Silent Song

by Jaci Wheeler

  I ignore it because I don’t feel like dealing with her drama anymore tonight.

  Presley: I’m sorry for being a crazy lady. I promise I’ll go back to normal soon.

  Presley: Please answer me, I can’t go to bed with you mad.

  Presley: Are you seriously ignoring me, Barrett? I know you aren’t asleep yet, your light is still on.

  That has me throwing back the covers and looking out the window. I don’t see anything, though.

  Barrett: Where are you?

  Presley: On your porch.

  Barrett: Go home, Presley. I exhausted, can’t fight.

  Presley: I won’t stay, but I wanted to drop something off I got for you.

  Barrett: Seriously, Presley? I not damn charity case. When you learn I can buy my stuff? Take care myself for years without help!

  Presley: You can be such an asshole, Barrett! Geez, I brought you a burrito from the taco truck as an apology. Forget it!

  I read and re-read the text about four times. She’s right, I am an asshole. I jump out of bed and open the door to see a small brown bag lying on the porch. I look around and see her jumping in her car. I run over and catch her just before she shuts the door. I grab it to keep her from shutting it and she sends me a glare that has me wanting to step back. She has tears in her eyes, but she’s too mad to let me see them fall.

  “Let go.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Hate you.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “Idiot you.”

  “True. Still can’t hate me, you.”

  My statement has her seething, but I can see in her eyes that she knows I’m right. She looks so cute sitting there with fire in her eyes, trying to hate me but failing. She brought me a burrito from a place she refuses to go because she was sorry. I’m not used to people putting me first and it’s a humbling experience.

  She tries to yank the door closed but I hold steady. She opens her mouth to yell at me and I’m not sure what comes over me, but I crouch down and kiss her. She squeaks out her surprise, at least I think she squeaked. She could have been yelling for all I know, but she kisses me back. It’s not a soft, sweet kiss like I was expecting. No, she’s still pissed as hell at me. She kisses me back with passion and anger, and when she bites my lip, I unclip her seat belt and haul her out of her car in a second flat. She gasps her surprise when I sit her on top of her cold hood, but doesn’t complain or pull back.

  I’ve been almost worried to start anything physical with her because I was afraid it wouldn’t live up to the connection we’ve had so far. As she’s already stated, I’m an idiot, because this kiss has blown our previous connection out of the water. I can tell when her anger fades and can feel her tension melt away. I decide it’s probably a good time to end the kiss before it gets out of hand, and hopefully she’s cooled down enough not to stab me. I break the kiss, but then lean down and place a soft one behind her ear. She yelps and I laugh.

  I probably shouldn’t ask and ruin the moment but I just have to know.

  “Think about germs you?” I can tell before she even opens her mouth what the answer is. The shock and realization in her eyes has me trying to hold back my laughter.

  “I am now, thanks.” I can’t help the chuckle that escapes. She playfully hits my arm and then her face softens.

  “Sorry, crazy me.”

  “Sorry, ass me.” She smiles at my response. “You buy me germ burrito.” That has her full on laughing.

  “Don’t come crying when you get H E P A T I T I S.” Now I’m the one that’s laughing.

  “Thank you.”

  “Welcome. You sure not kiss like high school boy.”

  I just wiggle my eyebrows at her and help her down off her car.

  “Kiss wrong boys. Told you.”

  “You good man B. Thank you go home with me.”

  “Welcome. Now leave before drag you inside.” I’m only half joking, but I give her a kiss on the forehead and hold open her door for her. I watch as she drives down the street and disappears. I almost forgot about my burrito until I nearly step on it. I pick it up and take it inside to warm it. What a way to end the night. If all our fights end like this, it might just be worth it.

  CHAPTER 27

  Presley

  It’s the night before we leave for Hartford and I’m sick over it. It’s not like I have a horrible, sadistic family or anything. I love them, of course, but I’ve just never fit in and always end up feeling bad about myself by the time I leave. Add in bringing a guy and his uncle home with me and I have a whole new set of worries. Will they like him? Well, I already know the answer to that, but my bigger question is, will they be rude to them? And just how rude? How will Barrett communicate? Actually, now that I think about it, maybe he’s the lucky one, after all. I’ve called both parents and my brother and told them all about Barrett being deaf and exactly how to talk and to make sure they are clear and not to say anything offensive. They all seemed to take it in stride and promised it wouldn’t be an issue.

  B can tell I’m stressed tonight. Ever since our fight I’ve tried to tame the beast, but he knows something is up. The funniest part is I’ve turned into the crazy that I’ve always resented in my mother. Trying so hard to make sure they are perfect and live up to my parents’ expectations when it hit me that that’s exactly what I ran away from. It’s why I bought him the burrito…I don’t want to be that person. Things have shifted since the night he kissed me, it doesn’t feel so up in the air now. We still haven’t defined our relationship, but sometimes you don’t really have to. I came over to make sure he and Randy had everything they need, and to see if they needed help packing, when B declared that I needed a night out. A friend of his is having a party, and even though he hadn’t planned to go, he said it would be a good distraction for me. I’m actually pretty excited about going. I’ve been curious about his friends for a while and wondered if he was going to introduce me to them.

  I’m not sure why, but I wasn’t expecting them all to be deaf. I guess that was stupid on my part, but I was a bit surprised when we arrived. I think he said his friend’s name was Casen, and that his parents were out of town or something. We were the last to arrive, and I think I counted close to twenty people, all signing rapidly. I thought Barrett signed fast, but geez, it’s like they are all on speed or something. All I can see is a flurry of movement. Conversation after conversation of lighting fast hands. If I watched someone for too long, I’d get a few dirty looks. Oops! Way to make a first impression by looking like you are eavesdropping, Pres. I quickly turn my head toward Barret just as a guy approaches us.

  “Whats up? Happy come you.” I am able to understand that much, so I’m hopeful that at least there is one person here I can understand.

  “C A S E N, meet P R E S L E Y.”

  “Nice meet you.”

  “Nice meet you. B hide you away, now know why me.” He lightly punches Barrett’s arm, and Barrett just rolls his eyes and brings me closer to his side.

  “A.J. where? Want meet Presley.”

  Casen’s laid back demeanor and signing are out the window in a second as he joins the rest of the speed signing bandwagon. Seriously, how on earth can anyone catch anything? I look at Barrett to see if he is confused,, but he seems to be following along perfectly well. He nods his head and then signs back just as fast, and I’m blinking ferociously, trying to catch up. I’ve got nothing.

  He turns back to me with a casual smile.

  “You okay?”

  “Fine. Sign fast.” I take my hand and gesture it going right over my head and he laughs.

  “Welcome my world. Hard, right?”

  “You say hard. I say I M P O S S I B L E.”

  “Sorry. We can go want you.”

  “No, fine me. Really. Surprised only.”

  He nods and grabs my hand as he leads me through the house and out the back door. The house itself has seen better days. When he drove to this side of town I got a little nervous, bec
ause I know it’s not the best, but Barrett acted like he’s been there hundreds of times. He’s scanning the yard until he comes across a small group of people over by a fire pit. He waves his arm high. Two people break away from the group and walk toward us. The girl is beautiful and about my size with long dark hair and tan skin. Her boyfriend, I think his name is A.J., matches her beautiful looks. He himself is tall and muscular, built a lot like Barrett, but darker skinned and with dark eyes. His hair is wavy and he has an easy smile.

  “A.J., G A B B Y, meet P R E S L E Y.” He shows all the name signs and I smile at them both warmly.

  “Nice meet you.”

  The guys start talking in a flurry and once again I’m lost. Gabby moves closer to me and smiles sympathetically.

  “Understand you?”

  I laugh nervously, gees, I must look like a fish out of water.

  “Little. Thought better me, but…” I look around and then back at her and shrug. “Not.”

  “ASL take time. Sign good you. More sign, more surround yourself sign, better become you.”

  “Hope me.” I watch A.J. and Barrett, and it’s the first time he seems relaxed, not exactly happy, but in his zone. It’s the first time since we’ve met that he seems comfortable in his own skin. It’s beautiful to watch, and my goal is to strive to get to where I can give him that. Right now my abilities are a joke compared to these people, but most of them have been signing forever. I’ll get there. “Different B. Comfortable here.” She follows my gaze and smiles softly as she takes in the two boys.

  “A.J. miss him bad will.”

  “B back school soon,” I say back, and confusion crosses her face, then what looks like sad understanding.

  “A.J. me move to D.C. go Gallaudet college. B stay here.”

  “Why?” I’m surprised he wouldn’t go too. I’ve heard about that school, it’s supposed to be amazing for deaf students. She shakes her head at me.

  “Not my decision tell you.” Then as if I stole the magic by intruding with that question, she returns back to her boyfriend’s side and I make my way to Barrett’s. He pulls me in and kisses my forehead.

  “Okay?”

  “Fine.” I smile back but remain quiet the rest of the night. Once everyone got to talking I couldn’t follow even if I wanted to. I don’t say anything on the car ride home, but let the sadness fill me. This must be exactly what he feels like all of the time. Like he’s drowning in a sea of sound, overwhelmed and lost. My heart breaks for him and I reach out to rub his shoulder. I’m going to find a way to bridge the gap, that’s my goal. Not just for him, but in general.

  I pull up to his house and he puts his hand up for me to stay put. He gets out and comes around to my door to open it.

  “Hate you drive must, not mean can’t be gentleman.”

  “Thank you. It nice meet friends tonight.” He gives me a knowing look. “No really. Nice. Hard understand me, but happy go. Now know me how feel you around hearing. Like your friends, nice see you with them.” He kisses my forehead, which now seems to be his signature move, and walks me up his driveway.

  I’m surprised to see Randy still up watching TV when we get inside, and based on Barrett’s suspicious look, so is he. Usually he’s asleep by now, which makes me wonder if he knows things between Barrett and I have crossed over the friendship line. Then Barrett points to the couch, which is set up with a pillow and blankets, and scowls at his uncle. Oh yeah, he totally knows.

  “What that?”

  “Leave early morning, thought best P stay here,” Randy says, standing up and stretching. I don’t hide my smile, but Barrett doesn’t seem to find any humor in it at all.

  “Seriously? P stay my room.”

  “I know. Couch for you.” If I thought Barrett was mad before, he’s pissed now, and I can’t help but giggle, which causes Randy to wink at me and walk toward his bedroom. He gets halfway and turns around. He flicks the hall light on and off to get B’s attention.

  “I sleep door open tonight, B. Good night.” That causes another round of giggles to ensue, and with Randy now in his room, B turns his scowl on me.

  “Think funny, you?”

  “Guess Uncle know about us now. Tell him you?”

  “No. Nosy him.”

  “Get sleep, wake up early us.” I stand on my toes to give him a quick peck and lean back, ready to go to bed, but he pulls me toward him to kiss me thoroughly before he sends me on my way.

  “Enjoy my bed.”

  “I will,” I say, giving him my own wink before I head to his room.

  We get up while it’s still dark, but luckily all our stuff was already packed and loaded in the truck. Randy drives us to the airport and parks in the long term parking. We take the tram and find our airline. I’ve flown so much that I could do this all in my sleep, but I forgot that Barrett has never flown before. His eyes remain as wide as saucers at every step. The full body scan machine completely blows his mind. Once luggage is checked and we find our gate, we spend time in the first-class lounge, where we wait to board. Once on the plane and situated with our drinks, B declares, “Get used fly can me.”

  “Don’t. This is not how we fly,” Randy said, raising an eyebrow, and I can’t help but laugh. First-class is one of the luxuries I haven’t given up. Randy closes his eyes and is asleep soon after takeoff. B is too amped up by the flight. He practically has his nose plastered to the window. It’s the first time since I’ve met him that he actually looks his age. It’s sad that so much innocence was stolen from him, he’s never really just got to be a kid…which reminds me.

  “I not tell parents high school you.”

  “Embarrassed?” I can tell he’s kidding, but I feel horrible that he isn’t too far off.

  “Embarrassed not. Parents have idea who date me, where go school me, what job me…follow never. Proud me date you. Parents know high school you…not good.” I hope I’m not offending him. He’ll figure out soon enough that their opinion doesn’t matter to me, but no need to start out poking the hive.

  “Fine. Worry not.” He kisses my hand and goes back to looking out the window. He got his hard cast replaced with a soft one this week, which means his hand is healing nicely. I already told my mom how he injured himself so they wouldn’t ask questions. There’s nothing like an injury to bring out the rudeness at our table. When he turns back to me, I notice him rubbing his hand.

  “Hurt?”

  “No, feel weird. Nice able move fingers again.” He wiggles his fingers and it makes me laugh.

  “Can’t imagine me how feel you not able sign. Party one hour last night me not talking.” I make a horrified face that causes him to chuckle.

  “Codi die, Mom die, can’t use hands. Worst.” He ticks off on his fingers. “Bring me close you, ride roller coaster, learn new way communicate. Best.” This causes tears to come to my eyes that he was able to find any good at all in the hardest experience of his life, but that I’m part of the good in all the bad, it makes me feel like I matter on a level that I’ve never mattered before To bring someone comfort and happiness, it’s an honor and I’m so glad I was able to be there in a time when he needed it most.

  “You very special, B.” Every time I tell him that his first reaction looks to be denial. It breaks my heart every time. But the more I say it, the more he seems open to hearing it.

  “Never meet girl same you.”

  “Doubt that.”

  “Truth. You never make me feel different, or like deaf bad thing.”

  “Because not.”

  “I know that. You know that…most people know that not.”

  “You first person not ask me why go deaf. Why you never ask? You hear me speak, know can speak, but never ask.”

  “Never matter why. You deaf now. Why ask? Change not. Care not. Like you.” His smile is so bright I can only describe it as pure joy.

  “That why different you.” He kisses each finger on my hand and it tickles. “When people ask what happened me, why deaf me? Make me
feel deaf wrong. Deaf bad. Poor B go deaf, so sorry. Why? Sorry not me. Proud be deaf man. Deaf not bad. Deaf can good too. Deaf community amazing. Have huge community people who understand me, accept me. Read people good me. Feel vibrations, feel sound better hearing people me. Race better me. So why say sorry deaf? Why pity? Want not. You never pity, never say sorry can’t hear you. You only hearing person who make me feel deaf can good. Me deaf doesn’t matter.”

  “Doesn’t. If hearing you, maybe not have connection us. Right from start we have instant connection. Weird connection. Scare me. Not understand why. I never deaf. I love sound. Why feel so close you? But do me.” I put my left hand over my heart and my right over his for a moment. “Sound, words, nothing matter with you. Remember that. Please don’t let anything my family say change that. Know what feel me for you.”

  “I know. Not let family change that. Promise.”

  CHAPTER 28

  Barrett

  I’m not sure what I was expecting. From Presley’s explanation, I knew her parents weren’t warm, but I at least expected them to get her from the airport. When we landed there was a limo driver standing by baggage claim holding a sign with her name on it. Randy and I both exchanged looks of surprise, but Presley didn’t seem phased in the least. We loaded the limo with our bags and I spent the thirty minute drive trying not to get sick.

  “Rich people have strong stomach must. Ride backward all time.” Presley burst out laughing, like holding her stomach, leaning over laughing.

  “Well, B, you broke her.” This of course causes her to laugh even harder, holding her sides and wiping the tears from her eyes. At our look of confusion, she finally sits upright and explains.

  “R E F R E S H I N G, you two. Nice not have pretend ride limo all time normal. Get pick up by stranger after not see family for months normal. Always hate pretend me. Not have pretend you two.”

  Randy leans forward and extends his hand, which she takes.

  “Never, P. You one us now.”