, I’ll bring you to school,” David said as he rose from the table.
Levi grabbed his book bag and waited by the door.
“He’s worried about you, you know,” David told Rayne in a low voice so the child couldn’t hear. “I know it’s been hard for you, but try to force something down.”
“Right. Are you working today?”
“I start late afternoon, and I probably won’t be home until tomorrow. Tommy’s mother will see to it that Levi gets home. I want you to rest, and don’t worry about anything, all right?”
“Right, right.” Rayne traced a finger over one of his wheels.
“I’ll stop by the shops after I drop Levi off, be back in a few hours.” David grabbed his coat and ushered Levi out the door, closing it behind him with a soft click.
Rayne spent most of that day idling, pondering the previous night in his head. Everything felt very dull now, after the madness he’d been through, now he sat bored, alone at home with nothing to do, trapped by his condition and still forbidden from doing any work. David came back with groceries, and they chatted for a few hours about nothing in particular, before he left for work, leaving Rayne alone once again.
Around three in the afternoon, boredom struck, and Rayne decided to do something with his time. He’d made up his mind after that second encounter with Gabriel. This nightmare world was starting to seem far too real to be any kind of dream, and he’d never had that kind of imagination before. He had to be sure.
He grabbed a phone, and balanced the receiver on his shoulder while he fumbled with the touch pad. It would still be early morning, but Gabriel should be at work right now. Since it was Friday, if he didn’t do this today, he’d have to wait out the entire weekend to try again. And that was far too long to go without knowing.
He punched the number into the phone and listened to the tone as his call connected. After three short rings, he heard a click, followed by a woman’s voice.
“Senator Baines’ office, this is Sharla, how can I help you?”
Rayne almost hung up, his nerves fraying. He forced himself to speak.
“I need to speak with a Mr. Gabriel Baines. Is he in?”
“He’s in a meeting right now. If you’d like to schedule an appointment I can set that up for you right now.”
“No, that’s all right, I’m calling from out of country. Could you let me know when he might be available?”
“I’m not at liberty to give out his schedule, but if you’d like to leave your name and number I could have him call you ba—”
The woman’s voice cut off, and Rayne heard muffled voices in the background. After a moment she spoke again.
“He just walked out of his office. Could I have your name please?”
“It’s, ah, Rayne. Rayne Mercer. I’m an acquaintance of his, and I’d just like to speak with him for a moment, if that’s possible.”
More muffled voices leaked through the receiver, strained as though the receptionist had covered the mouthpiece of her phone with one hand. There was an exchange of sounds back and forth, that of the woman, and a lower register belonging to a man. Rayne couldn’t make out any words, but the tone of the conversation seemed abrupt, very curt. After a few short seconds, the woman once again spoke to him.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Mercer, but he says he’s never heard of you. If this is an urgent matter, I can write down your number, but he’s on his way out the door.”
Rayne’s heart froze for a moment as he processed what she said. Gabriel Baines didn’t recognize his name at all? Then that could only mean that this was all in his head. And he’d just stupidly called a total stranger.
“Sir? Sir, are you still there? If you’d just give me your number I can—”
Rayne cut her off. “No, no, I think have the wrong number. Sorry to be a bother.” He slammed the receiver down into its cradle, ashamed of believing even for a moment that anything he saw in his dreams could be a reality.
A slamming door distracted him from his thoughts.
“Daddy? Are you there?”
Rayne wheeled himself out of the study to greet his son.
“How was school?” he asked, trying to mask how fake his words sounded.
“It was all right, I guess. The teacher gave us a lot of books to read.”
“Anything interesting?”
“No, not really.” Levi shuffled his feet.
“What is it, Levi? Did something happen?”
“No, nothing like that.”
Rayne pulled him down to his chest. “Come on, you can tell me. What’s wrong?”
Levi rejected his father’s embrace. “David said it would be rude to ask you.”
“Did he now? Is this about the accident? If there’s something bothering you, you can ask me. I won’t get mad, I promise.”
Levi didn’t look him in the eye. “They said when the car hit you, you died. But then they brought you back to life.”
“Yes, that’s modern medicine for you.”
“I was wondering—What was Heaven like?”
Rayne blinked. “He-heaven?”
“When people die, they go to Heaven, right? So, didn’t you go to Heaven?”
“Well, I—” Rayne’s mind raced. His son was just a child, and he didn’t want to give an answer that would upset him, but he didn’t quite know what to tell the boy. “I wasn’t dead for very long, so it’s hard to say.”
“But you were still dead.”
Rayne ran his hand over his face, trying to think. “It’s hard to remember that sort of thing. But if I had to describe it, I’d say what I saw was like a dream.”
“Were there angels? Did you see lots of clouds?” Levi stared upwards for a moment. “What about your mum a
nd daddy? Did you see them? Or—did you see my mummy?”
“I—your mummy? My mother and father?” A strange, cold look crossed over Rayne’s face. Levi saw this and froze. Tears trickled down his cheeks.
“I’m sorry, I should have listened to David. I have to do my reading exercises.” The boy grabbed his books, and could not run into his room fast enough. The door slammed shut behind him.
“Levi, wait! I—” Rayne called out after him. He pushed his chair forward and knocked on his son’s door. He tried the handle but found the door locked. “Levi, open the door!”
“I’m sorry, Daddy” he heard his son’s tearful voice from inside. “I won’t ask again. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad, I’m just—” This was making Rayne’s head hurt. “We can talk about this more when you’re ready. I’m going to go lie down. There’s supper in the fridge when you get hungry.”
He wheeled himself back towards his own bedroom. His son’s questions had disturbed him, but not for the reasons Levi seemed to think. A child’s curiosity didn’t bother him. But something else left an unsettling feeling inside him. The mention of Levi’s mother, for one. His son was aware she had passed on, though at his young age, he did not fully grasp the concept of death. He had never known her, or what kind of person she was, and Rayne had felt it best not to give too many details. But it was the other thing he had asked, about his grandparents, that strayed in Rayne’s mind, and it worried him.
Rayne’s bedroom didn’t have a lot of décor. There was the bed, and the nightstand. Off to the side stood a closet, with a chair nearby where he always tossed his suit so he could grab it the next morning without effort. Now it lay bare, as it would remain for quite a while. There was also a chest at the foot of the bed, full of a few old personal effects, and Rayne pulled this open and began rooting around.
Near the bottom, he found an old photo album. It was well-kept and filled with photos of Rayne’s life. Near the back were pictures of Levi, with birthday photos and his first day of school. Flipping towards the front Rayne saw pictures of himself graduating from university. Further back, he saw himself as a teenager, and then as a child, photos taken in an old quaint home with patterned wallpaper and wooden floors. In many of these old pictures, he was surrounded by two people: a kind, older woman with her black hair done up in a bun, a cheerful face creased with slight hints of aged wrinkles, and an older gentleman of light hair and thin face with a hardened expression, dressed in a suit. The two of them appeared in many photos with young Rayne. But the present Rayne stared in confusion. He did not recognize anything about this childhood home, and furthermore, as he looked at the two people who were clearly his parents, only one thought echoed in his head.
I do not know them.
Chapter 4
Awkward silence dominated most of the weekend. Levi came out of his room, but could not bring himself to speak with his father, or even look him in the eye. David mediated the tense atmosphere as best he could, sensing something amiss, but his efforts to bring up conversation always fell flat. Rayne was too bewildered to entertain any of his friend’s attempts at socializing.
The nights were the worst for him. Without fail, the moment he’d fallen asleep on Friday, he’d once again found himself in that strange hell. He encountered a number of hostile monsters, screaming creatures with many limbs and tentacles that had chased him through a rocky wasteland, strewn with bones. He began to understand why Gabriel had been so dismissive of that bloody battlefield, because here he found more of the same, just scattered bodies and fallen weapons. Rayne had avoided the monsters themselves without too much difficulty, as more simple-minded targets often distracted them, and he hid himself to keep as unnoticeable as possible.
Gabriel had not appeared to him again. Just further proof that he was merely a character from Rayne’s diseased imagination, now no longer necessary. Though he didn’t care much for the him, Rayne felt more alone in this dreamscape without his presence. With nobody to stand beside him as an ally, he feared for his life.
He tried to weasel out of his nightly fate. When the sun set on Saturday, he refused to go to bed. He went to his bedroom and wasted the night reading over a book, trying to recall his childhood, even returning to the photo album at one point. But alas, his memories still eluded him. By Sunday he was exhausted, and David figured out right away that Rayne hadn’t slept the previous night. The two of them argued about it, for so long that Levi ran and hid in his room, upset by the loud shouting. The argument screeched to a halt when Rayne, far too tired for any excitement, fell asleep right in his chair, forcing David to carry him back to his room.
Monday morning came and went. Some time after noon, the bedroom door opened and Rayne wheeled himself up to the breakfast table, eyes dark, hair a mess, an irritated look on his face.
“You look like you’ve been through hell,” David joked. “You see what happens when you skip a night of sleep? I’m surprised you weren’t in bed longer.”
“I guess I learned my lesson,” Rayne muttered. “I skip a night, I sleep for twice as long the next. That—that was a terrible idea.”
“Then we’re agreed. Don’t do that to your body. You’re healing, remember?”
Rayne rolled his eyes. “Levi at school?”
“Yeah, I brought him a few hours ago. But I think you and I need to talk. I’ve noticed Levi’s been avoiding you all weekend. What happened?”
Rayne saw David had made tea and grabbed a cup, but he had no interest in taking any food. He clutched the warm vessel in his hands.
“He asked me what it was like to be dead, and if I saw heaven.”
“Oh. Oh.” David winced. “I told him not to ask you that.”
“He almost lost his father. Of course he was going to ask me.”
“That explains why Levi wouldn’t tell me what happened.” David pulled up a seat at the table. “Poor boy.”
“David?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you remember much about my parents?”
“Yeah, it’s been a while hasn’t it? I can’t say I really knew them. I only met them a few times back when we were in school together. But you haven’t really mentioned them much, have you? Not since the accident.” David trailed off, staring down at the wooden grain lines in the table. “Now I see what this is about. I don’t know why I didn’t see the connection sooner.”
“What connection?”
“The accident? Your parents died in that car crash. No wonder you’ve been out of sorts. You lost them because of something like that, and then you almost die getting hit by a car. Look, I know it won’t mean a lot coming from me, but it’s just a coincidence. It’s not as if automobiles have it in for your entire family or something.”
Rayne stared at David, dumbfounded. “My parents died in a car accident?”
“Eight years ago. You don’t remember?”
For a moment Rayne hesitated.
“I know things have been foggy lately,” David went on, “but surely you’d remember something like that. The money they left helped you take care of Levi. There was also the settlement money from the lorry driver that knocked them off the road.”
Rayne just sat there, not even blinking.
“Rayne? Do you remember anything about them?”
After another minute of blank staring, Rayne gave up, and spoke the truth.
“There’s nothing. I don’t even remember having parents. I looked through my scrapbook and there were these two strangers. I’d never seen them before in my life.”
David’s brow furrowed as he rose from his seat. “That’s not good. Not good at all. The doctors must have overlooked something. I’m taking you back to the hospital to have a specialist check you out. It’s possible they missed something.”
“But—”
“No buts. I’ll ring them to see if there’s anybody available and we’ll leave right away. This could be serious; you should’ve told me you’ve been having pr
oblems like this!”
Rayne didn’t argue. He wondered, if a specialist could find something wrong with his brain, maybe fix him so he could sleep at night. So, he waited without protest while David made arrangements by phone.
“All right, let’s go.” David wrapped a coat around Rayne and pushed his wheelchair out the door. They took the elevator downstairs and, in moments, they were both out on the street. David lifted Rayne up and placed him into the passenger seat, folded up and stored his chair in the back, and they were on their way.
They pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, and David helped his friend back into his chair and wheeled him in through the front door.
“Ah, Dr. Seraf. Was wondering when you’d get here,” the receptionist in the lobby greeted him. “Dr. Orban can see you in a moment, if you’d kindly wait over there.”
“All right, thank you.” David pulled Rayne’s chair out of the way. “I should go move my car; I parked in a 10 minute parking zone. Won’t be more than a moment.” He ran back out the door, leaving Rayne alone in the waiting area with the receptionist, who smiled at him, then went back to answering phones.
“Well, I’ll be, if it ain’t Mr. Mercer!” a loud, boisterous voice cut through his ears. He turned around to see Miranda’s smiling face, dressed in her usual nurse’s uniform as she walked down the hall towards him with a smile. For the first time Rayne saw her in something beside a painkiller fueled haze, and realized how attractive she was beneath the bright lights of the lobby. Her medium-length hair, normally neatly tied behind her head, was a little disheveled today, and she looked like she’d gone a while without sleeping, but despite that, she appeared quite charming, and she had a friendly, gentle atmosphere around her.
“Miranda, it’s good to see you,” he said.
“How’s the recovery coming? David taking good care of you? Not getting into any trouble, are you?”
“No, I—well, I’m getting better. David’s a bit worried about me. Just brought me in to get checked out, make sure I’m all right.”
