by Glen Cook
I could see a girl feeling safer with Penny and Robin than on the street. Trouble was, I had trouble accepting them as philanthropists. Too cynical am I.
Robin was a real chatterbox when he loosened up. I spent a lot of energy guiding him back to the main path.
"Seen her lately?"
"No. She heard her mother had come to town."
"That would make her stay away?"
"She thought her mother would look for her. And she is looking, right? You're here. She doesn't want to be found. People who don't know where she is can't give her away."
Morley and I exchanged glances. "What's she scared of?"
Robin and Penny got into the look-trading business. A growth industry. Only they were puzzled.
"You don't know." My intuition was at work. "She told a tale but you didn't buy it. Think you know her? She the kind to fill you up and leave you to feed the wolves?"
"What?"
"She knows her mother. She'd know what kind of people would be sent."
More looks flashing. The ferocious pirates of this world are paranoid. Given our record, they are justified in expecting evil of the rest of us.
Penny had spent the interview glowering at Robin. He seemed to suffer a sudden pessimistic epiphany. He barked, "Marengo North English."
"What?" Tell me I heard wrong.
"Marengo North English."
I heard right. But why did he have to say that? Things had been crazy enough. I feigned ignorance. "What's that?"
Robin tittered. "That's a who. One of our biggest customers. A very powerful underground adept."
That was disheartening news, but useful if ever I found myself dealing with the lunatic fringe.
Penny said, "He met Emmy here. Invited her into his coven. She went a few times but didn't like the people or what they wanted to do."
Robin said, "We thought she might have run to him."
I stipulated, "He could protect her." Morley looked at me askance. I said, "I've met the man. I didn't know he dabbled in black magic, though." North English mostly concentrated on virulent racism.
Penny and Robin seemed surprised, as though they had not heard of Marengo North English in any but an occult context. Silly boys. The man had a special place in his heart for their sort, too.
Morley moved sudden as heat lightning, startling us all. He ripped the alley door open, stepped out, stared for a moment, shook his head, and closed up. "Guess who?"
"Some guy who tripped over his own feet getting away."
"You win first prize. Near time to go."
"I have a few more questions."
"That guy is a lightning rod for the law."
Right. And I didn't accomplish much more, though I had hoped to get at their angle for helping Emerald. I did get the names of three people who were on speaking terms with the girl. Not real friends. Not people likely to be useful. Emerald evidently didn't have any friends.
We departed as suddenly as we had arrived. We were gone before those bold buccaneers knew we were going. We were out of the West End moments later. We were long gone before the boys in butternut closed in.
43
Miles from the West End, we ducked into a smoky dive frequented by the lowest classes. The bar was wide planks on sawhorses. The fare consisted of bad red sausages and worse green beer. Nobody paid me any mind, but Morley drew some vaguely hostile looks. Nobody would recognize him if he stayed a year, though. You don't look for Morley Dotes in that kind of place.
Morley settled opposite me at a scarred trestle table and steepled his fingers. "We have some names."
"Five. And none worth the paper it's written on."
"You reacted to one."
"Marengo North English. I don't know why the black magic connection surprised me. The man has the brain of a snake."
"You met him? Tell me about him."
"He's a loony. A racist loony. The Call. Sword of Righteousness. He wouldn't be involved in this. He would have cut Emerald off the second he heard about Maggie and the Rainmaker. Not our kind, you know, old bean."
"Wasn't what I meant. I think."
"He's the Call."
Not many patrons found themselves in circumstances sufficiently insufficient to have to take their custom into that dump, but those that did were curious. Ears pricked up and twitched first time I mentioned the Call. Second time, various faces turned toward us.
This was the sort of place where the Call would find recruits for the Sword of Righteousness, the sort of place infested by folks who'd never once in life had a bad break that was their own fault.
Morley caught the significance of my glare. "I see."
In a softer voice, I said, "He was a founding father of the Call. I met him at Weider's estate. I was doing security. Weider mentioned my military background. He tried to recruit me into the Sword of Righteousness. Sicking him on me was Weider's idea of a joke."
Party police isn't my usual, but Old Man Weider had asked nice and he's had me on retainer so long we're practically business partners. I said, "Be afraid of Marengo North English. He's crazy as hell, but he's the real thing. Had me ready to puke in his pocket two minutes after he started his spiel."
"But you didn't."
"Of course not. That was Weider's place. He was Weider's guest." The brewery retainer keeps me going through the hard times. "Like me, Weider can't help it if he has to do business with crazies."
"You didn't sign on with the Sword?"
"Give me a break. I grunted and nodded and got away from the man. The way you do when you don't want to make a scene. Why're you so interested?"
"Because I know Marengo North English, too. That man is going to be trouble. Why don't you sign up? Give sanity an agent inside."
I hemmed and hawed and cast meaningful looks at the big-eared clientele. I waved for another pint.
Morley got it. "Something to think over. We can talk about it later. Meantime, I think you're right. He might have seen a chance at some sweet young stuff, but he wouldn't keep her around ten seconds after he found out she had a scandal in her background."
I must have had a funny look on. He added, "I get to meet all kinds." I presume he had done some work for North English. I didn't ask.
"Where are you going from here, Garrett?"
"I was thinking Quefour. Not that he'll know anything."
"I need to get back to the store."
"Got to read that book?"
"Book?" He started out with a hard look, decided on a different tack. "Wasn't a book. It was gone already." He grinned. Beat me to death with honesty.
"I'm heartbroken for you." I tossed coins onto the table. The tavernkeeper made them vanish before they stopped rattling. "Thanks for your help."
"Hey, it was fun. Anytime. I have some advice for you, though."
"I can't wait."
"There's a chance black magic is involved. You should take precautions."
"I'm a certified genius. I was thinking that very thought." Really. Because I was getting uncomfortable about how easy it was for one inept gorilla to keep getting back on my tail.
I knew I would see him as soon as we stepped into the street. And he didn't disappoint me.
44
Handsome's alley was back where it belonged. I examined it as I ambled past, not wanting to lead trouble to the house of a friend. Neither did I want to make a fool of myself by stepping into something unpleasant.
Second time past I turned in, leaving the inept guy trying to blend into a mob of dwarves. What worried me was that my other fans might realize they could stay on me by keeping track of him.
The trash had deepened. It was deeper everywhere. Such was the nature of things.
The shop felt unnaturally quiet—though how that was possible I couldn't say. It never got rowdy. Maybe it was like the breathing of the mice and roaches was absent.
Handsome's ragged cat padded in, sat, fixed me with a rheumy stare. I wondered how bad its eyes were. I didn't move around. I killed tim
e watching from inside while my eyes adjusted. No point finding out how Handsome protected herself.
Then she was there. For one moment, I lapsed into a daydream and suddenly I wasn't alone.
Spooky.
She looked me in the eye. "You grew up with some sense after all."
"Only a fool goes around touching stuff in a place like this."
"Not what I meant, boy. You learned better than that when you was a pup. I'm talking about you having sense enough to know you're in over your head."
I did? I was? I nodded. I never shatter illusions.
"Garrett men just bull ahead, confident they can handle anything."
That was me, sort of. Except the part about the confidence.
"Explains how you managed to come home when they didn't."
Mystified, I let her talk. Patience is a sound strategy when you don't know what is going on. When she did slacken, I wedged in, "Wixon and White did know the girl. But it looks like Grange Cleaver faked up the black magic connection." I related the details of my adventures as I would have done for the Dead Man.
Handsome let me run dry. She let me stand empty a while, too. Then, "Why would the Rainmaker want to find the girl?"
"I don't have a clue. Maybe her mother is dead and he needs Emerald to control the estate."
"She is valuable or dangerous. One or the other."
"Or both."
"You'll have to find her to know which. Can you?"
"Given time."
"You've made enemies. And you let someone mark you with a finding spell."
"I was afraid of that. The stumblebum?"
"He's tracking you. He didn't mark you."
"Winger or Maggie, then."
"And the Jenn woman seems to be the Rainmaker in drag."
"Who wants me sleeping with the fishes."
"And who wouldn't be above using a dollop of sorcery to get his way."
"No way can this klutz be Cleaver's. Whenever I sit still long enough to draw a crowd, I accumulate one of Cleaver's own kind. So who could the guy work for?"
"Am I a mind reader? You want that, go home."
"Why did Cleaver get after me in the first place? I just can't figure that."
"At this point, why don't matter. He is. Deal with that."
I moved slightly. Just a twitch of impatience, really. But the old cat hissed.
"Patience, boy. And caution. These days a hundred evils could jump you before you got a hundred paces from this shop."
"I know." That was why I was there.
She told me, "I'm not going to let you go back out there till you're better prepared."
Who, me argue? "Thank you. That was in the back of my mind."
"I know."
"I'd be eternally grateful for any help."
"Don't heap it on with a manure fork, boy. It's all part of putting the Rainmaker in his place."
She knew the rules. Never let on how much you care. If you care, you're vulnerable.
The cat hissed again.
"What? I didn't do anything."
"Never mind Malkyn. She can smell the trouble on you. She worries about me."
Malkyn. Of course. What the hell else? "I smell the trouble on me, too. It's a curse."
"Or a calling." Her right eyebrow rose. Excellent! There was one talent I hadn't known she commanded.
"No. I just wish I could wash it off. I don't want to get into all these crazy things. I'd rather sit around the house drinking beer and—"
"You're bullshitting an old bullshitter, boy. I know more about you than you think."
My cue to hoist a brow.
"That don't slice no ice." She started moving around, fiddling, muttering. I realized she was naming names. "Hey! Wait a minute! What do they have to do with anything?"
"You wouldn't have met one of those ladies if you'd stayed holed up. And you ain't going to meet no more—"
"All right!" Truth is pain. Female remains my great weakness. A flashy smile and saucy wink can lure me away from safety.
Grinning evilly, Handsome cleared nonhuman skulls off a fern stand, started assembling her candidates for weirdest items in the shop. I started to say something but didn't get past opening my mouth.
"Give me that stick, boy."
I surrendered my headknocker, then opened my flycatcher again.
She didn't give me a chance to speak. "We don't got no idea what you're gonna run into, so what I'm gonna do is give you a range of generic defenses."
Oh, that sounded good. If it meant anything. "What are you doing to my stick?"
"Toughening it up, boy. When I get done with it, you're going to be able to whack right through all the common protective spells. You see that red thing there?"
"Looks like a dried-out sow's ear somebody dyed red?"
"The very thing. It looks like a sow's ear on account of once upon a time somebody hacked it off the side of a pig's head. I want you should take it and put it in your right front pocket. And keep it there until you settle up with the Rainmaker."
"Why?" She was getting ahead of me.
"On account of the Rainmaker is the kind who would get a laugh out of fixing you so's you wouldn't have no more reason to leave your house looking for women."
Ouch! I needed only about a quarter-second to mull things over. I accepted the sow's ear, placed it as directed. "You're the expert." Some fates are too horrible to contemplate.
"Remember it." She aligned four more objects, then regrouped them. One was a small wooden box given to fits of angry buzzing. Whatever was in there sounded huge for a bug.
Handsome noted my interest. "It's more wicked than it sounds."
"I wanted to hear that."
"It's not gonna bother you, son. Once I tell it you're its friend."
"Oh, hey, by all means. I'm a bug-lover from way back. I probably met most of its family when I was in the islands. I got intimate with lots of bugs when I was down there."
"You always did have a tongue of nonsense, boy."
What the hell did that mean?
She continued, "You don't want to use the little devil, don't bother. What they call a last resort. When you and your tongue have gotten you into something where there ain't no weaseling out, just pop that lid open."
"Yeah?" Call me dubious. I stopped being a bug booster during my Marine days. "Then what? It bites a hunk out of me and I scare the bad guys away with my screams?"
"Maybe. Or maybe it just comes home and tells me you need help."
Somehow having a bug in a box didn't sound that useful if I was in it deep, but Mom Garrett never raised her boys to backtalk the likes of Handsome. She always said we should keep our yaps shut when we were around somebody who could turn us into table scraps. There were times when Mom was pretty astute. "Uhm," I grunted.
Handsome gave me the fish-eye, then resumed her explanations. I did listen. And found my imagination captivated immediately.
Handsome offered me a doodad that looked like a wood chip stained red on one side and green on the other. She told me, "When you want you should turn invisible to that guy following you, you should rub your thumb three times across the red side here. He shouldn't ought to turn suspicious because the spell he's using isn't all that reliable. You think it would be handy having him tag along, you rub your thumb three times on the green side."
"What? Why would I want him following me?"
"How would I know?" She shrugged. "Reckon that's all I can do for you right now. Time you were getting along, anyway, boy. I've got paying customers backing up."
Where? But I only thought it.
The old cat looked at me like she was thinking about taking a bite out of my ankle before I got away. Or like she thought she would take a bite, if only she had some teeth.
Handsome patted me down, making sure I was carrying everything exactly where she wanted me carrying it.
I kept at it. "What can you tell me about—"
"Go on, boy. Out of here. Shoo. Scoot. How do you kids e
xpect me to get any work done if you pester me all day long?"
Had she gone senile all of a sudden? Or was she trying to make me nostalgic?
I treasured my childhood memories but didn't consider those times the good old days. The good old days never were. These are the good old days, right here, right now.
Won't never get no better than this.
45
I'd told Morley I would see Quefour while doubting there was any point. But brave soldier I, dedicated to my mission, I spent a half hour trying to trace that most useless of beings and learned that when last seen he had been floundering around with an inept homosexual murphy in the Tenderloin, which was a stupid game to play. The wise guys could help him take a swim with a hundred-pound rock strapped to his back.
The beauty of being your own supervisor is you set your own hours. If the spirit moves you, you can procrastinate till hunger boots you into action.
I headed for home thinking life couldn't get any better.
Of course, it could have a Chastity Blaine perched on your front stoop when you came home, so damned radiant all your male neighbors had found some reason to come out and gawk.
She was alone. I broke into a trot, wove through the crowd, felt the deep disapproval radiating from such bastions as Mrs. Cardonlos's rooming house. Chastity was the only woman in the neighborhood smiling when I puffed up. "Where's Saucerhead?" I demanded.
"Saucerhead?" She really seemed puzzled.
"You know. Saucerhead Tharpe. Big goof with snaggle teeth. Your bodyguard. Able to outsmart small rocks if you give him an hour."
She smiled grimly, not in the mood. "I let him go."
"Why'd you do a fool thing like that?" What a sweet tongue.
"I don't have to worry anymore. It seems the episode of the escaping patient who couldn't have been in the first place because there's no record of any admission tore it for me. The Knopfler Bledsoe Imperial Memorial Charity Hospital no longer welcomes my services."
"They canned you. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It was a learning experience."
"Uhm?" Philosophy straight from the Dead Man.
"I discovered that bitter old cynics like my father are right. No good deed goes unpunished."
