Silent Song

by Jaci Wheeler

  “Gah.” I drop my head to my hands.

  “You like him, don’t you?”

  “I mean at first no, I really did just want to help, I felt bad for him, you know? But since I’ve been going over there, he’s really opened up to me, Jodi. Not in words, but just, I mean it sounds weird, but he lays himself bare sometimes. We have this connection that transcends words or communication at all. We can be completely silent, yet say so much, if that makes any sense at all.”

  “Wow. I didn’t realize it was that deep.”

  “I don’t think he does either, which is the problem.”

  “Well, there’s no reason why you can’t have that connection and just be friends. I mean maybe he isn’t in a place right now where he can give back, you know? Which is fine. You can still be there for him in friendship, I just don’t want to see you hurt. You’re in college, play the field a bit, have some fun, date.”

  “I don’t know…”

  “Well, at least don’t close yourself off to it.”

  “Okay, I won’t close myself off to the idea. Now I’ve got to go, I need to pick him up for our Great America trip.” Jodi rolls her eyes but stands and heads back to her side of the room.

  “I’m so glad you took my advice to heart,” she sarcastically adds and I chuckle.

  “I did, really. It’s just as friends. He gets his cast off soon, but he’s so twitchy, I was hoping I could help. You know how it is when you’re so close to getting something you want, the end just drags on, so I’m hoping this will help a bit. It’s the last time, I promise. After this, the ball is in his court.”

  “And you’ll start seeing other people? Actually, try to meet someone else?”

  “I’m still me, Jo. I’m not going to go out of my way to meet a guy. But if one happens to find me, I won’t push him away without cause. Happy?”

  “Ecstatic. Now go have fun, I need to go to class.”

  “Have a good day,” I yell as I grab my purse and head for the door.

  “Love your face,” she yells back.

  Talking to Jodi actually makes me feel much better. I was up most of the night not focusing on my paper, but on Barrett, and trying to read him, which let’s face it, is virtually impossible. But after talking to Jodi, I realize that I do have other options. I’m not going to give up on Barrett, because everyone else minus his uncle has already done that. But I can easily give up on any romantic notions. She’s right, I’m young and it’s my time to have fun and not worry about any entanglements.

  With that weight lifted, I decide some cheery music is in order. I turn on Pharrell’s song ‘Happy’ and blare it. You can’t help but smile and car dance along to this song, which is exactly what I’m doing as I pull up. Of course, Barrett is taking the trash out as I’m bopping along in my car with a huge grin on my face, so I toss him a little wave. He shakes his head, but he doesn’t hide the small smile I know is dying to be freed. He comes over to the driver’s side and pops his head in. He’s dressed casually in jeans and a grey t-shirt with his black baseball cap on backwards, but he pulls it off well.

  “Whatsup? Get in.” I gesture to the passenger seat and he just stands there staring at me for a bit. “Come on. Get in. Now please.” He shakes his head once more, then heads inside. Just when I’m ready to go in and get him, he comes out again, but instead of going to the passenger side, he approaches me and opens the door.

  “Out,” he signs with his casted hand.

  “What? Come, B, we need go.”

  “Out,” he voices this time, but then shocks the crap out of me by tossing me his keys. I hurry out of my car and then just stand there, dumbly looking from his keys to him and back again.

  “Want me drive your car?”

  “Want? No. I don’t want anyone to drive Eliza but me. Need to be driven,” he says casually, but I can tell by the way he fists his hands tight that the idea of having someone else drive his car is hard on him. So, I decide to lighten the mood.

  “E L I Z A huh?” I joke as jump in the driver’s seat.

  “It’s a Fairlane. And My Fair Lady was my mom’s favorite…so I just thought Eliza was a fitting name.”

  And I die. He looks thoroughly embarrassed to the core, like he regrets telling me. Before I think through my actions, I lean over and kiss him softly. His eyes bulge. I do what I do best and ignore the awkwardness by switching the subject.

  “E L I Z A best car name. My Fair Lady my favorite too.” I don’t give him a chance to respond when I slide back over to my side and buckle my seat belt. I adjust the seat, and then the mirror. I look over to see him grinding his teeth and I smile widely.

  “Killing you drive car me?”

  “Yes. Now drive,” he bites out, and I laugh, doing as I’m told. We drive in silence for a while, neither of us saying a word, but not really having to. That’s the weirdest thing about this weird relationship. Words are never needed. And I don’t feel the need to fill the silence with useless chatter like I used to. After we drive a bit more he turns to me.

  “You can listen music.”

  “Why do that me?” I sign one handed.

  “Love music you.”

  “Yes. Love music me. But driving with you.”

  “Fine, bother me not.” I look in my mirrors and then pull the car to the side of the road and fully face him.

  “Yes, love music me. Can’t hear you. Not enjoy if you can’t. When not drive me and can explain music you, then yes, listen me. Until you enjoy, I won’t.” He gives me the strangest look; one I can’t even try to decipher. He doesn’t say anything for a minute and when it’s clear he isn’t going to, I put the car back into gear and head back to the road. We drive in comfortable silence until I pull up to the Six Flags lot.

  “Seriously?” He sounds so skeptical that I chuckle.

  “Yes, seriously. We so much fun not want leave you.” I grab my purse and then his hand. I knew he wouldn’t let me pay for him, so I bought our tickets ahead of time and I flash him a bright smile at his look of annoyance when I hand the clerk our ticket receipt.

  “Now what?”

  “Rollercoaster.” I can’t hide my enthusiasm. I came here for him, but I’m like a little kid when it comes to theme parks, and I hope it rubs off on him. He studies me for a moment then shrugs and holds up his hands.

  “Lead away.”

  “Yes!” I might do a few fist pumps and a little dance, which causes him to chuckle and follow me, shaking his head. I won’t tell Barrett but I did extensive research on all of the rides before we came. The Medusa Ride is the reason why we are here. It goes 65 mph and up 150 feet in the air. If this ride doesn’t get your blood pumping, you are dead. As I look over at a very alive Barrett, I smile and point out the direction we are headed.

  “You seriously brought me here go rides all day?”

  “Yes. Now stop complaining and go.” I drag him over to the ride, and lucky for us, the lines are small since it’s a school day. I’m stoked that I thought of this idea and really hope it works. That enthusiasm doesn’t leave me until we are strapped in and our feet are dangling. I might have forgot to mention that heights and I don’t exactly get along. Also, the only ride I can actually remember going on is the tea cups. There’s so much about amusement parks that I love, the rides were just never one of them, but once I set my mind to something I’m sure as hell going to do it, or die trying…oh Lord, please don’t let me die!

  CHAPTER 22

  Barrett

  For the life of me I can’t figure out why Presley would take me here. I mean, yeah, I’m younger than her, but geez, why not take me to Chuck E Cheese? I almost told her to turn the car around as soon as we got here, but then I looked over and saw the sheer joy and hope on her face, and I found myself mindlessly following her lead right through the gate.

  I can’t remember the last time I’ve been on a roller coaster. I think my parents took us to Disneyland once when we were little, but my memory of that trip is foggy. So, when we get in l
ine for this insane looking ride and strapped in, I turn to ask her why we are here when I look down and see she is practically green and shaking like a leaf.

  “Hey, what wrong?”

  “Nothing. Fine me. Why?”

  “Presley, you look like you going to puke. Oh my God, you not going puke, are you?” I must look panicked at the thought, because despite looking like she is, in fact, going to puke, she laughs.

  “No, fine me. Not like high me.”

  “You are scared heights?” I ask a little more loudly than is acceptable I think, because the front three rows all turn around to look at us. “Then why the hell we on 150-foot ride?”

  “Excellent question,” she signs more to herself than to me. She then turns and looks at me and I can see the therapist who has set her mind to something. “Because ride 65 mph best A D R E N A L I N E rush.” Her smile looks so unsure and pathetic that I can’t help but reach over and hold her hand…well, I hold her hand as much as I can with three splinted fingers, anyway.

  “Want get off?”

  “No. I’ve made up my mind and we are doing this.”

  “What? Missed that.”

  “No.” As soon as she signs the word, the ride starts up.

  “Looks like stuck now.” She glares at me, trying to sign before we pick up speed.

  “Maybe not say stuck, B.”

  “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Which is totally stupid to promise because I mean sure, I’ve got her hand, but if something were to happen to the ride, that won’t mean a thing when we are plummeting to our deaths. Of course, I keep this information to myself and offer what I hope is a reassuring smile. The first loop my stomach drops out and I smile and close my eyes. I feel the wind on my face and the adrenaline in my blood. The air dances across my skin and I take in a deep breath of freedom. Free. It’s the first time I’ve tasted anything even close to freedom since I broke my hands. And Presley gave me this, even though she’s terrified, she did this for me.

  All too soon the ride comes to a screeching halt and the bubble bursts. I Instantly want to ride again, but looking at Presley, I can tell that’s the last thing on her mind. Even if we go home now, I still have those three and a half minutes that I will always treasure.

  “Good deaf you, if not, now would.”

  Barrett: Screamed huh?I text her.

  “Bloody murder.” I can’t help but laugh at her sign for murder. Maybe if she was being stabbed to death. Then it hits me this is the first time I’ve felt true joy in a long time. “I need find bathroom. You ride again. Meet me when finish.”

  Barrett: U sure?

  “Yes, go fun you. Bathroom, drink, break. That order. Ride many times you.”

  Part of me thinks I should sit out a few with her, but girls can be weird about guys seeing them when they don’t feel well. And it’s not like I can follow her into the bathroom, so I might as well enjoy myself a bit. Who would have thought that riding rollercoasters could give me the same type of freedom that driving does? Well, obviously, Presley did. And it’s not really the same type, but it’s closer than anything else I’ve found.

  I rode Superman and Kong, and find Presley sitting on a bench sipping a soda looking much more like herself.

  Barrett: U good?

  “Yes, thank you,” she signs back, but then types something on her phone.

  Presley: Why are you back to texting me? I thought we were beyond that now.

  I take a deep breath, really not wanting to get into this right now…or ever, if I had it my way. I gently nudge her over so I can take a seat next to her and then go back to texting. We probably look ridiculous sitting next to each other texting back and forth, but whatever.

  Barrett: Because in public. Not comfortable speaking front of people. I don’t like looks of judgment I get...or worse, pity.

  She reads it and doesn’t text back, but just looks up at me. She places her hand on top of mine and leaves it there for a minute. Everything she wants to say is in her expression, she doesn’t even need to say a word. So I lift her hand off mine and place it on my knee and send her one last text.

  Barrett: The reason I speak to you because never make me feel less or different. Sometimes when around you I forget that I sound funny at all.

  This time she does text back and with a quickness.

  Presley: Because you don’t!

  I smile at that and change the subject.

  Barrett: You kissed me.

  She reads the text and laughs but doesn’t look up at me.

  Presley: Barely. Now come on, I need to be fed.

  Barrett: Why so you throw up after?

  Presley: Exactly! Way better than dry heaving.

  Good Lord, just the word makes me want to do it. Dang girl knows how to turn a conversation on a dime.

  Barrett: Guess sexy talk over.

  She laughs again and puts her phone in her pocket, pulling me up. I’ve got to admit this has been one of the best days I’ve had in a while and it’s just begun.

  After we leave Six Flags, Presley just drops me off, saying she had to get back to her dorm. She hasn’t stayed the night in a while and part of me thinks she only did because she felt bad for me. But then the other part quickly chimes in that even though she might have felt bad, that wasn’t the only reason. We connected, she wanted to be there, I know she did. So why is she distancing herself now? I wonder if Randy said something to her. I can feel myself getting riled up just thinking about it. He better not have started spouting off that crap about my mom and dad to her. I don’t care what he says, I’m nothing like Mitch, and I refuse to make a girl my entire world. Even one as special as Presley.

  CHAPTER 23

  Presley

  I get back into my car, and as much as I like my car, I’m a bit sad to give Barrett’s back. It’s freaking amazing, and I highly doubt he will ever let me drive it again, especially after he gets the use of his hands back. He told me he goes in to get another x-ray in just a few days, so hopefully everything is healing fast.

  I know he wanted me to stay the night tonight when he invited me in, and as hard as it was to say no, I’m proud of myself that I did. Jodi is right, I need to start placing some boundaries before things get even more confusing. Says the girl who kissed him earlier…I know. But that kiss was more about comfort and understanding than about passion. And I need to be able to see him as my friend and not as a random cuddle buddy who muddies the waters. I’ve never been one to date a lot. I’ve only had two serious boyfriends my whole life, and they were handpicked by my parents. It took me two years to realize that I didn’t even like the last guy. Speaking of my parents, I look down at my phone and see I have yet another missed call. That’s six today, which is a new record high. My mom wants me to give her an answer about coming home for the holidays, but not just any answer, she wants me to say yes. But I just can’t, and answering and saying anything other than yes just isn’t an option, so I’m taking the chicken’s way out.

  I look down at the dash and realize how late it is. We stayed until closing and then went out to dinner. By the time I drove him home and hung out with Randy and him for a bit, I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. I pull into a parking space and grab my purse, then make a dash into my dorm. I promised Barrett that I would text him when I got in, so I pull out my phone to text him as I walk to my room. That’s exactly what I’m doing when I find myself sprawled on top of some guy who is…laying in the hallway?

  “Ugh!”

  “Oh, my God, I’m so sorry!” I quickly pull myself off the guy. “I was texting and not paying attention when I tripped over you. Why on earth were you laying on the floor in the hallway?” He sits up also and I can tell he’s embarrassed by the pink taking root in his cheeks. He runs a hand through his messy blond hair. I have to admit he’s pretty cute, even for a half comatose guy in the hallway.

  “Sorry, I had a late class and came back to my room to find the goggles on the handle.” He points to said goggles, like this explai
ns everything.

  “Um, goggles? And this is significant because?”

  “Oh, yeah, sorry, um, so my roommate plays water polo, and he puts the googles on the door to signify that he has, um, company.”

  “Oh, right, gotcha. So it’s his version of the scrunchie then.”

  “Scrunchie?”

  “We digress. Anyway, I’m Presley.” I extend my hand out and he shakes it.

  “Christian. It’s nice to meet you, Presley.”

  “Sorry about falling on you and everything.” He laughs and flashes two adorable dimples.

  “Worse things could happen than waking up to a cute girl sprawled out on top of you.”

  “Right.” I chuckle. “Well, it’s late, so I guess I better be going. I feel bad about leaving you out here, though. How long is he going to be in there?” I turn pink at the implication behind my question and Christian laughs.

  “Who knows. Knowing Keaton, he’ll fall asleep and not care that I’ve been kicked out all night.”

  “Major douche, huh?”

  “Total. Too bad we can’t pick our roommates, huh?”

  “Actually, I love mine…sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, that’s great that you got a good one. Next year I’ll probably put in for off campus apartments, that way I don’t have to worry about the luck of the draw. Anyway, don’t let me keep you.”

  “I feel so bad about leaving you out here. Well, if you get kicked out again and need a place to hang out, you are always welcome to our dorm…as long as it isn’t too late,” I add as an afterthought. “My roommate is super friendly, so we tend to have a party going on most nights anyway. Not to mention Musical Mondays.”